February

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Well this was NOT a good month for me

I have been so far off track but March is around the corner & I will accomplish something

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICSHAN004 3/2/2012 12:28AM

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/26/2012 10:34PM

Hang in there. You are right. Watch out March! Report Inappropriate Comment

SPEEDY143 2/26/2012 1:23PM

Sounds like my month of February too... thank God its a short month!!!! We will MARCH towards our goals at a much quicker pace as spring welcomes us with open arms Report Inappropriate Comment

MARISERV 2/26/2012 6:17AM

I've missed you...looking forward to March. Report Inappropriate Comment

UNIQDRGNFLY 2/25/2012 9:37PM

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all do it. Don't look back and just take it one day at a time! Report Inappropriate Comment

WELLLLL

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Well the good news is that I've been doing really well w walking up steps. My legs r really sore & I know that part of it is the steps & the other part is that I haven't taken my water pills for a cpl days (I try not 2 take them on the days that I volunteer)

I m so looking 4ward 2 next weekend; I m going on a Winter Youth Assembly high school retreat. It is @ Harvey Cedars, Long Beach Island. It will b the 1st time that I get to go, my son who is now 27 went when he was about 14 or so. I m trying to get my stamina up so that I wont exhaust myself.

My meds r helping me but I still have a long ways to go. I m using the nebulizer every other day now; so that's a real good thing.

My eating really sucks this wk but i just gave up on trying 2 eat right this wk. But I m not giving up on it totally just taking the wk off.; I'm super stressed this wk so I decided that not all battles r worth fighting @ 1 time. My exercise is almost non-existent but @ least I m getting my walking in every day (its around the house & not all @ 1 time but i do @ least 30 mins every day)

I keep planning 2 get going on my exercise but I just don't seem to have the push to do it. I really need to find someone to b my accountability buddy.
the Biggest Loser this season is NO EXCUSES & right now I feel that I m allll excuses. I just seem 2 keep giving up on myself. I hate being like this I just don't know how to change. Prayerfully I can get 2 the bottom of this & change it. Pray that the counseling helps.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARISERV 2/10/2012 5:25PM

Ok, so you needed to take a week off. It's you're life and *****YOU'RE THE BOSS OF YOU***** A lifestyle change is not healthy if it is stressful. I think you are doing great. You have to be patient with yourself. Try chair sitting exercises or beginner's yoga. Yoga is such a great way of gentle exercise no matter what your physical problems may be. I'll send you some links. Report Inappropriate Comment

MARTHAR3 2/10/2012 12:16PM

Be sure it is steady and slow. Don't lay off those water pills to long. I dodge mine when I am going shopping. But I had run out of them and just didn't go back to the dr. and that was part of the reason I ended up in the hospital in Decemeber. Yes the exercise is a YOU HAVE TO DO IT I try to get it in first thing. I am still doing my PT to get my leg stronger. It has been to cold to go out here So I charted me a walking path in the house. One of my doctors told me to sit on the couch edge and do my legs up and down like I am walking to work in more steps. NO EXCUSES -- if you don't do it, it won't get down. LOL That is what I tell myself. God gave me a second chance so I am working hard to use it rught.. Martha n TX Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVINGFREE19 2/10/2012 12:07PM

If you take things really slow that will help. A year later and I am still making changes, but also feeling better without having lost a lot of weight. I am patient with it because it will all come in time. Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/10/2012 10:04AM

Walking is exercise. Praying that as you continue to feel better you'll be able to increase your activity to other things that you want to do. Report Inappropriate Comment

BEEJAY49 2/10/2012 3:55AM

Walking is a good start and the steps, although they help make your legs sore is a good thing too! So your exercising even though you think it's non existent. One day at a time. You will be able to do this! Sometimes we do get held back by health problems. We can find other ways to exercise to get around that. :) If you have to make it one minute at a time that's the way to do. HUGS! Report Inappropriate Comment

BLESSEDTOBEME1 2/9/2012 10:47PM

Start back with baby steps. Make one good choice at a time. I just started back to walking. I'm soooo scard that I have panic attacks. But I'm going to do it anyway. I just put on my shoes and step outside then pit one foot in front of the other. I'm not dragging my right leg anymore but i really can't lift it and it won't bend so I have to go really slow but I still go. It gets a little easier each day. When I stand up I move my arms up and down like I'm trying to fly . It's not much but its something. Just keep trying. U can do it. Comment edited on: 2/9/2012 10:47:58 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

Depression 2 - Me 0

Monday, February 06, 2012

I sit here wondering WHY ME yea sounds like a pity party.
But no I m trying to figure out y I m always fighting this depression. As early as I can remember they were calling me moody; I wasn't even in school yet. Its one of the few memories I retained of my early childhood.
As a young child I went through a few traumatic issues but even b4 then I was called moody.

I have been on several different types of medication over the years. I try to focus on being & doing positive things. But times like now its just not enough. I m forcing myself to get out of bed everyday. I've gotten really good @ hiding from ppl. Noone really knows me; I never let anyone get close enough to know.

