Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Had a bit of a setback food-wise this past weekend, but I am okay with it. Went to a Women's Retreat with a friend, and they used a curriculum called, "The Sweet Life Cafe."
In addition to an abundance of yummy food experiences, there was a great opportunity to share fellowship and love with new friends. We were seated in table groups, so whomever you sat with at the beginning of the weekend was the group you became close to throughout the weekend.
It was such a beautiful place, and a worshipful experience. The music team was great, and led with such joy and enthusiasm! I came back filled to the brim! I hope that others have a chance to retreat and refill themselves in this way, it's so helpful. Here's a pic or 2 of the place it was held:
And here is my "table group" of new friends!!
What a blessing.
Monday, December 28, 2009
The holidays have left me fearful of getting on the scales. Too much chocolate in the house. But I am definitely in the process of gearing my head up to get back on track with my food and exercise.
I've managed to get wrist tendonitis or carpal tunnel syndrome or something like that; I really hate it! But at least it doesn't affect my lower body - so I can do cardio workouts. So that's what I'll start with.
What I realize is that it's all connected -- overeating, under-exercising, clutter, paperwork mess/procrastination, unkept house, not cooking, etc. Needs more thought and development. The key is in here somewhere, I can't find it.
Monday, October 26, 2009
I am really struggling with getting back on track....I do well for 2 or 3 days, then fall off again....then get back in the groove. I KNOW I can do this, so it's really frustrating that I keep losing my focus and blowing it off. Meantime, I've gained back about 15 pounds....
I know, that I know, that I know that when I got down to my lowest weight I was dealing with a lot of inner discomfort about the attention I was getting from friendly people who always made remarks about my body when I saw them. I know they were happy for me and my success, and wanted to be supportive. But there's something deep inside me that DOESN'T WANT PEOPLE LOOKING AT MY BODY. Wonder if anyone else has that issue?
I also kept receiving comments that disturbed me == they would say, "if you lose much more weight, you'll disappear!" or "it's the vanishing woman!" or "there's just not much of you left!" These are NOT things I want to have happen. I want to be PRESENT. I want to be honored and respected for being a valuable presence. It would be different if they said things like, "you've been taking very good care of yourself!" or "you're looking healthy!" But no, I never heard that. Urgh.
Anyway, I have to get over this. I have to let go of what people say out of kind ignorance, and just worry about how I feel, inside and out. It's my body, and all that really matters is my own opinion and healthy feelings.
And, of course, now that I've gained some weight back, the comments have stopped. Which is kind of nice...but also makes me feel bad. It's so weird -- this is not just a personal issue -- it's a very social and public issue. No one seems to talk about that.
If you've read this, I'd be very interested to know, what's your experience? Is it just me?
Here's to a healthy week.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I am done shopping in the big butt clothing store.
I am done squeezing into theater seats and hurting my hips.
I am done being afraid to get on the scales.
I am done living with little to no energy.
I am done with knees that hurt all the time from carrying around excessive weight.
I am done with being embarrassed to turn my back to people.
I am done hiding in baggy clothing.
I am done shopping for shoes because I get too depressed trying on clothes.
I am so done.
I cut something out of a magazine that made me stop and think:
"Anyone who sustains weight loss, which is extremely difficult, has essentially reinvented herself and is worthy of the utmost admiration and respect."
That's who I want to be now. That's who I am becoming!
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