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Acceptance

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Okay I started this journey with the goal of losing weight. I wanted to be healthy and thin and of course look good. Well it's looking like one of my goals is just not going to be a reality. I know I shouldn't weigh everyday but I have and all week my weight has been going up. Well at first it went down to 154 which is was great I thought well maybe I'll even catch up and lose another pound but then the next day it went back to 155 well okay that's where I started so that's fine. Then it was 156 okay well weight fluctuates it doesn't count until Sunday when the week's weigh in is official. Well here it is Saturday and my weight is 157. That's only one pound less that where I started. emoticon

So I think well let me look and see what's going on that would make me gain back two of the three pounds I've lost. Hmm well maybe I'm a complete numbskull and don't know how to actually log in my food. Maybe I've been eating more than I think I have been. Well honestly I don't think so. In fact if I'm not sure I even round up but I tend to keep in the middle of the scale so unless I'm massively off and the nutritional panels on every food is way off or it has nothing to do with my food intake. I honestly don't see how I could be that off on my food so I have to say I'm not over or under in any of the categories.

So maybe its water weight. Well why would I be retaining water. I've already had my ToM this month so that's not it. I drink 8 to 12 glasses of water a day so I shouldn't be hoarding water. Maybe my sister is right and its sodium intake. Well I have to admit I do not watch my sodium but I also do not use salt when I cook. I use Ms Dash which is sodium free. So unless my food is that high in sodium I'm not sure how it could be that.

So this brings me to the only other reason I can think of that I would be gain weight. I'm putting on muscle. I have been doing this for 20 days that's almost three weeks. Until today I had not taken a single day off from cardio work and I do strength training three times per week. Not to mention my running which is also three times per week. I know my fingers are smaller because my rings keeping slipping around on them. Also I can reach my fingers around my wrists for the first time in a long time. So either my fingers have stretched out making them thinner or my hands and wrists have gotten smaller.

I had said before that I would accept being one of those who stayed the same or gained weight as long as I could run. That I would be okay if I put on muscle if my pants sizes went down. I know this is what I said and for part of me it is true. I want to be a runner period. I want to have the muscles and strength, endurance, and ability to run at least a 5K if not more. I just figured I would lose weight doing it. I at least wanted to get to the point where I was no longer overweight on the BMI. I know these are just numbers. And I know that I have been doing wonderfully on my running but I do wish that I could report an amazing loss or at least some sort of progress in my goal to lose weight. Well tomorrow it will be official and I guess unless I'm will to just do weight loss exercise and cut out muscle building ones like running then I'll have to accept the weight gain.

I am a runner. I love it and if that makes me gain weight then I will continue to run and just have to learn some acceptance.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 1/23/2011 9:31AM

    The scale does not tell everything. If you see changes in the way clothes are fitting, then your are making progress.
You do actually need to take a whole day off of exercise every once in a while. It's good both physically and mentally.

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CAMILLEMANS 1/23/2011 12:41AM

    You are doing wonderfully on your journey. You are definitely healthier than when you started. And yes, muscle does weigh more than fat so give it a chance cause if you are gaining muscle mass it will start burning off those pounds. I suggest going to the doctor and asking the nurse or receptionist if you can use their scale. Weigh in and ask if you can come back next week to weigh in again. Resist the urge in between visits to use your scale. And take your measurements. Sometimes the weight kind of comes off one spot and gets put on as muscle in another. I hope something here helps you, I'd hate for you to stop working towards a healthier you.

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KISSIMMEE 1/22/2011 11:47PM

    From what I can tell from your story the only new thing you are doing is exercising non-stop. Is it possible that not resting in between at least once a week might be the problem? Just a thought for you to explore. emoticon

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Accomplishments and Understandings

Saturday, January 22, 2011

So today I accomplished a wonderful thing. I completed week 4 of the C25K. Now week 4 is not too far but for me it was a mental and physical accomplishment. After having quit before due to knee pain at week 3 this week was a bit intimidating for me. Not only was it new territory I had a worry that I would starting hurting again and not be able to make it through. So as I set out on Monday I was half afraid I wouldn't make and half determined to succeed no matter what. Thankfully the determined half is stronger than the fear I had. I made it through without stopping once. It always amazes me when I'm done running how easy it seemed now that I'm done. Of course when I'm running I try to keep my mind on other things. Although I did realize today that I would not be able to run with a partner and have a conversation. I don't feel like I'm dying for breath but I definitely could not talk to someone and run. Hmm I wonder if that comes with time or if I'm doing something wrong? Probably just comes with time. Anyway Monday will be the start of week 5 and I will have all 5 minute runs. I've already ran for 5 minutes straight so I'm not too worried about it. I'm a little worried about Friday when there will be no walking at all but I'm also excited because it will be the first time I've gone for just a "run" without any intervals. Well that's my accomplishment.

