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Micah 7:8

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My enemies donít be glad because of my troubles!
I may have fallen, but I will get up;
I may be sitting in the dark, but the Lord is my light!

This is my inspiration verse it says everything to me. I found this verse by accident about 8 yrs ago, when I felt like there was nothing good in my life. Recently I was asked my favorite Bible verse and I though of it again. It lets me know that basically God got my back. Even though there are times that I feel like a failure and that the darkness is over coming me; that little spark of light that I see is God. As long as I allow him to he will over shine everything. I know that all things are possible through Christ my Lord and Savior if only I will let him shine.

So Iíve decided to look at this verse from a life change viewpoint. My enemies are fried chicken, doughnuts, and baked goods. When Iíve fallen thatís when I give in to my temptations the food that adds all of those pounds. But I will recover from any slips that I may have. The darkness is laziness and God the light is my exercise.

The only way to change my life is to change what Iím doing. How can one expect to lose weight if you donít even try to change how weíve been living our lives. There is no sense in complaining if your not gonna do something about it. I will no longer be part of the problem that causes me to fail I will be part of the solution. I will be healthier and fitter in 2009.

My enemies donít be glad because of my troubles!
I may have fallen, but I will get up;
I may be sitting in the dark, but the Lord is my light!

Iím thinking about this verse with how much my life has changed in the last 6 mths. My enemies could be family either my blood or some of my so-called church family. My fallen is all the obstacles Iíve been hit with my health, my fathers health, my hubby legal problems, and of course me asking my daughter to take back custody of my La La. (it breaks my heart every time I think of her). I am getting up as I am dealing with it all by the grace of God. The darkness is what happens when I let others influence my thinking. The light of God is what I see now as I am learning not to let them get to me & to just throw away all that is dark in my life and to let the love of God shine through.

So this verse has re-inspired me and will be my motto for 2009.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLE_QUEEN 1/1/2009 8:40PM

    Awww.... Maga! I am sending you a hug right now.

I love this blog also, I know you had a grandaughter from your spark page, I know that you have had some times, We are here for you, and you are right. GOD is with you and he is the light.

You are going to to tremendous things this year, I feel it for you.


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STEPHIE79 12/31/2008 8:43PM

    You go girl!!! Amen and Amen!! Happy new Year!!!! emoticon

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Who R You

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Who R You

Iíve been seeing you in the mirror for a long time now
You never have anything to really say to me
You just stand there always smiling, a gentle caring smile
But your eyes they are so sad, you look so lost

You remind me of someone that I knew a long time ago
She was a skinny little thing, ribs sticking out
She ate a lot but you couldnít tell by looking @ her
She also smiled a lot, yet had those same sad, sad eyes

You also remind me of this very large woman
Always lending a helping hand to everyone
She also smiled a lot, a pleasant word for everyone
Yet those sad haunting blue eyes staring @ me

I feel like I should know you, yet I donít
You arenít the person who I see in my mind
Yet you do so remind me of her Ė so very much
The smile that never seems to make it ways to the eyes

I was wondering do you know these others
Can you all really be the same person?
Why doesnít the outside match up with the inside?
Will that smile ever reach those sad blue eyes?

What do others see when they look @ me
Do they see the smile the one that is always in place?
Do they notice that the eyes are searching the room?
They are searching for the escape route, the way out.

I want to get to know you Ė the person in the mirror
The one, who is always smiling Ė always caring Ė always loving,
Will the sparkle ever be in those blue eyes - the sparkle of laughter?
Will I ever really know who you are, do I want to know?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YELLOWROSE641 12/30/2008 11:46PM

    Wow you have a gift! A true gift of expression.

emoticon Gidget

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BITTYGIRL51 12/30/2008 11:17PM

    Great poem. I am also one that likes to write poetry. I call it "expression therapy"...lotta deep stuff, there, girl. If we can get our head in the game...there nothing we can't accomplish when it comes to these chubby bodies. I'm cheering for you!

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LITTLE_QUEEN 12/30/2008 10:49PM

    Excellent! This moved me Maga!

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Friday, December 26, 2008

It is funny, not funny ha ha but funny ironic. I didn't give into either Thanksgiving or Christmas. But when it comes to those PMS cravings or the curse cravings I give in ever time.
emoticonWhen I PMS I usually eat a weeks worth of food within 3 days. I have changed though what i eat, though. I m no longer eating a bunch of candy bars & doughnuts, instead I am eating healthy homemade Peanut Butter Cookies. I'm no longer eating the 1 lb hamburger instead now I eat beef cubes marinated in vinegar cooked cut up & put over lettuce. So I m still giving into craves I m just making healthier choices.
emoticonNow to the curse, My grandmother may she RIP was blessed she knew whenever someone got pregnant, who & what they were having. Well a few years after she passed away I started going through pregnancy symptoms ( I cant have no more kids & my baby is now 20),. A few mths later I found out a cousin was pregnant 2 mths later it went away. A yr later same thing this time it was my sister in law who I hadn't even seen in 2 yrs. Last yr I moved in here & it started again, it was my neighbor. A wk I was fine & it started again my sister in law, then my sister . I was fine for a few weeks then it started again noone knew who but 4 the 1st time ever I knew who it was my sons girlfriend. Symptoms go away & started again 2 weeks ago. I found out Christmas Eve, its my baby sister she is being blessed with her 2nd child. It's just not fair I m going thru such weird cravings & the more that I ignore them the worst they seem to get. So for the next 2 mths minimum I will be going thru cravings.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKPIXIE 12/27/2008 10:30PM

