Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Hi Sparkers. It's been a while and I've been taking care of some other things in my life over the past few months.
We moved my mother into an assisted living near me, but she is moving back to one in NJ on Monday. Her physical health is OK, but she is deteriorating mentally with dementia. It's been stressful, but even worse, has been dealing with a sister who has been in COMPLETE denial over my mother's state of being.
My job has been cut to halftime (not a good time to be working on the administrative side of healthcare in the US right now). But that's OK. I made a decision this past holiday season (when I was home with the flu) to start doing art therapy again. I've gotten office space and just today my license in NY was awarded. Go me!
I'm still struggling with my weight and really let things go for the last few months. Three weeks ago I started a "Healthy Body, Healthy Mind" class where I get attention from a life coach and a nutritionist. We're really working on the mental part of eating and losing weight, which is really what I need. So far, I"ve lost 2.75 lbs. It's a start. Several of us are using Sparkpeople to help with tracking food and recipes, etc.
If you're interested on how it's going, you can follow my journey in my blog that I'm linking to for work and the class members:
I'd love to hear from you and get your comments on how you've approached or are approaching some of theses issues.
Thanks and Spark On Sparkfriends!
Monday, September 17, 2012
This week's goals:
Track food all week.
Weigh myself today (DONE)
Get the water in - at least 8, 8 oz per day.
I'm back and again, approaching things slowly. Saw a few pictures of myself and my butt and I will just do this one day at a time for me.
No gimmicks, no excuses - just living my life, trying to enjoy it and trying to be healthy every day.
Monday, September 10, 2012
I'm done. Done reporting that I've tried again and failed. Done giving in to my emotional ups and downs. Done putting others first. Done being someone I'm not.
When I look around me, I live a good life. Good family, great new house, decent job. But I just can't wrap my head around this happiness thing. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I have stresses in my life that I have to deal with. Yes, I have love and joy in my life.
Then why do I feel so disconnected sometimes? I know I have thyroid and depression issues, but I feel I'm able to fight against them.
I feel that my weight right now is a true example of this disconnect - I still don't feel that my insides match by outside appearance.
Yes, I know that only I can make this change. What is it that clicks for some that I just can't seem to find in myself?
I start and then get derailed. And I know about all the positive stuff you need to do for yourself: accept who you are now, but then I struggle with how this contradicts how you must see yourself for where you and now and accept that you need to change.
A friend said it's 90% mental/10% action and I think that's true. But how did it get so convoluted? (however you spell it).
I know I just need to start NOW, but it still seems like an elusive dream to me to get back to my "fighting weight."
Is this my problem - I don't believe enough in myself? If this is the case, what do I do to combat my own self-doubt to make this happen? I usually start with such conviction, then become disappointed and feel guilty for not succeeding. I DO try again, and I DO reward myself for small victories, but those small victories just don't add up for me.
How do I become one of those people considered a "success story?"
How do I do it without being overwhelmed by it all and feeling guilty for not succeeding. I DO try one thing at a time, but never feel I master anything.
I know I'm rambling and many are probably tired of hearing my rants, but I'm interested in other perspectives.
I want to succeed at this. And I want to do it before I turn 50 in 2.5 years. I want to love myself again.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Sunday was another day of seeing how I fight against myself.
I walked downstairs and my daughter asked for a snack of Oreos (it was about 10 am and I had not eaten yet). I told her after lunch, then proceeded to grab a couple to put in my own mouth. (Sounded like a good idea!)
I then ate something better for me (peanut butter on whole grain bread with strawberries) and put on my workout clothes. I got out my bike that I haven't really ridden for six or seven years (pre-baby), but that I used to love to ride for 10+ miles every other day or so.
I cleaned it up and told my hubby I was going for a bike ride. We recently moved and I don't know the roads too well. I headed in a direction I don't usually travel in my car, but knew there was a stop sign about 2 miles or so down the road.
I enjoyed the ride, knowing that it was mostly downhill in this direction and that I would have to work a little harder to get back home. I wanted to stop at one point since it was my first time out, but asked myself, "What kind of girl do I want to be?" I pushed on, an athlete, riding her bike and loving it.
I reached the stop sign and turned around. Now the ride home. Have you ever seen a 200+lb person who hasn't ridden in seven years huffing and puffing up a hill on her bike? Not pretty.
I stopped a few times for water (Just enjoying the scenery LOL!) and to catch my breath. Saw my house in the distance, wondering what the F I was doing, going this far on a hilly road on my first ride in a long time. I cursed the person I had become, but vowed to transform into the person I want to be.
I finally made it to our small road, hoping the new neighbors who were outside didn't notice what a sweaty, huffing and puffing mess I was. Got to the bottom of our inclined driveway and walked my bike up. My hubby looked up and called out, asking if I was OK and I waved and he waved back.
Made it! Lots of water and a big smile.
So, the question is, "What kind of girl do I want to be?
The kind who eats Oreos for breakfast or the kind who pushes a little further on her bike?"
I bet you can guess which felt better.
I'm getting my bike out again tonight.
How about you? Who do you want to be?
Get An Email Alert Each Time LUEYGIRL Posts