MALEXANDER4   171,022
150,000-199,999 SparkPoints
MALEXANDER4's Recent Blog Entries


Tuesday, March 05, 2013

I borrowed this from a friend on her blog. I just spoke to me today. She also had written this :

"It's natural to look around and see how other people are doing.
Sometimes it makes you feel inadequate,
Sometimes it makes you feel more successful, "

The reason this spoke to me is because i've been struggling yet again. I know I jsut can't wrap my mind around this lately. But it has gotten to where i'm not eating the garbage so much as just eating wayyyyy too much of the good stuff. Can that be possible you may ask??? YES. I saw a motitivation on spark: I hear this all the time, from friends, emplyees where I work, family, myself even because i've heard it so much. But in reality I have got a bit to go and NO i'm not there yet. I've been so very close and then ended back up here. So my blot is entitled HOW??? because how and when did getting so out of shape become ok. At what point did I wake up and decide I liked hating myself, not fitting into my clothes, not being comfortable in my own skin. Because that is what happened. I became the same person I was some five years ago when I began spark. Yup, I lost it and I thought I had it made. Oh I was cute in my workout I wear those darn big t-shirts and sweats again...I was cute in my new clothes for work....not I can't even button those cute clothes and they are in the goodwill bin....I knew what was ok, how much to have, I could eye a 3 oz piece of meat in a second. Now....yup you guessed it I eat the whole thing and then I have more. Now i'm not saying i'm by any means a little piggy but I have seen days I can out eat my hubby. What happened to the woman who was finally coming into her own? Where is she now, I need to speak to her, I need to become her friend again. I miss her so.

I know where she went....people started noticing me again, I wasn't in the corner any longer I was out in the open, the more people noticed my loss or how "good" I looked the more I ate, the less I moved. It was fine when it was just me. Yeah i'm the kid of childhood abuse, the father that left the family to raise another one that wasn't his, the mom that had to struggle to make ends meet because I had married a dead beat, alcoholic husband. Yeah I was a statistic. Hell i'm still the statistic....I have a wonderful hubby of 17 years but he sees not problem in me so I should just be happy with that...right??? wrong. Anyhow people who have lived and grown up with insecurities, know just where i'm coming from here. I think this menopause thing is bringing it all back to the forfront once again. Oh not the troubles, i'm over that part, or so I thought, I just want to have the confidence some women have in themselves no matter their size. I don't. It is like if i'm not perfect then I'm failing in some way. So why bother with the work, i'm going to fail anyhow because hell that is what always happens. Right???

Wrong again.

This is my time to become the new me. The sky is the limit. Will it be easy? nope, but I have spark and I have this darn blog and I can put it outthere and work my way through whatever is not working for me. So I'm not going to end this with a nice little word of it's fine, i'm fine, I got this. because right now I don't have anything but a lot of guilt over why i'm back at the beginning. So I have to deal with that first and move forward. So You can follow me on my journey and see what is what or I can do this alone, but you know what???? HOW???? One step at a time, one pound at a time that is how.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 3/10/2013 1:03AM

    My dear, sweet friend, you have not failed! Failure is a dirty word. You've survived the hard times, you've raised children, you've lost the past and gained a wonderful husband and have grandchildren to enjoy. Failure?? You?? No way!! There is no such thing as perfection, and if there was, it would bore us to pieces. Each day you get up and work on being the best you can be is a day that you succeed.
I know what you are talking about when you start to get noticed. That's what happend to me a year ago and I got right back where I was. I felt so vulnerable, so open to scrutiny. Even though people were complimenting me, I wanted them to STOP -- I didn't want to be looked at so closely. That is just something we need to work on. Why do we not feel worthy of the compliments of others? Why do we feel uncomfortable in our own skin? Why can't we be the confident women we want to be? We can. It is just going to take some work and some believing in ourselves. We've got this.
I'm still cheering for you just as loudly as I can.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KENDRACARROLL 3/6/2013 11:43AM

    You can do this, my SparkFriend :)
My life seemed to fall into place after I discovered my passion for hiking. (Well, my SparkLife anyway :)). Still struggling with real life quite a bit at times.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FISHINGLADY66 3/6/2013 10:32AM

    Wishing you the emoticon of courage to stay motivated. You can do it, by taking it One Day at a Time, and One step at a time. When you get discouraged, come back here and re-read your blog. ((Hugs)) Irene