Poor hubby I m taking his head off on a very regular basis lately. I just cant seem to stay in my right frame of mind. I m not interested in much lately; but I m trying so hard not to stay in this black hole but every day it gets harder.

I started new meds about a wk ago dr to give them some time to work. Next wk my dosage goes up. I do think they may b starting 2 work cause I think clearer about my snapping as I'm snapping.

I'm not drinking alcohol @ this point. Hubby says I was a nicer person when I did. But I m trying 2 help the medication 2 work properly so I'm trying. Prayerfully tomorrow I can get a hold of the lady who is suppose to b doing my intake so that I can get moving 4ward w the therapy portion of my recovery.

I have decided that for the next 2 wks I m not going 2 b tracking my food other the fruits & veggies. I need to focus more on my mental state then on my calorie intake. I do plan to continue w my workouts.

I m going 2 continue working on myself. But right now I really wish that I could just disappear forever. I try to tell myself that things r gonna get better but right now I dont c things ever getting any better. I feel like I m just worthless & pathetic; this part has gotten so much worse since I had the back surgery last May. I just hate feeling this way - I wake up feeling this hopelessness.

NOW 4 SOME GOOD NEWS
I have been able 2 walk up the steps like a normal person for almost a wk w the exception of 1 day after I over did it.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

I-CHOOSE 2/12/2012 11:24AM

I can really hear your pain through your words. I agree with Blessedtobeme1 about getting your thyroid checked. I too suffer from depression. It hits at odd times on occasion.. times when I wouldn't expect it to hit. It doesn't always seem to have a reason. I feel for you! When I was really down two years ago I read a book called "The Depression Cure" by Stephen S. Ilardi PhD. This has helped me more than anything I've ever tried. While I follow the recommendations I have relief. When I stop, the old feelings tend to creep back in. The basics of the 6 step program are: 1) big daily dose of omega-3 fatty acids, 2) cognitive tricks to stop rumination, 3) exercise, 4) light therapy, 5) social interaction, and 6) healthy sleep. When I get depressed it really helps to have something I can do, so I don't feel helpless. I can't always drag myself out for exercise, but if I do the other things I have an overall feeling of relief. Then when I feel better I add the exercise. I can't pretend that your feelings are the same as the ones I feel, but just know that there are people here who really empathise with you. One thing you have in spades on this site is the opportunity for the social interaction. Best wishes on your journey. Comment edited on: 2/12/2012 11:26:11 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

BLESSEDTOBEME1 2/7/2012 9:51AM

I will pray for u. Hugs. Please know that u r loved. Do not give up, u can do this. If u need to talk come by my page. Remimber that God has a purpose for u. He has a wonderfull plan for your life. U might not see it now , but its true. I hope that your meds help u. Have u had your thyroid checked. Please do. It can cause severe depression. Also maybe trying some vit D. Remimber that u do have friends here. Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/6/2012 8:05PM

Praying for some relief from the depression. WTG with the steps. Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 34 - 2012

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Spent most of the day in bed. I didnt get to sleep until about 9:30 this morning.

Exercise minimal. Eating ok

Looking forward to a womans workshop that I m going 2 tomorrow morning.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/4/2012 11:13AM

Hope you have a good weekend. Report Inappropriate Comment

MARISERV 2/4/2012 4:57AM

Getting enoung sleep is so important MAGA I hope tonight is better for you Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 33 - 2012

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Today was a good day. I decided today that I needed to bless my neighbor with some things she needed & while we were taking care of it I was blessed by an old friend. GOD IS SO GOOD.

My eating was mixed today but I didnt go over my calories. My exercise was ok today but not what I wanted it 2 b; but i'm still a little sore form my fall yesterday.

I dvr a show about a woman who was over 600lbs & her journey 2 lose weight. And I realized that every weight lost show that I watch all say that there is a reason y we get fat & cant lose the weight. I was abused as a child but I was skinny back then even when I left home I was still thin. I didnt start putting on weight until after I had my 3 children.
So I m trying to find my reason 4 keeping on all this weight. the only conclusion that I've come to is that I like food I really really like food. I've dealt with many issues in my life including depression since I was 4 yrs old. But I really don't think any of that has to do with my weight . I'm probably wrong but I really think that I'm obese due 2 the fact that I like to eat. The flavors the textures. But I will continue 2 work on finding my reason.

My dr has me doing a feelings journal 'I've started new bi-polar meds. Even though the dr doesn't really think I'm so much bi-polar as having _____ depression (don't remember the word); he said I was a ____ depressive. He also told me that I will never b entirely over my depression as it is so much a part of me. But that he does feel that I m going 2 get alot better due 2 the fact that I m so honest about the things that happened 2 me & honest about my feelings of things. Right now the new meds cause me to be antsy. Tomorrow i will find out if my ins will cover me going 2 therapy; its a combination of group therapy & a psych dr 4 private sessions 2 monitor my progress & if I need other meds.

Well thats all now time to get back to my crocheting progects - thats my therapy 4 now.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/2/2012 7:37PM

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