Now for the understandings. Yesterday I was down because I felt like I had failed my mom since she hasn't been getting all her calories or doing all her cardio. I had to come to the understanding that what I can do at 35 is different from what she can do at 51. What I can do and focus on being unemployed is different from what she can do working all day in a very stressful job. I am very proud of my mom and how she's doing with the water and the fact that she turned down a brownie which is her favorite. I did talk to her about it and I told her that I want her to be successful and that I will be there to encourage her but I had to separate our journeys and focus on what was best for me and allow her to focus on what's best for her. I felt much better after talking to her.

So there you have it today I accomplished a goal and grew emotionally.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAPAMIKIE 1/22/2011 4:22PM

    I am 56, I decided to loose weight at 53 and 244 pounds and basically inactive. I started to run by going around a parking lot, Never did a C25k, just started to run and then ran some more.

Over time I became a runner, and now run a fair bit. I am doing a 5km May 28 with my son and two grandson, and then a half on May 29 with my oldest grand son, who is 14.

It may be an encouragement to your mom that some of us older people have made some progress, it might takes us a little longer but we can all get there.

Over time you will find that you can run at a nice comfortable pace and carry on a converstaion.

Comment edited on: 1/22/2011 4:23:24 PM

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ELIZAGETTINGFIT 1/22/2011 11:29AM

    Where do you run?

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FITFABJENN 1/22/2011 10:11AM

    emoticon You are doing fantastic!

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WENDYSPARKS 1/22/2011 8:40AM

    Good luck!!

Wendy emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 1/22/2011 8:36AM

    The running and talking will come with time, I think. Yes, week 5 is the one the scariest. Don't worry, though. You'll be ready for it.
Good for you understanding that you and your mom are in completely different situations. She will make her changes in her own time.

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SBATES63 1/22/2011 6:28AM

    Way to go on the running. You are I are almost at the same place. You can do it. It is great you are working towards a healthy lifestyle with your Mom. Together you will succeed.

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WALKWITME 1/22/2011 5:57AM

    emoticon

You are doing emoticon

Please Don't sell yourself short.

YOU ! Are Doing It!

Take 1 Day At A Time

I Did It and I'm sure you will too, I'm on my way to Run a 6k this Morning.

Pat your mom on the back for a job well done also.

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Lazy Day or Maybe a Little Down

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't want to move, I don't want to do anything really. I know I need to do my strength training and to get in some cardio. I know that I didn't need to eat as much as I did for lunch and that two glasses of water when its 2:30 is not good enough. I don't know what it is. I wanted to go back to bed this morning even though I knew I wasn't tired. I just didn't want to be up. I thought about getting dressed but I couldn't decide what to wear. I weighed this morning and I know I shouldn't do it every day but I just do. Normally I remind myself that it doesn't matter what it says its the week that counts. I know that even if I do gain weight I exercise and eat right and a weight gain could indicate increased muscle. I know that the scale is not a measure of my worth but rather my determination, drive, and perseverance. I with my fancy psychology degree know all of these things.

However, knowing does me no good. I still cringed when I saw that my weight had gone back up to my start for this week and then wanted to cry when it went up to 156 after I ate. Hello it was after I ate of course I weighed more. I figure it bothered me because I wasn't in the greatest of moods when I woke up. Then I had a normal breakfast but decided to eat a huge amount for lunch. I'm not going to go over for my calories or even make it close to the high end of the range and I did make healthy choices having two low calorie wraps, two servings of green olives, a serving of turkey pepperoni, and a glass of V8. It wasn't bad calorie wise at all but I wasn't that hungry so why did I eat so much? I'm glad I didn't have some of the tater tots the kids had or a danish like my daughter but still why did I eat such a large amount. Now of course I'm seriously full and feel awful.

I don't know I've been upset since last night when my mom decided to skip her workout. I think I may be too worried about her progress and am in turn sabotaging my own. I want her to be successful but I know I need to be supportive without relying on her to make myself worthy. I also know that she is much older than I am and what I do is probably too much for her. Although I'm not so sure that ten minutes was really that much to ask. Ugh I just need to accept the fact that I'm on my journey and she's on hers and if she stops her journey it does not mean I'm a failure. It means that she made a choice for her life that does not affect my life or my choices. See there's that degree again. Doesn't do me much good if I don't listen to the things I know. I don't know I just want us both to be successful and happy so I guess I'll just keep leading by example.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 1/20/2011 4:00PM

    Some days are just like that. Don't beat yourself up.
You know you will have a sensible dinner.
Yes, you are on separate journeys. Everybody is different. Hers may progress more slowly. You cannot rely on her success to validate yours.
You can't force somebody to eat right and exercise. It's something they need to do on their own. Just be there for her if she needs you.
emoticon

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My Theme

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I was reading a blog on Runnerworld.com today and the author was talking about her theme for the year. The one word that would describe her attitude, goals, beliefs, etc for 2011. She chose 3 words but it did get me thinking about if I was going to have one thing to describe what I want to get out of this year what would it be?

