MAGA99   153,322
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WHY DO I EAT (part 1)

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I watch alot of weight lost shows. The biggest loser; love handles, I used to watch ruby & celebrity fit club. The one thing that I notice about ALL of these shows basically say /show the same thing - ppl who have weight issues have them due to something that happened in their life.

So I been thinking & wondering Y DO I EAT
- is it because my mom left when I in kindergarten
- is it because of the sexual molestation that I suffered as a child
- is it because of the physical abuse from my childhood or 1st marriage
- is it because of the mental or emotional abuse that I dealt with all my life
- is it because I was raped a mth b4 I turned 16
- is it because or is it because of. . . well I'm not sure

I was a skinny child & as I started developing it looked like I had to sets of breast due to my ribs
I had my first child @ 16 w a cesserian & after I had him I felt like I had the perfect figure 36-24-34
I had my 2nd child @ 19 w a cesserian & after I had him I was 36-28-36
I had my 3rd child @ 20 w a cesserian & I had complications thru out the entire pregnancy & even left the hosp with a severe infection from the incision & after I had her I was about my b4 pregnancy measurements
then became the back issues & it seemed like each time I had an episode as I called them I put on even more weight - I blamed it on bed rest & having to eat so much to keep down my meds
my 1st husband was overweight & I gained alot of weight during that marriage
my weight went up & down for yrs - I never realized how overweight I was. the last yr of my mothers life we spent alot of time together & she had made comments about me & my sil being @ unhealthy weights. But it didnt really hit me cause I was walking all the time & riding a bike but ye I did eat very unhealthy. Even though I had trouble buying clothes I still didnt realize how overwieght I was. For yrs I was told that my wieght was part of my back issues & I would think yeah whatever cause I had the back issues even when I was skiiny. But I still remeber the day my dr filled out my papers about being disabled & the dr wrote that I was MORBIDILY OBESE wow they r 2 powerful & destrucktive words. Now I knew how fat I really was.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENWIN 3/29/2012 7:34AM

    Good for you taking a long look at yourself and your past. It's not a painless thing to do. I am praying for you to keep looking forward now and know you are worth whatever change you want to make in your life.

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I CANT BELIEVE I DID THIS TO MYSELF

Saturday, March 24, 2012

I weigh more now then I have in over a year - I cried I really cried

I did it to myself; but I m just so upset my this all

Tomorrow is a new day & I will change this around I just need to focus & exercise exercise exercise

I went to the neurologist yesterday i need to get a mri of the c-spine & an emg. The problem is my insurance will not cover it & I have to apply for charity care which is difficult as I cant provide all the info that they need.
I go back to the surgeon that did my spinal fusion april 12th its almost a yr n I'm not recovering very well
I have to make an appt to c another surgeon for my carpal tunnel the neurologist feels that it would b beneficial
I start PT in 2 wks; I will b going for both my neck & for my back

Now 4 a Grumpy update he is back @ the rehab & he doing PT they have to do a few more fittings 4 his prosthetic leg

May tomorrow bring us all new blessings

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINANDFITEMILY 3/27/2012 9:45AM

    You are totally worth it! emoticon emoticon

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 3/26/2012 11:08AM

    I know you can do this. The guilt associated with knowing you are the sole cause of your weight problem can be overwhelming. I felt that guilt for 30 years before I finally realized I had the power within myself to make the changes I needed to make to get rid of the extra pounds. It is such a great feeling to know that you CAN DO IT! When I finally came to that point, I felt exhilirated and excited to know that I could lose the weight and get healthier just by making better lifestyle choices.
Good luck with your health problems, I know a weight loss won't solve them, but it will improve your problems I bet and along the way, your self-esteem will also improve and that can go a long way in making you feel better all the way around!

WE CARE!

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GINGER_BEAR 3/26/2012 8:58AM

    emoticon Hang in there. May God shower you will blessings.

