LV4TAY   22
1-99 SparkPoints
LV4TAY's Recent Blog Entries


Friday, February 12, 2010

I've spent a lot of time "hiding" behind outfits that would be far more appropriate for a teenaged boy, or at least Bruce Vilanch.

Oversized t-shirts that hide my belly (not) and a variety of colors of jeans. Complete the outfit with the socks + birkenstocks and there you have my regular attire. (OK, sometimes, if I'm feeling really dressy, I'll wear knee-high leggs with those birkies. Oh, and did I mention that since the dog chewed the bows of my glasses, I have covered the hurty parts with hello kitty bandaids? I decided a year ago to try to look a bit more my age. I bought a bunch of blouses, but since they had to go around my shameful middle, I bought sizes so big that the ends of the sleeves completely covered my hands and would flap in the breeze as I walked. When I lost all the weight (last time) I gave the blouses to a tall friend who didn't look like flipper-hands girl in them, and wore my husband's t shirts. Now I'm in-between -- don't want to be flipper-hands girl, and I don't want to wear my ralphie-from-the-simpsons-eating-paste shirt everywhere, either. I have lots of cute blouses for when I'm 30-40 lbs. lighter, but until then, oh -- hey -- can I borrow your shirt, Bruce??

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEMILO 3/13/2010 12:58PM

    I can certainly relate to this. In fact, one of the things that started me on this path was the fact that only 2 pair of my "FAT" pants even fit me anymore!
I have entire wardrobes waiting for when I can fit into them.
My reward for when I reach 200 lbs (1/2 of my goal) is to get some really cute pajammas (several pairs). What I wear now is the most God-Awful ugliest things on earth, but they are comfortable.
But I long for the days when I can wear something and feel pretty.
We'll get there.
Day by day, choice by choice --- we both will reach our goals, and have those cute clothes and the body that shows them off.
Even better -- we'll be that much healthier (mentally and physically)
Thanks for your encouragement.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEG_1979 2/15/2010 8:48PM

  I know how you feel. I tend to wear sweat pants and t-shirts socks and tennis shoes in the winter, flip flops in the summer. I work in an office setting!! It is so easy to fall into the comfortable style when you gain weight. Then it tends to be cheaper to stay that way and cheaper then purchasing clothes that fit the size you are now.

Maybe find one item once a month that fits you really good...and that way you can mix it with the rest of your clothing until your outfits start fitting the way you want.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PENNYAN45 2/13/2010 6:00PM

    I can completely relate to your issue! Buying clothes is NEVER something I enjoy doing. Maybe one day......

Report Inappropriate Comment
FRANCESCANAZ 2/13/2010 4:38PM

    I want that first Tee shirt! HAHAHA! Dress the way you want. I have been covering myself for so many decades with big puffy skirts and then I found out the pencil skirts make me look about 25 pounds lighter! I still haven't been able to part with the big, full skirts in my closet. I gues it really is time. Thanks for the blog. emoticonFrancesca

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLAMENM 2/13/2010 1:12PM

    I've always battleed when buying clothes. Fit is everything....

You know, even when I was skinny, I hated shopping for clothes. Because mass-marketed clothes are made to fit an ideal person, and she/he is a construct. I figured out years ago that a little tailoring can help. Pull up the sleeve collars, nip in a waist, hem a little, put in a few darts.

Report Inappropriate Comment
YAMINOKODOMO 2/13/2010 11:35AM

    Yea I think that happens to all of us! We wear bigger clothing to hide ourselves, but sometimes getting something your actually size, not ten times bigger, lol can make you look thinner if you get the right cut :)

You should always get yourself something that you look and that you know looks good on you! Like those blouses you have waiting for you! You should get some blouses now that make you feel good! And I agree with parsonjuniper as well, "you deserve to look beautiful now!"


Report Inappropriate Comment
JAYMURZ 2/13/2010 10:57AM

    As a guy, I can SO relate to this post! My wonderful wife actually made me go shopping for clothes (oh the pain... the pain) and buy some dress shirts that from a tailor so they would fit. OMG, they fit!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STLRZGRRL 2/13/2010 10:10AM


Buying clothes that fit can really feel like giving in. I know.

I "solved" it by finding about 6 outfits that sort of work... and I know the people in my office are tired of seeing them... but I am NOT giving away the clothes that I WILL. BE. IN. AGAIN. DAMMIT.

We'll get there. What would dare stand in OUR way?

(Besides ourselves, I mean...)

Comment edited on: 2/13/2010 10:10:39 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARLEENLV 2/13/2010 9:47AM

    I'm right there - and I drive my hubby crazy! I can change 10 times because I think I look to large... I do know its a mental thing and I am working on it. But my hubbys t-shirts are just so dang comfy - right???? I can't wait to lose this weight, I have tubs in the closet full of stylish clothes (well maybe in their day they were stylish) that I'm dying to pull out. I won't have to go shopping for years. I always had faith it would happen and it tickles me to be on my way. Woo hoo!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALAI_LALA 2/13/2010 8:22AM

    Ms. Juniper strikes the nail right on the head! "I also know that we smarty-pantses can talk ourselves into believing that we're above such trivial things as fashion and beauty."

