MALEXANDER4   163,166
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MALEXANDER4's Recent Blog Entries

Changing my thinking

Saturday, March 31, 2012

I got some feedback on a blog I wrote the other day. About my journey and how far I had come and to not laugh at a mere 4 pound loss in a ten week period. You know what your all right. I should be seeing me that is here and the me I once was is way far away. Yup i've not reached my goal and yup i'm still a work in progress but i'm in a smaller size, I can out walk my friends, I take the time to plan my grocery list (though I sometimes stray), but all in all I keep a journal of what I eat daily, get my waters without fail, and I exercise religously, all of this would of resulted in regaining all that I have worked for if I had given up. So I want to thank you all and some of my friends for giving me the credit I sometimes fail to give to myself. It is tough when you see others reaching goal and seeing the magic number on the scale. But you know what? I'm here for the long haul and this has been a much better year than last. I guess i'm looking for perfection and in this journey that just isn't going to happen. WHY???? Because this journey is called LIFE!

So my friends on spark and beyond....i'm in this to win it for my health. I will not become just a number on the scale. I will be honest though when the magic number comes up I will be shouting loud and long.....then the real work will begin......

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSAWRAP_DIMI 4/15/2012 8:57AM

    emoticon

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 4/5/2012 1:16AM

    MIndset, mindset, mindset....you've come so far, and I'm glad you can recognize the successes you have had! So keep looking forward, not back and be proud of all you've done!!

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KNITTABLES 4/3/2012 11:08PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 3/31/2012 11:02AM

    the scale is just ONE source of feedback.
there are so many other things that show your progress on this quest.
Keep going forward and getting closer to where you want to be.
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CAKAROO 3/31/2012 9:40AM

    emoticon Don't give up!!
Carol

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RDGISME 3/31/2012 9:34AM

    Michelle-your real work has begun already! You should be proud of "out walking your friends" and tracking your foods! Many people try to lose without either of those. Having had your mind change about where you are, and how you'll get to the big "number" that you'd like will indeed make your journey easier. Looking forward to watching your journey as it gets and stays strong!
~Becci

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LRK4CHRIST 3/31/2012 7:53AM

    Yes! If we all can change our thinking, we'll win more battles. I pray u have good success!

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Power to reach my goals??? Who me???

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Paul the SparkPeople programmer says:
The power to reach your goals is within you right now.


Oh how this message this morning spoke to me. I have been riding the roller coaster of a lifetime it seems for so very long. Spark calls it the journey, lifestyle, or plan. I call it my roller coaster because oh yes I go up, down, sideways, and sometimes i'm just on my head. But as each day, month, year passes I'm still here. Why? Because somewhere inside of me is the power to succeed. I just have to dig deep, put the other things out of my mind, work on ME, and forget the rest. Ok so maybe that all sounds great but it for sure is hard work.

I began my "journey" in Dec. of 2008, well I have to tell ya guys it is 2012 and I have yet to see that magic number pop up just once on the scale. Why you may ask, I mean I've had plenty of time to reach my goals, plenty of time to learn, study, workout, and find a buddy to proceed with. Well the ugly truth is i'm lazy most of the time. I workout when I want, I workout for as long as I see fit, I eat on plan only about 50 percent of the time, my sleep is interupted more often than not, and I binge on occasion. Mostly the weekends but it messes up my whole day. Ok, I joined "Scale Back Alabama" with three friends. I have lost 4 pounds in ten weeks. Why? Because I say i'm going to do good today and then I ruin that by afternoon. Again because it is easier to eat the junk, quick foods, than to cook and plan.

Am I here looking for sympathy? Nope i'm putting this out here because it is something i've been working on through out my whole journey. Finding the person inside of me that I say I want to become. So really this journey is so much more than losing a few pounds. It is a way of discovering who we really are. Who we can become. I mean really don't we hide behind the weight because people are less apt to notice us. Do we really want to be noticed? I'm beginning to wonder about that myself. I mean i've gotten close to goal and then fled back the way i've come. Maybe a part of me doesn't believe I can live the heathy lifestyle. Ask me a question about nutrition, exercise, or most anything and i've studied it and i've got an answer, but do I apply it to me? Nope.

So as I've been thinking about this blog todays message came in my email. WOW maybe I can do this. Maybe I just need to take it one step at a time and not try to just lose the weight but try to learn new things about myself also. I mean this journey isn't about just getting thin.....right?

Michelle

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 4/5/2012 1:14AM

    Michelle, I can so relate! I know for both of us, this "journey" has been about so much more than the number we want to see on the scale. It's been an uphill battle to claim the life we want for ourselves and to become the women we know we are inside. I'm still right here with you, and we can do this!! I for one, have faith in you.

