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Weigh In: Not what it could of been

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Let every day be the first day
of the rest of your life,
but especially let today be a new beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny I began this week so full of energy and renewed determination. But like most weeks it ended on a gain. Why? Well me of course. I can't and I won't blame this on any one thing or any one choice. It was bad choices all week long. It was like one day just ran into the next. Oh I gave it the ole college try in the morning but by lunch I had added, or over eaten and that continued on to bed. I told myself I was hungry but the truth is I was stressed and just lazy. I made choices that were better left in the freezer, cabinet, or on the grocery shelves all together. So what if anything have a learned from this? I don't like where i'm at and the only way to change is for me to make the right choices regarding myself and my plan. So again today I begen with renew energy. Yeah how is this any different from the other weeks? Let me count the ways........first off this isn't a few pounds any longer. The pile of clothes that don't fit is adding up and it isn't the big ones this time, My self esteem is about nill right now. I don't like the me in the mirror, I've found that i'm not moving like I once did, chooseing to read at lunch than walk. And the final straw......I really don't like the me i've become. I hate lazy, and i'm the picture of it right now. So there the truth is out, and i'm free to begin fresh today.

I need to hold me accountable. I've said that before but that was before the clothes that I once was so proud to wear are now sitting on a shelf waiting on me. That is a big downer if you don't already know my pain. Kinda like failure spelled out in big letters on the wall. So since i've never gave up on anything I'm not about to now. I will begin fresh again today. I have a doctors appointment week after next and I will have the blood work and see what is what. BUt in the end it is going to come down to me putting in the work.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 10/15/2011 9:55PM

    Isn't it nice that new beginnings are unlimited? We will become failures when we refuse to start anew after getting off track. Until then we are successes. because we refuse to quit trying. -- Lou

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JENNA3FROG 10/15/2011 12:32PM

    The pile of clothes is mostly what has gotten me back on board too! I felt SO SO good when I went to the smaller sizes and now that I'm growing back out of them again it's just not good :( The 2 lb gain last weekend and subsequent rant on W8WFriends is what REALLY turned me around and I'm seeing results this week :) Now all I have to do is keep it going! Sometimes I think we just need to hit that 'straw that broke the camel's back' moment for it to really 'hit' us (smack us upside the back of our heads!) and make us turn ourselves around ... sad, but true, at least for me :/
Good luck and best wishes to you Michelle!

Comment edited on: 10/15/2011 12:33:25 PM

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CRAZYWOMAN10 10/15/2011 9:00AM

    I know how frustrating it is...I am glad to see that you keep striving...and believe of these strives are going to be the "ONE"!

Try hard not to stress about it, like I said, that just intensifies the issue (as I am sure you know). Just take it a day at a time, an hour at a time....or if you have to...a minute at a time.



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CAROL6X 10/15/2011 6:53AM

    Don't give up-you can do it!!! It does take a bit of time to loose via scale. you can't always tell by the scale.
Sit down and re-evaluate what you have been doing wrong and make steps to right it.

It has been a month for me when I started. I weighed and it hasn't gone anywhere-but, my clothes are starting to feel looser. So, that is good.

You can do it!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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A fresh beginning.....10/9

Sunday, October 09, 2011

When you get into a tight place
and everything goes against you,
till it seems you cannot hold on a minute longer,
never give up then, for that is just
the place and time the tide will turn.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off your goals.
- Henry Ford

Circumstances don't defeat you -
you defeat yourself when you give up.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yesterday you all helped me more than you can know. Thank you all. Today I told my husband I needed his support. He wanted to know why. I told him I had regained 10 pounds and he told me he didn't notice. He loved me just the way I was. I told him I didn't love me the way I am. Now this is my delemma. I know what I need to do, I know how to do it, Now is the time to do just that. WAKE UP and get moving. I will not give in or up, I will not cry is my wheaties over poor poor me. I have the strength and the want power to see this through.

