Emotional...

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Where do I start with a emotional roller coaster like this one..
My weight is up.. I got that. I understand I'm up in weight..
I'm just stuck.. I'm doing well to be me.. But what is stressing me the hell out is.
My life facts..
My back ground and my family health history..
MORBIC OBESE GRAND MOTHER.. Who Dies in her 50's
CANCER THAT IS HEAVY.... ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE.
HEART PROBLEMS, THAT RUNS ON BOTH SIDES.
AND A HUSBAND WHO IS SICK HIMSELF... WHO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO HIS HEALTH...

And then.. I'm eating. Emotional eating.. Dealing with stress in the hand to mouth way of things. Eating things I normally don't eat, and sitting here wondering why on earth isn't the scale moving for me.

Well, I'm not going to fall into the emotional eating track.
Tonight was the last night of it..
I got to get a grip..
Going to fast all day 2morrow.. HELP!
Naw, I'll be okay.. I'm just an emotional mess...
And you know what.....

JESUS SAID.. ASK IN MY NAME... ASK IN MY NAME...
ASK OF THE FATHER IN HIS NAME...
I'm going to have to read..JOHN 15 & 16 again.

I'm one big emotional mess...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETLIPS 9/7/2011 11:33PM

Fasting with you. When two are more are gathered. Do me a favor and read John 14. I believe you will have peace. Many blessings. I do have to tell you this - my hubs will be 65 years old next month. Diabetes and Heart disease runs rampart in his family and he does not have any of those diseases at aLL. He says he needs to lose 10, and yeah, he could, but essentially while he is a vegan, some 8 years now, he was a junkin, vegetarian, he moved his body, and he might cause me stress but he can let things go. It is in how we take care of ourselves, how we move and accept what God allows. Take a moment and let it all go, don't hold on to anything right now. clear your mind of every thing that has bothered you - uuu - no, that thought will not enter, not even that one. Now, take some time to reflect on that which is good, that which is right - you can not change anyone, but you can ask God to order just your steps. Come on, you got this. Think of a time, that is ideal for you - you like being with the soil, now build the image from there. Blessings precious Report Inappropriate Comment

KJOHNSON011 9/7/2011 11:14PM

Sis ill fast on your behalf too. Pray and just put everything in his hands, dont worry and dont ask y, just know that he's going to handle it. Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 9/7/2011 11:03PM

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CHERYBABIE 9/7/2011 7:03AM

I will fast with you so you won't be alone. Comment edited on: 9/7/2011 7:03:53 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

If there was one body part you could change..

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

What would it be?
I thought about the question for a few moments after hearing it.
If there was one body part I could change. What would it be?
I have many parts of my body I would like to change.
But it's my mindset. That's what I would change the most.
How I think about things, and what they really mean to me.

Like, my get up and go.
Oh, I don't mind getting up and going.
Here lately... A pay check has been part of my get up and go.
To get paid to instruct a class is one thing.

But the motivation in doing those things aren't there.
I mean, the ladies that are there are motivated in doing the right thing, but when you see the ladies drop out. Well, it kinda makes you upset.
They will or they won't. It's just how it goes you know.
And that put a big damper on my thoughts and how I felt about weight loss..
You know. Motivating them to get up and do for themselves.

I mean, I felt going back to work part time for the gym was the right thing to do, but now... I feel I made a big mistake. I mean, my head isn't in it. My head is no longer wrapping itself around helping them... Like it was before. I give them all the tools, and all the advice I could give anyone. The same advice I give myself. The same get up and go I talk about. The same get up and go- I'm forcing onto myself.

I mean, I can break myself down inside and out, but when it comes to watching others not care and not get it. It makes you go.. Why on earth did I bother with this again? Why on earth did I give this ago again? Why can't I just leave it alone, and go on and do me?

Because there is one body part I can't change.
My heart and how do I feel. How do I feel about weight loss, and how I feel about those who just don't get it. I want to give them every part of me, but I have to remind myself.. To keep some of those feelings to myself.

I mean, I want to just walk the hell out.
Give the hell up.
Say... Okay, I get it.. Only 5 of you really care about weight loss, and I'm here for you girls... I'm here as long as you need me to be here..
Then on the other hand. A part of me is waiting on them to drop out too..

If there was one body part I could change.
It would be my mind. How it goes on and on about those who just don't get it.
I mean, I'm stressing here, and when I stress.. Bad habits take shape and form and they run my life for a little while. I'm just watching from the side lines.
Watching things unfold and how they blame me for not losing 1 freaking pound.

