LUNATIFF   42,885
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It's been a while

Monday, March 03, 2014

According to my page I haven't made a blog entry since 2011. That's when things started to fall apart. First the pain started, then the motivation was lost, the water and eating went back to the way they'd always been and I ultimately ended up gaining back all the weight I'd lost and then some landing me at 178. I've hidden in the background of this site for all this time; collecting points, occasionally checking into my teams, and liking friend's posts. I was embarrassed by all I had lost, embarrassed about how I had just given up when I couldn't run anymore, and truly embarrassed by the weight I had gained. I was depressed. The scale made me cry so I avoided it. I hated mirrors and did all I could to not look into them. Showering and changing clothes was a torture I couldn't avoid. I tried so many times to find a way around the running. A way to exercise and get back my motivation without the one driving force. I always knew what I wanted to look like and where I wanted to go but without the running I had no idea how to get there.

So I decided finally to make a change. It was around the new year but I refused to call it a resolution. I can't keep those and they just remind me of my many failures so I just decided it was as good a time as any. Really I didn't get really into trying until February anyway so definitely not a New Year's Resolution. I decide I would take it slow. Drink more water. Cut down on soda. That was fairly easy but it was something I had to remind myself of daily. I used to bring 4 cans of soda for me to drink at work. That didn't count the ones I drank after work so cutting down to 3 a day was a big step and taking water to bed with me instead of a soda was a big success. Then I decided I needed to get my eating under control. I started a diet call "I love this diet" which is basically eat all frozen Lean cuisine or Healthy choice meals and add fruits and vegetables. It's supposed to be like Jenny Craig only cheaper. I know the sodium levels aren't good and I'm sure they can't be too healthy but for now it is helping me to keep my eating under control.

So of course you can't just cut calories and expect that to work forever. I know I need to exercise. I know I need to make more positive changes. I know I need to be motivated. So I joined my church softball league. I started trying to coordinate gym days with a friend and I even tried running on the treadmill a couple times and testing my foot to see if it can take it. So far I have lost 8 pounds. I have set a couple of goals. Some short term like getting back in the 150's before vacation and other's are longer like the costume I want to wear for Comic Con and Halloween which are both in October.

I feel like I'm making some progress but it has been slow and I haven't lost anything the last two weeks. I keep reminding myself that at least I haven't gained anything and that if I would focus more on the water (my soda intake is slowly creeping back up again) then that would help. I keep thinking if I can get the food and water under control then I can focus on the gym. I just need to take baby steps. The only problem is I don't feel strong enough in my motivation to keep going. I had donuts for breakfast yesterday and not just one but several. I took a soda to bed with me and I only went to softball last week and the gym once. I'm falling apart again. I can feel it. I need to find something that will replace my running. Something I'm eager to do again. Something to keep me going so I can reach my goals which still seem so far off. I need something and my own desires are not enough.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I mix Emer-Gen-C packets with Mineral Water to get my "soda" fix. I found it was really just the fizzy that I liked. Hope that helps you.

Good Job on the 8 lbs.


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BATCHICK 3/4/2014 11:25AM

    Welcome back and don't be embarassed! I joined this site in 2006 and I've been up and down and never quite where I wanted. I've learned that loving yourself and forgiving yourself for mistakes goes hand in hand with staying on track and making progress in the right direction.

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BAILEYS7OF9 3/4/2014 11:07AM

    emoticon emoticon back! So glad to hear from you. Have you tried some of the extreme fitness videos vs running? Even Coach Nicole's work out DVD I won on a point spin whooped my butt!

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NATPLUMMER 3/4/2014 10:28AM


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VICKI-B-N-FLA 3/3/2014 5:22PM

  You'll get there. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get on track. I know for me it's going to mean cutting out all drinks other than water. When I have soda's ( although diet), I tend to drink much less water. So they'll be going completely within the next week.
Good luck to you. emoticon

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MRSTAZMAYO 3/3/2014 5:16PM

    I'm right there with you ... and determined to get the weight off, get healthy, and keep the weight off this time. We will do this together!

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Motivation Lost

Monday, September 26, 2011

It's been a long time since I made a blog post. I'd love to give an update on my amazing weight loss and success but really I've been hiding from the disappointment and sense of failure I have. Many months ago I developed a pain in the arch of my foot when I ran or when I walked or really anytime. Being unable to go to the doctor I did all I could to heal and get back into it. Unfortunately my foot took longer to heal than I had hoped and I started to lose my progress and slowly the weight started to creep back on.

