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my negative husband at it again

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

i love my husband,. i really do. but sometimes i wonder how we survivied 30 years of marriage.

he has made negative comments before about how you cant be sexy after 50. but this morning, i was trying to be positive and eat better and you know, the whole excercise thing, etc.

he looked at me and said, you know, at our age it is really pointless to start eating right. the damage has been done.

this really ticked me off. i am only 52, he is 57. i hope i have a lot of life left. but to tell me that it is pointless????

i really went off on him and told him about reversing signs of aging by excercise and eating right.

we both work afternoons. i told him, ( and i am serious) that i need to get up early maybe 3 days a week and go to gym or do something to get away from him for a while.

these negative comments irritate me.

what do you think? some time away might help me deal better with his negative attitude.

by the way, he doesnt participate in daily walks, bike rides or anything



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAINALABAMA 9/29/2014 11:24PM

    Wow. I bet you didn't expect to get this much support from your blog.

I read every single one and love them. I guess the bottom line I took from this was take care of you and let the chips fall where they may.

Great job.



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LINDAINALABAMA 9/29/2014 11:14PM

    Wow. I bet you didn't expect to get this much support from your blog.

I read every single one and love them. I guess the bottom line I took from this was take care of you and let the chips fall where they may.

Great job.



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DEBBYFROMMT 9/28/2014 3:50PM

    I don't know what to say, but you have to take care of YOU! I run alone, I workout alone (no gym in this town). My DH doesn't either support me or put me down. I just do it for me.

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GORIANA 9/25/2014 8:54PM

    I hear you sister. When my roots show gray (I'm in my 40's) it drives my dh nuts and he doesn't know how to 'deal' with it and retreats. When I eventually color my roots, he falls in love again....

Just take care of yourself. Watch him follow you around because you're 'hot'....

I think our husbands are more afraid of their own old age. We all know parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and others that got an unfortunate illness in their 'golden' years and it would make anyone afraid.

Congratulations on doing what you can to make the years ahead as wonderful as you can. Keep at it.

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MARUKI52 9/25/2014 1:50PM

    Well, you tell your husband that I have never thought that eating healthily or exercising or doing anything else to keep the body, mind and spirit fit is a waste of time. I'm still working at it and I'm 71 so you are a spring chicken and have many years ahead of your to enjoy with your new found healthy lifestyle. Just keep going and you will reap the rewards.

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BABYBARNEY 9/25/2014 6:38AM

    Wow! Look at the response you've gotten from this sensitive & COMMON situation. Sometimes the people closest to us who we depend on for that support just are not at the same level of readiness for a lifestyle change.

He will watch & respond to your actions...As your life changes for the better, so will his, in time. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words!

keep on your healthy path, YOU are worth it!

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FEEDTHEHUNGER 9/24/2014 9:51PM

    One of the hardest things to accept in marriage is when our spouses disagree with us on something near and dear to our hearts. In my own relationship, I try to offer to my spouse the acceptance I am seeking from him -- in this case, I would accept that he has a perspective that being fit and healthy is a lost cause after 50. I would feel badly for him that he thought such an awful thing about himself, his body and life. It wouldn't change my actions on behalf of myself, but I would not look to him for the support I might normally find there. I was on plan for 3 months before my husband wanted to join me -- he saw how much more fit and healthy I was becoming and wanted to feel that way too. He wasn't negative toward me (although he may have been entertaining some skeptical feelings), but he stoutly insisted he did not want to diet or exercise. Now, he's doing both -- not because I nagged him to do it or insisted that what I was doing was right but because I became my own change agent and he decided to change too.

