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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I graduated in 2002 with a BS and in 2004 with a M.Ed. I am basically working as a nanny and stay at home mom for children that are not mine. I have significantly less student loans to pay off but have been paying off credit cards for the last five years that my ex husband maxed out.

I am 32, single, childless, fat, and living with my parents. Not only that, I have a job where I am not appreciated and don't even pull in 2K a month either and have a master's degree. I feel like I wasted too much time in school for the crappy amount of money I get paid. I am somewhat afraid to try for something else because I am afraid I will fail. I failed at my marriage and at controlling my weight. I feel like I will never get out of this rut and that things will never change.

Everything feels completely out of control in my life. I am angry, sad, depressed, lonely.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATIBUG49 2/2/2012 10:28AM

    Don't put yourself down, you have one of the most important jobs out there, you are taking care of our most precious resource. How would these parents work without some like you! You are making a difference everyday in someone's life & believe me they are making one in yours. You can have the children exercise with you if they are old enough, children love it.
If you are truly not happy in your profession, have you set down to really think about what you would like to do? Once you get in a home of your own, you can open up your own family childcare business. You can do anything you set your mind to do, don't ever put yourself down - you can be your worse enemy or your best friend - it's up to you!


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JUDYAMK 1/31/2012 10:24PM

    Why are you afraid of fear? The fear itself is stopping you because you are allowing it to make you a VICTIM. You are exactly right things will NEVER change for you unless you MAKE a change.What is it going to be you in the same position you are in now for the next 20 years.or are you going to finally STAND up & fight like - - - - it is all up to you NO ONE else.Come on get up & do something about it, this is NOT what you want for the rest of your life is it?
emoticon if you really want it. How bad do you want a change in your life?

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UMBILICAL 1/31/2012 10:15PM

  Fear is the biggest block to success and happiness.

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DEBBIEOLMOS57 1/31/2012 10:08PM

    i am 55 years old and have a BA but never had i been taken serious life is full of surprises. just hang in there and do your best

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Lonely and Sick

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Wow, so I thought I was getting over my cold and it seems to be coming back. My throat is killing me. Done with being sick.

Didn't get to do my Saturday hike because I have been sick, so I missed that bonding time with my friend. I am feeling lonely, haven't spoken to anyone but my parents since Friday. I really would like to talk to my friend about eating, but because my throat hurts so bad I am trying not to speak. Thus the reason for the blog. I am also journaling like crazy because I need to get this frustration out.

I have so many things on my to do list that needs to be done. I also have a ton of things I would like to do for fun, craft projects and the like. Being sick, I do not have the energy to do any of this stuff that I need and want to do. I am sure that my depression is a contributing factor as well. I have a very busy week coming up at work and know I need to rest but am fidgety as well. Praying that tomorrow will be a better day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGEL_VENUS 1/22/2012 11:49PM

    Get well soon. Sick here as well, and I know what you mean when it seems to not want to go away.....mine has gotten worse. Any whoo, remedy-remedy-remedy, all will be well before you know it. Have a Blessed Week coming up.

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MELLYBEANS0919 1/22/2012 3:51PM

    Sorry you are not well, hope you are better soon. Take time to rest up, as hard as it is, your body needs to recuperate.

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BELTONWALKER67 1/22/2012 10:18AM

    Hope today is a better day for you! Rest up for your busy week ahead.

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QUEENMOXIE 1/22/2012 7:38AM

    Try eating pineapple it contains an enzyme that will kill the bacteria....Hope you feel better soon. emoticon

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    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers in hopes that you are feeling much better today.

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OBIESMOM2 1/22/2012 4:33AM


have you tried gargling with warm salt water? It's a temporary relief, but anything is better than nothing.

and popsicles...lots of popsicles

feel better!

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First blog ever...sorry it's not awesome.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Well, I am making my first blog entry EVER. I have been sick with an upper respiratory cold/flu all week. I do not miss work unless it is bad and I went home early last Tuesday and missed all the rest of the week. I have been bored to tears and trying not to eat everything in sight.

I am incredibly frustrated because I seem to get sick as soon as I really get motivated and start working out regularly. I even got a walking partner and we managed to meet once before I got sick. This seems to happen every single time. I just feel like giving up. I didn't even get up until 5 this evening, what was the point? Feeling defeated and alone. Acknowledging the fact that I want to stuff these feelings down with food is the first step in a long journey.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SETAGOAL1 1/16/2012 1:20PM

    You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey

Writing is progress!!!

Janet emoticon

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CINDYKC2000 1/16/2012 1:08AM

    You are not alone and you need to use this time as a motivator. It is hard, but you can do it!! Walk, do simple strength exercises, anything you can handle even if it only for a few minutes. Drink lots of fluids/water. Feel better quickly and keep your goals in the forefront of your mind!!

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