For a while I blamed my foot and how I couldn't walk, do aerobics, or really anything at all. Not to mention my new job and how busy I was working and just didn't have time to work out. It was becoming excuse after excuse. First the exercise, then the eating right, and finally the water consumption all disappeared and with that the weight I had lost found its way back. I had gotten into a size 6 and was one pound away from reaching the 130's. Now I struggle to stay away from 150 and going back over into that dreaded overweight category. My size 6's don't fit and some of my 8's are started to be uncomfortable and tight. I've lost my motivation.

After dwelling and lamenting on my failure I came to realize a major problem I was having. I had been doing everything based on my running. I ate right so I could run, I drank water so I could run, I exercised for cross training so I could run. EVERYTHING I did was for my running. The weight loss was just an added benefit. When I lost my running I let everything else slip away because there was no reason for it. I started this to lose weight and found a passion in my running and once that was gone so was everything else. Perhaps passion is the wrong word perhaps what I did was find a new addiction. I started running two weeks after quitting smoking and that became my new addiction; the thing I did when I was hungry, bored, or stressed. Thankfully I haven't had any desire to start smoking again but now it is back to the eating when I'm bored.

So here it is... I've gained 8 pounds (sometimes 10), have stopped exercising completely, barely drink 3 glasses of water a day, make more and more unhealthy eating choices, and am about to need a whole new wardrobe. I'm fighting depression and stress and have done nothing to help myself. All I can think about is running. I sat and watched the Biggest Loser the other day and all I wanted was to get up and go out an run (even though it was the middle of the night) but I'm worried about my foot. I'm scared I'll injure myself forever so instead of trying I just sit there making excuses.

I don't know how to get my motivation back. I don't know how to make this about being healthy instead of about running. I dont' even know how to get my running back. I figured I would get a new pair of shoes and then start running again but I think I'm scared. This is the second time I've gone down to injury and I'm worried about losing everything permanetly. I dont' know how to balance and I often obsess and take things to the extreme. I am an all or nothing kind of person and I think that comes from my addictive personality. Really I just don't know what to do anymore but I figured finally talking about it and no longer hiding and making excuses was a good first step.

I need to stop being an extremist. I need to stop focusing on only work and my failures. I need to stop being scared. I need to try and run again and IF that isn't an option there are others I need to find. I mean I have a free gym at work for goodness sake. I shouldn't have any excuses!! Ugh I'm just so frustrated and I need to get back into it. I'm going to miss the 10K I planned on running since February when I ran my first 5K and then of course there was the adventure run I had planned for late November to run with my son. It's all gone unless I get off my rear and fix it. Now if I can only figure out how.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BANKER-CHUCK 10/1/2012 12:56PM

    Today on the "Huddle" you said " Visit my SparkPage!" I have to thank you since this Blog is so close to my story over the past year. I have lost the motivation to exercise. When I trained for running I was like you where most everything I did revolved around running. I had some knee and shoulder issues that took me away from running until I healed, took a long time. Now that my knee feels good I have not resumed running and reintroduced some foods that causes me to over-consume. Three days ago I have decided to jump back on the wagon and start exercising again, the right way. Many of the exercising I have done over the past year has not been strenuous or that beneficial. It has been better than being a couch potato. It has helped me to keep my weight from ballooning up to where I started when I joined Spark 2+ years ago.
Your Blog may be a year old but current and meaningful to me.

Here's hoping you find your motivation. emoticon emoticon

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JORTAY99 9/26/2011 2:00PM

    I have a similar problem with my foot when I run too fast. I notice that when I attempt to increase my speed and go beyond a certain MPH my old foot injury rears it's ugly head. Try a slower pace to just get out there and run....realize that you love running...not how fast you can run. Also...I usually switch to the elliptical when my foot acts up as well. Because I sometimes try to push the injury to see if I can get faster....silly I know...but it is the games we play.
Good luck!! I completely agree with your all or nothing issue as well!!

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WATERLASHES 9/26/2011 11:47AM

    Hi love..thank you for sharing what has been going on..I am not a runner but I can relate to no motivation and being an all or nothing person!..Congrats on your not smoking I am a former smoker as well..I think to find your peace of mind you should see a doctor and find out what your pain is..then you can train from the mean have taken the first step..get back to your water and tracking your food ..maybe check out some strength training..Baby steps..Please keep us posted and My thoughts are with you..let us know how you are doing!.. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/26/2011 11:53:15 AM

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APIRLRAIN888 9/26/2011 11:40AM

    woohooo pls chk out my start and restart blog! me too took 2 month break!

