No more waiting around...

Sunday, December 16, 2012

no more waiting around to feel better.
no more wishing things were different.
no more putting off that which I know I need to do.
No more feeling sorry for myself.
no more time to be given to sorrow.
I will move.
I will pray.
I will move (oh I said that already)
I will CHOSE to love everyone around me.
I will chose to help heal those I can.
I will continue to with this.
I will be coming into the holiday week with great enthusiasm
I will enjoy an evening at home with my living room and studio cleaned and organized and my Christmas tree up so I can delight in the LIGHT of the season.

No more am I going to give into this sadness.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PLANTAGO 12/17/2012 2:58PM

This is very anti bah - humbug, Lynn! Report Inappropriate Comment

TINYBUBBA1 12/17/2012 1:49PM

Lynn - One more time you've inspired and motivated me! I need to do all the things you mentioned! So, thanks for the encouragement! Have a great and blessed week! Tiny Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGRITTER 12/17/2012 9:33AM

We still haven't decided if we will decorate or not. Mom wants me to go to Ocala with her on Wednesday and move things and pack up a trailer load of junk from my aunt's. In my opinion, my aunt should have hired a truck and 2 men to do this job and not leave it on my family. But what do I know, right? So that is another day that decorations won't go up. I feel like saying Bah-Humbug, but I know there are so many out there saying it already! I just need to get into the Christmas spirit. Report Inappropriate Comment

STILLHERE1111 12/17/2012 12:12AM

Your intentions are excellent. If you still feel sad Niacin (B3) a simple ever the counter vitamin works wonders with depression and is very safe and inexpensive. Google Niacin and depression and you will find lots of information. I love your list, you might want to add some humor to it, watch a comedy, enjoy laughing. Tim Hawkins is very funny--if you haven't heard of him--here is a link, he has lots of videos on youtube etc. and they are hilarious. http://www.timhaw kins.net/ http://www.you tube.com/watch?v=ey_IL57a-b0 Comment edited on: 12/17/2012 12:12:49 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

LANAHAUTH21 12/16/2012 11:58PM

I liked you blog. I am going to try to do the same. Thanks Merry Christmas. Report Inappropriate Comment

Prayers and healing for Newtown Conn.

Friday, December 14, 2012

I have tried for hours to wrap my mind and heart around what has happened to so many small people and adults today.

I have no words of safety or comfort. I can not find them for myself right now.
Prays straight through to the enormous number of people who are heartbroken, torn apart and doubting tonight.
God heal our people ... comfort them and let them know and feel our prayers tonight and through the next months to come.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGRITTER 12/16/2012 6:17PM

It a horror movie come to life... and it happens way too often in this world. Things like this are the evernts that make me happy that I do not have any children. But being a teacher is even more fateful than driving a race car anymore. What happened to all of those metal detectors they put in schools in the 2000's when carrying knives and guns were a problem? Bring them back because evidently they WERE working! Report Inappropriate Comment

TINYBUBBA1 12/15/2012 12:28PM

My sentiments, as well, Lynn. As a parent, I cannot even begin to comprehend how one would cope with this ... like you said, can't wrap my mind or heart around it. Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 12/14/2012 7:21PM

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GIRLINMOTION 12/14/2012 7:17PM

Words can not express the horror of this. Report Inappropriate Comment

IBLEVNHIM 12/14/2012 7:09PM

I agree Lynn as my heart breaks also. I don't understand but prayers are going up for all involved. May God put his comforting hands on each and every one involved in this tragedy.I hold my 6 year old kindergardener close tonight:( Report Inappropriate Comment

SHARRONRNC 12/14/2012 7:07PM

AMEN Report Inappropriate Comment

CARMEL_466 12/14/2012 6:44PM

It's so hard to understand this senseless act. My heart is breaking and I can find no comfort. to all who are brokenhearted. Prayers for families and friends of those lost forever. Report Inappropriate Comment

FIT4MEIN2013 12/14/2012 6:10PM

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KAKONOLADY 12/14/2012 6:05PM

