MAGA99   153,322
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MAGA99's Recent Blog Entries

STILL TRYING

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Well I said I would recommit myself & I have 3 days of exercising so far only need another 18 for it to b a habit.

Back to the dentist tomorrow the crown on my front tooth is loose & prayerfully I will get a date for when I m going to b able to c the oral surgeon.

Z - spent no time laying in bed today
E - I did 30 minutes of step ups besides working in the yard
N - not sure of calories but I m eating alot of veggies

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNRIZING 7/15/2010 11:14AM

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/14/2010 5:25PM

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FLMOMX2 7/14/2010 11:28AM

    Great start!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TONYA_JO 7/14/2010 10:05AM

    Keep it up Maga!! You're doing great :)

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VICTORY-LEE 7/14/2010 8:17AM

    Hay Hey!

Keep Rockin' Gurlfriend!!

Have a really GREAT day!!

Luv ya
Lisa
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BARBARAROSE54 7/14/2010 1:44AM

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PINKNFITCARLA 7/14/2010 12:23AM

    Great job! emoticon

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LITTLE_QUEEN 7/13/2010 11:37PM

    Oh Maga, That is fantastic, You are getting there my friend, so proud of you.

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Simple Motivation

Monday, July 12, 2010

It takes simple motivation to get me restarted. I seen my sil the other day; other then a funeral I havent seen her in about 8 or so yrs. She had lost alot of weight I noticed @ the funeral but we really didnt speak then due to bad blood @ the time between her n my hubby. Well they are family again so she stopped over just to say Hi as we are planning a Family BBQ for their side of the family. She was really impressed w/ my weight lost so that got me feeling good & not being so depressed. Then today I came on line & seen that I was the biggest loser for the Mahogany Team. WOW now am I looking forward to working out tomorrow & not just Yoga & the Pool.

Today I actually left the house it was just to take a ride with my cousin but hey I had no episodes & was out for over an hr. We even almost had 2 accidents & I still was fine. I honestly believe that I m on the right track although I know I still need to c that therapist.

We cut my hair (pics coming in a cpl of days) I feel young & alive. I got to see my Aunts who I havent seen in a cpl yrs & they couldnt believe how much weight I lost. Last time they seen me I was over 300 lbs & I am now 239 lbs.

YES I AM FEELING REALLY GOOD.

Now my objective is to hold on to this feeling & not lose it when I get up tomorrow & I have to deal with this house that I despise living in. I m going to take these simple MOTIVATIONS that I have received thank God for them & do my best to hold onto this feeling.

Thank all of you who have been helping me thru this. Its been a rough cpl mths & I've received my best support here on Spark
SPARK SUPPORT the best thin out there!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TONYA_JO 7/13/2010 3:15PM

    emoticon emoticon So happy to read you had a good day! Hope those days keep coming!

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BARBARAROSE54 7/13/2010 10:23AM

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THENAMESLISA 7/13/2010 9:02AM

    Glad you're on the upswing!

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THENAMESLISA 7/13/2010 9:02AM

    Glad you're on the upswing!

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THENAMESLISA 7/13/2010 9:02AM

    Glad you're on the upswing!

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THENAMESLISA 7/13/2010 9:02AM

    Glad you're on the upswing!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/13/2010 8:05AM

    Congratulations on being the Biggest Loser AND for feeling better. I'm cheering for you my friend. Love, Dawn

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NOT MISSING JUST HIDING

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I'm still alive just trying not to deal with anything & no it's not working. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything is just such a mess especially me. And the more that my hubby tries to be supportive and understanding the more I despise him.

All I basically want to do is lay in bed and watch the same movies over and over and over. The fact that we are in a heatwave makes this even easier. I have a swimming pool and have only used it once in about a wk.

I have lost some weight maybe because I wasn't eating much cause it sure wasn't due to exercise. Cause that is a missing element in my life right now. I wake up and have every intention of exercising but then the heat, or this house just makes me want to crawl back into my bed.

I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO; JUST AINT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

I truly am losing my mind I know exactly what I would say to someone else going thru this I just dont want to follow even my own advice. I know that this to shall pass. I'm just beginning to wonder why it cant be sooner then later.

I cry all the time. I cry from movies, TV especially the news. I live in NJ right over the bridge to Philly & today an aqua duck was crashed into and 37 ppl got knocked into the Delaware River; I watched the rescue process for 2 1/2 hours crying over 2 ppl who are still missing and presumed dead.

Then I'm going thru these weird craving onions and pickles especially. I do @ least get my water in each day.

I m still having the chronic pain but thats par for the course.

Well back into hiding for me when ever my meds do kick in and I can think straight I will come on each day and try to get back into the Spark-swing of things.

THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND CONCERNS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED. I do read all messages, I'm just having trouble getting over this hump and I really dont have any close friends that I can talk to about these things. So prayerfully I get a call from my new therapist real soon

KEEP SPARKIN

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIVAGURL 7/25/2010 3:56PM

    Praying for you. I hope that things start to look up. I know that life can be hard, especially when you deal with depression. I'm sorry you don't have a close friend, but I am glad that you have spark friends who care and want to help.
I have sleep problems so I'm up ost of the night. Sparkmail any time you need some one to talk to.