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BAILEYS7OF9 9/26/2011 10:57AM

    Well I think by posting this, you have already started down the right path!

Increase the water and healthy eating. With the weight coming off, the foot might be okay.

Don't have running be your only part of your fitness. Remember ST and try riding a bike... you can do it!

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AUNTKITTY 9/26/2011 10:28AM

    OMG - I can totally identify. My weight gain journey BEGAN when I tore my gastroc 8 years ago, and I could barely WALK, much less play tennis (and I had been playing about . . . probably 10-12 hours a week).

All I can say is - don't follow MY example and let it get bigger and bigger and bigger.

Can you walk? (I know it's not the same as running). Can you swim? (where?) Can you do yoga? Can you get excited about weight training?

You are probably (like many of us) an exercise junkie and you have been substituting food for the exercise - well, you know (and I know) that it doesn't work.

So, take the first step today! I know you can do it. Find SOMETHING you love. YOU CAN !!!

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NATPLUMMER 9/26/2011 10:24AM

    I know exactly how you feel about running. I've still got at least another 5 1/2 weeks left in the boot because of a stress fracture (probably from running but not sure). I think you just need to ease back into it. Do the C25K.

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Pain, worry, and looking on the bright side

Sunday, April 24, 2011

A few weeks ago during my run I had some pain and discomfort in my right foot. Right on the side below my ankle bone was hurting. It was the kind of pain that only really bothers you during exercise and isn't constant. I tried to focus on my form, posture, and stride. I did everything I could think of to alleviate the discomfort. I can't even really call it pain just irritating and definitely noticeable while running. So anyway I took some time off to make sure I didn't really injure myself and then started off running again. Good news the side of my foot wasn't hurting again the bad news is that the pain moved to my arch and now it's no longer discomfort while running it is 24 hour pain.

So now I'm worried. I've looked up foot pain and while I have no medical training or any knowledge I've decided that maybe it's plantar fasciitis but that is usually associated with problems with the heel and it hurts more at the very base of the ball of my foot in the arch area. Sharp, stabbing, stinging pain although there is some heel pain too. Okay so given that it was hurting on the side of my foot first I thought maybe it's PTT (Posterior Tibial Tendonitis). Plantar fasciitis is preferable but I'm just not sure. So I got a wrap and have my foot and ankle supported. I've been treating with Motrin and trying to rest. It hurts even when I walk so I have limited my mobility. Then my brother-in-law's parents were here for Easter and his mom was telling me how his dad has to have surgery because he tore something and his foot has fallen and he's in permanent pain. They are planning on fusing his foot in a permanent "L" shape. She told me how he ignored the pain and now it's that bad so now I'm worried. I'm unhappy about not being able to run or even walk (I take a walk every night after dinner). I'm afraid of gaining weight and losing all my progress especially since I've been eating poorly. Not only that but I'm worried about my foot and I'm afraid I may have really hurt myself or be at a point that without proper treatment I may end up permanently injured. I have no access to medical care and no money to pay for a trip to the doctor. So I'm not sure what to do there.

On the bright side I have realized that I have a sport's injury. Hello a sport's injury!! Me who smoked for over 23 years. Who has been overweight for the last 16 years! I have a sport's injury. HAHA that's really kind of awesome even though it sucks to not be able to run or to participate in my son's high school 5K (to raise money for their sport's program). I wanted to start taking classes at a gym and I was one pound away from making it into the 130's. I have to feel pleased that I was in a position to get a sport's injury but like all injuries this really sucks, it really hurts, and I'm going crazy not being able to exercise. On another bright note it's 90 degrees here and we heated the pool yesterday so today was a beautiful day to swim. I swam back and forth using a kick board for about half an hour. My legs were really tired so I figure that had to have burned some calories. I tried running under water (our pool is on 5' 8" at it's deepest) but it was still too much pressure on my foot. I'm not sure what to do honestly but I have to look on the bright side and brag about my sport's injury.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STESSOUTCHICK1 9/2/2011 10:35PM

  I have done that!

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SPEEDYDOG 5/1/2011 7:16PM

    That hurts just reading about your pain. I am so sorry.



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SHARE_MY_WORLD_ 4/28/2011 5:52PM

    sending healing hands your way.....

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BAILEYS7OF9 4/25/2011 11:29AM

    Hopefully it's nothing serious. I love your outlook that it's a sports injury!

Healing thoughts being sent your way!