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To Family time and to sleep

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Today was lunch with Dad and his wife and my best friend (who my family has adopted). It was sort of a make up for my dad canceling Thanksgiving on us. It bummed my "brother" more than it did me. Thanksgiving became a time of revelations about my family for me this year. So my father and his wife, mostly his wife, got busted big time about hiding and not conveying the truth about those things that are communicated between or about each of us kids. Well, I am over that, she is suitably remorseful and I doubt she will be repeating or continuing this behavior now that we "kids" are talking to each other again.
ANYWAY.... lunch was great, we talked and laughed and told stories, new ones I hadn't heard before... I have normally heard all the stories before. I realized how much I have missed spending time with both my folks and my "brother". I do talk to them often on the phone but my sleep schedule is all messed up since I was sick last month I haven't been able to get back to sleep through the night and often sleep most of the hours in the day, I often stay up all night and go to the early morning workouts and then come home and go to sleep. Which is not good. I want to switch my schedule around, which I know how to do, but it requires me to be completely healthy to so, as if I am sick, I find myself more tired and end up falling asleep on the couch in the evening and then I am up for most of the night again.
Sleep continues to be one of my biggest issues. I have done the sleep challenge twice and yes I works, and I go through all the routines and still when I lay downin my bed, my body pretending itself to be tired and ready for bed, suddenly becomes more awake... I know I shake my head every time this happens. But I am going to continue to try and by Christmas I am going to be on a regular sleep and exercise schedule again.
Tracking on this off kilter schedule is a challenge but I seem to be able to keep up with my food and within my calorie range, and I keep up with my exercise minutes. But after that, there doesn't seem to be much energy left so I will fall asleep... I don't dare sit on the couch and relax as I will go to sleep... so I am a bundle of energy through my awake time and I know that I will work my way around the clock face to actually make it back to my WANTED bed time of midnight or 1 am...

I am getting excited about the holidays and time spent with friends and family and I fight my procrastination to get everything accomplished in my awake hours so that I can get it cleared out soon and get the tree up... oh that sounds so excited.

I hope that you all are having a great time in your holiday and your prepartations and I hope you all stay focused on your goals and find time for all the fun stuff that comes with this time of year.
The beginning of a new year and fresh starts (which don't really erase the past year) but it is a time for many to set them straights on a better or improved plan.

SO to honor my family getting straightened out and relationships repaired and no more coverups or dishonesty to allow us to be torn apart again, I pledge to get myself straightened out (sleep) and get my house cleaned so that family can come here without me being ashamed... LOL ... they all love me all the same.

Happy planning everyone.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINYBUBBA1 12/15/2012 12:59PM

I'm so happy for your re-connection with family members. Holiday time is really fun when spent with friends and family! Report Inappropriate Comment

NETSUE64 12/14/2012 4:33PM

Family tension can be so draining, I'm glad it has straightened out for you! Report Inappropriate Comment

GIRLINMOTION 12/14/2012 9:47AM

Sleep patterns can go crazy. Are you taking anything with lots of caffeine? Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGRITTER 12/14/2012 5:09AM

Man, just thinking about putting up decorations is putting me back to sleep! I feel I need to get it done before my mother gets here on Sunday, but I have promised to go out Saturday night and meet Chef. We'll see. This is where you and I need kids with tons of energy to do this for us!! Thank you for all of the support you hvae thrown my way!! You make me think outside the box sometimes and I am starting to shake off the doom and glood I function so well under. Report Inappropriate Comment

Giving friends a kick start...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

As I discussed in a recent blog (what difference a month makes) I committed to 3 of my friends to work out with them for the next 4 Wednesdays, well today was week one... everyone showed up and everyone was dressed to impress (gotta love southern woman- no offense meant, they looked great in their work out gear and their air all up and a full face of makeup). Step one, lesson on skin care... make up off while they work up a sweat so they don't end up with a major out break of acne following the sweating.
We headed to the weight room for some serious strength training (yep, I have been needing my own kick to get started with that in full ernest again)... I kept reminding them to use lower weights and shorter reps so they would be able to move tomorrow. Gung ho some of them went. Breaking a sweat in no time flat. We did a good solid circuit training for 45 minutes as we rotate from weight machines to weight machines. Oh, there was a warm up, mostly getting them to walk around the track inside the gym. But they were ready to go, I was so impressed. THEN they all joined me in the water, they played a bit and swam a bit as I swam laps. It was rather entertaining to see their delight at being in a pool in December. I think they will make this part of their routine. I showed them some water weight exercises, but mostly encouraged them to just walk the laps of the pool together. I was determined to get my some serious lap swimming in... they kept throwing the weights at me as I swam by... LOL... again, gotta love southern woman and love for play! I was impressed they even had appropriate swim suits so anything after that was a success.
We then returned ... wet suits and all to the walking track, we walked until they weren't out of breath anymore. It was a great workout (and they had FUN)... they pledged to each other to meet again on Friday afternoon, I told them if time permitted on Saturday I would come back out and workout with them again, but definitely next Wednesday. I warned them all that they needed to go home and take hot showers and perhaps an over the counter anti- inflammatory so they would be able to move through the evening. We departed, all us were laughing and I having a great time and I do believe, if they aren't in such pain tomorrow, they will come back on Friday. I did warn them about the muscle aches and how the best thing to get over that is to give your body a day of rest from the strength training and then get back in there (with no makeup) and get back through the circuit training again, if one will go the other two will follow in suite. I would join them everyday but the gym I attend is about a mile away, and they are 45 minutes away. But they have each other to keep them going.