I too am a fashion victim of the jeans/shorts and snarky, nerdy t-shirts. Though, as a recovering hillbilly, I only wear shoes (even Birks) when I absolutely have to!

Still, currently I am dealing with what I have, though I do need to get some nice things before I go to Cambridge this summer... also hopefully 30 or 40 pounds lighter. Wanna have a fashion show sometime in June?

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

(Okay, I dunno what that pirate's doing there... wink!)

Report Inappropriate Comment
PUDLECRAZY 2/13/2010 6:36AM

    Okay, gorgeous, emoticonhiding! You look great, but even if you didn't, your kindness and generosity shine through. Stick to your goals, but love that fabulous person that you are.


Comment edited on: 2/13/2010 6:36:23 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROOBYBEGONIA 2/13/2010 12:45AM

    I think you are very pretty. Finding clothes that fit can be a beotch at any size, though, and you have my sympathy! Cracks me up that at this weight I have to buy 'petite' size fat-chick clothes - lol! I didn't get TALLER - only WIDER!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PARSONJUNIPER 2/12/2010 11:53PM

    Ok, when I first looked at this post, before I started reading, I saw that little thumbnail and thought, "What a hideous picture! That looks just like Bruce Villanch!" Whew. Glad that's who it was. The only person who should look like Bruce is...well, Bruce.

LV, you are a total cutie-pie, extra weight or no extra weight. You need to embrace that NOW. You will feel so much better if you have clothes that fit you and flatter your gorgeousness. I know what it's like to feel like your body is a liability, something you just need to hide. I also know how hard it is to fit an overweight body (ESPECIALLY if you're short. I'm a whole 5'0" and want to kill the entire clothing industry.) Even so, the worst thing in the world for your self-esteem is feeling frumpy and gross. I know what it's like to deny yourself things because you don't "deserve" them until you lose weight. I also know that we smarty-pantses can talk ourselves into believing that we're above such trivial things as fashion and beauty. Bollocks. You have to keep your budget in mind, of course, but you deserve to look and feel beautiful NOW.

You know why?

Because you are.


Report Inappropriate Comment

A poetry-inspired rant

Sunday, February 07, 2010

The Leaden-Eyed, by Vachel Lindsay

Let not young souls be smothered out before
They do quaint deeds and fully flaunt their pride.
It is the world's one crime that its babes grow dull,
Its poor are ox-like, limp and leaden-eyed.
Not that they starve; but starve so dreamlessly,
Not that they sow, but that they seldom reap,
Not that they serve, but have no gods to serve,
Not that they die, but that they die like sheep.

It's standardized test-taking season in the Clark County School District. Our students will be seated in rows for hours at a time, bubbling in answers. Entire school days are devoted to nothing but testing. Did you know that there's not one study that has shown a correlation between high school exit exams and future success, in college or in the world? Not one. Yet we spend huge amounts of money on these tests. Who benefits?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SABRINAWHO 2/10/2010 11:21PM

  I always thought those were great for naptimes and making clever picutres with the bubbles.

Oh, and btw...LOVE LOVE LOVE the new background!!!!

Comment edited on: 2/10/2010 11:21:49 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
PUDLECRAZY 2/9/2010 2:25AM

    Fabulous! Don't even get me started on my rant because it ends with 'cannon fodder.' The disservice we are doing to young minds is unpardonable.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PARSONJUNIPER 2/8/2010 11:48AM

    Yargh...I'm not an education professional or expert by any means, but even I can rant about the public school system. At least when I was in school, it seemed like actually ~thinking~ was discouraged. There were a few excellent teachers who were exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, we were expected to sit quietly in rows and spit back the information we were fed: no analysis, no debate, no intellectual curiosity, just garbage in/ garbage out. And sadly, the expectations of what we were to learn were so LOW. *Sigh* Maybe it's just because I lived in a poor, rural area, but I felt like I could have seen a much better return on the time I invested in sitting in a classroom. Unfortunately, with the emphasis on testing that's emerged since my school days, it seems like we're heading even more in that direction. Boo.

And don't get me started on my foreign language rant! (Short version: We should learn more of them, and earlier.)

Report Inappropriate Comment
LV4TAY 2/8/2010 11:39AM

    The studies have been done, and all they have found is that exit exams reduce the amount of diplomas being handed out, period. That's the only difference the tests have made. They hurt many, and they help no one except those who benefit financially from the testing industry (McGraw-Hill, anyone?) and those who are trying to "prove" that public education needs to be taken over by corporations.