Well after much thought about all the issues in my life and things I want to change or have happen this year I settled on determination. I've never had a problem coming of with dreams, goals, aspirations, plans, or anything like that. My problem has always been that it seems I'm plagued with bad luck. Now I'm not the type to blame fate or even really luck on my problems but it does seem as if I am a living example of Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible moment. That is my life. I tend to live in a soap opera. No worries though for me that is just another thing in life that will make me stronger and give me opportunity to grow. Anyway there have been times when things are particularly bad like the time when my car broke down, I lost my job, had a new baby, was going to school, and trying to raise three kids on my own; it is times like those when I want to give up and just stay in bed. Generally the only thing that keeps me from wallowing in self pity is that my children need me. That and a very strong faith in God. Sometimes though I need to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. That which does not kill us makes us stronger and all that jazz. Anyway I want to skip the depression. i want to skip the day or two of thinking that life sucks and I'll never get anywhere. I am determined to make positive changes in my life starting now. Even if I don't have all the changes I want I am determined to keep going and keep pushing forward no matter how many setbacks or challenges I may face.

I have started the changes by quitting smoking, finding my passion for running, and making positive lifestyle changes. While these are all amazing and I'm truly enjoying the benefits already these things are no where near all that I need to deal with and face. I could write pages on the things I want to change or that I need to face but the point is that no matter what comes my way I must have the determination to continue on down my path. So my theme for 2011 is determination.

What's your theme? emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 1/20/2011 9:40AM

    Great theme!!! You're doing a wonderful job. Keep at it!!

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SUNNYESCAPE 1/20/2011 6:29AM

    This is a great blog and really speaks to where I am in my journey. My theme(s) for this year: Healing, Restoration and Growth.

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ELIZAGETTINGFIT 1/19/2011 10:53PM

    Hmm...

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I think my Metabolism is changing.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I noticed some more things today as I went out in search of Vitatops. 1) I no longer crave junk food, 2) I was massively hungry today, and 3) Vitatops are hard to find.

Okay so as I searched two different stores for the elusive treat that Hungry Girl swears by. I had to go down many aisles. I passed by all my old favorites. Popcorn, chips, cookies, pastries, junk food in general. That's when it dawned on me I didn't want them or desire them in anyway. I did look at a box of 100 calorie white cheddar popcorn at Target but decided I had enough snacks. I was just surprised that I don't want that junk. My daughter made peanut butter cookies and she said how happy she was that she didn't have to worry about me stealing cookie dough. We laughed about it but I though eww all that sugar. emoticon I've always had a bit of a sweet tooth but lately I'm just not interested. Even my 100 calorie snack packs of chocolate covered pretzels and my 100 calorie packs of little fudge striped cookies are still sitting on the shelf hidden from the kids. Anyway I found that to be interesting that my old favorite sweet treat just don't appeal to me anymore.

Now one thing though is that I was very hungry today. I ate quite of bit of food but it was all low calorie and low fat. For example I had a sandwich with laughing cow cheese and 97% fat free ham for lunch along with a weight watchers string cheese, clementine orange, and a snack pack of crackers for like 400 calories. I had mini homemade low fat low cal pizzas for dinner. And for those who are wondering I ended up choosing the oatmeal for breakfast. My very favorite maple and brown sugar made with 2% milk. Even with all that food, 3 extra oranges and V8 for snacks I barely make my calories and I was starving half the day. I have never been hungry like that since I started eating right so the only thing I can think of is that my metabolism has sped up. Hmm I guess that's a good thing huh?

Oh and for those of you who are familiar with Hungry Girl you have probably heard her rave about Vitatops which are low calorie, low fat, high fiber muffin tops. Well I wanted to try them so I did search two stores for them. I finally found them in the freezer section (who knew?) and will try them tomorrow. For now I'm unusually tired (and its not even a cardio day) and will be heading to bed so I can rest up for my run tomorrow. Good Night Sparks emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 1/19/2011 9:16AM

    It is true that the less sugar you eat, the less you crave it.
Maple and brown sugar is my favorite flavor of oatmeal, too.
Some days are just HUNGRY days.
Yes, the vitatops are in the freezer section. I actually prefer the muffins to the tops. They do make a nice treat.
Have a good run.

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