LOTUSLIFE13   5,235
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Thursday, April 18, 2013

So after trying to stick to my New Year's Resolution for nearly four months I am fight back where I started--167lbs. I was doing so well for awhile. I only lost a few pounds, but my body fat percentage decreased, and in February, when my boyfriend and I went to his sisters wedding in Florida, his mom even noticed that I was thinner when she helped me zip up a dress she had made for me back in december, and again commented on it while she was fitting me for the dress she made me for the wedding. (Side note: Victoria, my boyfriend's mom, has taken to making me clothing because, between my scoliosis and the fact that I gain weight almost exclusively in my stomach, it is very hard for me to find flattering clothes in stores). It made me feel great that someone noticed my efforts, but it all went downhill after that.

Even though I didn't get to workout much over the days we were in Florida, I wasn't too terrible with my eating. The problem was that after we came back I came down with a cold. Being sick always causes me to just eat crap. And after three weeks of not working out, and two weeks of eating pretty much however I wanted, it was hard to get back into exercising and meal planning.

In March I started trying to get up early, at about 5:30 am, to workout before work, because I've found that I much more like to do that than go after work. I just am not easily motivated to workout after work. Besides, by the time I workout after work and one of us makes dinner, there is just no evening left. Plus, we're planning a move to the other side of the country in two months, and need to start using these evening to pack. And sure, there are days that I just can't make myself get up, but I'm actually doing pretty well at it. I'm actually surprised. I think I'm dong better than I thought I would. Because in the end I know the only person I'm cheating is myself, and that not going will only make me feel worse about myself.

So I've gotten in to working out again. I don't necessarily get all 6 of my workouts in each week, but I've been trying. I also recently got an iphone (my first smartphone) and decided this that I really need to make a more conscious effort to track my food, which I have done everyday this week so far.

I will say though that I am a little bummed. I missed yesterday's workout because I hadn't slept well the night before and was super tired, and also sore. Today I had a half-day at work and was going to make up for it by working out twice, or at least extra hard, but I have had a nagging stomach ache that was actually so bad that I tried to go to Urgent Care. Turns out they can't do anything for abdominal pain and referred me to the ER. I decided not to go because I was feeling slightly better and the ER is far more expensive. I'm still not feeling well, but hope I will tomorrow because I really don't want to go to the ER.

I'm bummed because I wanted to do all of my workouts this week. I need to start losing weight. It's kind of upsetting that I have really been trying to lose weight this whole time, and haven't given up once, but I have miss-stepped a lot. I obviously can't make my goal of weighing 141lbs by the Memorial Day weekend, but I want to at least lose a decent amount of weight by the time we move to Portland. So my new goals are weigh 150 by 6/16/13, 140 by the time I start classes, and 125 by my birthday in December.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOTUSLIFE13 4/19/2013 10:27AM

    Thank you!

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 4/18/2013 9:48PM

    You can do it!!

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Addendum to staying motivated while feeling down

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I have a Withings scale, which is a scale that not only tracks weight, but also body fat percentage and BMI, and sends the information to the user's on account on the Withings website. I have my scaled linked to my sparkpeople account those that my weight changes update automatically every time I weight myself. I just logged into my Withings account to check my body fat %.

Yes, I did gain 3lbs but my body fat percentage went down 2% (42.7% to 40.7%).

I call that a win. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SORTIZA99 2/18/2013 5:12AM

    Having a positive attitude is what we need everyday.
Keep moving forward.

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Staying motivated while feeling down

Sunday, February 17, 2013

It's been a long time since I've posted. As part of my plan to get fit, my goal has been to post at least one entry a week, but that hasn't worked out so far. I've wanted to post. There have been a lot of things I have wanted to say, but by the time I sit down at the end of the day to do this I find I can't focus. There's been a lot going on. Besides working out and trying to get fit, I've started thinking about grad school again and have been applying for promotions at my job, so that I can save more money for grad school. But rather than try to remember all the things I've wanted to write about over the last few weeks I want to start with what is going on now, and how I'm feeling.

This weekend I've been feeling kind of low. First of all, I'm overwhelmed by grad school stuff, not just the things I need to do, but also the decisions I need to make, and the reality that there is the possibility I will have to move away from boyfriend (with whom I live). Then there's the fact that I'm wondering if I'm really making any progress. I've done my 5 workouts for this week, but, other than wearing my fitbit, I haven't really tracked anything, and while my eating hasn't been the worse ever, it certainly hasn't been the best. Then, the week before, I missed a couple of workouts, and had a weekend where I ate a lot of junk food because I went up to Bethlehem to visit a friend. Originally, I had planned for it, and was still supposed to fit in my 5 workouts. But it was a busy week, and on top of that, the weather messed up my plans and I ended up having to drive up a day early. I actually made myself proud though that weekend, because I threw in an extra workout that Sunday. Instead of just doing my strength training that day, I also went to the gym and ran on the elliptical for a half hour. After missing 3 workouts and going 4 straight days without exercising I felt like a needed to workout extra long, and not just because I felt in some way I was making up for missing workouts, but also because my body needed to move. I felt great afterwards, and had every intention of making the best of this week. But as I already said, this week did not go as well as I had hoped it would.