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 3/5/2013 11:05PM

    great blog

Report Inappropriate Comment
TERESA6262 3/5/2013 8:05PM

    Michelle, your openness and honesty, and willingness to be vulnerable has always been one of the reasons I like you. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm starting over, too. I gained back 45 of the 46 lbs I lost 3 years ago. You have a lot of truth ringing in your blogs. I guess we each have to find our own way (with the help pf SPARK and friends). I having been reflecting on whether I feed and calm my hurts and emotions with food, instead "dealing" at the foot of the cross. I don't drink, don't smoke, don't cuss, don't do drugs but I SURE CAN EAT! :D Food is my diversion of choice! Thanks again for posting. Enjoy your vacation in Florida! Wave hello if you pass through Chiefland!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Let your change begin today

Sunday, March 03, 2013

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles
possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
- Albert Schweitzer

I'm sharing these with you not because i've overcome some great obstacle and I know you can also. Nope, i'm just little ole me working hard at this. I have come to learn that there is many hurdles that I personally have to overcome. One of course is just getting up off my butt and getting moving. The other is the way I feel about the me I am right this moment. That is the tough one. Because I will never move forward until I learn to love me. Not the me in the mirror so much as the me inside. The mind is a funny thing. It can make you see things that arent' real, it can talk you into or out of lots of situations. But it can be your worst enemy or your best friend the choice is up to you.

Well the last week i've chosen to make it my best friend. I"ve chosen to plan better, eat better, move more. Now was there a big huge change on the scales this week? Well a bit 0.4 which in my book is still a half pound in the right direction. Am I upset that I moved more, ate less, measured, weighed, planned, had small conferences with myself, and only lost a half pound? Let me let you in on my little secret.....if I did that what kind of person would I be? I would be here only for the scales. I'm here for so much more than that. At first that was my plan some four years ago, many ups, downs, almosts, not quites, and so on. But as I sit here today, i'm learning to get off my depression pills with the help of diet and exercise (no easy task I tell ya), i'm learning that I am beautiful, i'm healthy, I have new wants and needs, and some of them actually include being nice to me. So what has my journey taught me so far? I"M BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER MY SIZE!!!! I just need to learn to love the me I am right now and the rest will fall into place.

There is no magic pill, there is no drink, no sweat suit, no spa, nothing that is going to get me there any quicker than if I get up and get moving. So today let your journey to the YOU you've always wanted begin. It is only one small step at a time and it will happen if you allow the changes to come from inside first.

Like the emoticon let the change begin today.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALLAHALLA 3/4/2013 11:52AM

    Logic tries to tell us if we don't see a movement we are full of poop. Reality is, sometimes movement is slow. Glaciers are giant structures of beauty. So much more below the surface than what is visible to the eye. The move very slowly, yet have been credited with creating lovely rivers and lakes that millions benefit from, not to mention grand canyons. I prefer to think of journey as that of a glacier. Every small change I make will create an impact that lasts for years to come.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBRITA01 3/4/2013 6:27AM

    Loving ourselves just as we are...a good message for today. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 3/3/2013 11:15PM

    Yes! You ARE a beautiful woman!! Treat yourself the way you treat those around you -- you deserve as much (or more!) consideration as they do!
It's easier said than done, I know that. You know that we've both struggled with some issues that while they SEEM unrelated to weight loss, they sure have a lot to do with the self image issues that hold us back from achieving our goals so it's time we let them go. Time we concentrated on how wonderful we are and how much we deserve to be healthy! You, my friend, are on the right track!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IUHRYTR 3/3/2013 11:14PM

    A weekly loss of .4 pounds is nearly 21 pounds a year. Many of us would take that, wouldn't we? Keep up the good effort and stay focused and positive. -- Lou

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIDROAD 3/3/2013 8:57AM

    Your blogs always inspire me! And you are so right, we start this journey thinking its all about changing the "outside", when in fact it's all about changing that small space between the ears. Success is ours for the taking.
Have a wonderful week!


Report Inappropriate Comment
KWEEKWEK 3/3/2013 8:45AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SORTIZA99 3/3/2013 8:26AM

    Keep up your positive attitude.
Good day.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GLUECIPHER 3/3/2013 8:24AM

    You sound very positive. Keep it up!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Trust in yourself

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Ever do this? Just stand with the door open waiting for something to jump out at ya but it never does. Yup your just bored not hungry. If you stand there long enough you will be tempted to grab and go but what you get won't fix what is wrong.

Self-trust is the first secret of success. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote was on one of my team threads. Is this not what a lot of us don't have? I myself don't trust myself so I tell all who will listen about my goals. I have informed those I work with that if they see me with something I shouldn't have they are to take it from me. I need to be accountable to me but I sometimes need a little help from friends.

The weekend was nice. the weather here in the south was awesome today so my hubby and I headed out early got our groceries and got back home by eleven so to enjoy the sunshine. I got a new bird feeder (you know your getting old when you enjoy watching the birds) and I got outside and got it set up and the old one filled. Now my spring friends have a bit to keep them coming back.