It just breaks me down.
Makes me lose focus...
But if there was one body part I could change.
One.. It would be my "mind".
Not my waist line, the side of my hips.. Or my height. It would be how I think.
Maybe, I'm just blue- because I went from 18 girls to 5 just like that.
Maybe, I need to just toss in the towel and get myself in order, and stop trying to reach ladies and teach them about weight loss.
I'm not losing any. I'm gaining here..
I'm yo yoing...
Well, I have something I must do in the morning.
That's quiting the gym.
Well... I feel I'm too small for that gym.
And I'm stressing.. There are so many things I would like to quit.
I never known myself as one to quit or give in..
But sometimes in order to win yourself over..
You have to take yourself out of the game in order to win...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ESBELL 9/8/2011 2:07PM

Don't think of yourself as a failure because those women dropped out. They probably wanted to hear about the easy way of weight loss or some magic potion that they could drink and wake up thin and still able to keep up the junk food and sitting on the couch. Not everyone is ready to wrap their head around the fact it takes hard work and dedication to reach your goals. As long as you still have any people looking to you for guidance, you know that you are doing good in this world. Report Inappropriate Comment

NINNY165 9/8/2011 12:22PM

By the way...I love your back drop....sometimes you have to save yourself before you cansve yourself...If your heart is not in it, it becomes a chore. Weigh loss in it self can be challenging...chat with your ladies. and go with it....I do enjoy yor blogs...take care ....I once read if you change your mind the body will follow. Report Inappropriate Comment

POPPIN26 9/6/2011 2:43PM

Even if your not reaching them..your reaching ME! I see you and how hard you work! And you motivate ME! You determination reaches me..and I want us both to WIN! Sometimes people have to reach thier goals in thier own time....looks like its your time...and MINE! We can do this sister girl! Take yourself outta that race and Join another! Lifes too short! Report Inappropriate Comment

SWEETLIPS 9/6/2011 10:07AM

DANG GIRL, THIS IS TOO GOOD!! IT NEEDS TO BE THE BLOG SUBMISISON OF THE WEEK. THERE IS AN OLD CHRISTIAN SONG, "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edB GuudFeu8&feature=related" THAT IS WHAT YOU DO!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 9/6/2011 9:34AM

Remember Lynn, if you can touch one person it matters. Maybe that one person may be the person that touches you. Report Inappropriate Comment

Lil' Black & White Dress "Challenge" Stats.....

Sunday, September 04, 2011

We are kicking off our 2011 Little Black & White Dress Challenge.
We are letting go of the past, and stepping into our future...

Well, I asked the ladies to do a few challenges before we got started..
1st challenge was to create a binder or vision board for tracking.
I went with a binder...

I will be tracking everything in here. Workouts, meal plans, recipes, you name it- it's in here..
2nd challenge was to lose 3 pounds before this challenge begins..
Sadly to say. I didn't lose a thing. I gained weight. My current weight is 172.6
Not to happy about that. I'm on new meds, and I have to adjust to them.

Now it's time to get on with the real deal of this challenge....
My current weight is 172.6
Arm (R) 15
Arm (L) 14.5
Thighs (R) 28
Thighs (L) 27.5
Wasit 34.5
Hip to Hip 48.5

You know I'm not to happy about those measurements, but you do what you have to do in order to get rid of the stuff you don't like.

Front photo 9/4/11

Close up
Side photo 9/4/11

Back photo 9/4/11


So, here are my stats, information, and where I stand in this challenge, and where I want be standing 3 months from now..

Okay, why did I start this challenge????
I started this challenge because I needed an extra push, and support from my fellow sparkmembers and friends. Not only that, I'm so sick of living in the past of the black dress. I want to step into something that looks more me. I'm sick of hiding in black, when I know there are other colors I could be wearing. And I just want to get my birthday suit in the best shape ever. You know... I hate going to the doctor's for tha one year physical.... And they tell you to get down into your Birthday Suit.. Oh, and cover up with this paper sheet. That thing does not cover up much, and when the doctor checking you over.. You are thinking to yourself. Oh, she must think I'm super fat. Oh, she talking about me in my head.
That's me when I'm on the table... My mind is running a million and one thoughts, and trust me.. I lost a pound before the doctor visit is over with.
So, I started to look for ways to embrace my size and my style, and I was like. I've always wanted to wear something white and fitting...
Toni... Wear's white well

And this lovely couple right here makes me want to welcome my curvy body.

I'm ready, and I wan't stop until I reach all my goals..
A lot of work must be done, but guess what.. I can do it....