Some see my weight tracker and have said " oh you only have 10 pounds to lose, don't beat yourself up", what you don't see is the old tracker. I began is journey at 154 pounds and that was down from 175. I'm 5' 1" and I should weigh a lot less. what you don't see is that i've regained 9 pounds. Yes I was almost to my goal. So never ever look at the face value of anything. We never know the struggles that people have gone through or what they are going through. My struggles are no less because I have less to lose. They are your struggles. I still fall down, and drag myself back up most days. But the thing is I drag me up.

Last night I asked myself what it was I wanted. why was I doing this, tracking, weighing and such if I was just going to keep eating my way through the day? I just cried. Crying isn't going to stop me from eating. I know i've got people here saying to just relax, take it slow, go off for a while and then restart. I can't do that. Oh I can take this slow, I do. BUt Going off isn't going to help me succeed. I read a response this morning and the lady said " I want to feel the excitement I felt when I first began" you know what that is exactly what is missing in me. The excitement for this. Somewhere along the line I lost it and i'm having a hard time finding it again.

So today I begin day one. Is the excitement there? Not really but hope is alive and I have a lot of that.

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 10/12/2011 10:25PM

    I, too, know the excitement of continually seeing the scale numbers go down. For the eight months I could afford to go to the weight loss clinic I went from 290.4 to 247 and was so happy every day. Then expenses kept popping up that kept me from continuing with them and the weight has climbed back to around 260. It is frustrating and depressing knowing I haven't been able to do this on my own. But I will have to, as we all must in the end. Here's hoping we both have the inner strength to make wise eating decisions and can overcome the emotions that hold us back. Can I get a loud emoticon? -- Lou

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SLIMPAM23 10/10/2011 8:53PM

    Hey Michelle---
I have been a lax SP friend - but I am glad that I stumbled upon this blog. You are one strong lady....and you WILL get through this.....And whoever stated before me about STRESS is probably dead right....I know it's killing me and my abilities!! But just keep trying and never ever give up. You were so very close and you will be long as you never give up on Michelle!!

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JENNA3FROG 10/9/2011 11:00PM

    Michelle, I agree 100% with what the previous responders to your blog have posted ... because I came to the same conclusion with my own journey this weekend. I think I've been too focused and consumed by all things calories and exercise. I'm just TOO close and I've decided to look at the bigger picture, long-term, rather than zoom in on every little teeny tiny thing in the short-term, day-to-day business of life. I am officially letting go and letting God. I'm certainly not giving up or not caring ... I'm just going to do the best I can and just make good choices MOST of the time instead of beating myself up for every choice I think is bad. I'm feeling much better about things in general after a lot of soul searching this weekend and I truly hope that you can get there too ... and soon! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let me know if there is ANYthing that I can do for you in the meantime ... I'm here for you and wish you only the best!

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KENDRACARROLL 10/9/2011 3:25PM

    Don't beat yourself over the head, my friend.
Sounds to me like you're focusing on this losing weight thing entirely too much. I'm not yelling at you, because I have been in your place for a long long time.
Like you already do, just keep working on it, keep tweaking it, try whatever you have to try and do whatever you have to do. Main thing - never give up! Success is just around the corner.

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TEXASGIDGET 10/9/2011 2:13PM

    Michelle, I know the feeling, my friend, you and I just had this conversation on another thread about me feeling like my head was not in the game. We'll take this one step at a time...together we can do this. If it means we send each other our trackers through email, I can do that. We may not have the same excitement we had when we first began this journey (I started this in 2007), but I have met some wonderful friends along the way and I wouldn't trade one step of it for anything! It took me going to a nutritionist and having her help me to break things down before I realized that I needed some extra help. Perhaps the same can be said for you as well? Nonetheless, I'm here for you.

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CRAZYWOMAN10 10/9/2011 9:04AM

    Oh how I feel your pain...and been down that road oh so many times...

