Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tonight I was at a graduation party with a bunch of girls I went to high school with. It was the first time I'd seen many of them since graduation - when they were all stick thin. At graduation, I weighed 155 - I know right? At 5'2" that's no good, and I definitely wasn't thin.
buuuuuuuuut, they all did the typical binge drinking deal during their freshman year, and I kept away from the alcohol. It was nice to be at the party and see them all a little chubbier and know that I was a little skinnier.
Maybe there is some justice in this world
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Today was good :) I indulged a little bit in foods that I probably shouldn't have (sweetened trail mix, an iced latte, and a serving of lasagna), but I'm proud to say that I didn't go overboard with any of those foods! I ate healthy veggies at a cookout instead of burgers and hotdogs and cake. I went to karate this morning even though I really didn't want to get out of bed.
AND I JUST RAN 2.5 MILES ON THE TREADMILL! I mean, the other night I was struggling to get through a whole mile - and tonight I did half an hour of straight running and half an hour of fast-paced, incline walking. I burned about 600 calories with that and who knows how much with karate! I didn't count calories today, and I'm actually pretty glad I didn't. I didn't need to know today, because I ate good servings, enough to be full, and it was just overall a great day.
I need to remember, though, next time I get on the treadmill, that I need to wear my other shoes. The ones I used tonight definitely aren't cutting it - I could feel the pain in my knees every time my foot hit the tread, but I didn't want to run up and change the shoes because I didn't want to stop.
I still need to do some strength training tonight..and I REALLY don't want to. Blahhhhhh. I'll do it though..haha eventually. No really. and I need to catch up on my water intake!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Hrm. I'm really starting to hate feeling "full" and enjoy feeling hungry. I feel full right now - and after my epic binge last night, I want to react the same way I did then, too. I know what I ate was relatively healthy. I had two veggie cheeseburgers on potato rolls. Granted, I could've done without the mayo and cheese, but overall, it was not an "unhealthy" meal.
If I'm going to guess very high numbers, I'd say my meal was about 800 calories worth of food. That freaks me out right now, honestly.
BUT- before I freak out and do anything drastic..let's look at this in real life.
Breakfast - none, slept in.
Lunch - 3 California sushi rolls, broccoli and cheese (300 total)
Snack - 1/2 a chicken salad sandwich (no proper way to chart, but we'll say 200 calories)
Snack - Several servings (not sure how many..this was a mini-binge) of Quakers rice cakes. Estimate - 300 calories
Dinner - two veggie burgers on potato roll with mayo and cheese- 800 calories
This is definitely above what I had intended for today (1200)..and it's above by about 400 calories. But I did cardio today, and I know that my body needs more calories because of all the extra work I've been doing. I could freak out right now and go throw everything up (unfortunately, that was my reaction last night) but now I know that I just can't eat anything else today, and I'll deal with that.
I may do another hour or so of cardio later, once my stomach settles, but we'll see.
Friday, May 30, 2008
I'm reading and going through the "Mind over body" plan to defeat the pattern of emotional eating in my life, and I started with Coach Dean's article about using "I" speech. He suggested we write down problems with our weigh loss journey and then change them to statements that are self-responsible - because ultimately, only I am responsible for my weight. So here goes:
Losing weight is hard for me because:
- My family hardly ever buys fresh, healthy foods
- The dining hall at school doesn't offer much healthy food
- My school work and social interactions often keep me from the gym
- My emotions get the best of me a lot of the time
- Fast food is so convenient
- There's ALWAYS food at parties, barbeque's, etc. So much social interaction revolves around food
Okay, let's redo some of these:
- I choose not to go grocery shopping with my family and I don't make suggestions as to healthy meals.
- I take the easy way out at school - instead of looking for the healthy options, I just go for the easy, quick, and greasy lines. I get bored of the monotony of salads, but don't try to change it up often.
- I make school a priority - as I should, but if I spent less time on facebook, I would have more time to get to the gym.
- I allow myself to become overly emotional and I turn to food in those situations
- I often settle for conveniences, such as speed and ease, rather than quality. I need to re-evaluate my priorities in these tempting situations.
- I attend a lot of social events where food is present, and should learn how to control myself in such situations.
Okay, so that's a basic, starting list. Hopefully I'll be able to learn how to do this regularly!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wow. I should know better. I should have known better.
By 3:00pm, I had only eaten about 300 calories, but I had done 45 minutes on a treadmill, 45 minutes of strength training, and another 20 minutes of cardio. When I went to work at 3, I got a pack of rice cakes - thinking I'd eat one serving (60 calories). I ate 6 servings (360 calories) and was absolutely shocked with myself. I knew this would mess up my "points", so I planned not to eat for the rest of the night.
When I got home from work, my mom was coming in with groceries. I immediately shoveled handfulls of chips into my mouth, ate 2 cups or so of chicken salad, and had a huuuuge slice of chocolate bread. Basically, anything I could reach I ate. quickly.
I feel so terrible, and I know I should have known better. and now I want to go throw it all up. i haven't felt this way in years. really.
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