I'm ready!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KJOHNSON011 9/6/2011 3:20AM

We can do this! Report Inappropriate Comment

VW_STEPH 9/5/2011 2:37PM

You look like you made some progress from some last pics Lynn. :) I'm loving your hair!! You have it all ready - now let's DO it and kick some butt! xx Report Inappropriate Comment

BROWNIEISLANDER 9/5/2011 12:56PM

..Its just a matter of time.. .. Report Inappropriate Comment

LYNN-LOVES-LIFE 9/5/2011 12:40AM

Well, it's a new beginning, and it's a start to a new life. Well, not so new, but you know what I mean. Life is what you think of it, and everything dream of is reachable. I'm so ready to shine. Oh, I'm ready seeing my next month photos in mind. What I plan on wearing and standing proudly in a month later. I'm feeling a dress for my next photo shoot. Who knows! I'm just ready for a change in life and a change is what we all need. A change for the better. A charge to get up and get going.. Report Inappropriate Comment

LADIIBUGDIVA 9/5/2011 12:25AM

get it girl!!!! I'm ready for ya... Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 9/4/2011 9:35PM

You will do great on this challenge. Report Inappropriate Comment

SPARKLE1908 9/4/2011 8:10PM

Woo Hoo!!!!! I'll be getting my blog up tomorrow (minus the photos..lol)... Good luck...let's do this! Report Inappropriate Comment

BIRTHDAY SUIT REPAIR. IT'S NEVER TO LATE..

Sunday, September 04, 2011

WELL, I'M READY TO GET STARTED ON MY NEW UP AND COMING GROUP CHALLENGE. I LOOKED MY BIRTHDAY SUIT OVER, AND MY BODY ISN'T WHAT IT USE TO LOOK LIKE 18 YEARS AGO. THAT'S FOR SURE.

IT'S CHANGED IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE... THAT'S FOR SURE.

I'M NO WHERE NEAR PROUD OF IT.... BUT IT IS MY BODY, AND I HAVE EMBRACED MY BODY THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW. I REMEMBER HOW HAPPY I WAS YEARS AGO WHEN I NOTICE MY ABS COMING IN.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I RAN INTO MY MOTHER'S BED ROOM WITH A SPORT TOP ON WITH MY ARMS UP IN THE AIR... SAYING... LOOK MOM, WHAT DO YOU SEE.. I HAD 2 LUMPS UNDER MY BOOBS, AND THEY LOOKED SWEET. I REMEMBER MY MOM TOUCHING THEM AND SAYING. THAT'S NICE.. I WONDER IF I CAN GET 2 LUMPS LIKE THAT TO BE PROUD OF.

TODAY, I ASKED MYSELF. WHAT HAPPEN TO THOSE LUMPS? WHAT HAPPEN TO MY ABS? WHAT HAPPEN TO THE ALMOST FLAT TUMMY? WHAT ON EARTH HAPPEN?

WELL, I NOTICE MY BUM AND IT IS STARTING TO DROP....
THEN I NOTICE THE SHAPE OF MY THIGHS. THEY ARE TONING DOWN TOO..
I'M WATCHING MY GIRL SERENA WILLIAMS.. PLAY A TENNIS MATCH, AND I WAS LIKE.. WOW! THIS GIRL IS IN TIP TOP SHAPE.



SHE'S TALLER THAN ME... THAT'S FOR SURE, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I CAN'T BE IN GREAT SHAPE.
I WOULD LIKE FOR MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO BE WELLNESS & HEALTH.
IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE A GIFT SUCH AS THIS... IS TO GIVE IT TO MYSELF.
MY BIRTHDAY SUIT NEEDS A LOT OF REPAIR.
AND I DO MEAN A LOT OF IT, AND I'M WILLING TO DO THE WORK.

IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF TIME, AND HARD WORK, BUT MY FRIEND MARJAY SAID... THE BODY CAN CHANGE QUICKLY IF YOU PUT THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF WORK INTO IT. YOUR BODY CAN SHOW OFF IT'S HARD WORK IN REWARDS, AND AS LONG AS YOU REWARD YOUR BODY WITH 3 BALANCE MEAL, AND 1 1/2 BALANCE WORKOUTS.

HE GOES, YOUR UPPER BODY CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT IN YOUR MID SECTION.. I KNEW THAT.. HE GOES, YOUR LOWER BODY CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT IN YOUR MID SECTION AS WELL. KNEW THAT ONE TOO.. GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW.. THEN HE GOES..

