Tuesday, September 06, 2011
What would it be?
I thought about the question for a few moments after hearing it.
If there was one body part I could change. What would it be?
I have many parts of my body I would like to change.
But it's my mindset. That's what I would change the most.
How I think about things, and what they really mean to me.
Like, my get up and go.
Oh, I don't mind getting up and going.
Here lately... A pay check has been part of my get up and go.
To get paid to instruct a class is one thing.
But the motivation in doing those things aren't there.
I mean, the ladies that are there are motivated in doing the right thing, but when you see the ladies drop out. Well, it kinda makes you upset.
They will or they won't. It's just how it goes you know.
And that put a big damper on my thoughts and how I felt about weight loss..
You know. Motivating them to get up and do for themselves.
I mean, I felt going back to work part time for the gym was the right thing to do, but now... I feel I made a big mistake. I mean, my head isn't in it. My head is no longer wrapping itself around helping them... Like it was before. I give them all the tools, and all the advice I could give anyone. The same advice I give myself. The same get up and go I talk about. The same get up and go- I'm forcing onto myself.
I mean, I can break myself down inside and out, but when it comes to watching others not care and not get it. It makes you go.. Why on earth did I bother with this again? Why on earth did I give this ago again? Why can't I just leave it alone, and go on and do me?
Because there is one body part I can't change.
My heart and how do I feel. How do I feel about weight loss, and how I feel about those who just don't get it. I want to give them every part of me, but I have to remind myself.. To keep some of those feelings to myself.
I mean, I want to just walk the hell out.
Give the hell up.
Say... Okay, I get it.. Only 5 of you really care about weight loss, and I'm here for you girls... I'm here as long as you need me to be here..
Then on the other hand. A part of me is waiting on them to drop out too..
If there was one body part I could change.
It would be my mind. How it goes on and on about those who just don't get it.
I mean, I'm stressing here, and when I stress.. Bad habits take shape and form and they run my life for a little while. I'm just watching from the side lines.
Watching things unfold and how they blame me for not losing 1 freaking pound.
It just breaks me down.
Makes me lose focus...
But if there was one body part I could change.
One.. It would be my "mind".
Not my waist line, the side of my hips.. Or my height. It would be how I think.
Maybe, I'm just blue- because I went from 18 girls to 5 just like that.
Maybe, I need to just toss in the towel and get myself in order, and stop trying to reach ladies and teach them about weight loss.
I'm not losing any. I'm gaining here..
I'm yo yoing...
Well, I have something I must do in the morning.
That's quiting the gym.
Well... I feel I'm too small for that gym.
And I'm stressing.. There are so many things I would like to quit.
I never known myself as one to quit or give in..
But sometimes in order to win yourself over..
You have to take yourself out of the game in order to win...
Sunday, September 04, 2011
We are kicking off our 2011 Little Black & White Dress Challenge.
We are letting go of the past, and stepping into our future...
Well, I asked the ladies to do a few challenges before we got started..
1st challenge was to create a binder or vision board for tracking.
I went with a binder...
I will be tracking everything in here. Workouts, meal plans, recipes, you name it- it's in here..
2nd challenge was to lose 3 pounds before this challenge begins..
Sadly to say. I didn't lose a thing. I gained weight. My current weight is 172.6
Not to happy about that. I'm on new meds, and I have to adjust to them.
Now it's time to get on with the real deal of this challenge....
My current weight is 172.6
Arm (R) 15
Arm (L) 14.5
Thighs (R) 28
Thighs (L) 27.5
Hip to Hip 48.5
You know I'm not to happy about those measurements, but you do what you have to do in order to get rid of the stuff you don't like.
Front photo 9/4/11
Side photo 9/4/11
Back photo 9/4/11
So, here are my stats, information, and where I stand in this challenge, and where I want be standing 3 months from now..
Okay, why did I start this challenge????
I started this challenge because I needed an extra push, and support from my fellow sparkmembers and friends. Not only that, I'm so sick of living in the past of the black dress. I want to step into something that looks more me. I'm sick of hiding in black, when I know there are other colors I could be wearing. And I just want to get my birthday suit in the best shape ever. You know... I hate going to the doctor's for tha one year physical.... And they tell you to get down into your Birthday Suit.. Oh, and cover up with this paper sheet. That thing does not cover up much, and when the doctor checking you over.. You are thinking to yourself. Oh, she must think I'm super fat. Oh, she talking about me in my head.
That's me when I'm on the table... My mind is running a million and one thoughts, and trust me.. I lost a pound before the doctor visit is over with.
So, I started to look for ways to embrace my size and my style, and I was like. I've always wanted to wear something white and fitting...
Toni... Wear's white well
And this lovely couple right here makes me want to welcome my curvy body.
I'm ready, and I wan't stop until I reach all my goals..
A lot of work must be done, but guess what.. I can do it....
Sunday, September 04, 2011
WELL, I'M READY TO GET STARTED ON MY NEW UP AND COMING GROUP CHALLENGE. I LOOKED MY BIRTHDAY SUIT OVER, AND MY BODY ISN'T WHAT IT USE TO LOOK LIKE 18 YEARS AGO. THAT'S FOR SURE.
IT'S CHANGED IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE... THAT'S FOR SURE.
