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Eating and eating and eating...

Friday, August 12, 2011

It's appropriate to say that I have had an incredibly stressful couple of weeks with my friends illness, by peeps mom diagnosed with the big C and the additional emotional meltdown of my cat getting sick. I swear the vacation I so richly deserved was over shadowed with the drama that has become my new normal.

But what I found of late is that though I have tried to keep my choices healthy and my eating in control, I find myself eating so fast and literally scarfing my food without really tasting it. It is almost like a terrible chore that needs to be done quickly and without thought. Like washing the floor.

I find this odd because I love food and it's that love that managed to get me to this overabundance of fluffiness. I was eating my sandwich at job #2 last night and I was half way done, not enjoying it at all but was stuffing it to get it over with.

I mean what's up with that? What's the point of eating if I am not going to enjoy it? I need to lose weight so why eat if I am not hungry? Since when do I need to suffer to eat? I find it so weird.

Obviously I am emotionally eating but if I am not going to enjoy the food, why not make it something low fat and low cal that I don't really like anyway? Makes more sense to eat "diet" food if I am not thinking as I eat a ham and cheese on whole wheat.

If I am not tasting a chocolate chunk cookie, I may as well be eating celery.

Funny how these epiphanies present themselves when we least expect them. I ended up tossing my sandwich... then ate 3 cookies when I got home.

Emotional eating is not just about the good stuff.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLTHERUNNER 8/15/2011 9:54AM

    Emotional eating is the worst. I am right there with you. I think you are at the point of doing most things on autopilot though. You have a lot going on right now and sometimes in times like these all we can really do is put one foot in front of the other and use our friends for support. The tree is here for you. I am here for you. Hugs!

Shell

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2BMYOWN 8/13/2011 7:07PM

    Epiphanies are some wonderful things, aren't they, Luce? LOL Hope things will settle down for you, at some point, but can certainly understand all that you're going thru and that it isn't real likely, at least in the near future. Keep on truckin', gf, what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger.....or so they say.......

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My Friend Brenda Has Cancer

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

My friend Brenda has cancer. She has been handed her life back to her with a horrific diagnosis, several treatment plans and scripts for her pain management. Within a matter of weeks her life has been turned on its axis by the awful realization of just how finite her life really is.

She had previously quit a long smoking habit and started eating healthy for the last half of her life. I laughed when I heard she had joined a fitness club since I swear if there was a strong enough wind she would have blow off to Kansas. Her tiny frame would have been dwarfed by the exercise equipment alone not to mention her genetic predisposition to klutziness would have guaranteed bruising in places she never knew existed. Getting fit was her goal and as the stubborn old fool I know her to be, she would have succeeded if this had not stopped her in her tracks.

She is the Louise to my Thelma. We have gone through many things and I just don't know what to do for her right now. I am shattered by her pain and my heart aches for her fear. I have my faith and I hope I can cloak her with me in it's embrace if she will let me. I will talk and listen and do whatever I can, but I cannot begin to imagine how she feels right now.

But Brenda, the crazy, tiny, fireball that she is, had the courage to read some material that was provided to her in her new cancer care package and she zeroed in on dog training in relation to cancer. She found that there is an organization that trains dogs to detect the smell of cancer for early diagnosis and treatment. She called them.

She found out that in order to train the dogs, they needed tissue samples from a person with ongoing cancer before the start of treatment. Since she starts her treatments next week she took that small window of opportunity and invited them to take what they needed. They were on their way over yesterday when I talked to her. I held it together until I got off the phone then thanked God for Brenda.

My courageous friend wanted to contribute somehow to help train these dogs for cancer detection in hopes that she can save others from the terrible ravages of this disease. She is taking a stand and making lemon pie with her lemons.

There are no words to describe how I feel with her take charge attitude. When she should be resting and gaining her strength for the Hellacious fight ahead, she chose to do something good while she had the chance.

You often hear the words courage and cancer in the same sentence. I understand now... I see Brenda and I see courage.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLTHERUNNER 8/10/2011 3:46PM

    That is an amazingly selfless thing Brenda is doing. I will keep her in my prayers.

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2BMYOWN 8/10/2011 1:31AM

    Hugs, Luce.....hang in there, you will know what to do at each step of the way, and so will Brenda. Courage comes in a whole lot of forms, and none of them are usually of the variety that we normally equate with the word. God bless you for being a friend to Brenda at the time she most needs one, I think God knows what He's doing, for both of you. Keep us posted, and will be keeping you, Brenda, and her family in my prayers in a big way.

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SOLLIER 8/9/2011 7:29PM

  Perhaps Brenda's desire to help others is her way of finding a meaning or purpose in the cancer with which she has been diagnosed. The friendship the two of you share is certainly a gift to each of you. May God give you both the strength needed to face this.

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NICOLELYNN1678 8/9/2011 7:22PM

  My heart and prayers go out to you, Brenda, and everyone around you both. Cancer is an awful thing to deal with, no matter the kind. Brenda is lucky to have a friend that cares so much. It is friends like you that help those of us that have dealt with cancer keep going one more day. It is an amazing thing she is doing with the dog training. God's blessings on you both! emoticon

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I am right! Right??

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I just know I am right. I am sure of it.

