LOVESTODJ   11,701
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LOVESTODJ's Recent Blog Entries

A good day!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Every day that I respect myself is a good day.
I've have 5 so far this week. I started working out again, eating well, and resting more.
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I think a lot of my recent illness was stress related especially since my job was in the air. Now that it's secure for another year, I feel that I can worry about more important issues like my health.
It's so hard to put my needs first sometimes but so very necessary. I'm looking forward to a healthy and productive weekend.
I wish you the same.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOMORE_MRFATGUY 6/20/2011 2:59AM

    Good to hear about a good day. You deserve respect from yourself and others all the time! Try not to forget that!

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BAM0827 6/17/2011 4:42PM

    Awesome! Glad to hear about the job! Even more glad to hear that you're treating yourself with love and respect. Have a great weekend

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The Real Issue

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

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I'm slowly putting together this magnificent puzzle that makes up who I am. I was attacking pieces of my life that were not working with the hopes it would all fit. As if a patch here and a small change there would make everything better. This is not the case.

My issues with food and my body were worse than I ever wanted to admit. I am learning to forgive myself now and making the mental changes needed to allow this puzzle to come together just right. I was fine working on the body through strength training but one small slip turned into a mini disaster for me mentally and I've had a tough time getting back on the fitness party train. The body cannot change without the mind. I get it now.

I cannot thank my partner enough for listening to me and helping me realize rational things we can do together to begin making progress towards our goal. She is my best friend and I love her so much. I hope everyone can be as lucky as I to find their someone who makes everyday better than the last one. Ten years later and I still find new ways to be delighted and in love.
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I am ever grateful for the infinite wisdom I find here from people working on their lives and changing their outlook. I am inspired and humbled by those who were able to begin looking at the mental aspect of changing one's health. I look forward to learning more from you.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYE454 6/14/2011 10:32PM

  Your blog is great and so truthful

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And tomorrow...

Monday, June 06, 2011

I haven't been online consistently for a while and needed to be back with my Spark Peeps. You help keep me sane more than you'll ever know.
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It's amazing how a small injury can set you back. I initially thought giving it some rest and modifying my workouts would do the trick. Two weeks later, the pain was getting worse. I thought I just needed to take more time to rest before working out again. After a few days, I tried working out and it was unbearable. I went to the DR and was given even worse news. I not only needed to make changes to my physical activities for the next week or two, I had gained 7 pounds. I felt like I'd lost the steam I'd been building for over 2 months. I cried on the way home, started finding more reasons to skip work outs and continued down my shame spiral.
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Then I remembered, if I did it once, I can do it again. I started working out every day in March and was really proud of my efforts. It was not easy at first, but nice to see progress over time.
So, I'm going to spend time this week getting back on the road to good health.
Slowly and thoughtfully, I will eat healthier and incorporate movement. I will drink more water and remember that portion control is important. I love myself too much to give up again.
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I'll also remember that my Spark family has always had my back and will cheer me along the way. I've missed you all.
Have a wonderful week!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOREGRET2010 6/7/2011 8:52AM

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SPARKLIFE4 6/6/2011 5:20PM

    emoticon

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IAMFRANSGIRL 6/6/2011 8:01AM

    "I love myself too much to give up again. "


Wonderful to hear. Glad things are going better for you.
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ACCOUNTING4ME 6/6/2011 6:24AM

    Glad you're back! Now I gotta get myself back in it! Off to run.

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FOOD REWARDS!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

I was just commenting on a fellow Sparker's page about her topic and it started my ball rolling about how I've ended up with self-hate and depression. Self-esteem issues are definitely part of my attitude about myself, my body, and what I choose to put in my mouth. Putting food in my mouth was always the way to soothe a bad day or reward a good one.

Part of it, to me it seems, the use of food as a "reward" for good things especially as a child. I used to love going to the dentist and getting a sucker, going to McD with my report card for a free burger, or reading books and getting a free pizza from Pizza and so on. I started to work for things that gave a reward instead of learning about nutrition and self love. My mom made it a point to say I couldn't do things until I cleaned my plate. (There were starving children after all so I shouldn't waste a thing.)

When I left home, I thought I was going to get a handle on my food issues once and for all. Since I was the one buying the groceries, I would select only the best things. I would get healthy stuff and then crappy stuff as a reward for my week of good eating. Weeks later, I would end up with nothing nutritious and only junk food in the cabinets in fridge. I then hated myself for not keeping up with my "diet". I truly believed that if I could lose weight I would be able to eat anything I wanted. Thank God I found this website to understand that is not the case. Depriving myself and later "rewarding" myself keeps me on this yo-yo of never getting to my goals.

I'm using site as a tool to learn how to love myself and learn more about what my body needs instead of what my taste buds think they deserve. My tummy is no longer happy with fried foods (and neither was my cholestrol) and I'm starting to remember the lessons from a crazy meal.

It's a slow process to change years of habits and it's so wonderful not be alone. My partner is on board, but most importantly, I am on this party train.

Next stop: Better Health St and Loving Myself Ave.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOREGRET2010 5/15/2011 10:44PM

    Wow, this blog seemed written just for me! I'm dealing with the same emotions...realizing that some of it is self hatred/loathing and it's hard.

Food has always been a reward, a comfort, a prize .... drug of choice.

Thanks for writing this, i needed to hear it! emoticon

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Losing it!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

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My emotions have been on a crazy roller coaster of highs and lows. I dislike the uncertainty with my job at this points and am not looking forward to throwing myself back into the small pond. There are so few positions open in this area and I know of many who have been unemployed for years at this point. I don't need that stress in my life just as I was starting to get things done right.
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On a good note, I just completed the Burn phase of CLX and started Push today. Talk about tough. This lady is no joke. I'm loving the strength I feel with every squat, lunge and curl she makes me complete. I honestly didn't know I could work this hard and feel so good.
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I also have lost many inches and pounds since I started in March. I am also proud to say that my cholesterol dropped 44 points!!!!!!!! My jaw dropped when I went to the DR last Friday and I walked out of there on cloud 9. I will reach my health goals sooner than I realized with these changes I've made in my life. My goal weight will take a while to reach but this time it will be done right.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XMUFFINXFACEX 4/23/2011 4:22PM

    Keep the good work up! you'll reach your goal :]

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DOCTORWHO24 4/21/2011 10:28AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BAM0827 4/21/2011 8:13AM

    Holy heck on the cholesterol! That is awesome.

I hope things work out with your job - having things in limbo is never easy. Remember to control what you can control - the things you can't, don't waste your time on. I know easier said than done :)

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SHORTSGIRL 4/20/2011 11:49PM

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