Friday, June 28, 2013
Are you running toward abundance & joy? Or are you trying to outrun failure"? Lisa Nichols
I love this quote! I read it a few days ago in an article in the June issue of O magazine by author Lisa Nichols. I think it is a question we all need to ask ourselves, but before any of us jump to say "oh I'm running to joy slap on the brakes a second and really think about it. most of us won't admit to the fact that we maybe trying to outrun failure.
It is ok, it is very human. In fact in U.S. Culture we have seen to develop this do or die attitude that somehow if we're not scaling, jumping flying despite all the odds that something is wrong with us. We have to be the best, the fastest, the smartest, the thinnest, the prettiest (and any other "est" you can think of, somehow or another have super-human abilities to be faster then a speeding bullet, leaping from the tallest building )and nonetheless in a single bound).
It'll never be enough, WE may never be enough according to the stories that bombard us everyday all day long, unrelenting,bombastic lies we tell ourselves, we tell each other about ourselves or others who would have us believe that the brass ring is just beyond the horizon/.
Whew and we wonder why obesity is on the rise, why we are the most medicated society, why people are doing insane things to themselves and to others in the name of this "est".
So I ask again of ourselves...(you do not have to answer it here if you don't want to)...what are we running to? Or running away from?
For the last 2 weeks I've been without a phone for a battery of reasons i won't go into. And because of it I have minimum contact online.
You know what I discovered? My stress level is down, I'm sleeping better, I've become more creative, I'm reading etc.
No I'm not against phones, texting, I don't Twitter (no reason to), Facebook etc.l I think they all serve a marvelous purpose. Nor am I a cultural snob. What I learned was thee were people I was having far too much contact with that was raising my anxiety level in one way or another. This is not saying they were purposely doing something to me. Not at all.
What I am saying is that I realized I was not missing their company. At all. There are a few I find refreshingly delightful, I enjoyed being around them, but (still) way too many who I felt obliged to (why I don't know) be with although they were stressing me too the max. My being on a "non- communication retreat" my attitude has remarkably changed. That includes where I'm living; I don't belong here. I don't fare well in high rise apartments complexes, nor around busybodies who relishing gossiping all day, creating stories and devising ways to not only have nothing for themselves but aren't satisfied until you don't either. I have a lot more living to do and resignation is becoming to me.
My sister in law said to me a few weeks ago that all she wanted for me was to find a place where I can be happy. She's known me for 37+ years & remarked that this very tough , horribly tough last 5 years has taken a toll on me. She can see it and it worries her. My toughness & resiliency & fierceness is still there but what she's noticed was my joy is being sapped.
That wild child running wild seemed to have been muzzled/confined...hiding. I've seen flashes of her lately though
So here I am...running again. But running toward something good, something deliriously wonderful that belongs to me.
BTW when I come off that "retreat" only a very few will know. The rest of them will have to go on without me.
I need every bit of my strength to do what I gotta do.