You ever have these conversations in your head where you argue with someone (significant or not) and you get your points across with tack and diplomacy?

Where you are calm and cool under pressure and you are able to stay focused on the point at hand?

Where you have used your "listening" tools beautifully and can express your [insert emotion here] with grace and perhaps a touch of dramatic flair for emphasis?

Where you know you are the injured party, have the right be be annoyed, pissed, hurt and yet you disarm the argument with skill and mutual respect?

You see, this happens in my head, all the time.

I am wonderfully fair, never use foul language and never resort to name calling and "so there"s.

In my head, I am right and can present myself beautifully.

In my head, I am quick to respond and can even soften the tone of the argument with a wee bit of cajoling and expertly placed humour.

But... something happens when I open my mouth. It all falls out. In a mess. All jumbled up and there I stand with my face all screwed up in a not so flattering pout tinged with some pretty ugly scowling and puffy eyes to boot.

I know I am right... but somehow it comes out all wrong.

Crap!

I need chocolate.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCIEE1 3/30/2011 3:48PM

    Letters are worse!! I get in much more hot water with letters.

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2BMYOWN 3/29/2011 4:11PM

    LMAO, Luce! Honest to pete, you seriously need to reinvestigate your lineage, I SWEAR we are related!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA And dontcha just hate it when that happens? Probly why letters are so much easier......and more satisfying! Seems when ya open the ol' pie hole, a short-circuit occurs. ****siiiiigh**** They keep saying that our minds are 'the ultimate computer'. But we need a much better 'mouse'! LOL

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LILFATGIRL28358 3/29/2011 10:36AM

    You took the thoughts right out of my head! emoticon emoticon

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Going to try it too: One Word

Monday, March 14, 2011

Not as easy as you might think! Copy and Paste into your own blog, change the answers to suit you. It's really hard to only use one word answers.

Where is your cell phone?
Desk

Spouse?
Work

Your hair?
Brown

Your mother?
Gentle

Your father?
Dead

Your favorite thing?
Peace

Your dream last night?
Bizarre

Favorite drink?
Wine

What room are you in?
Office

Your hobby?
Reading

Your fear?
Unloved

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Happy

Where were you last night?
Home

Something that you aren't?
Patient

Muffins?
Chocolate chip

Wish list item?
Vacation

Last thing you did?
Emailed

What are you wearing?
Jeans

Your pets?
Cats

Friends?
Sadness

Your life?
Searching

Your mood?
Apprehensive

Missing someone?
Yes

Drinking?
Water

Your car?
Tuscon

Something you're not wearing?
Lipstick

Your favorite store?
Walmart

Your favorite color?
Green

When is the last time you cried?
Yesterday

Where do you go over and over?
Past

Five people who email me regularly?
No

Favorite place to eat?
Out

Favorite place I'd like to be right now?
Ocean

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCIEE1 3/30/2011 3:47PM

    Barb=brat

However in the spirit of fair play, you are right. Not sure how I missed it though... probably needed chocolate.

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BARBLEERN 3/29/2011 10:27PM

    Uhhhh, chocolate chip is two words.

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2BMYOWN 3/15/2011 6:23AM

    Sounds kinda pensive, Luce. Was awfully glad to hear from ya, gf, hope you have a nice upcoming weekend with at least one glass of the bubbly! You and Mo are so cute! LOL

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MOLLYINMN 3/14/2011 3:48PM

    Looks like we have a few in common. ;-)

Here's to happiness (raising a shot of tequila to your wine glass) *clink*

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STUFFNEARTABOR 3/14/2011 3:19PM

    Nice!

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Well Who Knew?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I am reading a Scientific American magazine and it talks about the support system in losing weight and how beneficial it is, be it in person or online. That calorie tracking programs, exercise journals etc. are good behavior modification tools geared towards success. And I thought to myself, yeah, yeah, yeah.... I have heard it all before.

Well when I sat and thought about it, I actually found that not only is this true, I actually managed to incorporate this behaviour modification process in my own life. Since I have been here on Sparks and talking with friends that I have met here, I have been more aware of what I eat and how much. Though I haven't' lost much more weight over the last couple of years, I have not regained the originally 55 that I lost. So even though I have not been as committed as I could be, I have modified my behavior by holding myself accountable, here and am in fact a bit more in control than I though.

I not only think before I scoop another helping, I plan my fast food treats and no longer deny myself a particular food, just to lose weight. My mouth waters for fresh fruit. The veggie isles in the stores are where I spend most of my time. The farmers markets in the summer are like a candy store.

Well who knew that after a few years of working it... not working it,...and working it again, I managed to modify my behaviour so much that I don't even think about it anymore. I don't starve myself... I am just too crabby for that nonsense. I don't purge anymore... thats a BIG win, and even when I am eating a bag of cookies, I can actually portion them for myself.

Hells Bells... how did I not see this sooner? Well I have to say, that's a real pick me up no matter how I spin it. I may actually win this battle.

Yeah me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BMYOWN 1/19/2011 9:13PM

    Good job, Luce! You're right......and it sneaks right up on you, doesn' t it? LOL

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SAMBIDEXTROUS 1/19/2011 3:18PM

    Not *may* actually win this battle...*will* win!!

Don't make me go all Yoda on you! emoticon

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