One thing I did learn that is a proven medical fact, and I may be repeating that STRESS actually activiates sometype of hormone that can hinder the weight loss progress...and unfortunately, that nasty hormone stays in your belly. I know how hard it is, but you have to somehow dig down and not allow you to be so hard on yourself...If that makes any sense??

Once I started realizing that my every freakin waking and probably sleeping minute of the day I was thinking about losing weight and exercising...I realized I was defintely on the wrong road..Once I said to is what it is...stop focusing on numbers, scales, others accomplishments and LIVE LIFE carefully, things started to work. Its really hard to put this in words...and its even harder to make you brain understand it...but once I let go..I felt so much better.

I hope you can somewhat understand what I am saying...

You know, sometimes, and I cant believe I'm saying this...but sometimes I felt like this site hindered my progress because I was reading too much of everyone elses success....when I fell back from here...and just recorded my food...I tended not to beat myself up so much.

I wish that I could offer the magic words...I really do..I hope that you find your path soon..and know that we are all here to support you ((hugs))

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My Roller Coaster ride (I want to get off)

Saturday, October 08, 2011

"Fall seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb
"Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never." - Winston Churchill
"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson

This morning I have to tell ya i'm wondering why do I bother? I had my usual weigh in this morning and it was down 0.2. I mean what is up with that. I just can't get my mind in the game lately. I don't mean a few weeks lately I mean months. I think i've lost almost a year somehow on this roller coaster I like to call a "lifestyle" change. I have fallen, gotten back up, restarted, replanned, moved more, less, eaten more, less, I've quit Weight Watchers, rejoined, took out favorite foods, put them back, you name it i've done it. I've weighed once a week, twice, daily. I've hidden the scales, kept them in full view. Packed away clothes, took them back out and repacked others, you get the picture. This year has not been a happy one. I have cried, kicked, yelled, fought back and just plain fallen to my knees and asked the lord what more I could do? I've seen the Doctor and the sad truth is it is me. Can't even blame it on my thyroid this time around. So roller coaster ride it is this time. I just want to get off now.

I have had good weeks this year.....not many but a few. I have had determination and then again i've just been at the bottom and really thought it would be easier to stay there. Why am I telling you this today? Because I want to see change. I figure if I put it out there, reread it a few times, it just might make some kind of sense to me. The figuring it out part and the why am I wanting to throw in the towel part that is.

I help lead a couple of great teams and sometimes I question should I be in the lead when I haven't yet figured out myself yet? Can I be a good leader with my mind in this place? The answer guys is YES. I want others to know that this lifestyle change is just that. A lifestyle. It won't fix itself overnight, it won't quit you, only you can quit it. And every day it is a struggle to find ;your place in it. Those that say it isn't are lying through their teeth. It is a daily struggle to wake up and eat that healthy breakfast when what you really want is a pastry. It is a struggle to cook after a long day at work when the drive through looks wonderful from here. It is a struggle to get up a bit early to work out before work when it would be so much easier to stay in that bed. So when you see that person that seems to have it all together, remember it is hard work to keep it there.

So am I capable of reaching my goals and helping others to reach theirs? YOU BETCHA. With each ohter we can accomplish anything and that includes getting off this darn Roller Coaster ride from hell. So spark friends please don"t let go of my hand.

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAKAROO 10/9/2011 8:33AM

    Thanks for hanging in! You can succeed - any pounds lost no matter how small is still pounds lost

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IUHRYTR 10/9/2011 7:48AM

    More than a lifestyle struggle, losing weight is a constant battle we fight every day until we are victorious in reaching our weight loss goal. -- Lou

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TEXASGIDGET 10/8/2011 11:00PM

    Michelle, we're in this together, my friend! I'm on this roller coaster ride with you. Sometimes it seems like a really wild ride, but we can do this! One step at a time! Some days we just have to hold each other's hand and other days we need to hold each other up, but we're in it together! emoticon emoticon

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JENNA3FROG 10/8/2011 10:57PM

    I am SO right there with you, Michelle! There are so many times I read one of your replies to a thread or questions of the day and then your answer that I think 'that is so ME right now'. So just know that you are not alone on this roller coaster ... you've got lots of friends along for the ride and we're all in this together. Good luck and best wishes as we journey on along and we WILL get there slowly but surely as we hang on for all the ups and downs and twists and turns!

