MAGA99   153,322
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M I - Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer

Monday, December 26, 2011

Alot of times I feel like I m just like Rudolph. All alone the odd man out. i even got my nickname from the movie MISFIT; my brother gave it to me over 30 yrs ago while we were watching the show.

But back to y I feel like Rudolph. It just seems like no matter where I m in my life ppl just dont get me.
When I was younger it was cause I like going 2 school & 2 church. They didnt want to do homework or hear about God
I had a child @ 16. They wanted to go hang out all night
I had my 1st apt @ 19 w 2 kids & worked full time. They still lived @ home & partied most of the time. ( they showed up on my door step when they got put out)
I took in run away to help get them reunited with their families. They said it was a waste of time (families reunited)
I took in a foster child whose mother was a teenager @ my church, They said she will never get her life together & u are just wasting ur time. ( it turned out 2 b tru)
I took custody of my granddaughter. They said my daughter wouldnt appreciate the sacrifice I was making ( it turned out to b tru)
I moved in to take care of my father. They said y when u were so abused by him ( 4 1/2 yrs ago I was told he had 6 mths to live & although there are a few struggles he is still alive)
I had to give up custody of my granddaughter due to my health issues. They said I should just fine a way to make it work ( I raised her for 6yrs & now I dont get 2 c her @ all.
I started a healthier lifestyle They say its just a waste of time & energy (I've lost over 60 lbs & have more energy)

Yet every time that any of these ppl need me I m right there & when I m doing for them they rejoice for me.

So like Rudolph I feel that the only time I am appreciated & can participate in those reindeer games is when I m doing for those who r running the games



dad update
My dad had the surgery on his arteries & is now in a rehab. He still needs 1 more surgery to take the rest of the toe that they amputated last mth.
My mil is in the hosp & had to have surgery due to blood clots & tomorrow may b getting surgery for the some veins or something behind her eyes that can cause her to go blind

as for me
I've been sick for over a mth with my yearly cold/flu
my insurance should b reinstated some time nxt mth - which I really cant wait for cause the pain is getting bad again The only improvement since surgery is that my legs no longer give out on me but between my back n my neck I m always in pain. i also need more assistance to do things around the house. and forget about sleeping I'm up every hr having to rearrange myself

my hubby lost his job due to need to take too much time off to help w me & to help with my dads appts & because of the way the job worked no unemployment

But I m trying to remain positive & later this wk I will tell y'all about my Christmas & my goals for the New Year

I pray that everyone can find away to count their Blessings I m cause i know that there are ppl out there suffering more then I m. Blessings in pain but somewhat functioning; I have a husband who I cant stand most of the time but he is here for me every step of the way. I have a wonderful church family who is here for me. I have my wonderful Sparkfriends; who are helping to save my life.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISY443 12/27/2011 8:55AM

    What an astounding strong woman you are. emoticon

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SPEEDY143 12/26/2011 9:48PM

    Holy cow you've been through a lot and yet.... this quote came to mind when I read your blog sweetie.

"You are loving when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others."~Unknown

I'm praying 2012 is better for you and your family emoticon emoticon

emoticonLinda

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I STILL CANT BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO ME

Sunday, December 18, 2011

My husband and I were talking about my weight loss journey; and I cant believe what he admitted. He has been sabotaging my weigh lost. This is why every time I start losing he would want to REWARD me for doing so well.

He says that its not so much about me but about what he has observed in others. He is worried that I will GET SKINNY & LEAVE HIM. First of all I dont want to be skinny - I just want 2 be healthy. Second of all it I stayed with him thru imprisonment & a rehab stay then I aint going nowhere.

He says in his mind he knows I aint gonna leave BUT his sister got skinny & then her marriage fell apart and then an aquantance of mine lost weight and cheated on her husband. But like I explained to him they had to have other problems. He just feels that people change when they lose weight.

since we've had this talk things r going better. He is working on my workout room & he no longer trys to force me to eat every tome he eats; he now excepts no when I say NO I DONT WANT ANY.