Comment edited on: 2/8/2010 11:39:58 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
DJCARR 2/8/2010 11:18AM

  I'm with you. Love the poem. Hate the system.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAYMURZ 2/8/2010 10:49AM

    My wonderful wife is a retired Special Ed (and whatever other subjects were needed) teacher... don't even get started about the whole testing topic :(
It's like they think that testing will somehow magically yield Education?

Report Inappropriate Comment
JEWITCH 2/8/2010 9:56AM

    Love the poem. I agree with you I think that we are now only teaching the students what they need to past all the test they have to take in any given school year. It is bad for self-esteem. I was always under the assumption that test were only meant to be a gage for the teacher to know what the students knows and understands and what might have to be readdressed. The school district I work for just finished the first round of high school exit exams which students start taking in the sophomore year of high school. Maybe they will someday have studies that show whether or not these test do any good other than stressing the students out.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARLEENLV 2/8/2010 7:47AM

    Great poem. I remember stressing out for these tests and they never even made a difference in my life as a whole. Good blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGARBABY60 2/8/2010 2:11AM

    It makes the AMMISH system of learning seem so efficient. Learn 2 languages by 1st grade, learn basic math skills (to be able to run road side business fruit /veg stands), learn to READ , out of school at 8 th grade and into vocational training/real life skills for the next several years and you know how to take care of yourself, your family and your community. No frills , as for testing.....You don't need any... if you are stupid the whole world will know soon enough and you don't need a piece of paper to tell you.

By the way I loved the poem , and your incite. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONFUSEDBIRD 2/7/2010 9:12PM

    I did horrible on my exiting test lol It made me feel really bad about myself for a long time. Also I put off state college because of it and did junior college for way too long. Come to find out state college was easier.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ELLENB10 2/7/2010 5:21PM

    I was reading essays on education reform this week, and on what our kids REALLY should be learning in school. It's a shame that these tests and their scores hold so much power.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERYLP461 2/7/2010 4:51PM

    Ih don't get me started on this one! I'll rant all night

Report Inappropriate Comment


Sunday, February 07, 2010

I refuse to write anything mean about those very adorable, very earnest high school thespians. Except that if there weren't so many dramatic pauses, I'd have been home 1/2 hour earlier. Your son is . . . . . . . . . . . . deeeead. Not - - - - - -my. son.
Ok, they're like 17 years old and they were better than I expected, even for the academy of performing arts. They're doing West Side Story in March, and it probably will be terrific. Plus my friend's kid will be one of the dancers.
It's late, and I didn't exercise yesterday or today but I could still get in my 40 minutes before bedtime. Hate to skip 2 days in a row. So off to the Wii I go.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARBABY60 3/16/2010 2:03AM

    I am glad that you went off to WII and not WEE that would be just too much information!Think of all the calories you burned figgiting and just waiting to get home! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAYMURZ 2/7/2010 3:13PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
KKATZE 2/7/2010 9:55AM

    That is too funny! I remember playing theater in high school and to my utter disappointment, the most people talked about after our performance was the unbearable heat that day and lack of air conditioning in the "theater" aka classroom.

Report Inappropriate Comment
STLRZGRRL 2/7/2010 9:26AM

    I'm pretty sure you get fitness points for stifling laughter at Greek tragedies.

True story.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALAI_LALA 2/7/2010 7:51AM

    I don't say this often, but... ROFL...

Thank you very much!


Report Inappropriate Comment

Theat-ah critic strikes again

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Saw a good version of "All My Sons" at the Nevada Conservatory last night. Thought the acting was mostly terrific. The set design was so good. It was an Ohio back yard in the post WWII era. They had what looked like grass on the ground and leaves and debris scattered around from a storm the night before. There were even real rain gutters on the house, and screens on the windows.
The costumes were spot on, especially the shoes the men wore. I wonder why they went to such care with the men's shoes, though, and had the women all in character shoes. They probably could have gotten some period women's shoes from a thrift store.
But on to the acting -- one of the pivotal characters was kinda stiff and mannered. I've seen him in other shows, and he's really good. Maybe he saw his character as being fussy and removed from everyone else, but it came off more Oscar Wilde than Arthur Miller. He dropped the mannerisms for the emotional scenes near the end. Another actor was clearly too young for his role, and his hair was artificially grayed. Maybe it bothered me only because I was sitting so close to the stage.
The gun that was supposed to go off at the end of the play was really quiet. Maybe the prop people saw how many old people were in the audience and chose not to startle anyone into some sort of medical emergency. But after all that realism, it was as if the old man had killed himself with a firecracker.
Stay tuned -- tonight I'm going to see Antigone at the local high school.
They had someonce called a dramaturg listed in the program. I'd never heard of a dramaturg, but I think I want to be one when I grow up or retire, whichever comes first.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PARSONJUNIPER 2/7/2010 12:38AM

    You have a great eye; you'd make a great DRAAAAAAAAAmaturg, although you probably wouldn't be pretentious enough to call yourself that!