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 3/31/2012 7:21AM

    I like the insight. It is easy to moan about the "scale" not moving but it is very difficult to see the personal involvement as to the "reasons" that the scale did not move. YOU are an AWESOME CHICA! Once you figure you out and work with you accordingly WATCH OUT! It is a journey CELEBRATE how far you have come! emoticon

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KNITTABLES 3/28/2012 9:24PM

    emoticonand what a great message to share. HUGS

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SHERYLDS 3/28/2012 11:46AM

    Oh Michelle....
boy can I relate.
for me ... when stuff happens, I take it as a legitimate reason to go off track.
And it is way to easy to slip back into that comfort zone.
I know that losing the weight doesn't cure all of lifes problems but I truly believe that when you lose the buffer of fat between you and the world...you actually get the chance to live the life you were really meant to have.


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KENDRACARROLL 3/28/2012 8:59AM

    4 lbs in 10 weeks - and then you're questioning it?
This is a step in the right direction. Rejoice, keep it up.
How long will it then take you to lose 12 lbs? Isn't that a considerably short time span?
You CAN do this!

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MOMPPCL 3/28/2012 8:20AM

    Just start every day with a small goal and if you fail, get back up the next day. It`s not easy, but so worth it!
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And so the story goes

Saturday, March 10, 2012

emoticonWow what a horrible couple of weeks. My grandmother fell and broke her hip, needed a rod and some screws and is now at the nursing home with physical therapy. My husbands mom passed away wednesday and that was a total shock. Now he is in Vermont and i'm here at home taking care of the "farm". We decided that was how it would be as there was going to be no funeral and no service. Creamation was all she wanted so my hubby heads north to say his goodbyes with his brother. Thankfully he lives with us so he has his strength as well as Rob having his. They get up there to find out nothing has been done, and to top it off no insurance. So instead of saying goodbye he is settling a lot of mess. If I can stress anything enough it is that you all take care before you go. Your children shouldn't be left with grief and things left undone. My husband can't even mourn yet as he is too busy and god willing this will be settled soon. I want him home with me and I tried to fly up there but he said there was no need to both of us to in that mess. Bless my hubby. He is the stronge one in our relationship and even on wednesday when I saw him fall and didn't quite know what to do for him...he picked himself back up and is doing what needs to be done. He has four other siblings and only my brother in law that lives with us is helping. so said. He is finding out the others are not very mature. Needless to say I have shown my daughter where all my things are just in case. She knows my wishes but as soon as my husband gets home we are heading to the lawyers and getting a will drawn up. I won't leave anything for my children except a gift. they must mourn and move on not have to put the pieces of my life back together.

Sorry I have vented but this seems to be the place to clear the air and say what I won't say to my husband. He has enough on his plate right now without me being angry. I'm just so upset with her and she is dead. Is that possible. Grief and then anger. I guess i'm healing. Todd says she didn't know, you have to know if you have life insurance. She also named two children in charge and they have no clue. So they nominated my hubby to be their speaker. God bless his strength.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 3/20/2012 1:54AM

    Michelle, I'm thinking of you. I think it's natural to feel some anger in the grief process...especiall with so many loose ends to have to figure out. I hope your hubby is back home with you soon. It's a good thing he has his brother with him and that at least the two of them can work it out together.
Hugs to you, my friend, hang in there.

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CRAZYWOMAN10 3/11/2012 5:58AM

    So sorry for you loss.
You have definitely put some wise words out there. I have showed my daughter where everything is and my wishes..but I dont have a will either...that is a must!

I hope things go well...May God bless you and your family.

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SHERYLDS 3/10/2012 9:37PM

    I'm so sorry you have been hit with so much sad news.
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KNITTABLES 3/10/2012 2:44PM

    This is a great place to vent. sorry about your mother - in -law. I know what you are going through and my prayers are with you and your hubby. Sorry that you hubby have to do all this work and I hope he gets home to you soon. Take care. Hugs

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CAKAROO 3/10/2012 12:50PM

    So sorry for the loss of your mother-in law.

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SLIMPAM23 3/10/2012 10:24AM

    Oh Michelle----
What a mess. I am sorry for you and the family. And you are right of course about final details. My mother is completely organized and has made things simple for my sister and I. And boy am I grateful - because my mother lives up the street from me....and my sister lives in IOWA!!
But - I have done NOTHING to be organized for my kids. I'm thinking that at 49 it's not necessary yet - but that is the WRONG answer. You just never know what is around the corner. You have given me something to think about.
My husband's mother was a few years older than my parents - and she refused to talk about dying when she was young and healthier. She said it was morbid. So when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer 6 years ago - everyone had to hustle to make sure they knew what her wishes were. Had she died unexpectedly - no one would have known what to do. Maybe that was you MIL's thinking I don't know. But I feel for your husband. And I am so glad he has his brother's help. God Bless you sister....you'll get through this - and be stronger for it I'm sure. Hugs to your grandmother too. Does she live near you? I have only one grandparent left. A grandmother who will be 93 in a few days and still lives on her own!!! But she lives in Illinois....
Hugs My Friend!
Pam

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Week in review

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Well lets see now this week started off great food wise and exercise wise. But as usual it quickly came to a halt. I had a gain on the scales at my "scale back" weigh in and that made me work harder for about four days. But my goal for the week was to have four good days and so that is success. Now today if I can, nope I can make this a five day week. Better than ever.

