Monday, December 26, 2011
Alot of times I feel like I m just like Rudolph. All alone the odd man out. i even got my nickname from the movie MISFIT; my brother gave it to me over 30 yrs ago while we were watching the show.
But back to y I feel like Rudolph. It just seems like no matter where I m in my life ppl just dont get me.
When I was younger it was cause I like going 2 school & 2 church. They didnt want to do homework or hear about God
I had a child @ 16. They wanted to go hang out all night
I had my 1st apt @ 19 w 2 kids & worked full time. They still lived @ home & partied most of the time. ( they showed up on my door step when they got put out)
I took in run away to help get them reunited with their families. They said it was a waste of time (families reunited)
I took in a foster child whose mother was a teenager @ my church, They said she will never get her life together & u are just wasting ur time. ( it turned out 2 b tru)
I took custody of my granddaughter. They said my daughter wouldnt appreciate the sacrifice I was making ( it turned out to b tru)
I moved in to take care of my father. They said y when u were so abused by him ( 4 1/2 yrs ago I was told he had 6 mths to live & although there are a few struggles he is still alive)
I had to give up custody of my granddaughter due to my health issues. They said I should just fine a way to make it work ( I raised her for 6yrs & now I dont get 2 c her @ all.
I started a healthier lifestyle They say its just a waste of time & energy (I've lost over 60 lbs & have more energy)
Yet every time that any of these ppl need me I m right there & when I m doing for them they rejoice for me.
So like Rudolph I feel that the only time I am appreciated & can participate in those reindeer games is when I m doing for those who r running the games
My dad had the surgery on his arteries & is now in a rehab. He still needs 1 more surgery to take the rest of the toe that they amputated last mth.
My mil is in the hosp & had to have surgery due to blood clots & tomorrow may b getting surgery for the some veins or something behind her eyes that can cause her to go blind
as for me
I've been sick for over a mth with my yearly cold/flu
my insurance should b reinstated some time nxt mth - which I really cant wait for cause the pain is getting bad again The only improvement since surgery is that my legs no longer give out on me but between my back n my neck I m always in pain. i also need more assistance to do things around the house. and forget about sleeping I'm up every hr having to rearrange myself
my hubby lost his job due to need to take too much time off to help w me & to help with my dads appts & because of the way the job worked no unemployment
But I m trying to remain positive & later this wk I will tell y'all about my Christmas & my goals for the New Year
I pray that everyone can find away to count their Blessings I m cause i know that there are ppl out there suffering more then I m. Blessings in pain but somewhat functioning; I have a husband who I cant stand most of the time but he is here for me every step of the way. I have a wonderful church family who is here for me. I have my wonderful Sparkfriends; who are helping to save my life.