MAGA99   153,322
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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I'm doing VBS @ my church last week & this week.

I'm doing better still going thru ups & downs but not as severe.

My cousin n her wife joined Sparks along w/their 17 yr old son.

My daughter n her 2 kids r moving bac in; @ that time my daughter will b joining Sparks. So my La-La will b back in my home full time instead of just part time.

Hubby & I r working on things.

I was down to 235 last wk but I m back up to 240 no excuses I've just been eating. I m slowly but surely getting back on track

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    You're just really busy and stress can have a lot to do with weight gain. Just take time to take care of you and let go of some of the stress. You'll be back on target in no time. Love ya, Dawn

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W8WHITTILER 8/11/2010 1:48PM

Oh Happy Day..LaLa is coming back!
I know that is so exciting, and you can't wait for her to get there!
I am so happy for you..and I know that this will help achieve all those goals you have planned..I can't wait to follow on your trail as you make things happen.
Hugs and Love

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KELLYERIN 8/11/2010 12:56PM

    So glad to hear that LaLa will be back with you! I know how much you miss her! Congrats to the family for joining spark! emoticon

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NEED2LOSEN2010 8/11/2010 11:26AM


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CDAWN26 8/11/2010 10:52AM

    I have all the faith in you to move in the right direction. Hang in there! We're here for you. emoticon emoticon

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TONYA_JO 8/11/2010 10:28AM

    So happy to read this blog! One day at a time. emoticon

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CAROLEHZ 8/11/2010 8:14AM

    emoticon emoticon
It sounds like you are doing lots of positive things...I like that you sound happy

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TRACYZABELLE 8/11/2010 3:18AM

    I am so happy you and hubby are trying to work things out.. Best of luck to you.

WTG on spreeading the spark and getting people to join!

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MINDYJ1 8/10/2010 10:42PM


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WINNIEATWELL2 8/10/2010 10:42PM


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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Well its been 3 days of tracking food & swimming. I've went over on calories for 2 days but @ least I'm tracking again. I been in the pool 3 days straight the last 2 days 2x. Tomorrow I plan to add more exercise back into my routine.

My hubby & I r going thru a trial seperation which is a little wierd cause he has to continue to stay here. But @ least he is realizing wat he may lose if he doesnt give up his Peter Pan ways.

I still dont c a light @ the end of the tunnel but I do c a flicker.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINNIEATWELL2 7/29/2010 12:47AM

    Good for you tracking your food and swimming. That's emoticon emoticon

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    My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend. I'm glad that you're tracking again and the exercise will help with relieving the stress. Love you, Dawn

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TRACYZABELLE 7/28/2010 1:34AM

    emoticon YOu keep on keeping on-- keep up the activity and don't let food become a replacement for hubby... YOu can do ti!

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BARBARAROSE54 7/27/2010 11:08PM

    emoticon you are doing great. Take one day at a time !

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Sunday, July 25, 2010

I just reread my blog from yesterday & I do sound pathetic. But I realize something it was my cry for help. I feel like I m at the lowest point in my life. I have to get to the root of y I feel like this.
I thank those of u that reached out w/ support I truly do appreciate it. And it is really needed.

I've always been the support person 4 evey1 else; I m a caregiver by nature. I realize due to alot of bad things happening 2 me as a child I dont trust ppl. I keep ppl @ an arms distance. I guess that's y I love Spark so much; the Internet is my distance.

I have to figure out who I am & wat I want 2 do w/ myself. I've always been a caregiver. I've always put myself on the back burner. How do I not do that. When I sent my 5 yr old granddaughter to go live w/ her mother I felt like it was a chance to go live my life. But instead I kind of go thru the empty nest thing.
I take of my disabled father who is a man that I actually despise but as a Christian I felt that as his eldest child I needed to step up & do wat was necessary. I apparently inspite how I feel about him do take good care of him; cause 3 yrs ago he was given 6 mths to live (which is y I started 2 care 4 him) they now say he has 10 to 20 yrs left in him.

My marriage has been rocky 4 a while & every time I think its getting better we seem to go back 2 step1. I know that he loves me but he is Peter Pan & that's not easy to deal w/ @ times.

Well I guess that's its 4 now but @ least I'm trying & haven't completely given up yet I even started tracking food again today.

I just feel so lost like I dont belong anywhere. Even here on Spark @ times I was co-leader 4 a few team then stopped & left other teams cause of how others sometimes made me feel.