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SPARKED2BFIT 9/24/2014 9:01PM

    what's important is you're doing something good for you! maybe with time he'll notice that it's not as pointless as he thought and join in. my hubby has and it's a good thing for both of us. all it takes is example. sometimes it just takes time...meanwhile take care of you. YOU'RE WORTH IT! emoticon emoticon

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FORZACHANDMATT 9/24/2014 8:22PM

    I agree with RITEEBEE -he probably wants to do it too so he feels guilty - that's sad. And then he's negative - I'm sorry

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FRAN0426 9/24/2014 7:52PM

    Continue doing this journey for yourself and show him that it is never to late to eat right and exercise. Maybe by example he too may get on the bandwagon of getting healthy for him. By all means hit that gym if that is what you need to do.

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PATRICIA-CR 9/24/2014 7:12PM

    I have always needed time off from my hubby emoticon 100% TRUE. I've learned to enjoy so much that time, doing lots of things by myself and for myself, that I wouldn't change it (37 years married). I usually spend 3 days without him at home (he goes to our farm). The years we spent the whole week together were the most challenging ones (lot's of fights). We are opposites, but very slowly we've learned good things from each other and accept us more.

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MADAMES 9/24/2014 6:01PM

    I had a similar experience with my DH. I finally decided to just start changing my lifestyle, and my husband started following suit a few years later. He now tracks all of his food on Spark People, and he gets very competitive with his Fitbit minutes. Nagging really didn't work in our case....I just led by example and was pleasantly surprised to find him following my lead. We now go to the gym together and walk together after dinner. :). He still complains about my healthy recipes at times...I don't always share with him exactly which ingredients are included. emoticon

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MIAMI_LILLY 9/24/2014 2:19PM

    I understand why you're so angry. When you are determined to achieve something and you are excited by it, it is really a downer to have someone rain on your parade. And it's so NOT a waste of time. Whatever damage was done can be reversed. I had high blood pressure, was borderline diabetic, high cholesterol, and my triglycerides were 270! Now, everything is normal, and other than my thyroid medication, I live a med-free life, and feel so much better physically and emotionally. But Slenderella hit the nail on the head when she said that it is more about defending his lifestyle, then criticizing yours. You join the gym, go for longer walks, whatever it takes, but keep aiming for the stars! emoticon

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RITEEBEE 9/24/2014 2:13PM

    it's his guilt talking for not joining in with you. Keep setting a good example and stay strong, You are making a difference!! emoticon emoticon

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NUTSNUTSGETEM 9/24/2014 2:12PM

    In defense of your husband... There is no defense. But, don't read too much in to it. Seriously. As a guy, he could have meant nothing more than "I'm going to eat half a sleeve of Oreos, so please don't give me sh7t about doing it." Seriously. That is the way our brains can work - without giving any consideration to how someone else might interpret it or how negative it might sound.

And, my wife has run 6 marathons. When she was young, she was heavy (for her). Once she lost the weight, she has been focused all her life on keeping it off. Personally, I have had fits and spurts of exercise, but many periods, perhaps as long as a year at a time where, like your husband, I did not participate in any type of exercise. I have been back at it religiously since May. While it is completely for me, a side effect is that my wife is much happier.

One thought you might share as it has had a major impact on me when it came to me (and it is going to sound harsh so you'll have to find an appropriate time to say it) - As a sedentary big guy, if I were to die, I would not be a cautionary tale to anyone. It would have been "Oh! Jack died. That's sad. But I am ok because he was fat and never did anything." I would love to see great grand kids one day (my kids are still too young to get married!) But, if I go before then, (again, sorry for being morbid) I would like to be a cautionary tale. A "Holy sh&t! Jack died? And, he was in such good shape."

All joking aside. I would lay odds that it was something as simple as feeling like if he capitulates, he is never going to have "fun" food or relax on the couch again.

You - Keep at it! But, don't take this as a sign that you need time away from him! He's just an idiot guy like the rest of us.

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MYTURNNOW2013 9/24/2014 2:11PM

    We have members in their 70's, 80's and 90's that would prove him wrong! You ultimately do this for yourself, to live longer, with less complications, and not end up a nursing home.


