MAGA99   153,322
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MAGA99's Recent Blog Entries

my latest update :+(

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Today my baby girl turned 24 yrs old GOD BLESS HER

but today turned out not to b such a good day - my aunt passed away (in the last 4 yrs we lost my grandmom - my aunts sister & a cousin)
she is the reason I m such a strong independent person
next Saturday will mark the 7 yr anniversary since my mother passed on

I had to have my 3 front teeth pulled due 2 a dental error a few yrs ago

Hubby & I have started working out together well @ least @ the same time - he does his weights I do my stretching n we both do the wii

I got 1st degree oil burns on my r foot r thigh & l breast

as 4 my recovery from my spinal fusion - I hit a few glitches I can no longer lift my legs on my own but I have found ways to deal with it - I have 2 get on & off the stationary bike backwards & I use the cane upside down 2 lift my legs in n out of vehicles
I'm dealing w alot of numbness but @ least I can feel things

well I guess that's enough whining 4 now n that's my update

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONBEACHSIDE 9/21/2012 10:40PM

    A lot of tough things to deal with and you seem to be figuring out how to deal with it all.

What great celebration of your baby girl turning 24, a ray of sunshine in any storm.

Hugs!

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DAISY443 9/10/2012 3:30PM

    So sorry about your aunt! Take care of yourself!

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BEEJAY49 9/9/2012 5:09AM

    I'm so sorry for all the losses you've had to endure and all the health problems. The good news is you're here and we love you! Hang in there! Love you! HUGS!

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LITTLE_QUEEN 9/9/2012 12:01AM

    I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR AUNT, AND OF COURSE WISHING YOU WOULD FEEL BETTER, YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH AND HOPE YOUR DAUGHTER HAD A GREAT BIRTHDAY

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EMILYDOODLE 9/8/2012 11:16PM

  sorry about your aunt, i just lost my aunt over year ago. i really miss her. also i lost my mom five years ago, i think of her everyday and miss her also. it really is a bummer!

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TATTER3 9/8/2012 11:12PM

    Keep Sparkin'!!!

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What Does It Mean To Be Lonely

Friday, August 17, 2012

What does it mean to be lonely?
for me it means to be around a bunch or people. I do so prefer spending time by myself; i love the time in which I can just do me.
I really don't like being around people I guess part of the reason is that - I JUST DON'T FIT IN
- I dent fit in w my family; not even my own kids
- I didnt fit in @ the church where I was @ even though I was a leader

I just prefer a nice quiet life

recently my daughter told me n my hubby WE WERE PATHETIC because
- we very rarely go out
- we dont have ppl over to the house
- we dont go to other ppl houses

we are content to be on our own - we enjoy time to ourselves - not to mention less drama

So I m curious y is it so hard 4 ppl to believe that I m not lonely
that I m content watching my food shows n crafts shows - doing my crocheting n plastic canvas

I M NOT LONELY ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM ALONE


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONBEACHSIDE 9/19/2012 10:05PM

    It is nice to have read this blog and to see that I am not the only one who prefers time with just my family. I agree with never feeling great around others. Even within my family, I do appreciate some alone time as well. We all need space just to ourselves no matter how big our circle of "friends".

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BEEJAY49 8/18/2012 5:12AM

    I love being here will all my Spark friends, but..in real life, I hate crowds and being around a lot of people too, save going to the Y, I do love that. So if you're pathetic, my DH and I are also. We cherish our alone time and are very happy to just be here "on our hill" with no one bothering us. I stress when someone does come to visit especially unannounced. I make excuses not to go to get togethers and the only time I have a lot of people here is at Christmas because I'd rather have it here than have to go to someone else's place. There's nothing wrong with being content in your life the way you enjoy it. Ignore that comment and be happy with what you like!
Love you! HUGS!

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PIDJEN 8/17/2012 11:07PM

    My son said something very, very similar to me about a year ago. He said, "You know, you aren't doing yourself any favors by not having a social life." Ah, the wisdom of a 19-year-old! :) I thought for a bit that maybe he was right, so I tried to get "involved" by joining a women's group at church, by trying to do more with friends (joined a Bunco card group with some ladies from work), and just tried to do more, in general.

What a mistake!! The Bunco group stressed me out to the point of crying spells (I had to quit after three weeks), I felt like a complete outcast with the ladies group from church (I managed to do that group for several months before I realized it just wasn't for me), and I realized that I really, really just like being home, doing my own little thing, sitting around with my husband, and leading the quiet life of an introvert. :)

I think it's good that you know yourself well enough to know what you like, and that you have your husband to spend peaceful times with.

