Saturday, March 30, 2013
I had a slight loss this week of 0.4. So i'm moving in the right direction. Upset? Nope I worked out more so i'm thinking some of that is toning. I know my pants fit a bit better this week not so much belly bloat. If you know what I mean. I seem to put it on there first and take if off of there first.
In order for myself to continue this journey i've had to do just this. So many times over the last year or so i've wanted to just throw in the towel and give up. I mean come on now, no matter how hard it seemed I was going I was not moving at all. I mean the scales have been fighting me all along the way. So I had to get my mind right and then just take it slow and steady. Nope i'm not giving up life to lose a few pounds. I'm going to enjoy all that is given and enjoy life to its fullest. I have read so much where people give up all their favorites. I"m not going to stop living to lose this weight. When I joined spark that was what it was about. Learning to eat right and still have a good time. Food doesn't make up who me are but it has become a focus in must of lives. When we eat, what we eat, how we eat, it just goes on and on. So this week I entered my foods in spark, will be honest I usually count points for WW and don't do this. But I tood a little break from Weightwatchers and sparked like I used to. You know what???? It was easy, kinda fun to see what I ate and how it added up. I made better choices, earned a few more points, and not only that I lost a half pound. So does spark work???? Well I have to give it a thumbs up.
So today i'm heading into a new week. I can't or won't predict what the end result will be next saturday but I can promise you I will do my darndest to see it through.
One pound at a time.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
We are all here for the same thing CHANGE. I personally have overcome a lot in my life and i'm stronger for it. But while I would love to think that overcoming weight issues would be again easy i'm so very off the mark. All the turmoil in my life was nothing compared to ;this.
I put a few of my much hidden secrets out there on a message board and guess what? Nobody disowned me. Yup i'm a statistic. I've been molested as a child, abused by way of "punishment", married a alcoholic, had a child at the tender age of 19 and yup divorced by the time my second child was a little over two, single mom, remarriage, you get the pic. I'm a statistic from way back. Now i'm here trying to lose this baggage I call a sheild. Because lets be honest that is what it is. If you dig deep enough in your own background you will find what is troubling you.
I reached my goal and then I gained it all back. Why you may wonder, because I think the answer lies in people started to notice me and I was standing out. I had tried for so long to be in the background that when I was finally in the forefront OMG. Not a good feeling because they would notice that I wasn't perfect. I was a statistic. But guess what? So what. I am who I am because of being that statistic. So now I want to be the me I have always wanted to be. The outgoing me, the me that doesn't have to be ashamed anymore. I am who I am and for whatever reasons my path was already set. So now it is time to finish this. No more sitting on the side lines wanting and wishing for what I fear I will never have. I have me and that is all I need at this time. MYSElF and with the help of a few wonderful FRIENDS i'm going to be a success not only in my weightloss but also in my future.
So Im not done with my journey by a long shot. I may come and blog about the sorrow, the anger, the troubles along the way but I will do it for me. To clear my head and know that this is a new day full of such promise. I will try to learn to go to bed happy that I made the choises I did and there is no sense in getting upset with the ones I chose wrong. I had choices and they were my choices. Not someone elses.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Oh my is right. Wow I sure don't want to see what those pesky scales have to say this week. I"ve stayed pretty much the same for two weeks and now this week I see a break through but believe me it isn't in the way I would like to see them move... nope more like Yup poor poor me.
ok I think I know who I want to be....the best me I can be. But I don't seem to be proving that to myself or anyone right now. I have fallen and can't seem to get back up. I mean it isn't like it is a day off or a weekend of not planning. Nope this is like two years of " I will do this" and then more " darn i'm failing myself yet again".
I've often thought about giving up and just walking away and trying to just be happy with who I am at this moment. The problem with that is that in reality I hate the person I am right this moment. I'm ashamed that I have gained all the weight I lost back, i'm tired to the point of why bother it isn't going to change anything. I do what I should for a week, sometimes two and then I step on the scales and nothing. Nada, zip, zilch. Either i'm the same or im up yet again. I mean since January i've been "back on track"...I'm exactly one pound less today than I was on January 1st. Now that isnt because I worked at it. Nope that is because I didn't believe enough in myself to even hardly begin. I went on vacation a couple of weeks ago and had to "borrow" a few things from my mom so I had something to wear...I was at her house in Florida and what I packed didn't fit. Meaning that anything I had of packed wouldn't of fit. that is the place i'm at. My weekend wear is sweats, my work wear is clothes that fit but they are navy blue and Khaki, the colors of Walmart. So you see there I have to shop for what will fit as I have to have something to wear to the Pharmacy each day...they frown on nudity.....but I digress. It isn't funny. It is sad. I"m sad, mad, upset, ashamed, and mostly envious of all that have or are succeeding at this point. Why? When i'm the reason for the setbacks should I be jealous of anyone? Because I was there. I was the one with the "I lost again this week" posts. I was the one that ate what was good for me and I even found a few things I really liked that I would of never eaten before. I have exercised and I love that part. Probably a good thing or I would way over what I am right now. So as I close tonight, i'm still trying find my way. I won't end this blog because to be honest it doesn't end here. This is the beginning. I have so much baggage inside me right now that I feel like I need to blog it out one day at a time. I may not find a miracle but maybe after i've put it out there I will find a way to heal.
I so want to be the me I know I can be. I'm strong, i'm capable, i'm a doer, and it is time to start doing something that will do me good instead of the things that I have done to myself to hurt me.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
There comes a point at which you ask yourself is this really worth all the effort I have to put into getting healthy???? The answer is always a resounding YES!!! If you don't take care of your body it won't take care of you. That may seem like a cliche or quote you've heard a million times before but it is very true. Diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, all can be controled with a bit of effort. These three diseases alone are the cause of many deaths in the U.S. and can be prevented with just a bit of work.
So now that i've given my health speech the reason isn't for you. It is for me. I have to remind myself quite a bit that this is for me. I'm doing this for my health and the other part, the vain part isn't even in the running. So when I get up and get my morning exercise no matter if it is ten minutes or thirty minutes before work i'm doing this because A. it is a habit, and B. it is for my health. So when I step on the scales and they may not always say what I want them to it isn't that I didn't give it a lot of thought, it is that on that day, at that moment, my body for whatever reason has decided that it needs to hold on to that last little bit for some reason. So I have to shake my head and hold it high as I step away and begin anew yet again. This isn't a one week thing, this is forever. So getting upset today isn't going to fix the problem in the long run.
This week has been awesome. I've met my exercise minutes, i've eaten on plan, i've enjoyed a walk at lunch to the shoe store by work and gotten a new pair of cool shoes, i've gotten new makeup and thrown out the old, i'm moving more and worrying less. So tomorrow when I see those scales, no matter what they say I know in my heart I did fine. Could I have done better??? No doubt about it but you know what i'm not here to win a race or lose this weight and be done with it....I know this isn't going to happen so why lie to myself....i'm here to get healthy. It is the demons of my family history i'm trying to change.
So I smile through the tears and I begin each day anew. How it ends is all up to ME.
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