At age 56, after losing just 10% of my starting weight, my blood pressure and cholesterol numbers returned from being out of this world, to normal ranges. Yes you CAN reverse the damage and live longer and healthier in the process.

Perhaps he feels threatened that your healthy living will rub off on him?



Comment edited on: 9/24/2014 2:12:58 PM

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PRETTYPITHY 9/24/2014 1:50PM

    Hmm, has he always discouraged you from getting healthy or is that new? Sometimes, loved ones can feel threatened by our efforts at a healthy lifestyle. He may fear you will change or start to think ill of him if his habits aren't the same. This is a fairly common problem though I'm sure you are disappointed that he is actively discouraging you. You can -- and will -- succeed with -- or without -- his support.

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SLENDERELLA61 9/24/2014 1:42PM

    I exercise and take care of myself for me. My hubby is 73 and I am 65. I run half marathons. I strength train. I eat plenty of veggies every day. It shows. My blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol are normal without medication. He walks the dog occasionally. He eats a vegetable from time to time. He eats plenty of chips and sweets. His blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol are not normal even with daily medication. He's had several surgeries related to his lifestyle.

When my husband criticizes my lifestyle, I usually just ignore him. I know that his criticism is not really aimed at me; he is defending his lifestyle which on some level he knows is lacking.

Best wishes for blocking out the negative voices. I did not hit my goal weight until I was 60 years old. I started running when I was 61. I know it matters. It maybe even matters more now than it would have 35 years ago.


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MYOWNHERO 9/24/2014 1:38PM

    He's just not there yet. Ignore the comments for now and lure him in. When he sees how much you enjoy being strong and healthy he's gonna want to join in. If you argue then he'll just try to cling to his idea. It's like when you want toddlers to try eating veggies..."mmmm this is sooo yummy!"

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HOLLYM48 9/24/2014 1:37PM

    It is never too late and I guess you are going to have to keep telling him that you are doing this for you even if he doesn't want to get better or feel better. THat is a tough thing when your spouse is not supportive. Stay positive about why you are doing this though, you know that it will all pay off.

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PUNKGIRL5003 9/24/2014 1:35PM

    Well as the old saying goes "misery loves company." I think it would be a good thing to spend some time apart. It sounds like he wasnts you to feel like a grumpy person like hes being, dont let that get you down, just use it as a motivation to prove him wrong, if he wants to sit on his butt and do nothing, not be healthy and live longer then thats up to him. I know you can do it, just keep being healthy.

Comment edited on: 9/24/2014 1:37:05 PM

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EBURGITE 9/24/2014 1:24PM

    you just gotta do what's right for you, and ignore the things he's saying to excuse his behavior. i ran my first half-marathon at 52....and prior to that i'd never ran more than a block in my entire life. unfortunately, i can't run anymore, but i'm looking forward to some long-distance bike rides next year. hang in there. there are some great articles on sp about dealing with the negative side of relationships and weight loss. sometimes, partners are afraid when we change our lives....their fear convinces them to behave in....well....stupid ways. accept that your hubby might be afraid of change, and walk away from his bad behavior...resist the urge to engage, or fight. just keep doing what you know you need to do so you can live the (LONGER, HEALTHIER) life you want for yourself. emoticon

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SHARON2014 9/24/2014 1:23PM

    Just do your own thing - maybe he is feeling insecure, or even a bit guilty knowing that he needs to shape up. I have a similar reaction - just one of those things. I get my support at SP! emoticon

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KAREN-IS-HERE 9/24/2014 1:10PM

    show him my before and after photos- let him see for himself

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update on my progress

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

LOVE THE FALL WEATHER!!!

the cool weather and leaves changing colors

walks in the park, sitting outside, bonfires, and the good mood that i am in constantly because i can breathe outside!!


i have been doing fairly well. the scale is down. i
i am not eliminating grains, but i have cut back. i didnt buy any bread at the store and no ice cream, cookies or candy. biggest problem is the cookies at work. but i dont give up if i give in. i just immediatly start over

i read a really good article i wanted to share in family circle about breast cancer. too much fat increase your estrogen in your body. the increase in estrogen causes the cancer cells to grow and increase your risk of breast cancer. this alone is reason enough to lose weight.

everyone have a spark tastic day!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THETURTLEBEAR 9/20/2014 5:37PM

    emoticon

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RITZIBROWN 9/18/2014 12:30PM

    Thanks for you positive, informative blog. emoticon

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GABY1948 9/18/2014 8:25AM

    You have a spark tastic day too!