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THATONEGUYINMS 4/25/2011 10:55AM

    You have a great attitude. That will get you far!

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SBATES63 4/25/2011 8:30AM

    My heart is with you, former running mate! I hope the foot clears up but you are doing the right thing. Ice, Compression, Elevation and Motrin usually help but it might take some time. Set yourself up a swimming program for the time being. I am sure there are underwater exercises on the internet for you to do instead. They swim injured race horses back to strength because there is no stress on the joints under water. Good luck and keep us posted.

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RONIREDD 4/24/2011 7:02PM

    Are you new to running? If so, you might have done too much too soon. That happened to me. I had tons of issues, but worked through 'em. Definitely had to take a step back. emoticon
I am at it again .. slower and not as long, but I am doing it.

I know for me, alleviate my legs/ankles definitely help too.

Hoping you feel better soon.

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NATPLUMMER 4/24/2011 6:59PM

    Is there no free or low cost clinic you could go to?
At least you can swim.

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Alternative to my morning run

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Normally I go out and run on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but today was different. Today I had to change some things up in order to get in my exercise and still take care of my responsibilities. Today I decided to try something new. Down the street (about a mile away) is a very nice city park. There is a playground, bathroom facilities, baseball field, swimming pool, and even a splash park. A nice typical park with one added feature and that is a walking trail complete with a couple good hills.

So instead of running I walked up to the two biggest hills and then ran up hill one.

Then walked down hill two.

Once at the bottom of hill two I turned around and ran back up hill two

and walked down hill one and then repeat. I forgot my HRM so I just used my runkeeper app which said I burned 154 calories in the 20 minutes I ran up the hills. I don't know if that's high or low (I'm thinking it might be a little low) but I do know I felt great and really enjoyed it. I had an awesome view from the top of the hills.

Overall I think I had a great workout that I was able to shove in within the 20 minutes I had before I had to take my brother to his doctor's appointment. The only real problem was it was really hot even though it was only 9:30 in the morning.

In case you can't read that it says 77 degrees. We're already in the 90's here in central Texas so I never know if I'm sweating from the workout or if it's the heat and humidity. Either way I felt great and can't wait to do it again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDDYBABE 4/24/2011 9:15AM

    Oh I am proud of you. This heat is a real deterrent but you persevered and did hill work! Wow, way to go! emoticon

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SBATES63 4/21/2011 6:13AM

    Way to go! Hills are such great overall exercise. I can't wait to get outdoors again.

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JLNWRNR 4/20/2011 8:47PM

    Great job! Hill workouts really payoff!

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NEEBREW 4/20/2011 7:24PM

    That's FABULOUS! Those hills don't look like a piece of cake... I love them and hate them at the same time! Our weather in TN is heating up, too, so I break a sweat as soon as I start a slow shuffle! Oh well!

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BAILEYS7OF9 4/20/2011 5:10PM

    Great job on the hills!! Only do them once a week though!

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BUGSMOM211 4/20/2011 5:02PM

    emoticon Yay for you! Changing it up is always good..have a good rest of your day emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 4/20/2011 4:40PM

    Sounds like a lot of fun. 154 calories in 20 minutes is pretty good.

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CANNIE50 4/20/2011 4:17PM

    great workout - thanks for the reminder - I am going to go do some "hill repeats". emoticon

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Life without running and my progress (with pics I hope)

Monday, April 04, 2011

Last Monday along with the fear and stress of my daughter being in the hospital I realized I was having some discomfort during my run. On the inside of my right foot from the instep up to the ankle (there's a little meaty part that sticks out) I was having some pain. Well it wasn't pain so much as discomfort. I could keep running (and I did) but it never let up and got steadily worse. I wasn't able to run on Wednesday because I was with my daughter and watching my granddaughter but when I ran again on Friday the pain was still there and was actually worse. I have been doing strength training (SP 28 day challenge) and my running has been my cardio. Now I figure I should take a little bit of time off from running. The pain seems to only come when I am doing a high impact exercise such as running, certain kickboxing moves, aerobics, and jumping rope. I'm not sure if it is a muscle, tendon, or ligament or even what I did. I don't remember twisting, turning, falling, or even having a misstep. I have no idea but what's worse is without my running I have no idea what to do. I finished the 28 day challenge so now I don't even know what to do. I miss my running even though today was the only day so far that I have missed. I feel lost and am afraid I will start to gain weight from not exercising. To top it all off I've been tired and down all day. I know I need and want to exercise but I do not have the money or access to a gym or equipment. All I have are my own two feet, Spark, a set of 5 pound dumbbells, and the internet. I've checked out the videos on here but most have areas of high impact. I'm afraid I will keep my foot messed up and not be able to run for longer. Erg I'm so frustrated. I take great care to try and not injure myself (no insurance so if I get hurt I have to stay that way) and to continue my healthy journey. Ugh I just don't know what to do. I want to go run but I'm afraid I'll just get hurt more. Has anyone else had a similar injury or know anything I can do to help recover so I can run again? Any suggestions on how to exercise and get cardio in without my beloved running? Ugh I just want to be healthy and continue on but without running I'm just lost.