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/10/2010 9:21PM

    You're in my thoughts and prayers my friend. Love, Dawn

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LOZUKE 7/9/2010 7:28AM

    I know this heat I don't even go out to get my mail. I seen Your message on my friend feed. I am sorry you are feeling so blue. The duck crash is awful! They are pulling the boat out today and got someone out today . Those poor people. You can't dwell on that. I don't know when this heat is passing , because the humidity is so bad.
Tuesday I am going to visit my Parents on Fla. for 2 WKS. I can not get a break!
I am thinking of you girl! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Debbie

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SLIMKIM2B 7/8/2010 11:59AM

    Take all the time that you need. We are all here to support you in whatever ways that we can. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

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BARBARAROSE54 7/8/2010 11:55AM

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THENAMESLISA 7/8/2010 9:04AM

    Philippians 4:6-7

Donít worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience Godís peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

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KMIRANDA2000 7/7/2010 9:21PM

    You poor dear woman...I'm so sorry you're so blue. God bless.

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HAIRLIKEHONEY 7/7/2010 8:26PM

    Hey, I can identify all to well with what you're feeling, and you're right: even though you logically know what to do, IT JUST ANT HAPPENING.

Even with my meds I sometimes feel like this....unfortunately, you have to trick yourself. Find that one moment and try your darndest to pull yourself out. It will pass tho, no matter what.

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LITTLE_QUEEN 7/7/2010 8:23PM

    It sounds like you are going through some serious depression right now maga, I will keep you in my prayers

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EQUALS

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

As I continue to struggle I've decided that I have to try to make some changes.

So I'm going back to when I taught. I m a certified Violence Prevention Specialist. Regardless of whether it was the afterschool program, elementary school, jr high, or even the Christian High School kids love to put each other down. We had a rule in my class and in my programs ; 1 put down you have to give 2 put ups.

So what if I turn this around to be part of my new lifestyle. If I eat something bad I must eat 2 good things, If I'm being negative then I have to do 2 positive things for myself.

I've got to try something - I feel this darkness closing around me & I refuse to let it win. I have to fight, I have to fight for my health; I have to fight for my life; I have to fight for my sanity & I will fight for me.

I know that this is not an easy road but I will continue to try my best to move forward.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/4/2010 10:45AM

    My computer has been down. Sorry that I've not posted to your blog lately. Please know that you're in my thoughts. I hope that you're doing well. Happy 4th of July. Love, Dawn

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FIGHT2SURVIVE 6/30/2010 11:30PM

    Do you think part of the problem is that you're caught in a rut and am not sure how to get out before it gets out of control? You are stronger than that. You have to rise above it. Try one day at a time. If that doesn't work, do what I do and say, "I can make it from breakfast to lunch without blowing it. Then it's lunch to dinner. Night time snacking is my biggy so I have to actually set up my snacks in the morning so I know I have what I need available without being hungry with only cookies in the house.
Erin

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J2740LOU 6/30/2010 9:22PM

    1 put down you have to give 2 put ups. 1 negative = 2 positives. Eat 1 bad thing = Eat 2 good things. In other words, 1 bad choice is negated by 2 good ones. That's really good advice. A good philosophy to adopt. Thank you for sharing. emoticon
emoticon

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ANOTHER NEW MONTH

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Well here we go another new mth starts this wk. I'm close to the same point I was this time last year. I cant not continue to let my life get away from me. So I've made a pledge to myself I'm usually good about an hr after I get up & I'm good for 2 hrs then I need to rest. So I'm going to work out during that time then I will go in the pool after my rest. On the days I feel up 2 it I will play wii fit plus in the evening after dinner.

I m no longer going to stress over screwing up I m just gonna do my best to accomplish what I can. I m also going to work on eating either a fruit or veggie with each meal. Even if I can not get my exercise in I can eat right, so that is what I must focus on.

I really wish that I could control my depression especially the paranoid-ness & anxiety. But prayerfully I will b starting treatment soon. In the mean time I've started a journal where I write down whats going on when I have those bad feelings. My dr is really concerned at this point & hospitalization may happen.

I m looking into a new treatment for my pain management; this program helped a friend of mine alot so I'm gonna look into it. I've Only 2 more day of antibiotics, Lord m I glad 4 that. I'm still using the nebulizer but hey as long as it helps w/ my breathing.

I still wont go out by myself but I'm getting better w/ going out w/ my hubby. Crowds still get to me, especially with the heat.

So my goal is to end June right and start July w/ a bang.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOZUKE 6/30/2010 6:41AM

    Hi I was seeing how you were doing with all this heat around here. I am having a hard time. I can't take like I used too. YUK! The WI Fit Is supposed to be great I hear. I don't have one. It looks like a plan though ! I think I am going to take a break for a couple months. I will let you know. Take care of yourself.
emoticon emoticonDebbie

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CHANSEN_20001 6/28/2010 7:32AM

    emoticon I love the Wii Fit Plus, too. It can be a fun and good workout. Just do what you can and you will accomplish your goals.

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BARBARAROSE54 6/28/2010 3:33AM

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FIGHT2SURVIVE 6/28/2010 1:09AM

    I don't like crowds or heat. I really hope you find something that helps your depression and anxiety. We tried several drugs for me before we found the one that really worked. I now take Zoloft and it has done wonder for me but I still want that miracle drug where you go to sleep and wake up skinny. LOL
Erin

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LITTLE_QUEEN 6/27/2010 11:18PM

    Maga with your health issues, you just do what you can do, and get yourself feeling better, just stressing about it will just make everything worse. I do hope you feel better soon.

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