Monday, October 27, 2014
let me start by saying today was just a sad day for me. i have had a lot of sad days lately thank goodness for my spark friends
i guess i have a lot of fears, as do we all.
my sister died 2 years ago. she would always come over for trick or treat and sit with me and we would hand out candy. last year we were moving so it wasnt quite so sad.
this year, it was just me. well, me and my husband, but mostly just me.
i went shopping before handing out candy and i sat in the parking lot and just cried and cried and cried. i just miss her so much.
so on to the second part of my horrible day. this is where my "fear" comes in.
my husband and i have both been on afternoons for several years. he decided to go to midnights. i didnt tell him not to. i wanted him to do what he wants to do. today is his first night on midnights. i am just scared and sad. not scared of being in house by myself. just scared of life in general by myself.
i feel like i am single again cause i wont see him until sunday. all week long by myself, which makes me solely responsible for my happiness.
i am the first to admit that i have def gotten out of shape the last few years.
this means i can get up and go to gym. noone will complain about me being gone. this will be a good thing but i am scared to death. i can go do things and meet people. i can go to church on sunday nights cause my husband will be working. maybe i should go back to school during the day. maybe i should go to more weight watcher meetings
not sure but i know i will success. i will make a new life for me. a life that is exciting and not boring
i have been praying that God helps me to be more confident and more happy and self reliant. sometimes God answers in ways that we dont like. but its always the best way and the way that will come out good.
i am scared, but i am also excited.
the beginning of a new life.