MALEXANDER4   155,545
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Change is in the air

Saturday, June 29, 2013

"You get fitter by DOING things to change your life, not by just thinking about it or just reading about it."

Each morning I get up with my first up of coffee and head to spark. Why? because I have made so many "friends" here that something is missing from my day if I can't say hello to each and everyone. I spark, blog, track certain things, collect points, but in the end really i'm creating a new me. Yeah I know for a while now I've not been happy with my progress but in truth is that sparks fault, my friends fault? No just mine and mine alone. Because this journey is mine and mine alone. I can walk it with so many but in the end it comes down to what I do when they aren't around that counts.

I know this because each time I step on the dreaded scales it tells the story of my week. Mostly it is saying " you messed up once again girl" but in reality it really is saying to me " now you see what you did now lets see what you can do" So far I really can't do much except move. I seem to have no trouble getting in my exercise. Really I love to walk, I love the sounds, the smells of the country, the breeze in my hair, the flowers that grow wild and just seem to pop up everywhere with no set pattern. So for me it isn't work so much as just plain enjoyment. So that part is covered. It is the food I seem to not have a grasp on.

There is nothing more upsetting then to get up and begin your journal for the day, it is clean, you have water, exercise, and the food either goes on for miles, or it isn't even written in. because you know if you don't account for it it doesn't count right? Well maybe not that moment but step on those scales and see what counted and what didn't. I bet you get upset, cry, yell at those scales for the number flashing back at you. You step off with tears in your eyes saying that is it i'm giving up. But really hasn't that already happened? I mean that happened before weigh in day right? You meaning me gave up the first day I didn't track, or I ate the junk instead of the meal because the junk was quick and I was tired, maybe the lunch I brought to work just doesn't seem to do it for me since I've seen the deli selection so you grab that instead of the great healthy meal you have in the bag.

Yeah ok the truths are here. I have to tell ya that blogging these last few days has gotten me to thinking more about my journey and less about poor me. I mean poor me would be at goal if I would just follow through. Stop taking the easy road. I need to fight for me. So what is my plan? Omg at this point I really don't know. I have given up on me for so long that I just now seem to be seeing the me I am and really i'm kinda scared about where and how to begin. I know I should just start from here. Here isn't in a good place though and I have to wonder will here just lead me to nowhere? Oh my i'm making excuses and not coming up with any solutions.



Ok no more excuses. This is my life and if I want to be happy I need to begin it now. Only I can make the changes.


Michelle emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALLAHALLA 6/29/2013 10:30PM

    I'm terrible for spending tons of time making plans that I don't carry out. You are way ahead of me.

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IUHRYTR 6/29/2013 8:23PM

    Remembering that new beginnings are unlimited and may start at any time is a useful thought. emoticon -- Lou

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KRICKET4 6/29/2013 1:49PM

    Often writing things down brings a new level of clarity. I think blogging about your journey is a great way to organize yout thoughts.
Keep pushing. Today you are one step closer.

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CAKAROO 6/29/2013 8:16AM

    emoticon

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 6/29/2013 7:35AM

    Sweet Michele,
You should blog every day. I love reading what your thinking and feeling. You know I am right there with you, so maybe we just need to ''relearn the words to that song."
Hugs,
Joan

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111BUTTERFLY111 6/29/2013 7:29AM

    You can make changes, dear Michelle. Think about it ...
* What's worked for you in the past?
* What can you work into your schedule now?
* What can you commit to do?
Whatever you do needs to fit your lifestyle. YOU can figure this out. You're sooooo worth the effort! I believe you can do it. I've seen you do it before. I know you can do it again!

Hey ... I really struggled after I came back from my sister's. We ate sooooo differently there. I came home and REALLY wanted the simple carbs that I don't get here. I had them. Before I knew it, my hypothyroid was roaring out of control. The pounds were packing back on. Packing on, I'm telling you. That's the way hypothyroid is. I know it. I know I cannot eat simple carbs. WHAT WAS I THINKING? So, in the last few days, I've gotten my act back together. I have my eating back in line. I'm filling my freezer and fridge with foods that are good for me. I'm making it work for me. It took a head adjustment first. LOL! But, I'm back on track.

And, Michelle, if I can do it, you can too!!! I know you can! I believe in YOU!!!!

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ELRIDDICK 6/29/2013 7:27AM

  Thanks for sharing

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JOHNMARTINMILES 6/29/2013 7:21AM

    Love the posters!

Make Today the Best Day of Your Life!

emoticon So Far!

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Wishing doesn't do the work.....

Friday, June 28, 2013

"Don't wish for it...work for it" I just saw this quote on a message that was sent to my email. It had me stopping to think for a bit. I do that. I sit here wishing for something that just isn't happening and I have to wonder am I really working for it?

I get up each morning, I turn the page in my weight loss journal and I know that today is going to be the day. You know the one that I seize the moment and finally find my way. I get up and I have my coffee, I change my clothes and I head out for a long one hour or more walk most days of the week, work permitting, and I come back and have more water, take my shower, have a great breakfast, and then it goes downhill from there. I can't put my finger on it. What is causing me to do this to myself. I get up each morning know this is going to be the day, and I go to bed each night hating myself because I couldn't stay on track for one lousy day. I have this emoticon on my shoulder and he whispers in my ear from lunch to bed to eat what I have no business eating. Why is it that I allow something so small as my inner voice to dictate my journey?