Z - didn't spend the day in bed
E - 60 mins
N - went over

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYZABELLE 7/27/2010 1:27AM

    You need to do what makes you feel good.. As far as your personal relationships, pray about the problems, talk them look too much in love to give up on it.. I wish you the best.

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DIVAGURL 7/26/2010 9:34PM

    YAY fpr tracking! And good for you on getting out of bed. 60 minutes of exercise today!! You're doing it girl, one day at a time, one step at a time.
I'm sending good thoughts your way.

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TONYA_JO 7/26/2010 2:05PM

    emoticon don't give up! Every day brings you closer to your counseling appt. Hang in there sweetie!!

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    You are always in my prayers and thoughts. NEVER GIVE UP! Love ya, Dawn

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WINNIEATWELL2 7/25/2010 10:53PM

    Never ever ever ever give up! I'll keep you in my prayers.

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Saturday, July 24, 2010

I have 2 decide. I've been having a rough cpl mths.

Every time that I think its starting to improve I fall back into the sink hole.

So over the nxt few days I m gonna 2 decide whether or not to delete my spark profile.

I just m beginning to feel like everything especially me is useless.

I'm just @ the point I wonder y bother

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLYERIN 7/25/2010 8:39PM

    Please don't leave us! I would miss you! I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I will be praying! Maybe take a few days for yourself but pretty please don't leave us!


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DIVAGURL 7/25/2010 3:48PM

    WE so understand where you are and what you're going through. Please don't give up on yourself. You will fall many times, but get up and try again is the only way you can overcome your setbacks.
It's tough, I know it is, but YOU are worth it! emoticon

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DONNA_VT 7/25/2010 2:29PM

    Please reconsider and stay. You will never have more or better support in this journey than the people here. We are all here whenever you need . . .you just have to ask for help. I may not be as spiritual as the others on our team but I'm a good listener and cheerleader. . .so you have the best of all worlds behind you in front of you and all around you.


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MJLUVSANIMALS 7/25/2010 1:35PM

    OMG Do not give up. I haven't, and I have been off and on, in and out, so screwed up on my goals. But I "Ain't down yet" All of us have roads to travel, goals to set. Don't set ultimate goals, start by mini goals, and love it to death, when you reach them, then start your next goal. Baby steps, it will happen, for you, for me, we all need the guidance, and we have it right here with SP and SP friends, hang tough!! Your not in this alone. And dang it, we all love food, it's all in the matter of choices. I have come across some wonderful recipes for good wholesome food, and Wow, I actually taste the food!! And it's goooooooood.

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    Don't give up!!!!!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/25/2010 12:42PM

    NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER GIVE IN! You are WORTH the struggles and the trials because in the end... success can and WILL BE YOURS! Love, Dawn

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W8WHITTILER 7/25/2010 8:49AM

    Marcia..Don't you dare give up!
This is a journey, one that is so hard, I am right here beside you honey, going through the same thing, day after day after day, I struggle with this.
It seems I just get the hang of it and something comes along and POW, I have a big set back, sometimes I too want to throw in the towel, but do you know where I would be if I did, more than likely 6 feet under right now..
I may have alot of "STUMBLES" but I am not taking the total plunge yet, I am not ready to give up, and niether are you.

You know I am here, sometimes I don't get on as often as I should, but I am here, send me a private know I love you and I will be ready to pull you up anytime you need me.

We have been through alot together, and known each other here for a few years now, so don't you quit on me, I need are my strength and my very good friend.

So no quitting allowed.

I will do a challenge with you, like we used to do, it will help you and me..what do you say? Are you up for it?
If so let me know what you want to do and honey and I am there.

Stay the course, and I know you will over this slump...and that's all it is, I promise.

Much Love and many Hugs,

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BARBARAROSE54 7/25/2010 8:39AM


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PROUDMOM2BOYS 7/25/2010 7:27AM

    Maga - As Sunny said, this is a journey. I, too, have been struggling . . . for years actually. I have lost the same weight time and time again, but I do believe that if I had totally given up I would weigh 400 pounds by now, so that in itself is progress. YOU are worth it! You have a lot of fellow sparkers who are rooting for you - don't ever give up on yourself.

I'm going to add another post by Melissa Taylor that you might also find helpful:

Top 10 Ways You Can Choose Hope and Claim Peace

by Melissa Taylor

This was the hardest “Top 10” list I’ve written yet. I wanted to give practical ways to achieve peace, but that was a challenge. A big part of achieving peace is based on what you’re putting into your mind. What I’ve determined is that peace is a choice. I don’t mean to trivialize it because I know how easily peace can be snatched. Ultimately, when we put our hope in God, peace is achievable and will follow.