I'M NO WHERE NEAR PROUD OF IT.... BUT IT IS MY BODY, AND I HAVE EMBRACED MY BODY THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW. I REMEMBER HOW HAPPY I WAS YEARS AGO WHEN I NOTICE MY ABS COMING IN.
I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I RAN INTO MY MOTHER'S BED ROOM WITH A SPORT TOP ON WITH MY ARMS UP IN THE AIR... SAYING... LOOK MOM, WHAT DO YOU SEE.. I HAD 2 LUMPS UNDER MY BOOBS, AND THEY LOOKED SWEET. I REMEMBER MY MOM TOUCHING THEM AND SAYING. THAT'S NICE.. I WONDER IF I CAN GET 2 LUMPS LIKE THAT TO BE PROUD OF.
TODAY, I ASKED MYSELF. WHAT HAPPEN TO THOSE LUMPS? WHAT HAPPEN TO MY ABS? WHAT HAPPEN TO THE ALMOST FLAT TUMMY? WHAT ON EARTH HAPPEN?
WELL, I NOTICE MY BUM AND IT IS STARTING TO DROP....
THEN I NOTICE THE SHAPE OF MY THIGHS. THEY ARE TONING DOWN TOO..
I'M WATCHING MY GIRL SERENA WILLIAMS.. PLAY A TENNIS MATCH, AND I WAS LIKE.. WOW! THIS GIRL IS IN TIP TOP SHAPE.
SHE'S TALLER THAN ME... THAT'S FOR SURE, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I CAN'T BE IN GREAT SHAPE.
I WOULD LIKE FOR MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO BE WELLNESS & HEALTH.
IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE A GIFT SUCH AS THIS... IS TO GIVE IT TO MYSELF.
MY BIRTHDAY SUIT NEEDS A LOT OF REPAIR.
AND I DO MEAN A LOT OF IT, AND I'M WILLING TO DO THE WORK.
IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF TIME, AND HARD WORK, BUT MY FRIEND MARJAY SAID... THE BODY CAN CHANGE QUICKLY IF YOU PUT THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF WORK INTO IT. YOUR BODY CAN SHOW OFF IT'S HARD WORK IN REWARDS, AND AS LONG AS YOU REWARD YOUR BODY WITH 3 BALANCE MEAL, AND 1 1/2 BALANCE WORKOUTS.
HE GOES, YOUR UPPER BODY CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT IN YOUR MID SECTION.. I KNEW THAT.. HE GOES, YOUR LOWER BODY CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT IN YOUR MID SECTION AS WELL. KNEW THAT ONE TOO.. GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW.. THEN HE GOES..
UPPER, LOWER, MID SECTION, CARDIO. COMBINE ALL THESE THINGS TOGETHER 3 DAYS A WEEK, AND THE WEIGHT WILL MELT AWAY. OKAY, I KNEW THAT ONE TOO..
THEN MY FRIEND & MY HUSBAND GOES. WELL, IF YOU KNOW EVERY DAMN THING... THEN, WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU STILL YO YOING AROUND?
THERE GOES THE LIGHT....
THEN HERE COMES THE THOUGHTS...
IF A 70+ YEARS YOUNG WOMAN CAN DO IT.
I CAN DO IT AT 34 YEARS YOUNG.
IT'S NEVER TO LATE.
TO REPAIR MY BIRTHDAY SUIT.
I MEAN, IT'S DO ABLE.
I CAN DO IT... I CAN PUT IN THE WORK.
IF A 70+ YEARS YOUNG WOMAN CAN DO THIS FOR HERSELF.
I CAN DO IT TOO.... I CAN GET IT DONE...
Saturday, September 03, 2011
ON 9/4/11 TONE YOUR SEXY WITH STILETTO'S WILL BE STARTING OUR 3RD CHALLENGE...THE LIL' BLACK & WHILE CHALLENGES. A GREAT WAY TO GET READY FOR THE NEW YEAR, AND A GREAT WAY TO KEEP ALL THE HOLIDAY ISSUES AT BAY. AFTER THE CHALLENGE IS OVER AND DONE WITH, WE WILL KEEP ON GOING UNTIL 12/30/2011....
NEW YEARS CHEERS.... .....
WELL, I'M FEELING SEPTEMBER, AND WHAT DO I MEAN BY FEELING SEPTEMBER. THIS IS MY MONTH, AND IT WILL BE MY MONTH TO SHINE.
I HAVE MY BINDER FOR TRACKING....
AND SO MUCH MORE.
SEPTEMBER IS MY MONTH. THE MONTH WHERE I SHINE THE MOST IN MY DRESS WEAR I SHINE DURING THE FALL & WINTER MONTHS.
I LOVE TO DRESS WARM, AND WHEN I DRESS WARM, I DRESS SEXY.
WE TALKING HIGH HEEL KNEE HIGH BOOTS
WE TALKING NICE FITTED JEANS WITH BOOTS
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT MY FASHION STATEMENT.
SEPTEMBER HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY FASHION STATEMENT JUMP OFF..
AND I AM SO READY TO GO FORWARD, AND DO ME PROUD.
YEAH, I'M FEELING SEPTEMBER....
I'M FEELING IT.. AND I AM READY TO DO WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE UNTHINKABLE.
LET GO OF THE FEAR.
LOSE THE WEIGHT.
AND KEEP THE CRAP OFF..
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