Sunday, February 09, 2014
After injuring an already bad knee, I'm determined to keep going.
Osteoarthritis has done its damage.
Then, last weekend, I did it. I injured myself.
My knee has been fussy lately anyway.
Knees locking up, bone on bone, and osteophytes tangling with a whole mess of knee matter, a.k.a. ligaments, trust me, it's no fun.
I yell more than I ought. Yelping, yelling, whatever.
I could give up. It would be so easy to just sit there in a chair.
I have babied my knee. I do it on purpose. I want it to stop hurting me, or rather, I want to stop hurting it, so I stop hurting.
But that's not the plan.
I'm waiting to hear more from the surgeon who's looking at my knee. But in the meantime, I'm planning. I'm planning on eating well and burning calories in the one way I can, in the pool.
I may have to hobble my way to the water, but I'll get there.
If I let an injury keep me down, my chances of getting back up at this weight (415.2 pounds), are slim. So I must get up and I must dust myself off and I must continue on no matter what.
Victory is the only option. I must lose that weight!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Almost every time I shop, without fail, I make my way through the produce section making selections that I have so many good intentions on using, one way or another. Yet so often, those same freggies I've selected find themselves rotting away in my fridge while good intentions fade away into nothingness.
A cucumber turns to slime, a banana turns black both in and out, lettuce turns into a mass of grossness I'll never find the courage to eat.
It frustrates me as I know I'm throwing out my hard earned money on food I end up throwing away anyway. I keep telling myself, be more careful when buying produce, but it never works.
Then the other day rolls around. I win some fruit and have a great idea. Take the fruit to work and put it in my desk drawer; it will keep.
So far it has worked well. Each day I eat a little something from that drawer, and it's something healthy.
I've eaten a good portion of the fruit already and know that this time I will finish it. From here on out, most of my produce is going in my desk drawer -- except those items meant as ingredients for my dinner, and then if I don't cook them up quick, maybe even those if they are something I would snack on and doesn't need refrigeration.
It keeps me from getting massively hungry before I go home, so I can keep my head screwed on straight while preparing dinner.
So from here on out, there will be fruit in my desk, or at least so is my intention. Let's hope it holds up!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
If there's been anything I've been doing this winter besides freezing my butt off, it's been complaining about this winter's polar vortex.
Arctic temperatures, freezing air, whatever you choose to call it, it makes me want to scream, "I hate cold!"
It brings with it a certain amount of suffering, that freezing nonsense, and I've had enough.
But I hate to admit it, as much as I want to send all that cold back to where it came from, I did get at least one benefit from it this past week.
Trying to make my heating fuel last as long as I could, I turned back the dial on my furnace as much as I could stand, wore a winter hat around the house to stay warm and just shivered my way through as long as I could.
That is until my cold water pipes started freezing. Oops!
I thought it would be okay so long as I had my furnace over 50 degrees. It wasn't ever lower than 59 degrees at any given time, so I thought I was safe.
Not. Had to crank the furnace. Still had hot water, so I had to run that too. An hour and a half later my cold water came back, and I've had to leave my furnace up since. I figure if I turn it back down now, I'll have to deal with freezing again.
My toilet water inflow froze though. What a treat. Dumping buckets of water down the bowl to flush is not what I call fun, but at least it went down. It could have been worse -- I may not have been able to flush! Ick.
But up until the day before weigh-in, I managed to pull the shiver-fest off.
Add that to my prior imperfect routine which hadn't really paid any dividends yet, and I have to think that at least part of my weight loss this past week was due to the cold.
Add that to the fact that I'm not wearing a winter coat this year. My winter coats stopped fitting right after I gained weight. Either they don't close or the arms are too tight or both.
So I'm wearing a fleece jacket. It's light and baggy, so I have plenty of room and it closes too -- but it's not a winter coat.
So far it's stood up to most of the temperatures pretty good and I'm mighty surprised. But sometimes it's not enough. Today was pretty cold in that fleece, and tonight is going to be colder.
I'd wear the winter coats I own, but the one that fits best has tight arms and I can't have tight arms when I'm driving. It's not safe. It makes it hard to steer. So I have to wait until my arms slim down a little bit before I can use that coat again. The one that doesn't close isn't as warm as wearing a zipped up fleece. Air just blows right in.
I never got around to buying a new coat while preparing for winter and now I figure if I can survive this polar vortex business, then I'll be home free, no need to worry about buying one this year. After all, I plan on shrinking back into the old coats soon anyway.
So, I've been freezing inside and outside and I can hardly wait for spring! In the meantime, winter can keep as many pounds of my butt it wants to freeze off and I'll be okay with that.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
One of my biggest weight-loss journey challenges I'm motivated to overcome is a lack of rhythm to my week.
What's rhythm got to do with it?
If I'm one step behind on everything I do, then I don't do so well, but if I'm right on, the pounds melt away.
It's hard to keep rhythm I need when I can barely walk without wincing, but I'm sure if I outsmart my knees, my hips and other cranky joints, then maybe I can do what I need to do to stay on track.
Recent ups and downs have taught me that it doesn't help to do the healthy shopping if one isn't going to do the healthy cooking, and it doesn't help to do the healthy cooking if one isn't going to have it ready to eat when I need to eat it.
I shop. I get busy. Food sits. Some goes bad. The rest doesn't turn into the meals I planned. Weight either holds steady, or I gain.
The trick is shopping on a day when I can immediately turn the food into something, have the energy to do so and pack the work lunches in advance so everything is all hunky-dory during the week. I pull that off, pounds start to melt.
The added benefit to my good weeks, I generally stay on board with my exercise a little better than otherwise.
It never helps to be one step behind. One thing gets pushed off, and then another. Then I'm driving through drive-thrus and skipping workouts.
It's time to get rhythmic.
My plan: shop on Tuesday, cook on Wednesday, pack lunches on Thursday and then repeat.
I could do that on a weekend, but for me weekends are out. Busy, busy, busy.
The problem I have this week, my rhythm's off already, so I have to shop tonight, and then to get back on track, I'll shop again on Tuesday. Tonight I'll just get enough to get by.
I think I just heard my stomach growl. That's not a great way to head off to the grocery store, but I think I have no choice. So I get to exercise my restraint muscle tonight. I get to see if I can go in and buy only what I need and nothing I don't.
Hopefully this rhythm thing works out for me. At least writing about it will remind me that I need to get it right this time!
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
Some sources of motivation for any goal can come and go at a drop of the hat, but the best motivation for any goal is the kind that sticks around for the long haul.
So what's your biggest motivation?
My motivation is knowing that if I got my health in order, there's a whole lot of good things that I could do I can't currently do now in my condition, thereby adding a source of happiness to my life, and hopefully a bright spot in the world for others. As heavy as I am, over 400 pounds, I find my life is centered so much on just surviving sometimes and getting through the day. For me, that just doesn't feel right. Losing the weight will give me a chance to readjust that focus right where it should be, and that's my goal.
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