Monday, January 26, 2009
That's what I was told this weekend from my BFF. I went home (Canada) for the weekend to visit my family and celebrate my daughters 3rd birthday. Everyone complimented me and said they could tell I've been loosing some weight. I haven't lost a lot, I have over 90lbs more to go, but to hear that you can start to see a difference really does boost you up a little.
Saturday night, my BFF was home with my brother and his boyfriend while I went to a birthday party for my little 4 year old cousin. When I returned both my BFF and my brother's boyfriend told me something I never thought I would hear.
You see, me and my brother, well, we've never really been 'friends' with each other. We still to this day fight and argue, although things have gotten somewhat better. I was told that he had said that I look good and he can tell I've lost some weight... But "SHHH DON'T TELL HER THAT".... It's nice to hear that my brother can see a change, that lifts my spirits even more, and it's nice, even if he himself refuses to tell me.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Today was day 1 of the Sparkspeople new YOU bootcamp...I hope I continue thought this and get enough out of it as well by adding it to my daily exercise.
Starting out at 252 lbs, not only am I ashamed, but I'm out of shape. I'm not sure how a person who went to the gym DAILY for hours on end, and enjoyed working out, got so fat and lazy..I guess life happens.
Today's workout was a 10 minute cardio kickboxing that kicked my butt! I thought 10 minutes would be nothing, but it worked me out and I built up a sweat. I'm actually energized now, and will go on with my day and my daily Wii Fit exercise for 30 minutes a little later on.
I feel that for now, spacing out my exercise routine throughout the day now that i'm adding an extra in there is probably the best way to keep myself motivated and to keep me going.
Since I started this journey for myself, I've already lost 2.2lbs (possibly more, I haven't weighed myself in 2 days) and I'm feeling pretty happy about it!
I'll also be starting a Biggest Loser challenge on my mommy board (mommiesnbabies.com) tomorrow which should be even more motivation! I have to take my profile pics tomorrow which I DO NOT want to do, do I dare post them on my sparks page too? We'll see how comfortable I get.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
oops double blog post
Friday, January 02, 2009
Yesterday I shed tears. Tears I've never shed before, and I hope to never shed again. My daughter was the culprit. My little 5 year old girl, did something to make mommy cry and leave the dinner table. I couldn't belive it.
No there was no fighting, no arguing. She wasn't being bad. She was being a truthful little 5 year old girl, who hit me just in that right spot with her words and made me cry, not only because of what she said to me, but also because of the image I've been giving her in her short few years of life as a girl.
Yesterday during dinner, we got to try these new Orida potatoes. They were cheesy ones that you simply put in the microwave to cook them. Anyways, Lyric is not a big eater, she's picky and we struggle to get her to eat most days at the dinner table. She ATE UP those potatoes like they were going out of style, she just loved them. I said to Rodney, we'll have to buy more she loves them and we'll be able to 'fatten her up a bit'.
I heard a great big "NO!" come out of that kids mouth.... No? No what?.....I don't want to get fat, I like to be skinny! We told her she's too skinny we don't want her to get fat, we just want her to be healthy and there's such a thing as being too skinny and we just want her to pick up a little bit of weight... NO! She said, I like being skinny and I look better skinny... WHAT?!?! This is coming out of the mouth of my 5 year old?????
Then she proceeds to say "Mommy, you need to loose weight.." (not something I already don't know... Daddy kinda lost it...."Why does Mommy need to loose weight Lyric?" he said...."Because, she does, she needs to loose some weight"...This goes around in circles for a bit, I'm just sitting at the dinner table silent, why would these words be coming out of a 5 year olds mouth! I strive not to talk too much about body imagine (mine in general) around her, and we try to teach her that no matter what anyone looks like that everyone is different and you shouldn't judge or make fun of people because they're different than you.
Well, Rodney finally gets some more out of her, he basically wanted a reason why she thinks Mommy needs to loose weight. Her answer was: "Because, Mommy will look better if she's skinny...."
I lost it, that just hit me so hard, I broke down in tears and left the table. Rodney was so upset with her at this point, and told her, it's not nice to say things like that about people, you just hurt Mommy's feelings, do you think she's ugly? To which Lyric replied no she's very pretty but she'd look better if she was skinny.......Oh...My...God... What is going on?????????
Rodney told her, do you ever see Daddy saying that to Mommy? She said "No". Rodney then said to her, I love Mommy, she's beautiful no matter what size she is (aww) and that was very mean to say to her....He then made her apologize to me, which I accepted but it took a while for my tears to stop.
This was such an eye opener...How does a 5 year old get this stuff into her head? It must be from me, I must not be doing something, I guess my self image is rubbing off on her and I need to stop this. Yes I am on this journey of weight loss and getting healthier now, the girls are in on it too, we told them no more junk food, just healthy snacks, and every morning they've been attempting to exercise with my while I do my workouts, which is great....I'm proud of them for doing that with me and it's a lot of fun for the three of us...
But.....I will never get her little voice out of my head now.....As sad as it is, it's a little bit more of a motivator for me to get this done, get healthy, and prove to her that it's not the outside that counts....
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