Friday, July 23, 2010
I used to put lotion and self-tanners on the parts that showed - My legs up to the knees, and my arms.
Awhile ago I read something about a study where the people who put lotion on their entire body and took 5 minutes to do it had more success in reaching a healthy weight. I thought I'd try it and appreciate my ENTIRE body, including the jiggly bits.
I began with the "glow" type of self tanner that just gives a hint of color and smoothed that all over my legs up to my panty line. I smoothed and smoothed over my big, jiggly thighs with loose skin while thinking good thoughts about my wonderful body and the places it has taken me and the power that it has to really work out hard. Previously, I thought that I didn't want to focus on this area especially and ignored it.
Then I used thick rich lotion and smoothed and smoothed it over my entire torso and butt massaging and appreciating. I'd previously ignored this entire area too! My butt? Don't want to think about it, much less touch it. Just want it to go away. Now I am massaging and smoothing and sending loving thoughts to the skin and muscles and life in me.
Then I smoothed and smoothed the glow tanner on my arms and chest. This part always got the lotions and potions in the past. No problem there.
In doing this exercise for the last couple of months consistently, I have noticed that it seems to have brought me into my entire body, not just the parts I thought should be appreciated, but all of me. I feel more connected to my body and that is a good thing, especially when I m trying to work out how to go through life without the need to feel full or get stuffed. I need to be able to pay attention to my body and I believe this will help me.
I can't believe I waited so long to slather that self tanner on my thighs! What a difference! Even though these thighs will never see the light of day, I will see them and it is so nice to look in the mirror and see one long leg line, not tan lower legs and then big, white thighs. What was I waiting for? To be thinner? - don't wait. To love myself more? - Don't wait, act "as if". I REALLY enjoy looking in the mirror a lot more now and feel more appreciative of the beautiful body, with all of it's flaws and jiggly bits too, that I've been given.
LOVE yourself TODAY. BE the LOVE you want to have. SPREAD the LOVE you have and it will grow.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
For the first time in I can't remember how long, I weigh under 170. It is like a miracle, except that I know I have done the work to get here. I look in the mirror and almost don't recognize that woman.
I got off my bike in front of a store window and did not recognize myself!
My eyes (and my clothing sizes) tell me one thing but inside my head, just walking around, I still often feel like the fat girl. I still want to mindlessly eat the candy in the office, I still can overeat when confronted by bowls of nuts, I still want to snack in front of the TV or eat too much in one sitting.
Then I'll see myself in the mirror or window and realize where I've come.
When does the fat girl in my head leave for good? I am trying to view this weight loss as permanent and just "the new me", "the real me" and not come from a place of fear that I'll revert back to my old ways and end up wearing size 18 pants again. Fear is not a good place to come from and I recognize that I have come from that place in the past which might have been part of my downfall.
I look forward to the day when my head aligns more closely with my body and I feel like the slender(ish), fit, healthy person that I have become.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
[Repeated while pumping fists and doing happy dance]
I had my body fat retested yesterday and I am, for the first time in my life, I'm sure, in the "recommended" range at 31.8. What? Me normal? YES I AM! In April I tested at 34.7 which is the low end of "high". I am amazed at what my body can do.
This is the REAL me. I will never go back to my old self. I have stripped away the "protection" of those pounds and I am closest to the way I want to feel for the rest of my life. I am happy, fit, energetic and get to where all of the cute clothes that I couldn't/wouldn't wear for all of these years.
Life is so good! (Now I need to post a new photo and will do so soon)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Whoa, 40.4 to be exact since I began in November 2009 at 213 pounds.
Just to be clear, I began this journey in October of 2006 at 227, got down to about 192 (for 5 minutes) and then slowly regained back to 213. So technically I'm down 54 pounds. And wow do I feel like a different person. I'll be 50 in September and I'm in the best shape of my life. I feel for the first time ever in losing the same 50 pounds more than once that this is a permanent lifestyle change. So what is so different from before?
1. I learned that I don't need that much food to survive. I am learning to loathe that "full-to-the-gills" feeling that I KNOW leads to overweight. I don't care if it is (only) a huge salad or plate of vegetables, it is too much. Enough is enough! I have lost the need to "game" what I was eating and gotten real.
2. A little bit higher exercise intensity really burns up the calories and feels so good. I have enjoyed sweating like a pig and feeling like an athlete. I am amazed at what my body can do. I work up some sort of sweat every day and the power of my heart and lungs and legs carries into my heart and brain and soul and heals me.
3. It feels really good to be in control and riding the wave of sanity that I have been for months now. Sanity beats insanity EVERY day. I stopped beating myself up for slip-ups and talked to myself in an encouraging way - "This is one day, only one day. You are not going back to your previous life, etc." and regularly give myself a peptalk, "Great day! You are doing so good, you are a winner, you are really doing this and you should be proud, just ten more minutes, etc." and also "OK excess weight, I release you now. You have served me in some capacity and I thank you for that, but now I can take care of myself. You are free to go and I don't need you anymore. You can go now, I release you. I will be fine without you."
4. Body weight and light weight exercises have whipped me into shape like nobody's business, and pretty fast too. Situps, pushups, lunges, bicep curls, shoulder presses -done with Gilad on TV "Total Body Sculpt". I'm sittin' here with to-die for biceps and shoulders and actual muscles in my thighs, butt, stomach and obliques. I'm burning calories with these big ole muscles and I'm just typing! You gotta love it and a little goes a long way. I look like an athlete.
5. I finally questioned my own beliefs about my body and my weight. When I (re)started in November 2009, I remarked to a friend at work, "Oh, I just want to lose some (undefined amount of) weight. I just want to feel better, but I'll never be thin,." She simply asked "Why?" and I swear I heard something snap in my belief system. I HAD NEVER QUESTIONED my paradigm and vision of myself and what was possible. NO WONDER I was fat! That one question "Why (won't you ever be thin)?" really pulled me up short. QUESTION your believes about weight and food. LISTEN to the same story you tell yourself. CHANGE your story, CHANGE your outcome. You have to believe it to see it.
6. Being on Sparkpeople and having a few comments and kindness and encouragement and laughter from all of you out there and also giving kindness and encouragement has been the most amazing gift of all. To know that you are all out there, all with the same struggles, all without judgement, brings a little tear to my eye in gratitude for all that you have given me and accepted from me.
Life is good, you can do this, don't stop believing in yourself.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
OK, thatís size 12. Quick change from 14 due to some interval training on the treadmill. Thatís it! Just added in some running and boom! Size 12. My body is an amazing machine that responds to my input of right-sized food portions, exercise, water, and self-love. I feel strong and beautiful! I AM strong and beautiful! YAY!
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