Friday, July 20, 2012
I not only need to do it, I want to do it. I tried to do it but got really sick.
The it is quitting smoking... and as "they" say.... "don't quit the quit"
I got very sick, very depressed, and very discouraged. I bounce back relatively quickly though. I broke down after 8 hours of crying, throwing up, sweats, shakes, etc. Day one went relatively unnoticed, but day two, I couldn't eat anything, I drank more than a gallon of water.. and I finally gave in.
So, I am regrouping, re-evaluating, refocusing. I will be resetting my goals...
my priorities and my needs.
I am more assertive about what I need, what is best for me, and following through with my exercise and eating right. Still not loosing weight, but I keep pushing and I will break this plateau. The first thing I did for myself yesterday that was a positive move forward was sign up for a personal training session at the wellness center, following out my usual work out.
Life is moving forward and so am I.
"I'm afraid that some times you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win, 'cause you'll play against you. ... On and on you will hike.
and I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are...
So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act."
Oh, The Places You Will Go" Dr. Seuss. (still guiding us through our lives).
Monday, July 16, 2012
plenty of safety nets in place as I move closer to the minute I become a non smoker. I am thinking it may happen tonight or tomorrow. I refuse to buy another pack of cigarettes to make it to the quit day, as this pack dwindles, I am actually finding I am not anxious at all. Sort like eating a box of candies... you know when you eat the last one you aren't going to go crazy and throw temper tantrums and run out and buy another box of chocolates. I have been "practicing not smoking" by using carrots, sugar free hand made candy, walking, exercising, SLEEPING, etc. to pass the time and stave off when I will Choose to have the next cigarettes. So I already feel in control of my decision now. (now when I get down to one cigarette- my story may change, but I don't expect it will). I have gone about this quit very methodically and very systematically, expressed my darkest fears and my greatest desires for a smokeless home and nicotine safe body. And safety for my cats lungs. It may be a bit "bitchy" around here for the next couple of days as I am sure the cats will have some effects also, but we will go through it together. I realized today, that I have, in one way or another been smoking most of my life... as my parents were both heavy smokers. But that doesn't concern me anymore than not being able to go out in the sun without sunglasses and sun screen on does. I am vigilant about that now. I will be a vigilant non smoker also. The last place I have to "Smokeout" is my car, but i haven't smoked in my car for the last week and a half, so it shouldn't be too bad.
As for my other goals...
sleep: It comes and goes, but right now it is coming in long frequent
stretches. I am not worrying about it for two weeks at which time I will put myself back on a schedule and see if I can stick to it more consistently.
Weight loss: I believe I will adopt the saying... Move a lot more, eat a lot less, and gain weight as I have not been able to loss a pound but have actually gained almost 4 pounds. I have warnings on my food logging page that I have to get more calories in, but if I were to eat the calories they are talking about i would be eating from the time I got up to the time I go to bed. I have not mastered that yet. I seem to be able to get all the nutrient levels in but not the total calories and I know, when you're not hungry, don't eat.
Depression: we'll see how that one goes, with a dip in norepinephrine from the not smoking... it's going to be interesting to see how my body reacts.
Exercise: I am working my butt off, literally, my pants are now about a size to big, and My tops, for the most part are hanging off of me. But that's alright, I am going to wait until I am actually dropping the pounds before I buy new clothes, I have enough of a variety of sizes that I can make a go of a decent wardrobe to last me for a while.
SO.... I will see you all on the flip side.....
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
In my last blog, I wrote about the motivation to becoming a nonsmoker.
Here is my plan, I am well into the plans I made.
After all that happened last week, I sat for a long time and I made a plan... very detailed, hoping I have covered all the speed bumps with plans of action to make it through.
The first thing I started to do was cleaning my house... from top to bottom, I have started in one corner and am working my way through the house. My primary goals are the walls and the multiple glassware and picture frames and vases and other decorative objects in the house.
I reached a heart breaking moment when I began on my books... the edges were stained with nicotine, but I went and got the dust off the books and wiped them all down. I have taken everything off all my wooden furniture and have polished or oiled them removing a nasty grim or film from everything. I sort of hit the wall this past weekend... when I realized I was absorbing nicotine through my hands as yellow stains started appearing on my skin. I have soaked my hands in epsom salts to draw out the poisons. And will get back on track of cleaning, not in the area I have always smoked. I only smoke in the living room, so everything, including my computer is affected by smoke (not to sure what to do about that).
*by cleaning everything I will provide myself with a fresh environment to be a nonsmoker.
*a big treat or treasure to maintain from my hard work.
For me it's all about the plan.
I started right away, practicing not to smoke. I went out and got peppermint tea, candy, and some nice smoothing flavors of lolipops to make it through the had times.
I have cut back to 11 cigarettes a day, I was supposed to be further along with the cutbacks, but I am still sticking with my nonsmoker day of the 17th.
I put all my smoking stuff in the kitchen, my cigarettes, ashtray and lighters are all stragically placed in the kitchen so if I want a cigarette, I have to go get the cigarette, the ashtray (which after each cigarette is promptly returned to the kitchen), and all lighters. So I have to make an effort to smoke just one cigarette. It seems to be working.
My aids to distract from the nicotine pangs are: peppermint candy... it will open the airways and also refresh my breath.
pieces of fruit that will nourish my body and help to remove the cravings.
DRINKING WATER!!!! I plan on a gallon a day! I will go purchase a gallon container so that I can make sure I get it all in everyday.
Sauna: to sweat out the nicotine... it may be difficult to deal with, but it was a suggestion and I will be following through with that after my workouts.
walking, first thing when I wake up to delay that desire for that first cigarette and increase my need for water.
EXERCISE!!!! and more exercise, I have brought out all my home supplies for when the gym isn't open.
