Saturday, November 12, 2011
Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it,
Begin it now.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Funny this week I was on vacation and I had that aha moment. I can't pinpoint when it happened it just came to me like in a dream. I was sitting there and I thought to myself "when had I allowed food to become my best friend?" That is exactly what I had done. I had allowed food to rule my waking moments. Fill my head and my heart. My only desire had become when I was going to eat and what. I mean I was suppose to be working on me and suddenly I was working on eating and what I could get. Oh I can have that it won't show. Oh i've had days like this before and still lost. The only difference was I was having days like that everyday and not just once a week.
I would sit here on my days off, weekends were the worst, and I would eat my way through them. Oh I would get a few things done but the rest of the time was spent with food in my mouth. Why? It was my comfort. Instead of getting up and finding something to do to help me I just went to the pantry and found something else. The thing is what I was eating was eating me. It wasn't helping it was hurting. My choices were not the best. I would choose chips over fruit, I mean if I'm so hungry I can eat chips why can't I eat the fruit.....I really wan't hungry. Mostly I just wanted the comfort I could find in that bag, box, or bar.
As this thought hit me I decided I wanted change. I had been saying I wanted it but I was so attached to the mindless eating that I couldn't allow that to change. The scales just went up and up. For six months now i've steadily gained ten pounds back. It isn't a pretty thing to say...I gained back a lot of my weight I had lost. I mean I had lost twenty-two pounds and half of that is back. I have to tell ya it makes me feel like a failure.
But here is where the "aha moment" comes in......I"m not a failure. I'm just in need of something more. I don't want to be the sit at home person. Oh I thought I was but when I was on vacation I so enjoyed going and going. I lost 1.6 pounds this week and that is on vacation. Did I eat out? yup. But I made better choices and I limited my snacking. One day I thought food hadn't taken over my mind in days. It was like a rebirth. The peanuts didn't call my name in fact I really don't want them now, The chips, nope, the candy, not what I want. I have been back to making better choices and that feels good. I'm in control of me right now. I can't say what tomorrow will bring but i'm ready for today.
And so it begins: my Journey back to me.