My grandmother fell this week and broke her hip, She is out of surgery with a rod and screws, in the nursing home now for 21 days of therapy, and she is doing better than we had hoped. Inspiration? you betcha. She is tough and only taking tylenol 3 for the pain. Huh??? where is her pain meds? But she says she doesn't need it. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

So that is about it in review. slow week but success in some spots. I will proceed on and take this one step at a time.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 2/29/2012 9:43AM

    Sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope she continues to heal well.

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SUGARBABY60 2/26/2012 9:29PM

    One of the best ways to have a successful week is to encourage someone else each day. It builds momentum in your own wt loss journey. It is really like encouraging yourself to keep going toward that goal you have set. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KNITTABLES 2/25/2012 12:49PM

    Sorry to hear about your grandmother, wishing her a healthy recovery. Congrat on making it four days, you can make it five. Glad your grandmother is in a rehab place. Wished they put my mom in one instead of sending her home alone. Take care, prayers. Sandra

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CAKAROO 2/25/2012 10:01AM

    hope your grandmother has a quick recovery

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SHERYLDS 2/25/2012 10:01AM

    “You don’t have to be perfect in order to be successful.” ~Anonymous
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I seem to have lost my MOJO

Sunday, February 19, 2012

emoticonI seem to have lost my mojo does anyone know where I may have left it? I mean really folks what is going on inside a persons head that one day you do great and the next it is just the old you coming back with a vengance. I mean really a lot worse than the old you because the new you is obsessed with food.

You know what i'm talking about the new you is eating out of control... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonFoods you never cared for all of a sudden you just have to have them. A serving size what is that all about. One serving of anything means I would have to weigh or measure. I would much rather grab and go.

Well I have had a sudden moment of conscience. I can't stand myself at this moment but not enough to quit. I told my hubby my feelings and his answer...."well stop eating". Ok if it was that simple I would of done that already three years ago and been at goal. Nope it has gone past that. I'm not accountable anylonger.

I remember the joy of the new. Joining spark was such an addiction, I read, learned, studied, gained so much new knowledge. People came to me for ideas and info. Now? I seem to have misplaced that thing called mojo and I can't get at it right now. It is just out of my reach. I would be lying if I told you that I would begin fresh tomorrow. That may or may not happen. I have thought of quitting my leadership role on a couple of teams as I can't even lead myself let alone a whole group of people. But that isn't happening as of yet. I have found I need those teams maybe as much as someone needs me.

So I will end this blog on the note that I will try harder. Harder for myself, my sanity, my future. Because grab and go isn't always the best choice. I need to be aware of what i'm doing and now that my hubby knows I eat in the dark maybe I can come into the light. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?

Overeaters isn't just a word for overweight people....some of us just hide it better than others.

Michelle. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 2/29/2012 9:42AM

    Sweetie, I totally know where you are coming from. The last 2 weeks have been like that for me. BUT...we haven't lost our mojo..we just temporarily misplaced it. It's still there, waiting on us to choose to bring it back. Yep, it's hard. Sometimes I'm not sure I can do it, but then I try to remember why I came here in the first place. I remember that I have to put ME first, and if I need to spend more time here, reading and getting motivated, then so be it.
Hang in there, MIchelle. Your determination IS an inspiration, whether you know it or not. Thanks for sticking in here with me.


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CRAZYWOMAN10 2/20/2012 5:04AM

    I seem to be in that same boat with you...and have been there since November...it s*cks...BUT...I know that I will eventually come around...and I think you know it as well...Maybe we need to remind ourselves that we cannot let ourselves destroy all the hardwork weve done up until now :)

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 2/20/2012 3:42AM

    I hear you my friend. I am in the same boat as you are. I hope today's post on our thread might help.
Hang in there Sweetie, cause you are worth it.

Hugs,
Joan

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KNITTABLES 2/19/2012 11:08PM

    Hang in there, we have all been through this once or twice. Starting fresh everyday and letting go of yesterdays bad eating is the way to go. Soon you will find that you are back on track and being accountable. You are strong and you will and can do this. Now that you hubby knows as well as all of us. We are here to help.
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OAKSHAVEN 2/19/2012 7:24PM

    I don't know why we do it either, but it certainly happens to me, too. All I can say is: hang in there. I have restarted myself today, after a couple months of just plain not doing It. Join me? emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 2/19/2012 7:02PM

    Wow, there seems a lot of that going around right now.
I'd say 90% of all blogs I read today (and I read many; that's my Sunday pleasure :)), speak of the same thing.

Your hubby's answer is typical male logic and makes me smile.
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I've been through stretches like you're going through right now.
Only one thing to do - take it one decision at a time, one day at a time.
You WILL get though this, just hang in there.

I posted a whole bunch of motivational quotes on Dimis' blog this morning. Check it out.

Comment edited on: 2/19/2012 7:04:15 PM

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