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 8/17/2012 11:07PM

    I have always believed that being alone was NOT the same as being lonely!! I prefer to be alone than in crowds. I'm just not a social person. It doesn't mean I don't like people...I am just content with being by myself. If you and your hubby like your quiet life, then that's all that matters!!

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New Hair Cut & ER Update

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I don't like it . I cut my hair & then my hubby decided to HELP & now the sides r too short.
but I figure by the time I have to go to hubby cousin Quinceañera next mth - my hair should b the way I wanted it
I cut my hair as part of a process I've been dealing w a real sever depression episode w my bi-polar it happens alot. Last time I was this bad I tried to take my own life. BUT this time I was able to fight that by being more vocal about what I was feeling n going thru. I feel the meds help me to do that. The cutting of my hair usually means my episode is coming to an end. Weird but its the way it works.

Last night I was in the er I have 1st degree burns on my right foot right thigh & left breast. Hubby & I were cooking together I was frying pork chops & he was making yellow rice w blk beans. He accidentally hit the handle of the frying pan 7 since the stove in uneven it slid off. He seen it falling & Yelled to move BUT being that my legs aint working to well these days i couldnt move so quick It fell on my foot then splashed up on my thigh I went to move and fell and thats how the breast got burnt. we had company n my friend got to c more of me then I ever wanted. I tried not to go to the hosp so i soaked in my cool pool but once it started blistering. I didnt know this but with burns u need a tetanus shot - my shoulder still hurts.

As to y my legs aint been working right - DONT KNOW Y but its like it was after surgery last yr I cant lift them n my ins doesnt cover any of my test so I have to apply for charity care which is such a hassle.

my goal @ this point is to get back to blogging & tracking food
prayerfully I m moving in 2 mths - we r moving into an apt so that grumpy (my dad) & I can get around a better

I thank all of my friends here on spark 4 the support & encouragement especially my Ruby friends

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISY443 8/15/2012 4:36PM

    Maga, take care of yourself! I like the haircut, though!

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MTNGRL 8/14/2012 8:55PM

    I am glad that your episode is coming to an end and you were able to be more vocal. That shows such progress/ P am proud of you.
However, I am so sorry you were burned. I thinkn going to the ER was the right thing to do. Hope it heal fast and well.

Now, I am a short hair kind of girl. Used to have long hair, it was too much trouble. Experiment with different 'products' to help style. Some moose, or gel can do wonders. So can styling cream or paste. I never curl my hair, and rarely dry it. Just let it air dry, put in some stuff, fluff and go!

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BEEJAY49 8/14/2012 4:30PM

    I'm so very sorry you got burned. :( HUGS! Hopefully it will feel better soon. Unfortunately things like that happen. I will be praying for you. I'm glad though you cut your hair instead of something worse. You know we all love you and are here for you!
I didn't think about needing a tetnus shot for a burn, but I guess it makes sense since you could get a bad infection from it. Hang in there. HUGS!

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BARBARAROSE54 8/14/2012 3:21PM

    emoticon

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MINDYJ1 8/14/2012 3:04PM

    I'm so sorry about your burns. I hope it heals fast. Sometimes I feel like cutting my hair short but i know my hubby wouldn't be very happy about it, lol. The short hair cut should be easier to take care of! Hope things get better! Hugs, Mindy

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USMAWIFE 8/14/2012 1:56PM

    So sorry that all this has happened to you. After you wash your hair you might be able to restyle it a bit. Also remember one thing, hair does grow back.

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 8/14/2012 12:21PM

    Maga, I am so sorry you got burned! I cringed just reading about that. I am praying that the burns heal quickly and that you are not in pain.
l
Sorry you don't like your haircut, but I think it looks great on you! Very sassy looking! But if you're not happy with it, try styling it a little different...play around with it and maybe you'll come up with a look you'll be happy with.

emoticon

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LITTLE_QUEEN 8/14/2012 12:19PM

    MAGA, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU MY FRIEND COME AND CHAT WITH US AGAIN, I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GETTING IT OUT IN SOME FORM, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU REALLY, YOU KNOW MY DAUGHTER IS BI-POLARALSO

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I Give Up On Trying To Lose Weight

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Yeah u read it right I've decided to give up on trying to lose weight.

I will no longer feel guilty about eating certain foods.
I will no longer feel guilty about not exercising

But. . .
I will focus on getting healthy.
I will focus on moving around everyday
i will focus on doing more every day
I will focus on the positive and NOT the negative

I know that with my bipolar there will still b bad days. When I have those days I will just have them. No I cant control them BUT I can control how I deal w them afterwards.

Today is a good day so I will focus on doing what I can do. I will not focus on the negative.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISY443 6/20/2012 10:12AM

    Great plan! Good for you!