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KAREN-IS-HERE 9/18/2014 3:39AM

    emoticon

emoticon good to read that you aren't buying trigger foods!!! yaaaaaa!

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FEEDTHEHUNGER 9/17/2014 10:35PM

    The other thing the extra weight does is keep estrogen floating around after menopause which has some benefits. But, overall, being fit and healthy is better.

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RAWCOOKIE 9/17/2014 4:26PM

    How lovely to hear you are feeling so good and happy now that Autumn is coming in.
I am totally with you on the not buying bread, ice-cream, cookies or candy - I'm the same; if I don't buy it, I don't eat it! and the same at work :)
I don't think there is any doubt that having excess fat on our bodies is 'un-natural' full stop and puts so much strain on our bodies! reducing our risks is always a bonus!

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NELLIEC 9/17/2014 2:53PM

    That certainly sounds like excellent motivation to lose weight!

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blew it allready on day 2!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

yesterday i blew it with my no grains or sugar

here is the funny thing----

i did good until i got to work. someone brought in my favorite mint oreos. someone else brought in zuccinni bread and lemon muffins.

i told myself to just stay away. i thought about going to the bathroom and blogging for a minute so i could reach out to the community.

still, i told myself- lisa, you can do this.

the operator on the line where the bread was motioned for me to come over there. he said to me, look we have zuccinni bread.

i even paused and thought about it for a minute.

then i went ahead and got a piece.

after that one slice, it was like an acoholic having one drink. the tast of sugar was there so i had another piece and 6 oreos.

crap!!!! i blew it. and only on the second day!!!!

i thought about just forgetting it and giving up. but thats not what i want to do.. my life could depend on this decisiion to eat sugar and grains or not.

i have to get my numbers down at the dr.

so i got up this morning with a new resolve. there is gonna be bad days and days i make the wrong choice. this is a journey. if it was easy, i would have done it long ago.

so here is to a fresh start.

i know i can do this!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BONNIEB1947 9/2/2014 8:16PM

    Wow can I relate. I work in an office and periodically a lady we deal with goes all out and brings in amazing trays of cookies or cupcakes that are irresistible! I have managed to stay away most times; I just plain don't go in the room they are in! LOL!
And even though I manage fine one day, I may fall the next. So don't beat yourself up; try to just take one piece and walk away, and savor it for awhile.
But really...what works best...is to already have a plan and have brought food in so you know what you're going to eat and it's there waiting for you and you're prepared.
Good luck!

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DEBBYFROMMT 8/28/2014 10:46AM

    The nice thing about SparkPeople is that you claim it, and then start over. Just track it, no matter how bad it is. You WILL do this! And we are all here to root you on!

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KAREN-IS-HERE 8/28/2014 9:43AM

    all or nothing is a hard mind-set.... as others said before "perfect" is too much pressure... I'm personally not anti grain and actually just the opposite because I'm healthy and do not require a special diet. I did try home sandwiches and won't bring bread back into the house like that again soon- something about bread is just too tempting to not gobble up... other whole grains like brown rice, popcorn, quinoa, oats.... are regulars in my house I do well with.

I have full confidence You can do what ever you have to with in Doctor's guideline set out specific for your healthy wellbeing
- everything else falls to the side -
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Comment edited on: 8/28/2014 9:45:20 AM

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WALKINGGIRL6 8/28/2014 2:23AM

    In her book it says don't give up and you don't have to start over again. Just continue on, it is a learning process and yes you may have a off day here and there but just continue on. I like your idea of instead of no carbs, limiting them. I know everyone has to pick what they want for a diet but to me totally restricting things only leads to disaster.

