Saturday, June 29, 2013
"You get fitter by DOING things to change your life, not by just thinking about it or just reading about it."
Each morning I get up with my first up of coffee and head to spark. Why? because I have made so many "friends" here that something is missing from my day if I can't say hello to each and everyone. I spark, blog, track certain things, collect points, but in the end really i'm creating a new me. Yeah I know for a while now I've not been happy with my progress but in truth is that sparks fault, my friends fault? No just mine and mine alone. Because this journey is mine and mine alone. I can walk it with so many but in the end it comes down to what I do when they aren't around that counts.
I know this because each time I step on the dreaded scales it tells the story of my week. Mostly it is saying " you messed up once again girl" but in reality it really is saying to me " now you see what you did now lets see what you can do" So far I really can't do much except move. I seem to have no trouble getting in my exercise. Really I love to walk, I love the sounds, the smells of the country, the breeze in my hair, the flowers that grow wild and just seem to pop up everywhere with no set pattern. So for me it isn't work so much as just plain enjoyment. So that part is covered. It is the food I seem to not have a grasp on.
There is nothing more upsetting then to get up and begin your journal for the day, it is clean, you have water, exercise, and the food either goes on for miles, or it isn't even written in. because you know if you don't account for it it doesn't count right? Well maybe not that moment but step on those scales and see what counted and what didn't. I bet you get upset, cry, yell at those scales for the number flashing back at you. You step off with tears in your eyes saying that is it i'm giving up. But really hasn't that already happened? I mean that happened before weigh in day right? You meaning me gave up the first day I didn't track, or I ate the junk instead of the meal because the junk was quick and I was tired, maybe the lunch I brought to work just doesn't seem to do it for me since I've seen the deli selection so you grab that instead of the great healthy meal you have in the bag.
Yeah ok the truths are here. I have to tell ya that blogging these last few days has gotten me to thinking more about my journey and less about poor me. I mean poor me would be at goal if I would just follow through. Stop taking the easy road. I need to fight for me. So what is my plan? Omg at this point I really don't know. I have given up on me for so long that I just now seem to be seeing the me I am and really i'm kinda scared about where and how to begin. I know I should just start from here. Here isn't in a good place though and I have to wonder will here just lead me to nowhere? Oh my i'm making excuses and not coming up with any solutions.
Ok no more excuses. This is my life and if I want to be happy I need to begin it now. Only I can make the changes.
Friday, June 28, 2013
"Don't wish for it...work for it" I just saw this quote on a message that was sent to my email. It had me stopping to think for a bit. I do that. I sit here wishing for something that just isn't happening and I have to wonder am I really working for it?
I get up each morning, I turn the page in my weight loss journal and I know that today is going to be the day. You know the one that I seize the moment and finally find my way. I get up and I have my coffee, I change my clothes and I head out for a long one hour or more walk most days of the week, work permitting, and I come back and have more water, take my shower, have a great breakfast, and then it goes downhill from there. I can't put my finger on it. What is causing me to do this to myself. I get up each morning know this is going to be the day, and I go to bed each night hating myself because I couldn't stay on track for one lousy day. I have this on my shoulder and he whispers in my ear from lunch to bed to eat what I have no business eating. Why is it that I allow something so small as my inner voice to dictate my journey?
You know the saying "I want to stop the madness" well that is how i'm feeling lately. I'm on this roller coaster called my weight loss journey and i'm ashamed to say that it is stalled up on the top. Yup i'm sitting up there on the tippy top and I can't go down, and I can't go back. So what to do?????
I see motivational pages with people who have lost 50, 60, 100 pounds or more. I can't seem to lose a loosy five. That is all I'm looking for a this point. So what to do....
I guess I just have to learn to....
Time to learn to love the me I am today and the rest will take care of itself.
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