Wednesday, July 07, 2010
I'm still alive just trying not to deal with anything & no it's not working. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything is just such a mess especially me. And the more that my hubby tries to be supportive and understanding the more I despise him.
All I basically want to do is lay in bed and watch the same movies over and over and over. The fact that we are in a heatwave makes this even easier. I have a swimming pool and have only used it once in about a wk.
I have lost some weight maybe because I wasn't eating much cause it sure wasn't due to exercise. Cause that is a missing element in my life right now. I wake up and have every intention of exercising but then the heat, or this house just makes me want to crawl back into my bed.
I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO; JUST AINT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
I truly am losing my mind I know exactly what I would say to someone else going thru this I just dont want to follow even my own advice. I know that this to shall pass. I'm just beginning to wonder why it cant be sooner then later.
I cry all the time. I cry from movies, TV especially the news. I live in NJ right over the bridge to Philly & today an aqua duck was crashed into and 37 ppl got knocked into the Delaware River; I watched the rescue process for 2 1/2 hours crying over 2 ppl who are still missing and presumed dead.
Then I'm going thru these weird craving onions and pickles especially. I do @ least get my water in each day.
I m still having the chronic pain but thats par for the course.
Well back into hiding for me when ever my meds do kick in and I can think straight I will come on each day and try to get back into the Spark-swing of things.
THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND CONCERNS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED. I do read all messages, I'm just having trouble getting over this hump and I really dont have any close friends that I can talk to about these things. So prayerfully I get a call from my new therapist real soon