Saturday, February 23, 2013
I got up this morning, got in a good workout and had a healthy breakfast. And today I am proud of myself. I feel so good about myself and so confident in where I will be a few weeks and months.
Keep up the good work, me.
(And you too.)
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Did you know that a girl's self-esteem peaks at about age 10? At around age 18-20 it goes back up, but it never hits the same height that it was at about age 10.
I want to be the exception.
I did not have high self-esteem as a child. I was always the shy, over-weight kid with few to no friends, who was an easy mark for the bullies looking to make themselves feel better by picking on the weak (that would be me).
I hated myself for not being the pretty, skinny girl that grade-school kids expect of girls. So I would eat, and get picked on, and eat some more. And it wasn't much better at home.
So, I grew up hating myself. And I have never stopped.
But, I want to stop hating myself. I want to learn to love myself. So, I'm wondering, is that something you can learn from a book? I've been looking on Amazon at the MANY books they have on how to learn to love yourself and I'm wondering if it really works? Has anybody really gained self-esteem by reading a book and doing all of the exercises? Really, I'm serious, I want to know. Is it a worthwhile investment, or a waste of money? Please let me know your experiences.
Thanks so much for your advice.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Not in a literal sense. Or even, really, in a weight sense. But in a do-I-really-want-to-weigh-myself-every-wee
I worked with a woman once who did some workout/diet plan thing and at the beginning, she did an initial weigh-in, then wasn't "allowed" to weigh herself again for 6 weeks. At the time, I was like "how could you possibly wait 6 weeks to see how all of your hard work has paid off?" Now, I think I get it.
I am not liking the idea of the scale being the determining factor in my success or failure, as I have always let it. I don't like the idea of the emotional roller coaster I have always let it take on me. You know, the ecstatic high when you have worked hard and lost 4 pounds, and then the depressing low when you have worked hard and gained 2 pounds, the "how on earth did I lose anything this week?" and the "why didn't I lose more this week?" and the mid-week weigh-ins, just to make sure that you are on the right track for the week.
I just don't think I want to do it anymore. I think, maybe, I will start just weighing myself every 4 weeks or 6 weeks, or whatever, so that when I do get on the scale and see a 6-pound loss after 6 weeks, I can just be happy that it's a loss without all the other termoil of the gains and losses in between.
I don't want the number on my scale to rule me anymore. I don't want it to determine my self-worth anymore.
I think I needed it when I started my journey because I needed the constant confirmation that I was doing things right. I was so big that it was hard to see the changes. I didn't go down a pants' size until I had lost 40 pounds, and even at 60+ pounds lost, I hadn't gone down a second pants' size or a single shirt size.
I don't want to be ruled by the scale anymore, so I'm not going to let it rule me anymore. I'll just check in every now and then and otherwise, ignor it.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
So, I'm back. Not for the first time, but hopefully permanently.
I know this works because I've lost over 60 pounds doing it. Then my routine gets changed and rather than adapting and accepting that I can't be perfect, I quit.
Well, it's time to accept that I can't be perfect, and this isn't perfect, and figure out how to do this anyway.
When I started SP (day 1), I was unemployed with lots and lots of time on my hands and inspired by a Biggest Loser Challenge. And I did great during that Challenge. Then it ended. And I was left floundering, begging for the next Challenge to start because I didn't know how to do this without the motivation and support of a team. And when the next Challenge started, I was back on track and did great. Thus started my Challenge dependance circle: great while the Challege was going, floudering and sinking when it wasn't, and always looking for another Challenge to join.
Then I found a job. Mid-Challenge. And I couldn't deal with the sudden time restraints working put on my Challenge participation. So rather than just admit that I no longer had the time required to participate in the Challenges "perfectly," I quit. Because quitting was better than being perfect, obviously [hear sarcasm].
And once I quit, over the next year, I gained back 25 of the pounds I had lost :( [Luckily, it wasn't all 60. Or, even half :)] So, I decided to join another Challenge. And I quit, because once again, I couldn't deal with my inability to be "perfect" for the Challenge.
A few months later, I still have only gained back 25 pounds, a miracle if you knew how crappily [is that a word? I'm doing with it anyway] I've been eating.
But, I feel like crap about myself. And I'm tired of being sad and depressed and HATING myself! And so, before I give up on myself completely [and because I hate people who whine about all that's wrong with their lives without doing anything to fix it, when they can], I have come back to Spark.
Not with the intention of being perfect, but of doing the best that I can.
On my own, with the help of my SparkFriends, not a Challenge.
On my own, because I need to learn to do this by myself, without the help of a Challenge to motivate and inspire me.
Because I need to motivate and inspire me [with the help of the very supportive and inspiring people on this fantastic site]
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Over the next 12 weeks I will help myself to succeed by:
Exercising for at least 20 minutes a day, four days a week, either in the morning before work, at work during breaks and lunches, or in the evening after work.
Eating within my calorie range everyday (or nearly everyday). To accomplish this, I will pre-plan all of my meals for the day/week, and pre-prep all of my snacks each day.
Try to regain my motivation and confidence by reviewing/updating my motivation poster and long-term goal sheet; surrounding myself with motivational quotes & images; and reviewing my old blogs/journal entries from when I was doing well.
When I fail, not feeling guilty, but instead not let it keep me from succeeding.
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