Sunday, September 25, 2011
“You can have results or you can have your excuses. You cannot have both.” ~ Unknown
Ok, no more excuses, no more giving in, no more wishing. Today is the day to make changes. I have the plan, I have the foods, I have the equipment, Now to find the want power. I seem to have been searching for that for sometime now but all along it was inside of myself. I just didn't dig deep enough or maybe I just didn't want this enough. I guess after a while the work got to be too much. I mean come on what do you mean I can have anything I want and still lose. No I can't. If I do that then really i'm no better off than I have been for all those years before. No I have to be true to my journey and true to myself.
I picked up some chips yesterday. Oh I know I can have one serving....or can I? No i'm like the alcoholic...one is too many and a thousand is never enough. Yup that is me. I ate the whole bag. Now what did I learn from this? Well I learned that one big bag of kettle cooked jalapeno chips have nine servings, and in WW points that adds up to about 36 points a bag. So as you can see I bit I wrote. Now I have to say I thought about lieing. Wiping the truth under the table...but who would I have been kidding? Surely not myself. I knew what I had done. Oh I enjoyed each bite...while the guilt wasn't riding shotgun. But it hit. And I hated me at that moment for being weak. But was I weak to eat them, or weak to buy them? It all began the second I put them in my cart. I know myself, I know my addiction to chips, but It didn't stop me.
So that is it. I can't buy, eat just one, or have them near me. No more thinking i'm getting better because i'm not. I may never be. To anyone else this would seem crazy...an addiction to food, but to my spark family you all have come to find this isn't funny. It is a sad thing to allow food to have such a hold over us. I know for me it is that lack of power over myself with certain foods that really is the reason I get so upset. I'm a strong woman, I've lived through abuse, a child whom is an addict, i've lived through bankruptcy and came out ahead, but I can't seem to get past this little thing in my life....weight.
So I've decided to take myself on. It is time to face facts, come up with new answers and new ideas. It is time to stop facing the scales on Saturday mornings and holding my breath. No more fear.
Today is my Day one, and as the quote says I can have results or I can have excuses. I want results this time.
Monday, September 19, 2011
As some of you may know i've been struggling on a off for months now. Well I rejoined Weight Watchers online, i've cut back on some of my teams here at spark, am giving more time to a couple of the ones dear to my heart. I have recommited to me. I know this could be temporary as have so much of this journey been as of late, but today at this moment i'm ready for change. I have to be honest it is a struggle to go this alone. When I first began this journey I had a few friends on the ride. They got off and haven't been back since. They are back to prediet weight. I'm not. But I don't want to be either. My daughter and her hubby walk each evening now, my mother has rejoined Weight Watchers and now I have a few supporters to got this journey with again. Now don't get me wrong....spark is wonderful. But I need people here to push me as much as you all do.
You see I can say what I want on paper, or computer as the case may be, but they know me, see me, see what i'm going through. Now it is nice to have someone to walk the walk with, to make us hold ourselves accountable to. I know I should only be accountable to me but that is tough. You see I don't like me much. I'm weak in some areas and strong in others. I need someone to push the weak parts me and reenergize the strong. So today I begin a new day, filled with new hope. Oh i'm not looking for miracles, i'm not looking for large numbers to fall off my body, i'm just looking to myself to gain a bit of strength on this journey. I thought I had before when I was so close to goal, but that went by the wayside and now i'm struggling to regain lost ground.
Pam, Kristi, Joan, without you three I would never have gotten this far. You have kept me on spark and I thank you for that. Now guys lets give this journey all we have. I want to succeed and I know I can't get there from where i've been. So the new road starts now. A different path is filled with new challenges, new stepping blocks, new dangers. but it is also filled with new promise, new joys, and new goals to attain.
As my favorite song says: Its not whats waiting on the otherside...it's the climb.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now."
OMG I didn't realize I haven't blogged in so long. Just nothing new to report. Let's see my weight is down a bit. Im back on track for the time being and trying to treat this as a journey and not a diet but that seems to be the hard part. I was and will beat myself up when I don't eat what is considered "healthy". Well that isn't how it is. We should be able to enjoy all foods. Good and bad, it is in the moderation department I was having trouble. So i'm back to the food scales, cups, and spoons. So far three weeks in a row a loss. Now mind you it is a total of one pound gone but that is more than i've had in the previous months. So as my friend Lou states we should be taking this one pound at a time. So one at a time is good for me right now. Gives me time to catch up on me.
My home is in caos right now and that isn't good for my OCD. My kitchen is getting a revamp on the island....which is the center of my world and right now a mess to work around. My living room is getting painted and that is everything in the center for right now till that is done.....and then we have the breakfast room chairs my hubby decided we needed to paint and one is missing and half done. Oh he will get these all done but in the meantime i'm in turmoil. But unlike past projects I seem to be working around these. I have just relaxed and decided not to see what is missing, or what is in the middle of my home. lol. I just grab my cup of international coffee after work and head out to the porch. Quiet and clean....the way I like things. lol.
So that is it here. Not much new just a lot of upheaval and i'm just learning as I go one step, day, and pound at a time. Which is how I used to make this work before I got it in my head that I could slack up. Funny this is a journey and I need to remember that.....nothing can change. I don't have to give up anything I just have to learn a new way......i'm doing that. Are you?
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