... swimming, being able to swim with open lungs I should be able to build up to a mile again in no time.
BREATH... 5 deep breaths three times a day... long inhales long exhales.
as for hands and mouth action... I have a old fake chop stick that I can breath through, chew on, and handle in my fingers. But will be working up to being able to work through the heat and get back into the studio, the sweat will only help to flush out the nicotine.
I am building momentum to the day I will be a non smoker, I will still have cleaning to finish up, I want to wash all my blankets and pillows and fabric all my fabric in my house... so there is no residue left in the house. I may end up painting a few walls that I can't get the stains off very well.
MOST IMPORTANT and one that I will not take for granted... the support I have received from Spark People.... Thank you all for the great support as I make these preparations. Your support has kept me on track and help me accountable. You have encouraged me to make better plans, provided me with new inspiration and suggestions.
I thank you all, who are at all different stages of this process. May we all succeed. I will be blogging more as I continue this process.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
This is a goal I have been thinking about since,well, forever. But really brought to the forefront this past month, and then last Tuesday came the incentive to make myself a forever non-smoker. My quit day is July 17th, or rather I will be a non smoker on July 17th,
I had a dermatology appointment on the 2nd. It turned into a nightmare and a scare that will live in me forever. Having been an outdoor kid, in the water all the time year around, especially in the summers outside. We never were inside if the sun was out (or not) we were outside. After the usual 2 bad burns each summer I would start to tan, the sun no longer would affect me. I have had small scares in the past, fair skin, blue eyes, a dermatology nightmare. BUT this appointment was especially poignant. I found that an affected area removed over 20 years ago was back, into the the muscle, was cut out and sent for immediate evaluation, came back Squamous cell Sarcoma; another spot on my ear lobe was frozen off. But the concern build as the two spots were on the same side and close enough together to possibly share the same lymph system... so taking advantage of a holiday quite off schedule night time hospital equipment at 10:45 pm that night I met
the dermatologist, an oncology plastic surgeon (alarms going off in my mind), and a nurse anesthetists. The procedure was beginning with a lot of talk, making sure I understand what could possibly happen during this appointment. They would give me some mild sedation, place markers along the sides of the affected areas where they would inject a blue die to follow the direction of of it's drainage.
They found one affected lymph gland under my arm. It was removed. Then the most delicate of delicate was the tracing of the facial lymph glands. The results of this would have to wait a few days for results, while they were studied by the oncologist and a radiologist. Those were a few of the most sensitive and difficult day. The idea of having surgery on my face that would without question leave a scare scared me beyond words.
But good news came on Thursday as an all clear on my face and the one lymph glad they removed appears to be the only one affected.
I bit a big bullet and am going to live to tell about it.
There are other reason for quiting:
I can't afford to buy cigarettes and still have a social life.
It makes me feel crappy, I am hating the taste, and it occasionally burns
the back of my throat (not a good sign).
I want to be a non smoker so I can plan outtings without having to plan for my smoking habit.
After starting to clean my house, I am realizing I am ruining my little treasures with nicotine stains... I have found soaking things in vinegar and water has helped to remove some of the stains, if it is a water safe product.
I want to build endurance and smoking is getting in the way of really pushing forward.
It is a nasty habit. It predisposes the body to all sorts of diseases, by actually changing the nature of some cells.
hands that smell like cigarettes.
clothing that is stained by nicotine, and smell like cigarette smoke.
The flushing process of getting this crap out of my body has a horrible hack to it, quite unattractive.
It's a habit, I have broken many bad habits throughout my life.
It gets in the way with my friendships with nonsmokers.
I hate the way it makes me feel when I first wake up.
And I could go on...
but let me get on to my plans to quite... in a new blog. I hope these will help others who are sitting on the fence, or have quit and are struggling. It will be a big reminder for me as to WHY I am quitting if I have times when I struggle.
Friday, July 06, 2012
I am involved in a few challenges/goals...
lets see if I can remember them all...
quitting smoking by 17th of July
July 6th-12th fitness challenge
July fitness minutes
Sleeping 8 hours of sleep per night, in bed
fitness to help fight depression
I know there are a few more...
many of them overlap,
but I with Tuesdays news and the following fall out from the news, with great relieving news yesterday afternoon...
then 11 hours of sleep in bed yesterday... I should change my sleep goal to 40 hours of sleep a week, in bed... now that would be a challenge as I often fall asleep on the couch... hence not taking my meds on a regular basis.
or perhaps taking my meds by 2 am every night... that would get me on track.
This anxiety riddled body (from the weeks events) is iiving life backwards in some ways.
but I am improving my nutrition, instead of trying to eat everything on the Spark diet for a day (which I forever fell short of) to a food tracker of what I eat, which I am still falling short, but I have more options of things I have on hand and more food that I truly enjoy and are healthy choices for me and my sensative digestive track. SO.... I am figuring things on here and how to best hold myself accountable to my goals.... a healthier lifestyle OVER ALL.
SO, now I just have to find all the boards I am supposed to post on everyday... that is a challenge all inself. :) But I am ready to take that challenge and run with it. I was spending a few hours a day (or more) just posting and reading on sparks, leaving my knees and my back sore and in a stationary position for that length of time. So A new goal is to break up that time into small 45 minute lengths of time a few times a day... I hope I can reach and read posts and friends posts.
Needless to say, I get overwhelmed quite easily. So, back to a simpler life with all my Spark goals in place... I am going to try to make a list of all the boards I want to maintain a relationship with the people on them.
I am finding that if you fail to post on a certain board for more than a days in a row, when you come back you get little to know support even when I am posting support for those on the board.
BUT I will find my niche, groove, mode, ease, etc... to making this all work for me.
Thank you Spark friends for including me in your lives, especially those who offer daily support, which I will figure out how to do :)
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