You know the saying "I want to stop the madness" well that is how i'm feeling lately. I'm on this roller coaster called my weight loss journey and i'm ashamed to say that it is stalled up on the top. Yup i'm sitting up there on the tippy top and I can't go down, and I can't go back. So what to do?????

I see motivational pages with people who have lost 50, 60, 100 pounds or more. I can't seem to lose a loosy five. That is all I'm looking for a this point. So what to do....
I guess I just have to learn to....

Time to learn to love the me I am today and the rest will take care of itself.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 6/29/2013 8:20PM

    "Don't do anything permanently stupid." Good advice I need to follow. Keep battling the demon. -- Lou

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WALLAHALLA 6/28/2013 2:08PM

    emoticon emoticon but it aint gonna be easy! Nothing worthwhile ever is.

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KRICKET4 6/28/2013 12:53PM

    WHAT you are having for breakfast? Maybe your breakfast is what sets you up for later cravings.

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DARLENEK04 6/28/2013 11:34AM

  Michelle,

I have to fight my demons on a daily basis...it is not easy...I just decided I
wanted to live, rather than have the junk that was killing me faster than I
wanted to go.

Don't think you are alone in the war....you are not.

Hugs,
DarleneK

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NELLJONES 6/28/2013 8:24AM

    We all wake up full of resolve every day. First thing in the morning we want our goal more than anything. Then a few hours later we want the donut more than we want our goal for those few seconds it takes to eat the donut. And resolve dissolves with donuts. That's why I have my rules. I plan my day and eat according to that plan. When my resolve wavers I look at my daily food plan and lift my eyes to my next meal and keep walking. It's easier now than it was when I first started out, but it's never as easy as I wish it were.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." It's an old nursery rhyme that sounds cute, but is oh so true.

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SLIMPAM23 6/28/2013 8:19AM

    You'll get through!! I like your posters - I may have to "steal" them!!! And trust me - those who have lost 50-60 pounds are probably struggling like you too - at least at time!!
I have faith in you....we need to find out what's stopping you from having the same!!
Hugs,
Pam

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EVIE4NOW 6/28/2013 7:20AM

  Pre-plan your meals right down to portions and eat only that. Might help, couldn't hurt.

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DMEYER4 6/28/2013 7:13AM

  it is true you have to love you. good luck on your journey. maybe if you change your routine a little it will click. have a great day

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New Day

Thursday, June 27, 2013

emoticon Yesterday I put out here my journey failures. Everyone had some wonderful words to share and I found out that i'm not alone in my feelings. One friend asked if it had anything to do with boredom, frustration, loneliness, depression. Well the answer is some or most of that is correct. I get bored I eat, I don't think i'm lonely but in todays world I could be. To me there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Depression? I have that in droves. I am on meds and they let me live but lately I've wondered if they are really working. But the exercise helps to keep that in moderation also. Then there is the change. Yup I've hit it. At least the peri part of menopause. So add that to the already feelings of guilt over the weight gain, the frustrations at not being able to shed this weight, and gaining back all that I lost and yup you have a emotional mess.

Yesterday I did just that. I know what I want and I know how to get it. Now to put in the work. I had a good day yesterday and that gives me the push I need to have a good day today. I can only take this one day at a time.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 6/29/2013 8:17PM

    So true -- one positive day, one healthy meal, one exercise at a time. Hang in there and emoticon. -- Lou

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FISHINGLADY66 6/28/2013 2:05AM

    Yes you can! emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 6/27/2013 4:24PM

    I have faith in you.

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GR8ERJOY 6/27/2013 7:43AM

    That is all any of us can do. Keep putting on foot in front of the other. emoticon

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Time for CHANGE

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I so need to feel like this. I need to change. I have been beating myself up lately about the weight I've gained back and the clothes that don't fit...yup even my favorite shorts. When the button and the button hole just can't meet something is dreadfully wrong. I have beat myself up to a point of I can't even enjoy my life at this point. I see the me I am now and I just can't stand to see it.

At what point did this become ok? At what point did I eat my way back to the old me I so hated even then? At what point did the new me that I had worked so hard at leave and this old me come back? It just happened. I saw it happening but one morning I awoke and here I was back to the old me. The chubby me, the overweight me. So what should I do about this? Why can't I change my habits yet again and become the even better newer me? So many questions so little time.

I seem to have lost the want power to lose this weight. I do ok for a bit lose a few pounds and then I head for the cupboard and I eat my weigh back up to where I began. I've changed my ticker from weight to pounds lost, I've restarted spark, Weight Watchers, I've begun so many times over the last two years but the aha moment just doesn't happen. I mean where is the Spark literally? I just can't seem to find the motivation to continue on. I know though......