So, it was an interesting day of confidences and giggles of embarrassment as we worked out way through the weighs... but I do believe they are committed to return, as all three said their husbands were so proud of them for coming today. Nothing like having your spouse send off to the gym with great blessings... no to get the husbands into the gym... that will be my next goal.

A successful day.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINYBUBBA1 12/15/2012 12:50PM

You are such an inspiration to others!!! I think your life is a series of RAOK's going on constantly! I'm such a wimp about movement, so I'm in absolute awe of the way you pursue movement! You go, Girl! Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGRITTER 12/13/2012 3:15PM

You are such a wonderful person to get your underwhelmed friends in to work out with you. And yes, they need to leave the makeup in their cars and put it back on WHILE they are driving home! HAHA And go you with you leading by example. And I bet they were all SUPERIMPRESSED to be getting schooled by an actual water aerobics trainer! I love saying that about you... a friend of mine is a trainer! LOL! Now getting the hubbies there...I bet the men are hanging out together having a beer while their women do their wifely duties of staying lean and mean. LOL! That's the South, for ya! Congratulations on making people WANT to do better adn to be around you. You are truly a special person. Love and Hugs, Angela Report Inappropriate Comment

PLANTAGO 12/12/2012 10:32PM

WOW Lynn, that was a nice gym escapade and I hope they will go there again! Report Inappropriate Comment

GIRLINMOTION 12/12/2012 9:13PM

It is nice to get out with people and have fun while being serious about getting some exercise in too. I hope that you all keep this up together, it does help make it easier when you have a great support system. Report Inappropriate Comment

GINILEE4 12/12/2012 7:04PM

I sure wish I was one of your friends and lived near you too. I am on my own here as all my friends live a long ways away and we have no car. It gets boring walking alone or trying to workout alone. I just don't really make friends. I am too insecure. Gini Report Inappropriate Comment

My crooked journey (the road rarely taken)

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Here's to hoping that my computer doesn't freeze while I am writing this (I have written a blog everyday this week and end up losing it to a computer freeze).

FIRST OFF... Thank you to everyone who has posted comments on the Blog about my 6th month spark anniversary....
I am thrilled that some of you found inspiration and grateful to all that took the time to read it.

My 6 months on Sparks has been a great way for me to CONTINUE on my weight loss. It has helped me uncover some truths about myself, to come to terms with the restrictions I fight against everyday- medical conditions I have dealt with (or thought I had dealt with) since very early on.

Starting at 9 years of age, I began swimming competitively ... I loved it, I learned to butterfly from a very talented swimmer whom I will remember for the rest of my life. It became the stroke of choice for me. I was, for most years, highly ranked nationally. I was always overweight, obese.... no matter the amount of time I spent working out in the water or on land I would not loose weight. My coach, my doctor, and my parents were all at a loss for the cause. When I was 15 I looked like this...