Having done the majority of my acting in rural NY / PA, I've had to work in situations with severely limited resources...especially human resources. We have a really hard time getting men involved, and we have almost NO men between high school age and their forties (most are in their fifties and above). So, yeah...we have a lot of actors of inappropriate age / build / talent level / whatever! When I watched the audition scenes in _Waiting for Guffman_, I actually said, "Darn! I wish some of those guys would try out for our shows!" Artificially gray hair is the least of our worries.

Enjoy the next show, dearie, and give us another insightful review!

Report Inappropriate Comment
EOSTAR_45 2/6/2010 6:24PM

    I just watched "Around the World in 80 days" and really enjoyed it. We were a little close to the stage, but I am not complaining since the tickets were free. The set design and acting were excellent.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAYMURZ 2/6/2010 1:51PM

    Hmmm.... maybe you shoulda gone to se Cirque Du Soliel instead? =) We were just there and luved it immensely!

Report Inappropriate Comment
YAMINOKODOMO 2/6/2010 1:28PM

    lol thats sucks when everything is REALLY good, except the acting... lol

Hope you enjoy the next show!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Makin' my goals public

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I've been setting some goals, so I thought I'd keep myself honest by putting them here. My goal for this weekend is to organize all of my clothing. Closet, drawers, laundry basket, coat closet. By Sunday evening. Obstacle to overcome: thinking that organizing one thing is futile, that I must organize my whole house, which is a bigger job than can be done in just one weekend . . .
so I give up and organize nothing.
Goal for February: Be out of the 170's and into the 160's. At least 5 lbs. in 4 weeks. I can do it. Obstacle to overcome: I'm worried because the spark site increases my calories when I increase my exercise.
Goal for today: Have my pic taken and post it, and then post another pic every time I lose 10 pounds. Obstacle to overcome: I'm not thrilled of having a record of how I look right now.
Overall, my problems seem to be related to unrealistic goals that are a byproduct of my particular brand of OCD, which is perfectionism, which is ironic, because I'm always telling the children in my library that they are fine just the way they are, but I can't tell myself the same thing. Well. I can, but I don't.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATV865 4/30/2010 2:48PM

    Your goals are awesome! You are brave to make them public emoticon
The obstacles are all in changing your mind-set and we all know how hard that is.. but that's why we're on SPARK!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LAROMAN1 2/7/2010 1:28AM

  I am so impressed with your honesty. We do what we want to do and I sense you really have a handle on what you want. I joined this group for accountability and I am so pleased to see you have chosen to keep yourself accountable. You "sparked" some courage in me. Thank you. Pictures are a great idea. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEG_1979 2/3/2010 3:57PM

  Those are very realistic goals and I know you can do it!! The picture idea is great. It will be an inspiration as you lose and the changes really show on the pics!! emoticon

LOL @ Sugarbaby....your not supposed to add more work to other goals, your supposed to wish for the cleaning fairies!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 1/31/2010 4:57PM

    WE CAN DO THIS... TOGETHER!!! *Hugs*

Report Inappropriate Comment
PARSONJUNIPER 1/31/2010 1:11PM

    All-or-nothing perfectionism? Testify, sister!

I think it's really smart to list potential obstacles so you can DEAL with them when they pop up. I wish you success with your goals. I know you can get there!

And good for you for putting the pictures up! I know how HATEFUL our own "fat pictures" look to us, but that is NOT how other people see you. I see my bright, lively, BEAUTIFUL friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGARBABY60 1/31/2010 12:26AM

    Great goals , I'm impressed , say would you want to include in you r goals going to my house and organizing my stuff! I never seem to get around to it! ha ha .
Yea for the Feb goal of getting into the 160's YOU CAN DO IT!!! photo idea is a good one too I had not thought of that boy will you appreciate them AFTER like say NEXT New Year. I look at mine from last yr and am amazed1 You will be too! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONFUSEDBIRD 1/30/2010 10:50PM

    I think its good knowing that we can remain the people we are. But if we wanna better ourselves we can do that too. Good luck with your goals! I wish you all the luck in the world!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILANA58 1/30/2010 5:03PM

    I'm in the same boat, and I really understand how you feel. I've just started, and I also like to put public goals for myself. I sometimes put UNreal goals for myself, and I need to trim them down -- like one pound a week to lose is a great idea.

Good luck to you! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILANA58 1/30/2010 4:50PM

    I'm in the same boat, and I really understand how you feel. I've just started, and I also like to put public goals for myself. I sometimes put UNreal goals for myself, and I need to trim them down -- like one pound a week to lose is a great idea.

Good luck to you! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

1 2 3 Last Page