So what to do? Just clean the cobwebs...start fresh....again.....and see what comes.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 6/26/2013 9:24PM

    Add me to the same boat. What I have figured out and am trying to overcome is that my excess and unnecessary eating is due to boredom, loneliness, frustration and other emotions. Could some of those be your downfall, too? -- Lou

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SLIMPAM23 6/26/2013 8:20PM

    Oh Michelle---
You have put into words EXACTLY how I feel. What has happened to us two - totally on top of this journey and then it all fell away?
Please know that you are not alone - I am right there with you and I am so frustrated with the fact that I feel like I failed myself and I can't seem to get back on track.
Let me know if I can help you----although, I don't seem to be able to help myself!!
I'm pulling for you my friend!! We'll just keep trying together! It clicked before - it HAS to click again eventually. In the meantime - I am going to FAKE IT TIL I MAKE IT!!
Hugs,
Pam

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WALLAHALLA 6/26/2013 1:38PM

    You are not alone. Any day can be emoticon .
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ICANDOITSUE 6/26/2013 1:30PM

    yep, emoticon u are writing of my dieting life. Up and down, lost 50 lbs, gained 25 back. Doing WW and I have lost 17, but up and down 4 lbs. Will I ever reach wonderland of under 20o. Battling the 4 and then 25 more to lose.

emoticon Thank for SP support. I just Monday had a smart thought, why don't I lose the weight? It would help my diabetes, and my back, legs and foot aches would be better.

Don't beat yourself up emoticon just jump back in and try your hardest. We are all here for you emoticon


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KRICKET4 6/26/2013 11:36AM

    Sorry you're in such a terrible rut, my friend. Wish I could send some magic.
emoticon
Hang in there!

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ARW715 6/26/2013 9:59AM

    We are on the same journey, my friend. What can we do but keep going?

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WENDYW596 6/26/2013 9:42AM

    I understand where you are coming from. 7 years ago, I had resigned myself the the fact that some people are just going to be overweight and I was one of them, I had lost hope of ever losing and keeping it off. Then I ran into a friend who was on her way to a WW meeting. I decided to go with her. At that time, I had been a Lifetime member since 1970, but up and down afterward. I quit going to the meetings and thought I could do it on my own. It didn't work. That day was my low point, and all at once I had hope.

I stuck with it and lost 40 pounds in a year and reached my goal. I didn't quit the meetings but continued to go and still do. I weigh in at least once a month (that is a requirement) and have maintained for 6 years! We are foodaholics, and food will always be a weakness for us. But with constant support, and commitment and deciding that this is a every day new commitment, we can do it, and still enjoy a treat now and then and stay at our goal. And Spark People is helping me stay focused also.

You always inspire me when I read your comments........ emoticon

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SABLENESS 6/26/2013 8:43AM

    Could have been me writing your blog. I decided yesterday to go for a restart. I've gained back almost all the lbs I lost, only a few things in my closet fit because I got rid of the larger sizes, and I don't at all like how I feel at this weight. I remembered doing a blog titled "Strong Women" on 1/3/12. I went back and read it myself before mailing it to you. I hope you find it as encouraging as I did. emoticon emoticon
The best line is "Strong women aren't those who succeed the first time."

Comment edited on: 6/26/2013 8:46:13 AM

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ELMA1913 6/26/2013 8:20AM

    emoticon

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Wow I need to pay attention

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My weigh in this week was really a no brainer. I mean if you don't follow any set rules what can you expect. Ok so i'm up 2.2lbs this week. Yup a bit to be sure. Now did I eat that much this week? I really could of but I feel my choices though not healthy by any means were also very salty and processed. Ok no excuses. I could say it was hot, I was tired from working eight straight days, I hadn't been to the grocery store....yada yada and so on. But the truth is I was lazy pure and simple. I have had losses now for three weeks and I guess I just took that for granted and did what I wanted to do not what I should of done. Now the trouble with that is that is how I got to be wayyyyy overweight. So what to do about that.

Patience I got that. Now to work the plan and get back to the losing and not the gaining. I don't want to worry about those darn scales. I want to step on with confidence so time to get a move on.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 6/26/2013 9:19PM

    We can't allow detours to drive us away from our road to weight loss success. Hang in there. -- Lou

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WALLAHALLA 6/23/2013 10:07PM

    emoticon emoticon I was lazy all week emoticon But tomorrow starts anew.

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KEEP_GOING247 6/23/2013 9:24PM

    emoticon

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FISHINGLADY66 6/23/2013 5:57PM

    Like we all say emoticon. I know you can. emoticon

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BAMAROSE 6/23/2013 2:09PM

  emoticon

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CAKAROO 6/23/2013 8:52AM

    emoticon

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NELLJONES 6/23/2013 7:43AM

    One of the first things my old WW leader told me way back when was that I would learn as much about patience as I would about food. She was right.

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LATTELEE 6/23/2013 7:27AM

  Patience

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TORTISE110 6/23/2013 7:24AM

    Salty and processed puts it on for me too. In fact, when I go back to healthier foods sometime I find the weight gain goes right away. Salty food holds so much water in our bodies.

You are working hard, I can tell!! And you are so right, patience is the whole deal some days. Keep Sparkin' girl, you are doing great.

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