My life was wonderful, I swam through my senior year in college. I was married to a dream man at age 18 (who was also a swimmer and 4 years my senior). Shortly after we got married and decided to start a family (as his career was taking off) we found I couldn't have children. Back then a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian syndrome didn't exist. But that wasn't the only reason I couldn't have children. I was a survivor (YES SURVIVOR) of child abuse and there was simply too much scar tissue for my body to accept a pregnancy.
I finished my nursing degree and started working in my career and the moved to Pediatrics... I loved working with the babies and little people.
I was, in the mean time, diagnosed with a severe depressive disorder and a very bizzare diagnosis of Adrenal hyperplasia, not having been born with this disease, and not having a tumor on my adrenal glands, the doctors determined that I had essentially burned out my adrenal glands... Fight or Flight... I fought!!! But the consequences of this disease was that my hormones were not well controlled. At the least sign of stress my adrenal glands would spew cortisol into my blood system...
When I was 26 my husband died. My depression was exacerbated and I literally lost everything but a dog and a my own personal processions. While I was trying to get a grip on life, My husband and my father worked together to liquidate the property, house we had built, and the 20 horses my husband used in equine physical therapy. I found myself without much debt left and in a small house with one of my dogs and everything set up by my family.
I slowly gained weight, every year it would not even creep, it would JUMP on me. i consumed horrible foods and tried to comfort myself with food and solitude when I wasn't at work. My profession was taking off and yet I still was gaining weight. I kept a journal of everything I ate... and began making changes and eating healthier. I was put on a slew of medication to regulate and control my depression and growing anxiety attacks.
I reached the 400+ pound mark when I was in my late 30's. I was able to maintain the pace at work, and often worked over 80 hours a week.
When I was 44 I looked like this (the man with me is a dear friend).

I was in a fight for my life at that point with a cancer diagnosis of uterine sarcoma, a rare and nasty cancer that was like a 'shift changer' ... it could and would show up in different places and continued for 6 years. In that picture above I was getting chemo and had had a hysterectomy 2 years before. I had actually lost 60 pounds from my highest weight. ( I know there are pictures of my at my highest weight but I can't seem to find any of them).
So at 360... I was hidden in all that protective fat and miserable.
As the cancer progressed and grew and changed I went through 8 surgeries in less than 6 years, multiple rounds of chemo and radiation. Yes I was still over weight.
At my lowest I was 220 pounds, but there were no pictures of me at that point as I was far to sick and would not allow anyone to photograph me. I had no hair and I was a lighter shade of grey.
With a year clearance of cancer I began moving as much as my battered body could manage and I slowly gained back 60 pounds...

here is me at 350 pounds....

A year later I was down to 325

And me at 300 pounds
When I joined sparks I was at 287 and I have been working my butt off to get this weight back off ...
My profile picture is what I look like now....
I want to lose this weight, I want more than anything to remove all possibilities of complications from the Adrenal hyperplasia and the depression as I grow older.

Life is interesting and exciting and I will take my ability to move everyday with greater freedom over just about anything in the world.
I may be one of the slowest losers ... but I am losing and I am moving and I will never give up. I am a survivor!!!
I am back in the pool and I am swimming close to a mile when I have the time.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINYBUBBA1 12/15/2012 12:43PM

What a ride you've had, my dear! SO many people would have never survived all this - or even any of the separate parts of your journey! I just know you're on the right track with Spark. I feel so honored and blessed to have connected with you. You're amazing! I know you won't quit. Not quitting is my only saving grace too. It's been such slow weight loss for me - and now it's at a complete standstill as I continue to eat properly. But I will never quit either! I'm certain you've been told often how very beautiful you are - and I'm telling you again. You have that "classic beauty" face. And your heart - OMG - beautiful indeed! Love you! Report Inappropriate Comment

GINILEE4 12/12/2012 6:59PM

Lynn.you are my hero. As a survivor you have beaten the odds already, many times. You are well on your way to beating the weight odds as well. I know you are aiming for healthy and so am I and I think I will stick to you and try to emulate your attitude and energy. Thank you for sharing with us. It helps me to know that I am not all alone in a disfunctional life. We have much in common my friend. Love Gini Report Inappropriate Comment

NETSUE64 12/12/2012 1:38PM

You have come such a long way through so much. I am proud to call you my friend! Report Inappropriate Comment

GIRLINMOTION 12/11/2012 9:05PM

God has given you many challenges. You are on this earth still because you are determined to give it a good fight. You are winning. Your smile does show that. I believe you are here to inspire others that if you can, they can too. HUGS Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGRITTER 12/11/2012 8:56PM

You have traveled a rough road in life my dear. I love that you chose to fight when it got really bad after you lost your husband. But that road you traveled has brought you into my life and into the lives of all the people who love you. You know that road is not paved with gold, but good intentions... just the long way around. But you are here and that's what counts now. I love you for who you are and because you are one strong bitty! You fit very well into my life and you've come so far in only 6 months! And we will do this together and kick some really big a$$!!! Love and hugs to you, Angela Report Inappropriate Comment

TJCADDO 12/11/2012 8:55PM

And you are still glowing and still going. I can believe with your perserverance and winning attitude that you were a Nationally ranked swimmer. Incredible inspiring story! Thank you for sharing. Report Inappropriate Comment