It still upsets me that he even had these thoughts especially as we've been thru so much .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALASKAPSYCH 12/20/2011 2:59PM

    Wow! Rough duty. Honesty is going to help this situation. I'm glad he opened up to you. Maybe you could get him involved with your exercise routine?

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BITTYGIRL51 12/19/2011 11:58PM

    Would you say that your husband is an "insecure" person? If so, then this will be an ongoing battle for you. I commend him for his honesty and if he is insecure you will have to work very hard to continue to stroke his ego etc; to continue your journey. Been there done that.

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HDHAWK 12/19/2011 8:51AM

    I have heard this many times so you're not alone. Some people do like all the extra attention and leave, but they would have found an "excuse" to anyway. If you've stayed with him through all the stuff he's been through I think he's safe. I'm glad he told you the truth and you could talk about it.

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DAISY443 12/19/2011 7:55AM

    But it is good that he finally opened up and you cleared the air! Stay strong!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/18/2011 10:02PM

    So glad he was able to open up and stop sabotaging you. emoticon

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Medifast - WOW

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

I really wish I could afford to go on one of these meal replacements programs.
I volunteer @ a family school by my home 2 days a week as co-director of one of their afterschool programs; I havent seen the teachers since last May due to my surgery. Today the program re-started and wow was I in for a shock. One of the teachers went on the medifast meal replacement; she had tried several other diets and weight loss options but nothing has ever worked for her. She lost all this weight and hasnt even added exercise to her program. Since I've seen her in May she has lost 80 lbs she is just now getting ready to start some walking.

So in my mind if I could afford one of these programs even if just for a cpl mths. I would be able to finally get off this see-saw. I just want to lose some more of this weight and with not being to really exercise its just been so hard. Prayerfully I will b able to exercise regularly and soon; but right now it just doesnt seem like I will be able to fully exercise for a while. I am still in alot of pain and cant sit or stand too long.

So I'm wondering if any of my sparkfriends have tried any particular meal replacements and if so how well did it work for you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 12/14/2011 10:45AM

    I have not personally tried any.

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ONBEACHSIDE 12/12/2011 2:59PM

    I had been put on antidepressants and my reactions besides becoming suicidalwas to gain 80 lb in three months. So, when I quit taking the antidepressants and went back on pain pills,my Dad paid for optifast. Similar to medifast. This is what Oprah did. I lost all 80 lbs in three months and kept it off for five years until my grandparents health started failing and I was their caregivers to the end. It was tough but sucessful. My folks could tell when it was shake time because I'd quickly become very angry. We actually had to get a battery blender so we could pull over on the highway and I could take a shake. So don't thinkthe low calories has no consequences. Still I wouldn't have done it any other way.I gained fast, I had to lose fast.

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BITTYGIRL51 12/8/2011 7:43PM

    I'm afraid I agree with RedShoes...As a former WW leader, I am a big proponent of a healthy lifestyle and believe that learning as much as you can about proper nutrition etc; is the best route. I have witnessed friends that have traveled the "easy route" and found out that it really isn't any easier. Everything from gastric bypass to liquid diets and what they discovered was that once they lost the weight they still had to learn how to eat properly if they were gonna keep the weight off. A healthy lifestyle also includes exercise - even if it has to be "chair exercises"...there are always options. When I start making excuses to not exercise I am reminded of how fit many wheelchair bound people are. If they can do it, so can I.

Good luck!

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ALASKASKY 12/7/2011 6:05AM

    I've always wanted to do Medi Fast but it is expensive. I did Jenny Craig 20 years ago and had a lot of success with it. The only thing is, it's easy to gain the weight back after stopping these programs. I plan on going back to JC one day and now that I have Sparkpeople It will make it easier.



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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/6/2011 11:53PM

    I've never tried any. emoticon

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JERZGURL_NAN 12/6/2011 11:53PM

    I've done NutriSystem 2 times very successfully. It definitely has a cost though. BUT I have been just as successful (100 lbs) on my own by reducing Fats. My husband just told me tonight though that he is very happy with whan I'm doing now - portion control and I am eliminating sugar this time and watching carbs.
Other options can and even will work, but not sure for how long.

