As I sit here ready to blog i'm really not sure what I want to say. I mean the holiday is upon us and over with here. I've really not done what I should of but a very lot of what I wanted....that is in the food department. I did get in the exercise and I know in my heart that isn't going to fix anything that i've done. I don't know could we......
Ok maybe not. I will not lie to you or myself. I ate my weight in junk these last couple of days. Now I never set out to do anything special but staying in countrol of myself would of been a start. But that didn't happen. Really what happened was I pretty much just gave up on my goals. I even went through the blogs of others looking to see if anyone was feeling as guilty as me over what I had and have done to myself this past year. Nope....not a one. All I found was "I reached my goal, or I lost 50 pounds, or 360 days on track" really???? What is wrong with me that I can't even get the one day. I mean it is just one little day. Day one is the day when the momentum is picked up and the ball starts rolling. When you see yourself thin and you are willing to do all that you can to see your goals reached. I had a great couple of weeks and then I allowed this holiday and all the things I know darn well I can't have with any kind of control control me and my stomach. I say my stomach because right now i'm feeling a bit And not in a very good way. YUCK is a word that comes to mind.
So what do I plan to do about this? What steps do I plan to take to make it happen. You know the IT i'm talking about...yup the IT that happened to all those sparkers that blogged on here. The goals reached, the days in a row of success, the happy warm feeling you get when you step on the scales and see that magic number reached. Yup I'm talking about IT....the dream. Well I won't sit here and tell you that I have a plan, because right now I don't. Oh I have the food plan, it is the other plan i'm' refering to....what happens when that food is in my reach, what happens when I want it but I know that one bite is going to undo all my hard work. Nope I have not one plan for that yet. I just have to begin and get this ball rolling. Once it is rolling i know each new day will bring me a bit of strength that one day will see me say "No thank-you I don't eat that anymore". Hey a girl can dream. But for now I just want to..... Just wake me when the new year is upon us....
I can't do that either....I need to be awake to see this through. I need to sit and decide what it is i'm searching for and wanting from all this. because right now I just want to beat me up and I know that isn't the thing to do. So this holiday i'm really looking forward to the one gift I can give myself. The gift of health. So heres to good health and wiser choices....
We got together and had our family Christmas. We sat down to eat and my daughter tells me about my "gift" that I won't have till next summer.... Yup the stork is coming to my daughters and my grandson is ok with it. He is five and he said he could go with that. Well that is good because somethings can't be changed. lol. So i'm going to be a NENE yet again. This will be number three. I have two boys now and would so love a grand daughter. Fingers crossed people. Along with all my lovely gifts that fit under the tree I got this one from the lord that at this time can't be put under the tree but it is in our hearts. I'm feeling so blessed right now.
So if I was wondering to what I owe my new beginning in weight loss to it would have to be my newest addition......With two to chase around I will need to work on losing this extra i've put on over the last couple of years.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
It seems like each time I come here to blog it is about how poorly i'm doing. Well this time i'm not doing so poorly. Oh it could be worse but all in all i've had a pretty good month. I'm actually down a bit for the month. But I digress....this is the time of year when we all say "beginning January i'm going to start fresh". Well I took that on two weeks ago. I decided that enough was enough. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, my energy was at a loss, and like I said my feet just hurt. In short I was heading right back where I was almost four years ago. Wow coming up on Dec. 31st. That was the time I decided I was tired of being overweight and it was time to change. And change I did for about two years. Now i'm ready to do it again. Wait i'm doing it again. There is no time like today to make your goals a reality.
I believe in the magic. I know that I can do this. Is it going to be easy? Hell no. but i'm strong and i'm ready to take on this new year and take on myself. I have become my biggest obstacle. So time to move it or go around but i'm coming through.
The world isn't over and i'm just beginning. So it is time for me to make changes and be proud of myself.
This week I took hold of myself and I played by the rules. You know what? It worked. Amazing how following through and just being kind to yourself can bring about big changes in our psyche. I lost 2.2 pounds this week, I exercised like I should not like I wanted, and I ate with planning in mind. I'm also learning to like me a bit for who I am. Having to go up a size or two in clothes was a eye opening experience I don't want to have to live again. No offense but I don't like me like this. So i've decided that if I want the change I have to be the change. No more excuses. They just aren't working for me anyhow. Who says you have to wait for the New Year....a NEW YOU is NOW.
As I am writing this blog i'm wondering what I can say to inspire someone else. I sit here back almost to my starting weight four years ago. How could that possible inspire anyone to take that first step?
I have to tell ya it isn't easy to come here and say "i've failed". But really have I? I mean i'm coming here each and everyday. I log exercise minutes, though they really could be more, I begin the day off on track, it is the afternoons and evenings that hit me hard. So what do I intend to tell anyone who is struggling also at this moment?
Change is scary but nothing is scarier than looking in the mirror, buying clothes the old size, changing belts four times before you find one that fits (did that one yesterday), getting on the treadmill and not lasting twenty minutes. Sit ups? Oh yeah I remember those, vaguely. How about the tingling you get from standing on your feet all day and heaven forbid you sit down when you get home....it hurts worse to get back up and try to make your way to the kitchen to get dinner.
So all of this has led me back to spark and to fully embrace all that it has to offer. I know the holidays are coming but what better way to enjoy them then to celebrate success if even for one day. Because that one day will give you strength to reach for two.