LWADE1963   20,147
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HELP!!! in need of spark support and encouragment during this crisis

Friday, September 28, 2012

i am in need of stremgth and support. my sister was diagmosed with breast cancer a few years ago. recentlly, we found out that the cancer has spread to her liver. the dr told us the other day that she has more cancer cells on her liver than she does liver itself they are doing chemo which will buy her some time . but the dr said it will not go in remission.

this is heart breaking for us. my sister is just so fragile. i watched my dad die with melanoma a few years ago. my dad was strong and never showed fear, not one time. how can i watch my fragile sister die a slow death like this? she has been my rock throughout my life. always there for me in bad times or times i am struggling with life. never judged me for things i did wrong, was just there for me to offer advice and a shoulder to cry on - day or night.

i have 3 sisters,a brother, and a mom. the last few days i have watched all my sisters just cry to the point of not being able to even talk. i love my sister as much as they do. why havent i been able to cry? could it be because i am being strong for them? or because i have been through this before and i am cherishing each moment until it ends? i just wish i could cry.

i am just in need of some support and encouraging words right now.. who else can i go to besides my stong spark friends and community

she is 59 and i am 49. all my sister and brother are between those ages.

thank you my dear spark friends for always being there.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONAKIN314 10/1/2012 3:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PAMATX 9/30/2012 2:51PM

    I'm so sorry about your sister. You'll cry when you're ready. I found that out recently as I'm going through something similar with my dad. I cry alone in bed at night. Or in the morning. Then I get up, and become the rock again. Most of the time.

Lots of hugs.

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CATBEFIT 9/30/2012 12:15PM

    I am so, so sorry your sister has to go through this -- and can only say that it is a blessing that she has siblings who care and love her during this time.

I am also so sorry that you have to go through this too. I lost my brother six years ago (at 53 yrs old) to melanoma that spread to his liver. I stayed pretty stoic until nearly the end -- because I was there for my SIL and nephew. Don't question yourself -- you are doing the best you can -- and you will grieve in your own way and your own time.

Wishing you peace and moments of joy with your sister in the coming days.

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GMCTERRAIN 9/30/2012 9:46AM

    Sending thoughts, prayers, and positive energy your way.

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DONNACFIT 9/30/2012 9:10AM

    Sending hugs and prayers..so sorry..

Stop by any time to talk...God will give you strength and he is there always to lean on

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KELLY122581 9/30/2012 5:50AM

    emoticon I am so sorry you are going through this. Everyone grieves in his or her own way.... do not feel bad that you aren't crying! The way you are dealing with this is just fine..... as long as you are there for your sister in her time of need, you don't need to worry about anything else. Your tears may come in time, or they may not.... it does not mean you love your sister any less. In belgium, the greeting we give to people going through a loss is "sterkte" which means "strength" .... so wishing you all the strength to get through this rough time!

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MELROSE13 9/30/2012 1:01AM

    I can not even imagine what you are going through...it sounds like you need to be for her what she has been for you, strong and just there for her. Treat her as you always do to keep her life as normal as possible...be there for her to cry to if she needs it, and to laugh with when she needs it. I think you are still in shock, maybe that is why you can't cry right now..but you will and you need too.
I am sorry you have to deal with this, I have 3 sisters and can not, and won't even try to think what you are feeling..just love her and be there that will be what helps her through!

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THETURTLEBEAR 9/29/2012 11:46PM

    Very sorry! emoticon emoticon

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GALVINROBERT 9/29/2012 8:34PM

    I was just at Church at a party for a priest that was leaving the parish. I think someone suggested that I cry. But I thought of a beautiful lampshade I just bought, white with roses patterned on it, and pink cotton tassels hanging down. Then I thought of a beautiful rose bush in the neighborhood. I held back my tears and remained strong. I feel better for it. Art keeps you sane. Every rose bush has its thorns. That doesn't make them less beautiful!

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TWEETYKC00 9/29/2012 7:58PM

    I am so sorry for you and your family. I wish there was something that could be done for your sister. Sending hugs for everyone.

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LYDDIECAT 9/29/2012 7:39PM

    I'm sorry. Hugs to you and your family.

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WILLAMLC 9/29/2012 6:44PM

    I am sorry for this very difficult situation your family is going through..... Do not blame yourself for not crying. Each person reacts in a different way... My thoughts and positive energy is with you and your family.

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BEARGODDESS 9/29/2012 6:37PM

    I'm so sorry for the pain that you, your sister and your family are going through. SABLENESS has an excellent idea about contacting Hospice care. They were wonderful with my father and then again with my mother-in-law. Your tears will come. There is a part of you which is probably trying to be strong for your family. I tend not to cry immediately when something heartbreaking is happening, but later when things are more peaceful. Take the time you have left with your sister and cherish it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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SEASONS__CHANGE 9/29/2012 5:23PM

    Sending you some positive healing energy to you and your family during this difficult time.