So as I head off to finish my evening I want to let my fellow team mates on WW that i'm still holding strong. Day three and i'm planning better, eating better, and still getting the exercise in. Never think it can't be done because YOU can do it. Remember: "Self-trust is the first secret of success. - Ralph Waldo Emerson"Trust in yourself and in the process.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Woo hoo Michelle!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 2/25/2013 2:16PM

my pitfall is not so much one of trust, but falling for the idea that I need instant gratification

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERYLDS 2/25/2013 9:58AM

    I was once tempted to put up a small sign on my cubicle that read

someone in the office always had snacks available and people hate to binge alone
emoticon GO FOR IT

Comment edited on: 2/25/2013 9:59:28 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAKAROO 2/25/2013 7:41AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
KENTUCKYWOMAN 2/25/2013 4:02AM

    I am so very proud of you.

Report Inappropriate Comment

It's time

Friday, February 22, 2013

The most effective way to do it, is to do it. - Amelia Earhart

So here in lies the trouble. I'm so worried about what i've done yesterday I forget I can begin again today. Fresh, uncluttered, free. So today I took on the challenge to begin anew. It is time to fess up about the last two weeks of eating like there is no tomorrow. Well there will be a tomorrow and if i'm honest I want my tomorrows to be free of guilt over what I should of shouldn't of eaten, done, or not done. So today I'm beginning fresh.Yup you can do that guys. You can begin each day anew again and again. Hopefully though I will get a grip on myself and this won't keep being a new beginning each and every week.

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 2/24/2013 2:18PM

    I loved the quote Michelle. You CAN do this. You want it badly enough and you are willing to work for it and to never give up no matter what. Sometimes it's hard but we keep coming back. Guilt is an obstacle that we can learn to let go of, I know we can! We can make plans that incorporate the things we love and we can realize that we are up to the challenge of knowing when and how much to indulge.
Guilt is evil -- you are stronger than it is.
Enjoy the new beginning and have a great week!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TERESA6262 2/24/2013 7:55AM

    Thanks for posting this! I blew it food wise last weekend while hosting my daughter and grandkids...they came for the last weekend visiting before moving to WA STATE (I live in FL). It took me days to "get back on track"...... but I finally did....then yesterday I went to a bridal shower and blew it there, too. Boo hiss! I guess the only way to lose is if you quit completely! SO I am back at it today!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERYLDS 2/23/2013 8:55AM

    I love the bruce lee quote
“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water.
Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup,
you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle,
you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Now water can flow or it can crash.
Be water, my friend.”

Report Inappropriate Comment
KENTUCKYWOMAN 2/23/2013 4:01AM

    WE are in this together. Hang in there Sista.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 2/22/2013 11:40PM

    I got some love handles big enough to get a grip on. emoticon but not for long!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KENDRACARROLL 2/22/2013 11:27PM

    Hey, lady, get a grip on yourself!!


Report Inappropriate Comment
TRACY-BEARSFAN 2/22/2013 9:34PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
KDAILEY70 2/22/2013 8:52PM


Report Inappropriate Comment

    I've been learning to LIVE IN TODAY.

Yesterday is over. There's nothing I can do about it. Whether good or's done and cannot be undone.

Tomorrow is not here and may not come. Today is all I have.

And God starts us with a fresh clean slate every day. I'm learning to appreciate that!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUNEAU2010 2/22/2013 8:45PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARW715 2/22/2013 8:38PM

    You can do it! The quote is perfect. I am cheering you on.

Report Inappropriate Comment

No Excuses

Monday, February 18, 2013

Today I did just this. I moved. I got 30 minutes on the treadmill before work, then at lunch the emoticon was out the emoticon were up...I headed out for a short walk before I headed back to work.

Sport: Walking
Distance: 0.70 mi
Duration: 17 minutes 43 seconds
At: 18.02.13 13:36

This was my Runtastic recording. Gotta love that app. I just put my earphones in, and turned on the music, set my app and off I went. Ok so it was only a few minutes, but I did it. I got up and put my book down and I moved. Wow it was wonderful. I have so missed this. I mean the rain, the cold, it has been miserable, but that is winter in the south. So when the sun shone and the temps moved a bit I got up and moved with it.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KENTUCKYWOMAN 2/19/2013 4:14AM

    emoticon emoticon Isn't it amazing how just a little movement can make us feel so much better. Way to go my friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 2/19/2013 12:14AM

    Way to go Michelle!! It's soo nice to be out in the sunshine!! Proud of you for moving on your lunch hour!
Love love the quote!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALLAHALLA 2/18/2013 10:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERYLDS 2/18/2013 9:47PM

The more you put into getting where you want to be, the faster you'll see it happen

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 Last Page