Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I watch alot of weight lost shows. The biggest loser; love handles, I used to watch ruby & celebrity fit club. The one thing that I notice about ALL of these shows basically say /show the same thing - ppl who have weight issues have them due to something that happened in their life.
So I been thinking & wondering Y DO I EAT
- is it because my mom left when I in kindergarten
- is it because of the sexual molestation that I suffered as a child
- is it because of the physical abuse from my childhood or 1st marriage
- is it because of the mental or emotional abuse that I dealt with all my life
- is it because I was raped a mth b4 I turned 16
- is it because or is it because of. . . well I'm not sure
I was a skinny child & as I started developing it looked like I had to sets of breast due to my ribs
I had my first child @ 16 w a cesserian & after I had him I felt like I had the perfect figure 36-24-34
I had my 2nd child @ 19 w a cesserian & after I had him I was 36-28-36
I had my 3rd child @ 20 w a cesserian & I had complications thru out the entire pregnancy & even left the hosp with a severe infection from the incision & after I had her I was about my b4 pregnancy measurements
then became the back issues & it seemed like each time I had an episode as I called them I put on even more weight - I blamed it on bed rest & having to eat so much to keep down my meds
my 1st husband was overweight & I gained alot of weight during that marriage
my weight went up & down for yrs - I never realized how overweight I was. the last yr of my mothers life we spent alot of time together & she had made comments about me & my sil being @ unhealthy weights. But it didnt really hit me cause I was walking all the time & riding a bike but ye I did eat very unhealthy. Even though I had trouble buying clothes I still didnt realize how overwieght I was. For yrs I was told that my wieght was part of my back issues & I would think yeah whatever cause I had the back issues even when I was skiiny. But I still remeber the day my dr filled out my papers about being disabled & the dr wrote that I was MORBIDILY OBESE wow they r 2 powerful & destrucktive words. Now I knew how fat I really was.