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REDSHOES2011 12/6/2011 11:51PM

    Sorry but this is not the best road to go, if you want the "For" lifestyle change to stick, we have to be less dependant on pre-made food and know more about the actual content of food we are popping in our mouth.. In short we don't learn anything mastering skills taking the easy road..
I asked myself can I see myself eating that crap for life? Nope
I asked myself will it fit in at the christmas dinner table? Nope
I asked myself what does it tell my children? Terrified when my son asked to try even my whey protein powder.. You eat it mom, it must be good right?
I asked myself if it teaches me to make correct choices when out socially eating? nope. Never had to sit down and plan anything so what do I do when the flood gates open to all choice before my eyes panic!
Nope because prepared food takes all the manual work and thinking out of the process- truth is we need to be doing the weigh and measure to remember every aspect better..
They work for a time, but get boring..


Comment edited on: 12/6/2011 11:53:18 PM

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Update & Dec Goals

Saturday, December 03, 2011

My dads home from the hospital they say that his low blood sugar are what cause stroke like symptoms. They arent sure y his sugar is bottoming out but now I really have to watch his food intake and his sugar levels and insulin. I really cant wait to get him into this day program; he will be there 6 hrs a day. They will bathe him; wash his clothes; feed him breakfast and lunch; monitor his meds; and give him physical therapy.

As for me I took the antibiotics so the infections gone but now I have the flu or something similar. I have tracked my food all week even when I overate. I m once again becoming more conscience about what I eat and my exercising.
Hubby is going to be working on an exercise room for both of us next week. I cant wait to once again have an area in the house to workout. It will also help that we will b pushing each other to do our exercises even though we do different things we can do them @ the same time.

DECEMBER GOALS
1. to do 2 different types of exercises @ least 5 days a week
2. to track my food everyday
3. to eat fruits & veggies everyday
'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPEEDY143 12/6/2011 9:43PM

    Excellent plan... an exercise room for you and hubby sounds fun. Glad your dad didn't have an actual stroke. The day program will be great for every one. I hope he enjoys him self while there. emoticon

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DAISY443 12/4/2011 1:13PM

    Sounds like you are getting back on track after all your problems. Good for you! Hugs!

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BITTYGIRL51 12/3/2011 9:38PM

    Great plan! "When we fail to plan, our plan will fail"...so good for you! Sorry to hear you aren't well. Will say a little prayer for you. My best to you and yours!! emoticon

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Moving Forward

Monday, November 28, 2011

Well I'm waiting here waiting to hear from the hospital. They are suppose to be sending my dad home this evening; suppose it's his sugar causing stroke like symptoms. They are changing his sugar & wants him to see a specialist for his sugar ( I cant even pronounce onco something)

I volunteered today giving food out @ the church - it felt great to be doing something from my normal routine again.

I am getting another infection I have to wait to see if its gonna be more like the cyst that was on my hip or n like the thing on my back that they lanced & had mrsa in it. This is the 3rd infection in less then a month.

I did a little exercising today sore but feeling good. I've now tracked my food fro 2 days in a row.

Well I guess that's it for now, Thank you to everyone who has offered me encouragement and understanding


ADDED
Its 9:00 pm & they decided about an hr ago to keep my dad for more test but noone can answer anything until tomorrow

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COLEENCOLE 12/1/2011 1:32PM

    Hang in there. God is in control.

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 11/29/2011 7:08AM

    Keeping you in my prayers, Maga! emoticon

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YIGOBUTTERFLY 11/29/2011 1:25AM

    Maga, I have been thinking about you. Thank you for checking on me.

I think the name of the specialist is endocrinologist. They deal with people with diabetes and thyroid issues. I have a thyroid that does not work right so I see an endocrinologist who diagnosed me with Hashimoto Thyroiditis, which means I have an immune problem as well as being hypothyroid.

Hope they get things figured out for your dad.

Delighted that you are feeling better.

Jane on Guam

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/28/2011 8:33PM

    emoticonSo glad you could do some of your routine. emoticon

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LOSE4LIFE47 11/28/2011 8:19PM

    Hope everything goes good for you all.

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