This is me in the beginning. At least 158 if not more.

On another note I have officially been active on Spark for 90 days. I have lost 16 pounds, 6 inches off my waist (a few inches elsewhere too), and am officially in a size 6. I'm feeling great about it even though my clothes are too big and I can't afford new ones LOL. I'm looking decent if I do say so myself.

This is me at the end of February right after my first 5K at 147

And this is me now at 142 and in a size 6.

Here is a side view.

I don't know that I see a huge difference in the pics but I know I haven't been able to wear a size six for a very, very long time. I even tried on one pair that I could have slipped off without unbuttoning. I'm still kind of weird though because there are pairs of 8's that are still too tight. Oh well I'm not done but I can see progress and I like it. I just hope that my foot doesn't cause me to lose everything. I'm still focusing on food (although with my daughter in the hospital I was eating out too much) and staying within all my ranges. I'm almost half way to my goal and I'm starting to feel better about myself but there is still a long road ahead.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOPQUILTLADY 5/23/2011 9:08PM

    Hi! I know this was an older post, but when I came upon it, I wanted to comment. Is your foot/ankle better yet? I think it's plantar fasciitis, too. I had it for 1 1/2 YEARS, and couldn't step down normally for that long. There are websites with great exercises for it. And a foot doctor will give you a cortisone shot, nighttime brace, physical therapy, shoe and insole recommendations, etc. Ibufrophen to ease the inflamation helps, but doesn't fix it. Good luck!

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    Wow, you can really tell a difference.

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KRISTI2661 4/5/2011 12:18PM

    My guess would be that you have plantar fascitis. Rest and some ibuprofen usually do the trick. Although I am a Nurse Practitioner, I'm not making a diagnosis here, because we all know you can't do that without actually seeing the patient.

You are looking AMAZING! I love that you are so motivated - and you will get through this and continue to make progress, just take care of yourself!


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BUGSMOM211 4/5/2011 11:56AM

    emoticon emoticon Maybe try walking instead of running for now. Have you been icing, or using a heat pad on the concerned area? Do you have swelling, if not I say walk for a couple of weeks and see how it is feeling and maybe start back lightly. Hope it is feeling better for you soon! Take care of yourself

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BAILEYS7OF9 4/5/2011 10:21AM

    emoticonon your progress!!! Do you have a goodwill store near you? When I was dropping the weight it was a godsend to me. I would buy a pair of blue jeans for $4 then in two weeks, give them back and get another pair!

sorry about the foot. Cycling?

Comment edited on: 4/5/2011 10:22:20 AM

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RRFIT72 4/5/2011 10:21AM

    Wow!! You have changed so much since the last time I saw you before the 5k!! You look GREAT!!

As far as cardio, do you have access to a bike? Anything (low impact) you can do to elevate your heart rate would replace your running and be your new cardio workout until your foot is better!

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NATPLUMMER 4/5/2011 9:47AM

    You are looking great!!
If you can find somewhere with hills to walk, that would be a good low impact exercise.

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KTMAE2006 4/5/2011 7:45AM

    You look great!!! Sizing can be really weird, so if you really want to get technical, you should measure yourself. But, YOU LOOK GREAT!

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SBATES63 4/5/2011 6:17AM

    First of all, you look great. And for cardio, walking is great. Not like running, but find a hilly area and push it. You'll be breathing hard, trust me.

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LILDYNARIDER 4/5/2011 12:57AM

    It kind of sounds like you have Plantar fasciitis. Here's a link to what Spark People say about it.

Great job getting into the size 6 by the way!!

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CHERWHOAH 4/5/2011 12:00AM

    I hope your daughter is ok.

I wished i knew of some low impact cardio to share with you. i've had different kind of foot pain but not like what you described.

You look really good! :) I had to read that you have a grandaughter like 3-4 times! i'm going to read some of your old posts to catch up :) I'm weird with sizes too, i have 6s-10s *shrugs*

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