Wednesday, July 15, 2009
This afternoon I had a scheduled appointment for a consult on getting smart lipo. First off I haven't lost one pound since being on sparkpeople, working out religiously, and eating healthy which is just frustrating and reaffirmed why I was having a consult on getting smart lipo. It's going to cost me $3,000.00 to do my arms in inner thighs, $5,000.00 if I decide to do my abdomen as well. I felt so shallow and a bit disappointed in myself that it had come to this; lipo, but when I saw that I still haven't lost a single pound I was almost happy that I was there. I don't honestly want to spend the money and I honestly don't want the surgery, but I hate being down on myself, I hate wearing long sleeve shirts in 100 degree weather because I am so insecure about my jiggly arms, and hate getting anxiety over putting on a bathing suit, but I can't get rid of this loose fat... I know it's from going up and down in my weight and I know there is some nice muscle underneath it all, but it seems like nothing I do will get rid of it. Am I doing something wrong? If so, what? And should i take this money and use towards a trainer and maybe just maybe it is something I'm doing wrong or should I get the lipo so I can feel more positive and continue to live my life with eating healthy and exercising?....
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Okay, so I had lost 5 lbs finally about two weeks ago and then yesterday I weigh myself at the gym and the 5 lbs is back!! It was so heart breaking, but I'm promising myself that I'm not going to give up no matter what. I just can't figure out what I'm doing so wrong though... I know that the last two weekends I have gone out and had a few drinks and probably ate a little too much, but I hit the gym hard and I eat pretty good... I hate being so consumed in what I look like, food intake and exercise. I just wish that it didn't have to always be like this. It really feels like I can't have a cheat meal or a couple drinks without all my hard work flying out the window. Just venting some of my frustrations because I know a lot of you understand what its like. I know I can't give up though because I know this feeling will get even worse if I do. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. Thanks! ~Lyndsay
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Here goes... The last couple weeks I haven't gone to the gym between packing, moving, cleaning, work, school, etc. I've felt like I've had literally no time to myself, time, for the gym, time for cooking and it's making so depressed not too mention I haven't been feeling very well being stressed out makes my IBS spiral out of control... Then to top it all off I went to the doctors yesterday and once again my weight has fluctuated a pretty significant amount since just 3 weeks ago, it's crazy I know I haven't been going to the gym, but it's insane I swear unless I'm on a strict diet and am working out hard 5-6 days a week I can't even maintain my weight. What is wrong with me??!! It's so frustrating, I feel like crying. I don't know what to do anymore... Automatically I start telling myself if I can just eat like 500 calories a day for the next week or so along with some exercising the weight will come off or then I think about getting liposmart... I know this isn't right or healthy, but they are literally the first things that start running through my head. Why do I beat myself up so badly especially knowing full well I'm torturing myself with these thoughts and feelings? I found myself just staring in the mirror last night and this morning feeling completely disgusted... I don't know what to do...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I've been thinking a lot since my last blog entry and I'm starting to think that I really need to stop concentrating on what my weight is and focus on the good like I eat healthy and I excerise regularly. Why do we constantly beat ourselves up? I've been doing it for so many years now; I'm my own worst enemy. I think I need to take all that time I was wasting on what I look like, how much I weigh, how many calories I'm eating, etc. and put it more positively. I need to accept myself for the person that I am; loving, caring, goal orientated, and just a beautiful person. We all are no matter if we need to lose 5 lbs or 100 lbs! I need to love myself more and it starts today!
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Okay, so I went to the doctor's yesterday and I lost 4lbs., I wasn't really too surprised because I've only eating on average 700 calories a day and burning 500+ at the gym. I swear if I eat over 1,000 calories a day I start to gain weight, it's horrible and I really don't know what to do... I'm always consumed with what I'm eating, how many calories it has, how much fat, etc. It's consuming my life and it's been like this all my life. As a young kid I was overweight and got picked on then age 10 and 11 came along and I became anorexic and was hospitalized and ever since then my weight and food have always been a big issue with me. I don't know how to overcome this anymore... I have a hard time talking about it because my family and people around me just don't really understand what it's like or how hard it is. I'm sure there's people just like me on this site, everywhere, and it would be really nice to talk to someone that's going through it or has overcome it, thanks!
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