Thursday, November 20, 2014
My computer and I are not getting along. This has been a roller coaster of crashes and disconnects and ...GAH! It may have to go into the shop again but I just brought it home not long ago and they said it was clean. I have done everything I can from this side and ...again...GAH!
I can be on for awhile and then I either lose my internet connection or my entire system just shuts down. This does not make any sense at all. It is only a little over two years old.
Monday, November 17, 2014
I finally get my computer back up and running and ....NOOOOO! I was just starting to get into the swing of things when I lost my connection again. This time, the local power company was digging a trench for new homes and they cut the line in half for RC Tech that went to their tower. When it was finally fixed...my new modem no longer was recognized by my computer and as I tried to reinstall...it said it WAS installed. The IP address was not being recognized by it. After a couple of days of working on this...then the new Router hung up. It would let me use a USB cord but not wireless connection which we needed for all of our computers for our business , etc. I finally have everything back up as of now at 2 pm. So, this emotion was FRUSTRATION.
Well, it is official. I am still cancer free! All my tests came back GREAT. 3 years now behind me for this second type cancer. YAY! Lab work, ultrasound, and scan show I am doing very well. The only thing that needs addressing is the fact my thyroid levels are low yet so easy fix with adjusting again on the med. My Vitamin D level has again tanked so again , an easy fix. 50,000 mg a week for 3 months and then I need to take 5000 mg a day with an over the counter brand to try and maintain it. Thank you GOD for answered prayers and to all the friends and family who offered them up for me. This emotion was FEAR since I have had two different types of cancer now but I have been Blessed again.
Last, and the most difficult...a beautiful young woman lost her battle with a brain tumor that came on fast. Her name is Katie. She was the daughter of a friend of mine and only in her late 20's. A young mother with two small daughters and a new baby girl who is only a month and a half old. This so breaks my heart. Katie was having headaches and was thought to be having migraines as a complication of pregnancy. She finally insisted on a brain scan and she had a stage four tumor. The first surgery was in SF's. Then they went to MD Anderson in Texas and had her second surgery. She was allowed to come home for Thanksgiving and then the plan was to return there for Chemo and radiation. She was a Warrior! The day after arriving home, she started having cognitive problems and then seizures. She was flown to SF's and later that same day, pronounced brain-dead. Wed, we will honor her life her in WTN and Thurs, her funeral will be in Pierre. My heart breaks for her husband and daughters and for her Dad Gary. He lost her mother to cancer only 4 or 5 years ago. Now, his beautiful daughter. This cancer took her life in under 3 months. This emotion is GRIEF and SAD.
I just have not been able to accept this as real yet.
Saturday, November 01, 2014
We all have that magic number we want to see on the scale one day.
What is yours and why did you pick it?
Mine is 155. Why? I remember feeling my BEST at that weight. It is the middle of the weight scale for what doctors recommend for my height.
Over time, the number on the scale has lost its hold on me. Now, my ultimate goal weight is to feel healthy. To not tire out so easily and to feel stronger.
One day, I will reach my number goal weight but....I plan on working harder on my good health goals and that is eating better and moving more.
The scale is my last measure of success now.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Healthy habits without Restrictions? When I first started this "journey", that seemed like a contradiction of terms. How could I lose weight without restricting myself from the foods I loved? Dieting comes with Restrictions, right? They go hand in hand.
EVERY time I have gone on a Diet...I have failed because I could NOT maintain the restrictions I put on myself. Short term, yes. Long term, no. Even when I first found SP and started here...I was in DIET mode. Slowly, over time and reading articles here and with the help of other Sparkers...my mindset slowly started to change. I realized I would be on a DIET the rest of my life if I did not learn new habits that I could maintain and not feel restricted with.
I have a long way to go yet but I have learned that I don't have to restrict any foods. The biggie was portion control.
Also, it was time that I learned to take control of guilt. No guilt allowed. ???? right? What made me feel guilty was eating that piece of cake, that sweet, that food that everyone else got to eat but I shouldn't because I was on a DIET. Now, I ask myself...do I want it? If the answer is yes, I give myself permission to eat it. I am in control of that decision. Then, find a quiet spot and savor it with no distractions and go on about my day. I use to say NO!!! I cannot have that piece of Cake!!! NO Vicki ...don't you dare eat it. Rats! You ate it. Now you have blown your DIET for today so what the heck...have another piece. No control here.
Which lead to another bad habit. The habit of starting over tomorrow which lead to starting over next Monday which added up to so many "start overs" that soon a month and even a year would pass and all I had done was start over. Now, I start over on the SAME day with the next meal or snack. The key is logging for me. Many times the number in my head is far worse then what is on the food journal.
So for now, my two healthy habits are permission (to control quilt and be in control) and portion control ( hey, I still do have to be smart about the amount eaten) .
I am NOT on a Diet. I am learning to eat the way a healthy in control person should naturally, with no restrictions.
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