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WENWIN 3/26/2012 8:50AM

    Believe it or not, you are an inspiration. You are handling tremendous challenges and yet you are saying positive things to others. You show courage and strength! So this whole weight-thing is also something you will take care of because you are resilient. Be proud of every little accomplishment...you are totally worth it.

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MARTHAR3 3/25/2012 10:42PM

    Heart & Prayers goes out to you Magna. Dealing with all the problems health wise doesn't help. I can understand filling out all that paperwork to get assistance. We did it and only got help with the ambulance people and our local hospital & clinic. Has been insane. To know we make 20 dollars a month to much and own one acre of land.
Don't give up I have been at the top of over 500 lbs down then up to mid 400's now I am down to middle 300. So much of it depends on our health and what we can do. emoticon

Martha n TX

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SASSYTHING52 3/25/2012 5:58PM

    emoticon hope you get all ur physcial stuff outta the way then you can work harder toward losing you will do it

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TERMITEMOM 3/25/2012 4:32PM

    Chin up and move on! What counts is what you will be doing tomorrow!
You CAN do it!

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BLONDEMUSE1970 3/25/2012 3:27PM

    Whatever you do - don't give up. Find that strength and fight that is inside of you and hold on to it tight! Take babysteps and move forward - just take care of yourself!

Sherry

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LAINIESNEWLIFE 3/25/2012 3:17PM

    You're in my prayers, Maga!!! You can do it!!! We're here for you!

Hugs,

Lainie

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ONBEACHSIDE 3/25/2012 2:53PM

    Keep up your spirits the best you can. Life isn't fair. I hope you can quickly find or locate the info you need to get the mri. As I said to you before having numb hands, arms isn't fun and makes life tough. The good news is that the doctor seems to be on the trail to a real diagnosis.

I have a sign that reminds me everyday to remember to be happy, life is too short. Somedays it is easier than others. Take care and keep persuing your treatment.

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PINKNFITCARLA 3/25/2012 2:41PM

    Hang in there! emoticon

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/25/2012 9:33AM

    Praying for you, Maga! Just hang in there and don't give up. I joined Sparks originally in 2008 and I quickly lost fifty pounds. Then I gained it all back, and it took me until THIS MONTH to really get myself started again. But I never gave up and I know you won't either. You can do it. I'm here if you need support.

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CHANSEN_20001 3/25/2012 9:27AM

    Hang in there. You can do it. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Don't give up.

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JUSTJOSS 3/25/2012 7:55AM

    You are absolutely right! Today is a new day & a new opportunity to start fresh. Don't tackle everything today. Just make 1 change today & then next weekend, make a 2nd change. You can do it!

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MARISERV 3/25/2012 7:09AM

    MAGA, I can't say it any better then what has already been said here by your Spark Friends. They offer wonderful support. You may want to start each day reading these blogs, you are blessed to have such people who care.

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HICALGAL 3/25/2012 5:13AM

    losing wt is more than just exercise. its also proper nutrition, sleep, a positive attitude in all aspects of our life, tons of patience and following thru with a doable plan. u can do it emoticon

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YAFENELRA 3/25/2012 1:38AM

    It is a struggle but I know that you are able to overcome it and will be moving forward before you know it.

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MONIBELLY 3/25/2012 12:48AM

    I know, because I have so been there. We can do this and you reaching out for support in a step in the right direction. You can do this...

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KATHYJO56 3/25/2012 12:35AM

    Please hang on for dear life. I will be praying for you! emoticon

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USMAWIFE 3/24/2012 11:36PM

    sending you prayers now You will get everything you need to get that charity care and perhaps your doctor can work with your insurance company to get them to understand the need for these tests. Might be something as simple as using a different code

emoticon

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KAYECAN 3/24/2012 11:32PM

    I can not say it any better than Linda did in her response. Life comes at us and we just do our best. Tomorrow can be a new start with refound determination. I need a new start tomorrow as well. We can do this. We are worth the effort. Hugs to you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLE_QUEEN 3/24/2012 11:30PM

    Just hang in there Maga, I will keep you in my prayers, You have been there for me so much more then you could even imagine, You make me laugh when I am in pain, thank you for that, and I hope you feel better soon.

