Tuesday, March 05, 2013
I borrowed this from a friend on her blog. I just spoke to me today. She also had written this :
"It's natural to look around and see how other people are doing.
Sometimes it makes you feel inadequate,
Sometimes it makes you feel more successful, "
The reason this spoke to me is because i've been struggling yet again. I know I jsut can't wrap my mind around this lately. But it has gotten to where i'm not eating the garbage so much as just eating wayyyyy too much of the good stuff. Can that be possible you may ask??? YES. I saw a motitivation on spark: I hear this all the time, from friends, emplyees where I work, family, myself even because i've heard it so much. But in reality I have got a bit to go and NO i'm not there yet. I've been so very close and then ended back up here. So my blot is entitled HOW??? because how and when did getting so out of shape become ok. At what point did I wake up and decide I liked hating myself, not fitting into my clothes, not being comfortable in my own skin. Because that is what happened. I became the same person I was some five years ago when I began spark. Yup, I lost it and I thought I had it made. Oh I was cute in my workout gear....now I wear those darn big t-shirts and sweats again...I was cute in my new clothes for work....not I can't even button those cute clothes and they are in the goodwill bin....I knew what was ok, how much to have, I could eye a 3 oz piece of meat in a second. Now....yup you guessed it I eat the whole thing and then I have more. Now i'm not saying i'm by any means a little piggy but I have seen days I can out eat my hubby. What happened to the woman who was finally coming into her own? Where is she now, I need to speak to her, I need to become her friend again. I miss her so.
I know where she went....people started noticing me again, I wasn't in the corner any longer I was out in the open, the more people noticed my loss or how "good" I looked the more I ate, the less I moved. It was fine when it was just me. Yeah i'm the kid of childhood abuse, the father that left the family to raise another one that wasn't his, the mom that had to struggle to make ends meet because I had married a dead beat, alcoholic husband. Yeah I was a statistic. Hell i'm still the statistic....I have a wonderful hubby of 17 years but he sees not problem in me so I should just be happy with that...right??? wrong. Anyhow people who have lived and grown up with insecurities, know just where i'm coming from here. I think this menopause thing is bringing it all back to the forfront once again. Oh not the troubles, i'm over that part, or so I thought, I just want to have the confidence some women have in themselves no matter their size. I don't. It is like if i'm not perfect then I'm failing in some way. So why bother with the work, i'm going to fail anyhow because hell that is what always happens. Right???
This is my time to become the new me. The sky is the limit. Will it be easy? nope, but I have spark and I have this darn blog and I can put it outthere and work my way through whatever is not working for me. So I'm not going to end this with a nice little word of it's fine, i'm fine, I got this. because right now I don't have anything but a lot of guilt over why i'm back at the beginning. So I have to deal with that first and move forward. So You can follow me on my journey and see what is what or I can do this alone, but you know what???? HOW???? One step at a time, one pound at a time that is how.
Sunday, March 03, 2013
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles
possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
- Albert Schweitzer
I'm sharing these with you not because i've overcome some great obstacle and I know you can also. Nope, i'm just little ole me working hard at this. I have come to learn that there is many hurdles that I personally have to overcome. One of course is just getting up off my butt and getting moving. The other is the way I feel about the me I am right this moment. That is the tough one. Because I will never move forward until I learn to love me. Not the me in the mirror so much as the me inside. The mind is a funny thing. It can make you see things that arent' real, it can talk you into or out of lots of situations. But it can be your worst enemy or your best friend the choice is up to you.
Well the last week i've chosen to make it my best friend. I"ve chosen to plan better, eat better, move more. Now was there a big huge change on the scales this week? Well a bit 0.4 which in my book is still a half pound in the right direction. Am I upset that I moved more, ate less, measured, weighed, planned, had small conferences with myself, and only lost a half pound? Let me let you in on my little secret.....if I did that what kind of person would I be? I would be here only for the scales. I'm here for so much more than that. At first that was my plan some four years ago, many ups, downs, almosts, not quites, and so on. But as I sit here today, i'm learning to get off my depression pills with the help of diet and exercise (no easy task I tell ya), i'm learning that I am beautiful, i'm healthy, I have new wants and needs, and some of them actually include being nice to me. So what has my journey taught me so far? I"M BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER MY SIZE!!!! I just need to learn to love the me I am right now and the rest will fall into place.
There is no magic pill, there is no drink, no sweat suit, no spa, nothing that is going to get me there any quicker than if I get up and get moving. So today let your journey to the YOU you've always wanted begin. It is only one small step at a time and it will happen if you allow the changes to come from inside first.
Like the let the change begin today.
Friday, February 22, 2013
The most effective way to do it, is to do it. - Amelia Earhart
So here in lies the trouble. I'm so worried about what i've done yesterday I forget I can begin again today. Fresh, uncluttered, free. So today I took on the challenge to begin anew. It is time to fess up about the last two weeks of eating like there is no tomorrow. Well there will be a tomorrow and if i'm honest I want my tomorrows to be free of guilt over what I should of shouldn't of eaten, done, or not done. So today I'm beginning fresh.Yup you can do that guys. You can begin each day anew again and again. Hopefully though I will get a grip on myself and this won't keep being a new beginning each and every week.
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