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WINNIE1978 9/29/2012 12:21PM

    I'm so sorry about your sister. I will keep you both in my prayers. emoticon

By the way, not crying doesn't mean that you love your sister any less than your other siblings. Everyone deals with news like this differently. Maybe you are trying to be strong... or maybe it hasn't totally sank in for you just yet.

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Comment edited on: 9/29/2012 12:23:43 PM

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MADAMES 9/29/2012 7:54AM

    Hugs and prayers.
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NYKIMMIE 9/29/2012 7:27AM

    emoticon

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HARROWJET 9/28/2012 11:12PM

    emoticon

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 9/28/2012 7:40PM

    Prayers going up for you all

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CARLYG8 9/28/2012 6:21PM

    I am here if you need to talk. I just lost my niece to cancer 10 months ago. I struggled with so many emotions during her long battle. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time. ~hugs~ Carly

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MOMMA48 9/28/2012 5:10PM

    emoticonI'm sorry to hear your sad news. You and yours are in my prayers.

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ANDI571 9/28/2012 4:53PM

    I am so sorry. Life at times can be so harsh. I tend not to cry at these types of moments also. I agree with Pooka who said it might be a defense mechanism. I am sure you are trying to be strong. Love will see you through. Cherish the moments you have left, you will never regret it. There might even be a time when the two of you will cry together. Your love for one another will let you know what to do.
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SABLENESS 9/28/2012 4:39PM

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Taking a moment now to pray for all of you....

I hope your sister and your family have been encouraged to talk with Hospice. We've been there with my grandmothers, a dear older friend, and my young nephew. They are the best at helping everyone with their different ways of dealing with things.

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4DOGNIGHT 9/28/2012 4:18PM

    You will need lots of hugs! emoticon

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ARCHIMEDESII 9/28/2012 4:09PM

    emoticon

You're totally overwhelmed. When I found out my favorite cousin had suddenly died of a heart attack, I couldn't cry at first either. I think the shock was too much. Eventually, when the realization of what had happened struck me, I cried and I mourned for her.

There is only so much you can do. That's why you have to do the best you can. Even though your sister is very ill, she is still here with you. You can still spend time together. Enjoy and cherish that time with her. That will give you some solace.

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Comment edited on: 9/28/2012 4:10:47 PM

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MARIAJESTRADA 9/28/2012 3:55PM

    emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 9/28/2012 3:51PM

    First off, I am so so sorry to hear this news! Second, I completely understand about the not crying. It's a defense mechanism. When something really sad happens in my family, to the people I love more than I love myself, something inside me shuts down. If I cry, or get upset, or anything like that, my brain tells me that I'm lying to everyone, that I'm faking it, that I'm acting melodramatic to get attention. I know that this isn't the truth - the grief is real - but this is my brain's way of handling the grief. Often, I can't cry at all, but later will bawl my eyes out when a character in a book I'm reading dies, as if I just lost someone I loved, and I know this is grief transferred. So don't be angry or frustrated or upset with yourself - you can't help the way your brain reacts. *hugs*

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NKOUAMI26 9/28/2012 3:48PM

    emoticon emoticon
I will commit your family to my prayers. Life is what it is, but we are grateful for all the wonderful times we have with our loved ones. Be strong and courageous

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REMEMBER2BME 9/28/2012 3:19PM

    I am so sorry to hear this. But you are strong and it sounds like you are handling this the way you know best. I hope this does not offend you ... if so ... just stop reading. My golden retriever had cancer. It sounds crazy but I have no kids and se was my best friend. She was te one that was there during te very most difficult time in my life. Long story very short. When she got cancer it was indescribable, however, I knew that we would simply do all we could do and take it one day at a time. I was strong. I broke down at odd times. as strange as it sounds i sometimes watched a sad movie so I could just get it out.

I think it was because instinctively I felt the need to hold it together. She had 4 years of chemo, went into remission & then it came back. Cancer and chemo in dogs is very different. i was lucky. She never got sick. The end was excruciating but I was there. I was always there until I finally told her that it was ok, that she could let go.

We are here for you.

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 9/28/2012 3:05PM

    My dear sweet strong friend. I wish there were words of wisdom I could impart to help you through this very trying time. Watching a loved one die from cancer is just about the hardest thing any one of us has to go through in life.

As for why you can't cry... yet. Everyone handles the stress and shock of something like this differently. I believe you will cry when you are ready. You are still processing the news and probably being strong for your family. You are probably their rock and the one they turn to for help.

The only thing I can do is to be here for you when you need to talk, vent, cry, rail or even just sit together in silence. You will make it through this.

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BIGPAWSUP 9/28/2012 2:55PM

    Spend as much time with her as you can. Cherish every moment, you can and will grieve later. When my mom was passing, I spent every moment I could with her. I do not regret a single minute. I cherish them.