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SPEEDY143 3/24/2012 11:22PM

    Tears are very healing. It is what it is... you've come forward and been honest. You have had a very difficult year but that doesn't mean that the next 365 days will find you in the same spot. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Isn't it wonderful that we can have as many do-overs as it takes to get back on the path to a healthier YOU. emoticon Let's start again, shall we? emoticon

emoticonLinda

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More Potholders

Monday, March 19, 2012

I have been working on a project of mthly decorations for the house & decided to start with potholders which r also part of my dil Christmas gift she gets potholders periodically thru out this yr
St Patty's Day
I also did this with the colors the opposite colors
Easter Bunny
I also working on an egg shape potholder
Memorial Day; Flag Day & 4th of July
I figure that for May June & July use the same potholders

I have also found that it is really hard to munch while crocheting due to not wanting to mess up the yarn

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUNADRAGON 3/21/2012 4:14PM

    I have a friend who crochets for the same reason - busy hands! Nice work! Like the bunny!

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LITTLE_QUEEN 3/19/2012 8:46PM

    those are so cute, and yes, it keeps you busy and out of kitchen, which is good

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CHICSHAN004 3/19/2012 8:39PM

    Wow, very nice! emoticon

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/19/2012 7:01PM

    You're very talented, Maga! They look great!

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I DID IT

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I set a goal for myself not to eat red meat for 5 days. I m a big red meat eater I actually will crave red meat. Well not only did I not eat red meat for 5 days its been over a week since I've had red meat. i'm not saying that I am going to give it up all together but I now will be eating less red meat & hubby is doing it with me.

The pain in my back is now going down the legs & even my toes are going numb. I haven't been on the comp as much lately as the pain in my arms has gotten alot worse. I c my primary dr tomorrow; I have an appt with the neurologist on Friday & I need to make an appt 2 go back to the surgeon but 1st I have to make sure he takes my new insurance

I also found that the pregnancy symptoms I've been having r for my sister in Minnesota she is being blessed with her 3rd child I pray this one is a girl as she already has 2 boys.

I haven't seen my daughter & her 2 girls since August 8th; my daughter & i are alot alike so we have alot of issues with getting along with each other. I've been praying for them to be safe and God to watch over them. Today there were 6 missed calls on my phone so I called hubby & asked him to call & c if they were okay. last wk I sent her an email as I've had a weird feeling about them. Her reply was to tell me that she wanted nada to do with me. Well when hubby called her she said she wanted to make sure that I was home & she stopped by. It was a pleasant visit & it was so great to see my granddaughters

God is Good

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISY443 3/19/2012 2:59PM

    Sorry about the pain, but glad you and your daughter had a nice visit! Hugs!

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BEEJAY49 3/19/2012 3:23AM

    Great job on the red meat! I have a problem with that one too. :)
I hope they find what is causing your numbness so they can fix it. Hang in there.
I'm glad your daughter visited with the kids. :) Things will get better as time goes on. I had an issue with my mom for a long time when she was with us and when we finally agreed to disagree, things got much better. :) Love you! HUGS!

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Meatless Monday

Monday, March 12, 2012

Well I had my first meatless Monday n it wasnt so bad. I havent eating dinner yet n its quarter to 12 so when I do it eat it will b after midnight so I can have a chicken wrap.

My goals this week:

1 - dont to eat any red meat.
2 - wii @ least 4x this wk
3 - stationary bike or bike @ least 3x this wk

Grumpy had his amputation (above knee) and everything went well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/13/2012 5:07AM

    I am glad his surgery went well and I pray for a swift recovery.

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SANFORMRN 3/12/2012 11:54PM

  My family gas been doing meatless days for years. I started that to save money but quickly realized the health benefits.

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