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LWADE1963 8/27/2014 9:55PM

    Thanks for your comment. I tried gluten free. I just don't think I can do it. So instead, I am watching my carbs very closely. Keeping them on low end, which means mostly fruit and veggies with some healthy carbs once or twice a day. I am trying to get my triglycerides down

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THETURTLEBEAR 8/27/2014 9:10PM

    I understand that it helps some people to ditch sugar, but are you quitting gluten for any medical reasons or for the current trend? I saw what you wrote in the last blog about gluten and inflammation, but there is a lot of unscientific opinion going around on that with no basis in any documented studies, and people spread what they've read from one person to the next (usually people who are trying to do a paleo diet). I wish you good luck on your efforts, whatever they may be, but I agree you shouldn't beat yourself up and just shoot for progress and not perfection!

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TINY67 8/27/2014 2:51PM

    If you fall just get backup and emoticon emoticon

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TASNIM2014 8/27/2014 2:29PM

    Don't pressure yourself to be "perfect". When I do that, I tend to give up.. The most important things are your habits, and what you eat most of the time.
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WORKNPROGRESS49 8/27/2014 2:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Day 2 of no grains

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Day 2 of no grains. At one point yesterday I didn't think I could make it. I was dizzy and felt awful. I got thru it.

Here are some good things from yesterday
1. Had smoothie and salad before work
2. No cookies at work
3. Ate good all day

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN-IS-HERE 8/26/2014 10:47PM

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WORKNPROGRESS49 8/26/2014 4:23PM

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DEBBYFROMMT 8/26/2014 4:19PM

    Very good! But remember, you need some carbs to burn fat. Carbs would include things like peas, or corn (ooh but that is a grain isn't it?) Let us know how you do!

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BHENDRICK2 8/26/2014 1:28PM

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weekly challenge reminder

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

S - SUBSTITUTE an unhealthy choice, with a healthy one. (i.e. replace soda with water)
U - USE A FOOD TRACKER on SP, paper, or a journal, and stay within your calorie range.
M - ME TIME: Make yourself a priority, schedule at least 10 min for YOU!
M - MAKE A POST on the team wall, and do your best to make it original.
E - EXERCISE: Your choice! What do you need to work on?
R - REACH OUT: We’ve had a lot of new Sparkers join our team so let's reach out and get to know each other. Visit a Sparkpage, read/comment on a blog, send a Goodie or Sparkmail. Let’s support and uplift each other!!


EXAMPLE
RED:
Raspberries….Red Potatoes….Strawberries ..... Watermelon.....Tomatoes

GREEN:
Celery.....Avacodos…. Asparagus….Green beans......Peppers

YELLOW:
Yellow peppers.....Grapefruit….Squash.....Lemons…
.Corn

WHITE:
Mushrooms….Onions.....Potatoes.....Garli
c….Turnips

PURPLE:
Eggplant.....purple potatoes

BLUE:
Blueberries.....Elderberries…..Blue potatoes…..

ORANGE:
Pumpkin.....Peaches…..Cantaloupe.....Car
rots.....


Fitness Minutes Goal: 500
Fitness Minutes left to go:
Total Minutes Achieved

only 11 days left so my goal is low

August 20
August 21
August 22
August 23
August 24
August 25
August 26
August 27
August 28
August 29
August 30
August 31


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBBYFROMMT 8/21/2014 9:18AM

    I like this! Great idea, time to come up with a September challenge!

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BOHEMIANCAT 8/20/2014 1:03PM

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CAT-IN-CJ 8/20/2014 10:31AM

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SWDESERTLOVER 8/20/2014 9:23AM

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WORKNPROGRESS49 8/19/2014 11:30PM

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