UPPER, LOWER, MID SECTION, CARDIO. COMBINE ALL THESE THINGS TOGETHER 3 DAYS A WEEK, AND THE WEIGHT WILL MELT AWAY. OKAY, I KNEW THAT ONE TOO..

THEN MY FRIEND & MY HUSBAND GOES. WELL, IF YOU KNOW EVERY DAMN THING... THEN, WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU STILL YO YOING AROUND?


THERE GOES THE LIGHT....


THEN HERE COMES THE THOUGHTS...


IF A 70+ YEARS YOUNG WOMAN CAN DO IT.
I CAN DO IT AT 34 YEARS YOUNG.
IT'S NEVER TO LATE.
TO REPAIR MY BIRTHDAY SUIT.
I MEAN, IT'S DO ABLE.
IT REACHABLE...
I CAN DO IT... I CAN PUT IN THE WORK.
IF A 70+ YEARS YOUNG WOMAN CAN DO THIS FOR HERSELF.
I CAN DO IT TOO.... I CAN GET IT DONE...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VW_STEPH 9/4/2011 4:47PM

Hehehehe Girl i love this blog - it's faaaabulous!! I took my starting pictures for the challenge - YAY! Aaaand if it's ok with you i wanna wait til you post yours so i know what stats and everything to put... and i'll copy your layout.:) xx Report Inappropriate Comment

ME_THE_REMAKE 9/4/2011 3:14PM

I always enjoy reading your blogs! I love the idea of repairing one's birthday suit, that's exactly what we need to do! I would also have to admit to knowing everything I need to do, but just not doing it.... What is that all about?? Let's get on with this! Report Inappropriate Comment

SAPHRAEL 9/4/2011 9:44AM

I love the title of your blog! You always make me smile with your inspiring self talk! Keep going. You have what it takes to repair that birthday suit!! Report Inappropriate Comment

ROSALIEESTHER 9/4/2011 7:57AM

You are an incredibly motivating writer. You know that? I love that image of relating my birthday suit. We deserve to give ourselves what that 70 year old gives herself. Let's get to doing all the things we know to do. We do know how. We just need to keep that love for ourselves coming. Thanks for the pep talk. Happy September. Report Inappropriate Comment

I'M FEELING ~SEPTEMBER!

Saturday, September 03, 2011

ON 9/4/11 TONE YOUR SEXY WITH STILETTO'S WILL BE STARTING OUR 3RD CHALLENGE...THE LIL' BLACK & WHILE CHALLENGES. A GREAT WAY TO GET READY FOR THE NEW YEAR, AND A GREAT WAY TO KEEP ALL THE HOLIDAY ISSUES AT BAY. AFTER THE CHALLENGE IS OVER AND DONE WITH, WE WILL KEEP ON GOING UNTIL 12/30/2011....
NEW YEARS CHEERS.... .....

WELL, I'M FEELING SEPTEMBER, AND WHAT DO I MEAN BY FEELING SEPTEMBER. THIS IS MY MONTH, AND IT WILL BE MY MONTH TO SHINE.

I HAVE MY BINDER FOR TRACKING....
MY WORKOUTS
MY MEALS
MY THOUGHTS
MY MEASUREMENTS
MY WEIGHT
MY GOALS
AND SO MUCH MORE.

SEPTEMBER IS MY MONTH. THE MONTH WHERE I SHINE THE MOST IN MY DRESS WEAR I SHINE DURING THE FALL & WINTER MONTHS.
I LOVE TO DRESS WARM, AND WHEN I DRESS WARM, I DRESS SEXY.
WE TALKING HIGH HEEL KNEE HIGH BOOTS
WE TALKING NICE FITTED JEANS WITH BOOTS

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT MY FASHION STATEMENT.

SEPTEMBER HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY FASHION STATEMENT JUMP OFF..
AND I AM SO READY TO GO FORWARD, AND DO ME PROUD.
YEAH, I'M FEELING SEPTEMBER....
I'M FEELING IT.. AND I AM READY TO DO WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE UNTHINKABLE.

LET GO OF THE FEAR.
LOSE THE WEIGHT.
AND KEEP THE CRAP OFF..

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISHAMOMMY 9/3/2011 7:20PM

ME TOO!! IDK what it is but September has put a pep in my step as well.... WOO HOO!! Report Inappropriate Comment

CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 9/3/2011 9:44AM

Let's rock September. Report Inappropriate Comment

KJOHNSON011 9/3/2011 3:41AM

Woohoo lynn excited about the challenge! I dont have a dress but ill be getting one and yes im finally looking forward to getting some thigh high boots this season...im determined! Report Inappropriate Comment