Top 10 Ways You Can Choose Hope and Claim Peace

By Melissa Taylor

10. Begin by living in the light. Of course the light of Christ, but also light up your world. Open the blinds. Take a walk in the sunshine. Turn on some lights in your house. Listen to music that brightens your mood, not dampens it. Get rid of the misery around you and let light surround you. Invite hope into your life.

9. Spend time in God’s Word. I know Christians tell you to do that all the time. And you probably wish you had more time to do so don’t you? I get that, I do. But it’s true that God’s Word is a “lamp to your feet and a light to your path” (Psalm 119:105) And since #10 instructed you to get a little more light in your life, well then give it a try. Romans 15:4 says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (NIV) The knowledge of the Scriptures affects our attitude toward the present and the future. (Life Application Bible) Attitude is half the battle in gaining a hope perspective that leads to peace. God’s Word can help.

8. Dismiss depressing thoughts quickly. Be aware of what you are thinking. Do your thoughts tend to be negative, condemning, or gloomy? Not much room for hope in the company of those characters. Next time you find yourself dwelling on something depressing, stop it! You don’t want to do that. 2 Corinthians 10:5b, “…We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” (CEV) So, catch those thoughts, give them up, and listen to Jesus who says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)

7. Here’s a practical one. List 5 things that bring you hope or 5 things you are hopeful for. Read them when you need to. Can’t think of 5? Then make them up. You gotta start somewhere.

6. Don’t give up. “You feel hopeless because you have been using your own power, not because there is no hope. You feel hopeless because you have been headed in the wrong direction, not because there is not hope. You feel hopeless because you have cut yourself off from others who could help you and guide you, not because there is not hope…You are not hopeless because there is not hope. There is hope for you, if you will just persevere long enough to find it.” Stephen Arterburn (from Tammy Maltby’s book Confessions of a Good Christian Girl) Choose to persevere long enough to find hope.

5. Choose to be hopeful even when you don’t feel it. I struggle with this so I remind myself to choose hope. I wear a bracelet almost every day that says “HOPE” on it. I have a Willow Tree Angel of Hope in my den. I have Scriptures of hope posted at my desk at work. I’m choosing hope and hope brings me peace. ****When I’m struggling greatly with this, I get help! I talk to a friend, ask my Bible study gals to pray for me, or when it’s been too overwhelming, I have sought professional help. Do whatever it takes, but don’t live life based on your feelings. They can be so fickle. Choose hope. Live in peace. Don’t settle for less.

4. Thank God for your trials and hardships. Believe me, I know that sounds crazy. These next verses give big time purpose to our trials and suffering, therefore offering peace. Romans 5:3b-5a, “we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…” (NIV) I’ve been through many trials where hope seemed lost and these verses have restored that. And that brought me peace. Take it for your own.

3. Take a time out for yourself. Psalm 46:10 instructs us to do that so we will understand Who is in control. Remember, when life is chaotic and peace seems far away, get quiet where you can hear God and God alone.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (NIV)

“Calm down and learn that I am God.” (CEV)

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything.” (The Message)

2. Pray hope and peace for yourself. Like this:

“Lord, when my peace is broken by problems that come, remind me that You are always there caring about anything and everything that concerns me. I want to praise You through the painful places I walk through so I can rest in Your perfect peace. Thank You for giving me hope and being my peace. Please help me have hope and peace today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen (portions of this prayer are from Prayers to My King by Sheri Rose Shepherd)

1. Accept God’s plan for your life. When you’ve lost hope, you have nothing. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to believe in. You begin to question if God exists for you or just other people. This verse tells us very different. Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God does exist for you. He has plans for you. He has a purpose for your life and it is good. But you have to choose to trust Him. Choose to accept the hope God offers. Take it for your own. Look ahead with hope. As you do, soak in the peace it gives you.

God loves you. He created you and He had a good reason in doing so. I pray that you will give Him a chance. Never lose hope.

Once when my marriage was on the verge on ending, I asked my husband, “Is there any hope for us?” He replied, “Just an ounce.” I immediately took that “ounce of hope” to the Lord and asked Him to multiply it. That was my prayer for the months ahead where we fought for our marriage. The restoration process wasn’t easy, but because I had hope, I was able to hang in there and claim peace. Peace that didn’t come from my circumstances. Peace that wasn’t a part of my surroundings. It was inside of me. It came from God. I had to choose it and I’m so thankful I did.