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LJKSHS 10/8/2011 11:43AM

    Michelle, as I was reading your blog I said to my husband "this lady is telling my story".

I know WW is probably the healthiest, but losing .2 here and there can be very discouraging. But I don't want to go on fad diets, lose the weight, and then gain it all back and even more.

So my friend hang in there, I guess those .2's will add up.

emoticon/we can together

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NELLJONES 10/8/2011 10:52AM

    Never give up, sure, but you also don't want to do the same thing over and over expecting different results, without making some slight change with each effort. It's so easy to wake up full of resolve, and go through most of the day full of resolve, but if you can't keep that resolve during those tiny little moments when your evil angel whispers in your ear, it won't work. I had to analyze those moments down to their smallest components and be willing to make changes. I don't walk down certain aisles in the grocery store. I don't keep certain foods in the house. I'll leave a party early if necessary. I eat out very seldom, no matter how lazy I feel. I could have said "I really want those things and can handle them", but that would be fooling myself. I can fool myself but not the scale, which is why we weigh in in the first place. The hardest part is how to find resolve when faced with the overwhelming, gut-wrenching desire for "just this". It has only gotten easier for me because I know how fleeting that desire is, that I can get past it, and I am willing to go to any lengths to either avoid it or move through it. The roller coaster of desire never goes away, but the roller coaster of the scale CAN move behind us. Hard to believe when in the throes of wrenching desire, but it's true.

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 10/8/2011 10:01AM

    Oh my dear friend, I am so right there with you now. Ever since I had my last surgery, I just cannot seem to get my head in the game and stay there for very long at a time.
Sweetie, we have to remember what will happen if we completely give up, so lets keep plugging alone, and hopefully one day that dang light bulb moment will happen for both of us. I'm here if you need me, you can count on that.


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CRAZYWOMAN10 10/8/2011 8:34AM

    I am right there with you girl! I think you know that part of both of our problems is that our age makes things so much more difficult. And stressing about the whole process really does hinder our is a proven fact.

We also have to learn to start being greatful for any bit of progress we do make! We have to do this for US! We have to live life and not let the lifestyle change consume our every thought.

Maybe changing these few things will help make this journey more satisfying...if that makes sense.

Im right here for hand is just a click away!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/8/2011 8:37:53 AM

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HYPERTHRON 10/8/2011 7:56AM

  Wish you luck!

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The weekend was a huge success

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Now for me that is saying a lot. I did have a gain this past week. I ended the month exactly at what I first began it. So what does that tell me? I have some work to do. But this weekend was an awesome start. I went for a hike with my daughter at the lake, and today I stayed on plan and snack free. I do have to tell ya that my daughter had her weigh in here this week. She lost 3.6lbs. That is awesome. She is so ready to take on the next week and that makes me ready to help her along. We have walked each night we are able and then the hike this weekend. Now I have to tell ya my baby is overweight and never ever tried to lose any weight before now. She would begin today and by lunch she was done. But she is learning she can still eat out, still have the things she wants, she just has less. And of course the exercise. How does that make a mom feel for her baby? Like I could shout from the roof tops. The look on her face today spoke volumes to me. No matter how much we say we are fine with ourselves most of the time we aren't. We just don't want others to see our pain.

This month I so want to see changes in myself. I have to say i'm wearing a pair of jeans today that a month ago I couldn't wear. they had gotten tight again. but the extra movement this month did help with that. So even though the scales didn't move my inches have. I will take that non scale victory. It is a victory no matter how you measure it.

