MALEFICENT1964's Recent Blog Entries

Demanding more... personal expectations

Monday, October 22, 2007

I've been accused once or twicein my life of being a perfectionist and having unreasonable expectations... Perfectionism is the furthest thing from the truth for me... but I have very high expectations for myself - it's what drives me.. drives me crazy sometimes when I don't fulfill them but it's still the driving force in my life.

Way way back when iw as a wee high school student, taking the SATs, I got a 1590 - out of 1600 - pretty good some might say, my head said, you can do better and should have gotten better - -so I took them again... round two i got a 1580 - again still pretty good but it drove me crazy that I didn't know what I did wrong and knew I should have scored hirer.. other people did it -there was no reason why I shouldnt have.

As I moved on thru live -the personal challenges became less and less... though I always had the drive to succeed at my career and to do the best I possibly good, putting things, like a life, andsuch on hold... I really wish my salary would have been based on the amount of work I put in... but it was personal satisfaction I was after, not neccesarily financial compensation..

I apply that to weight loss too - what I did yesterday means nothing to me - hte only thing that matters iswhat I am doing today and tomorrow which I think is good based on my performance the past 3 months...

I can do better, I should do better, but like those elusive 20 points I lost on the SAT -I need to re-evaluate what I did wrong and find the answer...

Help is somethig I'm not comfortable asking for - or receiving -so I'll figure it out - eventually...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALEFICENT1964 10/22/2007 9:45PM

    you are so awesome! I hate people most of the time but you surely can't be people :) thanks

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TRECECOOKS 10/22/2007 8:09PM

    Well, at least we are here to hold a pillow against the spot on the wall where you're banging your head. . .

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Frustration to the nth degree

Monday, October 22, 2007

Last set of recorded updates (at least un public)were:
August 1
Weight: 205
Chest: 39
Bust: 42.5
Waist: 35
Hips: 41
Neck: 14.25
Thigh: 22.5
Calf: 18
Upper arm: 13.75

Current Measurements
Weight: 196 (-9 in 3 close to 3 months? I really suck but public humiliation might be a good motivator)
Chest 37 (-2)
Bust: 42 (-.5)
Waist: 34 (-1)
Hips: 40 (-1)
Thigh: 22 (-.5) x 2
Calf: 17.5 (-.5) x 2
Neck: 13.5 (-.75)
Upper arm: 12.5 (-1.25) x 2
Forearm: 9.5
Wrist: 7
Ankle: 11

lbs lost: -9
Inches lost: -9.75
In 3 months? Oh wait it's better than a gain, right? screw that it's just like standing still...

Focus mal Focus...

I was just looking at the the numbers for a challenge I'm doing elsewhere on the web...
Quarter 1 - milestone set and reached
Quarter 2 - milestone set and reached
Quarter 3 - milestone set and reached
Quarter 4 - SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK and SUCK.. Not even coming close

I don't know what's changed... were my first quarter goals too easy so that they required little effort... There are no good excuses/reasons/explanations I have... except that I'm doing something wrong... and not doing enough...

The number on the scale doesn't really bother me all that much - I really don't care what the number reads - - only my doctor and I will ever know what that number reads... What matters is the bigger picture to me - though I really don't see changes in the mirror... I thought I was doing ok until I did measurements this morning -and the minimal movement of measurements is really frustrating -those are the numbers that count.. in almost 3 months -I expect better..

I demand more of myself...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRECECOOKS 10/22/2007 12:41PM

    Whoa! Gently as you go, Mal!!! 9.75 inches is nothing to sneeze at; I only lost .25 inches last month.
It is frustrating, I know. No - I mean it - I KNOW how frustrating it is. But sometimes it's just to polish our jewel and remind us that WE are not in charge.
Do you know what to do?
Do you know when/how to do it?

If yes, and you ARE doing it, then keep on keepin' on.

If not, then use Spark, ask us, ask whoever, but get those questions answered.

We ARE here for you, kiddo. Have a good day. (((((HUGS)))))

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EVENTSKERRY 10/22/2007 9:31AM

    Be kind to yourself, you are working hard!

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I so love vanity sizing :)

Friday, October 19, 2007

I'm not too excited because I know they just run big... but... I went shopping last night for a bit, with a colleague - and I saw a pair of calvin klein jeans that were really cute and I wanted a new pair...I generally don't try on clothes at the store, i just don't have the patience for it... but my buddy wanted to - so i grabbed a size 14 and went to the fitting room...

and well - they were too big!!

Surely they were sized incorrectly, they were really a size 18 or something...

I came out of the fitting room with a shocked lookon my face and my colleague is like what's wrong...

they didn't fit _I said...

now he's prepared toconsole me telling m e that jeans run small and it's not a big deal..

No, I said they were too big...

on my behind today -and still able to breath... with a size Medium belt... are size 12 years...


Ok I'm recoverd - and yeah, I know designers make stuff bigger so we can fit in a smaller size so we can buy more... but a size medium aroud my waist? no way...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FAT_BEGONE 10/21/2007 6:22PM

    Isn't it a cool feeling? I am still shocked everytime I try on what used to be my size, or what I think should be my size. I really boosts the self-esteem!

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Well Ok then...

Monday, October 15, 2007

a while back, on another forum, I responded to a post from a person who said they were a writer for a magazine, and was looking for some people who were successful with weight loss by keeping a food journal and wanted few questions answered.

Sure, I had 5 minutes to kill - I answered the questions and really never gave it another thought. I mentioned Sparkpeople as my diary of choice..

Today, I get an emal from a fact checker at Good Housekeeping, confirming my name, age, quote and total weight loss (which had increased since I last emailed the writer)

Magazine hits the newsstand in the January issue...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALEFICENT1964 10/18/2007 3:50PM

    I really hope that sparkpeople does end up in the article... I don't regularly read Good Housekeeping, because well -I'm a really bad housekeeper and I don't need the pressure... :) but when I go back east to my parents -my mom reads it -and they always have some diet of the month... usually fad based... not quite as bad as some of the other women's magazines but it's still the latest and greatest fad.. I'd like to see them have a healthy sensible lifelong change approach to weight loss featured...

but the focus of the article was about food journals... and I was one fo the few that used an online one...

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TASHA.THAMES 10/18/2007 1:18AM

  You go girl. Congratulations. I bet you didn't see that coming. Keep up the good work.

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TRECECOOKS 10/15/2007 8:53PM

    Congratulations!! That's so awesome - imagine, YOU in a national magazine!! Hooray!!

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Let's sing Shall We?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you値l be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you値l be walking out the door

You never will get where you池e going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there痴 a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you値l be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you値l be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don稚 be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you値l be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you値l be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it's just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn

This song is pretty profound isn't it - Rankin Bass cartoons were way more deep than I everimagined.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRECECOOKS 10/14/2007 11:20PM

    Precisely! That's why I use it in my signature line. Thanks for printing out all of the words. Have a great day tomorrow.

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