    Congratulations on making healthier choices when you have a craving. Thats something to be proud of, Maga! emoticon

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LITTLE_QUEEN 12/27/2008 10:27PM

    Oh Maga! You sound likeyou can be a healer or something.

You are doing great, and though you have those cravings you are doing great and eating healthy, That is fantastic! Remember I am the one who ate all the candy canes, and I can't say it was PMS, I love the way you choose to make this happen, You are also a special emoticon


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CRAZY_CAROLLYNN 12/26/2008 10:40PM

    Its great to make the realization, to come to terms with you just got to keep up with making smarter choices in answering them. I am so proud of you in this!! Thats a wonderful step of maturity and responsibility. Dont you FEEL the empowerment this gives you?

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clothing size & self esteem

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I've recently come to realize that I hate shopping cause of how hard it is to find clothes to fit properly. I m 1 of those odd ppl that can't buy clothes in regular sizes cause they r too small, yet big clothes don't fit righteither. I have a short torso & I'm short. So most of my pants I have to roll the waist to fit me n can't buy jeans cause if they fit in the waist they too big every place else. So when I go clothes shopping I always wind up so depressed n my self esteem is basically in the toilet. I don't get where they come up with woman sizes, men's I can find clothes especially shirts. But not in woman's. how can a 3x in men's b big on me yet in woman's its too small. One store it fits the next it doesn't. Sizes r so inconsistent that I don't even believe them any more. This even goes for bra sizes, shouldn't they all b the same? I don't think that it s the size that gets to me as much as the size doesn't mean the same in every store. I would b ok with wearing a b igger size if it fitted the same in each store. My self esteem is suffering not because I wear a large size but because that large size doesnt alwyas fit the same, in 1 store it fits properly in another its too small. I m 5'4" presently 248 lbs & a 44 DD, I HATE CLOTHES SHOPPING

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHARLIBLAH 12/28/2008 10:06AM

    Right on!! And it doesn't matter what size you are it's always the same thing. I own about 4 pain of exactly the same pants cause they fit. And bra shopping what a pain!! Keep a smile on your face when you go!

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RUTHIEBEAR 12/23/2008 9:43AM

    I know what you mean about every store the sizes being different. It can be very frustrating. I am 5'6" and I even have to pull the pants up to my bra so they don't drag. I am looking forward to when I lose enough weight to wear regular sizes and not plus sizes.
I do not think you are alone in your frustration. Do not let it get you down. You are worth all of the effort to lose this weight and to find the right clothes.

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CRAZY_CAROLLYNN 12/23/2008 12:40AM

    I hate clothes shopping too, because its so frustrating. Nothing hangs right or looks good, too small here or too big there. Try to keep in mind that you are unique and special and just because youre different than others doesnt mean that you are a bad person or less valuable. Shopping IS very frustrating for now, and its OK that you find it so and to feel that way about it. I do too.

Comment edited on: 12/23/2008 12:45:37 AM

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My Triggers

Monday, December 22, 2008

I use to eat for all the emotions. I would eat when I was happy, sad, depressed, upset, bored for everything. Now my main trigger is anger I only really seem to lose focus when I m angry. I don't even seem to think, I just eat. I don't even seem to realize that I'm doing it at 1st, until I'm done. Afterwards I try to figure out y did I do this it always seems to b cause of anger. I try not to have foods around me that I shouldn't eat - this way if I do binge it is something healthier. I really need to find another way of dealing with my anger. Eating is not the answer, I know this but knowing just doesn't seem to b enough. I m still continuing to allow food to control my life, does it ever stop. Will I ever have have total control of my life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLE_QUEEN 12/27/2008 11:35PM

    Maga, Anger is a very hard thing to have control over, Trust me I know, The fact you are trying to keep healthy foods around is great, and you are doing so good!

Next time just tell your self,

I will control my emotions,
And not let my emotions control me.

That is part of the TOPS pledge, a group I am in.

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CRAZY_CAROLLYNN 12/22/2008 11:40PM

    Funny you blog about this, So did I. Coach Dean Anderson has a ToughLove team I joined and he gave some really great advice on dealing with Triggers that I copied to my blog. Now mostly I journal out my anger, go tot he gym, or take a walk...sometimes I clean. But even when Im hungry I dont allow myself to eat until I am over feeling angry.

Comment edited on: 12/26/2008 10:41:36 PM

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