This is also a good time to share memories, they will be your rock later.

And just make certain she KNOWS how much you love her, and that you KNOW how much she loves you.

I pray for peace for your family.

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SHERYLDS 9/28/2012 2:47PM

    The best you can do is let her know just how special she is and how much she means to you. Make the time you have with her count towards letting her know just how important her being who she is, means to all of you
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KONOHA-NIN 9/28/2012 2:11PM

    So sorry to hear this! People react differently... emoticon sometimes a person may be in so much grief and shock that tears do not come. Your love for your sister and the rest of your family is there regardless of how it manifests externally. Thinking of you and hoping you can stay strong...

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LWADE1963 9/28/2012 2:08PM

    Wow! You guys are so great!! Thank u for all the prayers and encouragement!!

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NEEDBU66 9/28/2012 1:42PM

    Saying a prayer for you now.
There is no way to just hand you a platitude that will make you feel any better...this is devastating news and no getting around that.

I'd give you a hug if I could only reach.





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DIETER27 9/28/2012 1:34PM

  First of all This is a hard time and God will get you through this. I believe you are being strong for them that is why it may be hard for you to cry right now. emoticon Here is a poem I turn to when I feel down it is called Lord Help me See by Dottlee Duggan Reid
Lord, Help me see Thy mercy in the rsing ofthe sun.
Help me to enjoy your Love while lif'e's race I swiftly run.
Help me to see Your patience in the raindrops that fall.
Help me to see Your wisdom
In each thing, large or small.
Help me tosee Your goodness Lord When My world is caving in.
For Lord, Constanly remind me You're my Father and my Friend!

May God bless you through these times and hover his blessings over you.

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SUNSHINEGB 9/28/2012 1:32PM

    I'm very sorry to hear about your sister and I'd say the best thing is to try to be strong for her sake and just to be there for her. I don't cry easily, even when it's drastic news, so I understand how you feel there. Tears will come when they need to flow. It is very cleansing and relieving when the tears do come.

We've had several in our family who fought cancer and my own daughter is one of them, she had breast cancer and had one breast taken off and chemo last year. She will be having the other one taken off too. She remained strong and positive throughout it all and that helped the rest of us too.

I don't know what to say to you except "Stay as strong as you possibly can, cry when you feel the tears are right there, support your sister and your family as you are able to and don't give in to despair". Miracles do happen, believe it!

Keep blogging to let us know how things are going!
emoticon emoticon
Gloria

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BLWOODMANSEE 9/28/2012 1:31PM

    You will have to be her rock. Prayers go out to you and your family in this time in need. God bless emoticon

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 9/28/2012 1:29PM

    emoticon Sending you hugs and prayers during this time. Its ok to be the "rock". Just make sure you get your time to release your emotions too.

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MELLIE1030 9/28/2012 1:27PM

    There are no words I can say to help make you feel better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 9/28/2012 1:27PM

    There is no right or wrong way to get through this. If your siblings are crying, that's okay for them. If you are not, that is okay for you.

Please don't waste an ounce of energy or a single moment of time worrying that you are not "doing this right." None of that nonsense matters. All that is important now is that YOU and your sister are making the most of every second you have together.

I'll keep your family in my thoughts and wish you all the strength possible in this tough time.

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LEANANDFREEAT23 9/28/2012 1:26PM

    I woudn't feel embarassed about not showing as much emotion at this point. I think the emotion will come in time, I know that happens for me sometimes too (never been through something like this though so I won't compare the pain).

My heart goes out to you for the loss you've already had and getting news like this, will definitely remember you in my prayers.



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MISSKITKAT2 9/28/2012 1:25PM

  emoticon I will be thinking of you in your time of need.

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fall 5% challenge game plan

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

i am participating in the 5% challenge.

i need these challenges to stay motivated.

i will follow spark people diet plan and keep my food in proper ranges. i will be going to the gym 3-4 times a week. i will be doing weights on 2 days and cardio on 2 days. if i have more time, i will be doing cardio also on weight days. on my days off from gym i will do either a billy blanks video or jillian michaels video.

i plan on being very successfull and losing around 10-15 lbs

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 9/20/2012 4:42PM

    Nice plan. Good luck!

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DEBBYFROMMT 9/19/2012 9:48AM

    Now that's a plan! Keep it up!

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 9/19/2012 5:21AM

    Yay you!

I never did well with the challenges, too much extra tracking, but I may run a 5k...do you find you spend a lot more hours sparking with challenges?

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BIGPAWSUP 9/18/2012 9:23PM

    Sounds like a pretty good plan. You can do it!