So onwards and downwards for me this month. With this weekend over and a new week beginning i'm in the right mind to make anything happen.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 10/5/2011 11:18PM

    Any victory is a positive, right? Hoping this month shows better scale results for you. -- Lou

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CAKAROO 10/3/2011 6:18AM

    wishing you and your daughter success in the new month!

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CRAZYWOMAN10 10/3/2011 4:47AM

    You know...this month I didnt lose but like 2 lbs, but i lost a tremendous amount of inches!! So maybe take measurements at the beginning of each month as well...That is what I can see how i do it on my page. Sometimes the weight rolls like that when we dontt have a whole lot to lose but the inches really show the success.

I know how you feel about feeling the pain for your daughter. Im so happy for her to start working in the right direction.
Remember to tell her to take mini steps...set small goals. and NOT TO focus on the long range picture.!

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KARIDIAN1 10/2/2011 6:23PM

    You still made progress in my eyes!

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Plan in place: Now for myself

Sunday, September 25, 2011

“You can have results or you can have your excuses. You cannot have both.” ~ Unknown

Ok, no more excuses, no more giving in, no more wishing. Today is the day to make changes. I have the plan, I have the foods, I have the equipment, Now to find the want power. I seem to have been searching for that for sometime now but all along it was inside of myself. I just didn't dig deep enough or maybe I just didn't want this enough. I guess after a while the work got to be too much. I mean come on what do you mean I can have anything I want and still lose. No I can't. If I do that then really i'm no better off than I have been for all those years before. No I have to be true to my journey and true to myself.

I picked up some chips yesterday. Oh I know I can have one serving....or can I? No i'm like the is too many and a thousand is never enough. Yup that is me. I ate the whole bag. Now what did I learn from this? Well I learned that one big bag of kettle cooked jalapeno chips have nine servings, and in WW points that adds up to about 36 points a bag. So as you can see I bit I wrote. Now I have to say I thought about lieing. Wiping the truth under the table...but who would I have been kidding? Surely not myself. I knew what I had done. Oh I enjoyed each bite...while the guilt wasn't riding shotgun. But it hit. And I hated me at that moment for being weak. But was I weak to eat them, or weak to buy them? It all began the second I put them in my cart. I know myself, I know my addiction to chips, but It didn't stop me.

So that is it. I can't buy, eat just one, or have them near me. No more thinking i'm getting better because i'm not. I may never be. To anyone else this would seem addiction to food, but to my spark family you all have come to find this isn't funny. It is a sad thing to allow food to have such a hold over us. I know for me it is that lack of power over myself with certain foods that really is the reason I get so upset. I'm a strong woman, I've lived through abuse, a child whom is an addict, i've lived through bankruptcy and came out ahead, but I can't seem to get past this little thing in my life....weight.

So I've decided to take myself on. It is time to face facts, come up with new answers and new ideas. It is time to stop facing the scales on Saturday mornings and holding my breath. No more fear.

Today is my Day one, and as the quote says I can have results or I can have excuses. I want results this time.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 10/1/2011 8:35PM

    Today I bought potato chips and had some with lunch but didn't enjoy them. I feel funny tossing them but know, like you, if I keep them I will eat them and again not enjoy them so, here's to biting the bullet and not the chips. emoticon Bye, bye. -- Lou

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CANDOK1260 10/1/2011 8:06AM


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KENDRACARROLL 9/25/2011 12:33PM

    Maybe you're digging too deep...
Sometimes it's best not to overthink things.
Next time you go and buy an entire bag of chips give yourself permission to eat the entire bag and see what happens.
You're strong and you can do this, but if the chips are stronger, stop fighting them. It will take away the power they have over you and - YOU WIN!

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HUMMINGBIRDFLY 9/25/2011 10:36AM

    Joyce Meyer says you can't be powerful and pitiful at the same have to choose one or the other. Michelle, you are powerful and you can have results.

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CRAZYWOMAN10 9/25/2011 10:36AM

    Here to finding that inner strength! Im searching for it myself. Good for you for getting back on set some mini goals and go get em girl!

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