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NATIVE_ONE 6/20/2012 8:59AM

    It sounds sort of ironic that the title of your blog was my approach to 2012. What I had been doing in the two years before just wasn't working. So this year, I thought I just would do the focusing thing too. And you know what - this year since doing so was my biggest weight loss yet. In the past two years, I dropped 30 pounds but since I refocused - in the last 6 months I lost 30 pounds.

I hope that your plan of action is as successful as you want it to be. I wish you great success!

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PATTYS1959 6/18/2012 1:29AM

    Good for you!!! Those sound like great goals! emoticon

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AGRLNKY 6/17/2012 12:22AM

    I am with ya! Living with frequent bipolar cycles is enough to deal with on its own. I have decided to stop counting calories and start counting the good things. Walking a little further every evening, drinking only water, take my meds at the exact same time daily, sticking to a routine... these are the things I celebrate and these are the things that are bringing positive change. High Five to you for doing what works for you!

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BLUEROSE73 6/16/2012 11:10PM

    That is awesome. It sounds like a great plan.

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MNNICE 6/16/2012 10:27PM

    If you focus on health, the rest will follow!

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 6/16/2012 9:54PM

    Make it about getting healthy, first and foremost. The weight will start coming off if you do. Its working for me.
You have a great attitude, it sounds like you know just what you need to do!
I'm here if you need support.

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MELINDAKAYE2 6/16/2012 9:25PM

    Good luck!!!

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LITTLE_QUEEN 6/16/2012 8:44PM

    emoticon

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NANFACEMIRE1 6/16/2012 7:03PM

    Please, never give up, but think positive and make each day the best it can be.....sounds like you know what is going to be best for you.

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TYLERDRANGUET 6/16/2012 5:53PM

    I was the same as BEEJAY, but apparently you don't need us to tell you to keep going! You've got this!

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BEEJAY49 6/16/2012 5:16PM

    I was all ready to say...DON'T GIVE UP!!! :) I love your focuses. :) Go with them! HUGS!

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its confusing

Saturday, June 09, 2012

I m that support person. The person that everyone comes to. I have an exfriend who I haven't really dealt with much over the last cpl of yrs other then when ever she is in need she seems to come looking for me. I seem to know what to say to help ppl thru pretty much everything. Yet I cant help myself. It is so confusing how can I help everyone but myself

The last yr has been a really rough year. My bipolar is at its worse. I m still having problems from my spinal fusion which was a little over a yr ago.

Its so hard to b a caregiver who cant even take care of herself. I spend most of my time in bed lately but I do manage to make sure that grumpy gets fed everyday and has his meds.

Hubby has been trying to work but isn't going to b able to as it has gotten more difficult for me to care for myself.

I miss volunteering - I felt alive when I was able to do it.

Well the pool is up and running so prayerfully the pool will help with my healing process. I wasn't able to swim much last yr due to the incision taking so much time to heal.

Well I guess that's enough whining for today prayerfully this is me finally starting to move forward

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISY443 6/11/2012 12:35PM

    Sorry you're not feeling well! Can you try taking short walks once a day just to get out and around? Take care of yourself! Hugs!

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NATIVE_ONE 6/11/2012 6:00AM

    I wish you well, and hopefully the pool will get you feeling better. Hopefully with the more sunnier and warmer weather coming too, you will begin to feel better and able to comfort yourself. Then you may be able to do some short stints of volunteer work which hopefully snowball itself into smaller and longer victories. Best of luck!

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ONBEACHSIDE 6/10/2012 4:47PM

    I do believe if you are a caregiver, it is much easier to advocate for others than yourself. I have had to make a concerted effort to try to advocate for myself.

Surgery can be a 50/50 chance of improving your life. That is why many surgeons will not jump to surgery as they did in the 1980's.. Do not forget that nerves being damaged is what has been sending the pain signals to your brain. If the surgeon took the pressure off the nerves, you can still feel pain, think of phantom limb pain were people who have had a limb amputated but still feel pain in the non-existng limb. Give the nerves time, it could take years for the nerves to repair and they may not be 100% when done. Do you have pain medicine and do you take it? Does it help or do you need something stronger? Does your doctor know that you wish that maybe you shouldn't have had this surgery? If so, what does he have to say?

I understand that being bi-polar also makes this tougher, just try your best to be your own best friend, your advocate and do what you can and still be comfortable. I only wish for you the best and great improvement in your life. You do sound optomistic about the pool and I hope you get good results.

Hugs!
Kimberly

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BEEJAY49 6/10/2012 4:57AM

    I think most of us are better at helping others than we are ourselves. I'm pretty much the same way. There are some that are chosen to be the people that help others in need no matter what. We are good at what we do, but we can't do it for ourselves. You are not alone there. :)

I hope the pool will help you with your healing. Love you! HUGS!

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