I don’t pretend that life is easy. It’s not. Hope and peace are available to us at all times, but we have to take them. In the middle of our sometimes raging world I’m praying that you will claim them for your own and live life how God intended, with His peace in your heart.

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NEED2LOSEN2010 7/25/2010 6:54AM


First you are NOT useless.

I pasted this post, that I had posted in our pool room, in case you missed it. I thought it applied here as well.

Take care of yourself, do what you need to do, but I do hope you'll be able to stay. Don't worry about letting the team down. We all are on this journey to improve our health. We are at times at different places along the same road. Some are struggling to get up the hill, some are coasting down the other side, some are enjoying the scenery along the way., others are pedal to the metal. Some are so close to their destination, they can almost touch it, while others can only dream of getting there, can't quite see it; but by faith, moving forward 1 step at a time. Some are gently nudging, & encouraging others to go with them. Some are being dragged, & pushed, kicking & screaming all the way. My point is; as a team we will ALL get there. Today I might need to be carried to stay on track; tomorrow I may be able to carry you .As someone pointed out to me. We all have different talents, but we shouldn't see them as a weakness, if we need help along the way. Sometimes it takes a great deal of strength to let others help. We are usually the first in line to help someone else, but find it very difficult to receive help. A good friend of mine once told be that to refuse help was to deny 2 blessings; one for the giver & another for the receiver. I don't know about you, but personally I can use all the Blessings the Good Lord has to offer.

Maga this I copied from a post Proudmom2boys had made to another Sparker. I hope she don't mind. I found this yesterday & sent it to myself to remind me of the truth. Hope it helps you as well. This says it a LOT better than I can.

Top 10 Ways to Know You Are Worthy

By Melissa Taylor

10. You are worthy of redemption. God is your redeemer and will redeem time for you. No matter what you’ve been through, He gives you a new day. Thank Him for today. You are here because He ordained this day in your life. That is His choice.

9. You are worth fighting for. God, Your Creator, is on your team, on your side. Deuteronomy 20:4, “For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” (NIV)

8. You were worth creating. God doesn’t make mistakes. He didn’t have to make you. You didn’t appear on earth by accident. God never said, “Oops! Didn’t mean to make that one!” No way baby!!! He loves you and believes in you!

7. You are worthy of forgiveness. The Lord God forgives you!!! No Matter What!!! How cool is that. There are people that may never forgive you. Don’t fret about that. The One Who matters most, He forgives you. (Psalm 86:5)

6. You are the worthy recipient of God’s gifts. You have been given gifts of appreciation, and you are trusted to use them well. 1 Peter 4:10,“Each of you has been blessed with one of God’s many wonderful gifts to be used in the service of others. So use your gift well.” (CEV)

5. You are worth keeping around. You are a survivor. Are you reading this right now? Then God ain’t finished with you yet!

4. You are worthy of protection. God loves to prove His strength when the odds are the greatest and hope is the smallest. (Psalm 32:7)

3. You are worthy of unconditional love. (Ephesians 3:19, Psalm 130:7)

2. You are worth dying for. (John 3:16)

1. You are worthy of royalty. Your Father is the King of everything.

John 1:12-13, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (NIV)

Progress not Perfection. Stay strong. He will give you strength.

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Thursday, July 15, 2010

I feel like I m @ the dentist every wk & this wk its 2x. I was there yesterday about my loose crown & I m going tomorrow 2 get 2 new crowns. YEAH Then all I have to do is wait for the extractions then prayerfully NO MORE problems w/ infections.

My cousin & her significant other(my hubby & I were in the civil union ceremony last yr) are planning to join Sparkpeople this wknd, I'm glad. We r even looking 4 a gym that we can join together along w/ my hubby. We r planning to help motivate each other to get healthy.

My insurance wont pay for my 1 med (cymbalta)I was truly blessed today my dad's nurse practitioner gave me 3 brand new bottles.

Z - went out again today w/ no episodes
E - 30 minutes
N - so-so today

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Sorry that you're having to spend so much time at the dentist, but glad that you appear to be doing well. Spark On my friend. Love, Dawn

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WINNIEATWELL2 7/15/2010 11:07PM

    Sounds like overall, you had a pretty good day! Glad things are working out for the dentist, the possibility of the gym, the xtra Spark support you'll have, and getting those meds you needed!! emoticon emoticon

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