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consistency

Sunday, September 16, 2012

One of my main problems is being consistent with my healthy habits. I have learned to love veggies and to love excercise. But i also love sweets and bread and crap stuff for my body. I have got to be consistent and eventually, i wont want all the crappy stuff. I have to want to be healthy more than i want to eat crap

I have started writing positive phrases on my notes on my phone these are all about how great i will feel if i am consistent.

I have also read lots of blogs where people say, no matter how u feel, log on to spark at least once a day. This will give u motivation to keep going

I have also found lots of article on under spark that i have never read before.

If i follow these habits, i will be successful. Why would anyone go anywhere else except sparkpeople program

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 9/18/2012 2:25PM

    Finding the healthy balance is difficult but worth it. I know you can do it. I also need more veggies and less sweets/carbs,

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SWDESERTLOVER 9/17/2012 5:02PM

    I hear you. While I do love veggies and fruit, I also love sweets. I allow myself to have something sweet every week, but I eat it in moderation. For me, it helps me to stay on track better if I don't feel like I'm denying myself an occasional dessert.

Cindy emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 9/17/2012 9:22AM

    emoticon

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RFJSJ50 9/16/2012 9:37PM

    Consistency is the key - I wish I were able to be consistent with my eating and exercise. Sadly, I'm not - BUT the important thing is that we both realize how important it is!
Sheila

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APACHESTEVE 9/16/2012 5:53PM

    Waves hello from someone in the same boat on consistency! I feel so much better when I exercise and put healthy food in my body, we've just got to keep doing it!

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DEBBYFROMMT 9/16/2012 4:34PM

    It's tough to be consistent, especially at first, but you're tougher!!!

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some thoughts on my day yesterday

Thursday, September 13, 2012

i haven't wrote a blog in a while. it is time i get back on this habit. the spark community is so supportive.

my sister has stage 4 breast cancer. she had a double mastectomy and we just found out that it went to her liver. she is on a new chemo drug that i am hoping will magically take it away and she will be cured. i know the chances of that are slim i am so scared to lose her. she is my oldest sister and we have really gotten close in the past few years. please keep her in your prayers

i spent the day with her yesterday. i ddnt plan ahead and when i got home, i was starving. i stopped on way home and got a hot fudge sundae. why do i do that when i know i want to be fit and healthy. i want to look good in my clothes. just doesnt make sense why we sabotage ourselves that way..

i am off right now to the gym where i am gonna do an awesome treadmill workout. maybe some weights.

keep sparking


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 9/14/2012 6:46PM

    So sorry to hear about your sister. I hope the chemo goes well for her.

Like one of the others said food has been your way of dealing with stress. You are moving forward and are now aware of that pattern so it will help you to break it. Finding balance and peace can be a difficult thing and one sundae won't break your diet. It's what you do from here forward.
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LWADE1963 9/14/2012 7:47AM

    Thank u both for your comments and suggestions. U r righr about the dealing with stress i never thought about it that way

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LWADE1963 9/13/2012 10:03PM

    thank you all for yout thoughts and prayers

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DEBBYFROMMT 9/13/2012 3:44PM

    Your sister is in my prayers.

And as far as your eating, just start eating healthy! When you mess up (and we all do) start again!

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4DOGNIGHT 9/13/2012 3:30PM

    i'M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR SISTER AND HOPE SHE DOES WELL. emoticon

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WENDYSPARKS 9/13/2012 12:43PM

    Praying for your sister...

Wendy emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 9/13/2012 12:34PM

    You have a ton of stress right now and the sundae is how you are used to dealing with it. Don't beat yourself up. Let it go and move forward. You need another way to deal with your stress. Try some of the articles and resources here. They have really helped me.

Kitty

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dont let me end up like that

Saturday, September 01, 2012



as i was sitting at breakfast this morning at my favorite place, i saw lots of people walking past. i am by no means ms "fitness" but as i looked at those people trying to walk and limping by and holding there back, etc, they were all overweight. this gave me a new determination to continue my journey. i dont want to end up like that. i want to be full of energy and look and feel young.

i got home and prepareed my veggies for the day and went to the gym. this is a lifelong commitment and with spark peoples help, i will succeed

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DUTCHIE77 9/16/2012 9:30PM

    My motto is often to keep fit enough to keep all doors open in the future - like you I always want to be fit enough to do the things I want! I don't want physical limitations to stop me!

Keep up the great work!

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4DOGNIGHT 9/4/2012 4:33PM

    Me, too. And thank you for commenting on my page about my woes today. I had a good cry and a nap and feeling some better. Time will tell.

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WINNIE1978 9/1/2012 9:08PM

    emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 9/1/2012 7:04PM

    I know what you mean. Just moving every day makes your life so much better! You can do it!

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POOKASLUAGH 9/1/2012 6:41PM

    I feel like this often. And it makes me sad to see so many people like that. I just wish I could help!!

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ELOQUENTZ 9/1/2012 4:01PM

    Good for you!

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