Then I went and made it worse by weighing myself on Thursday. I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself until the end of these 4 weeks, but I couldn't help it. My curiosity got the best of me. I was hoping to at least see that I hadn't gained any weight, but actually found that I gained back 3 of the 8 pounds I had lost, which bummed me out. I lost 8lbs in the first 5 weeks, and here I am halfway through month 2 and not making nearly as much progress. And I know logically that I shouldn't let this get me down. There are any number of reasons why I weighed 3lbs more than the last time I weighed myself. Even though I always weigh myself first thing in the morning, and always under the same conditions, I know that weight can fluctuate 2 or more pounds daily for various reasons. I also know that I'm getting stronger (I can tell from my workouts), and muscle weighs more than fat. But, emotionally, it made me feel like I was failing all over again. And even working out yesterday (strength training) didn't make feel better. Everything, grad school and my weight, bore down on me and I felt depressed, despite the hope that an endorphin boost would help me feel better.

But here's the thing: Whether or not that 3lbs really did come back, was a fluke, or is newly developed muscle, I can't stop and I can't let it get me down. I realized that today while I was on the elliptical. Today I upped the resistance, and after a few minutes it occurred to me that I really am getting stronger. And, sure maybe I can't tell right now that my body has changed, but 6 months from now, or even 2 or 3 months from now, I will be able see a difference. Maybe my weight won't change that much in the next several weeks, or several months, but if I keep going I will be stronger, and I will be more fit. Right now I'm trying to build strength and endurance, and prepare my body to try a walk/run program in the spring so that I can learn to run, and that in and of itself will be an accomplishment.

Of course, I know that this is a long process, and like I wrote in an earlier blog entry, I've finally accepted that it will take awhile to reach my goals, but while knowing that is sometimes comforting, it isn't always. We need those moments where we become aware of how much we've improved. It's hard to stay motivated and keep moving towards a goal, when you feel like you're standing still and can't foresee the end. That's why I love my fitbit, and this site, because it helps me find other ways of tracking my progress. Like today for example, I got a trophy for doing 1000 fitness minutes this month. Of course, this is in part because my sparkpeople account is linked to my fitbit (and counts my daily steps towards my fitness minutes), but that's still great. That's more than I did in December for sure, and probably even January. And while I can rarely manage to take 10,000 steps in a day because I work in a bank, most of my days consist of more than 5000 steps now. When I first got the fitbit I had lots of days where I never hit that 5000 steps mark.

I guess the moral of this story is to keep working, don't give up and keeping using the tools I have available to me because they keep me motivated.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SORTIZA99 2/18/2013 5:10AM

    Let;s keep moving forward and continue to have a positive attitude.
Good day.

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Small Victories

Saturday, January 19, 2013

This was a difficult week. All week I was so tired. Still I was determined to make this second week right. I came home Monday to work out. I messed up a routine because somehow I became confused and thought Monday was a strength training day when it's actually a cardio day, but I knew I could make it work. Then Tuesday, though tired, I went to the gym straight after work, but found I was feeling sore after, and being on the ellipitical felt more difficult than it should have. So I decided I should skip Wednesday to recover. I wanted to make sure I wasn't pushing myself too hard. I figured the reason I was feeling off was because despite having already completed all 5 of my scheduled workouts the week before I decided to get on the elliptical again on Sunday. I'm really proud of myself for that and I feel good about it. I was energetic and wanted to workout, but I did feel a little stiff afterwards. Anyway, I skipped on Wednesday, but both that day and Thursday I felt so tired. I was so tired and funky feeling on Thursday that I totally forgot about my workout. I was hoping I would make it up on Friday, but I knew that was a long shot. Fridays are always scheduled as an off day during the week because the bank is open longer and it is a busier day. I know better than to think I'll have the energy to workout afterwards. But yesterday I thought I'd at least think about it since I didn't go in until 10:45. But we were frustratingly busy and had a call off. I was so stressed all day, and frustrated that when I got home there was no way I was working out. I was actually pretty energetic at first, but then I crashed really quickly.

I don't know what it was that was making me so tired all week. I even tried going to bed early but found that that was difficult, and didn't really help much anyway. I didn't think it was because I pushed myself to hard, because I've been trying to ease myself back into exercise gently. And I've been trying to eat well, which I think I'm doing pretty decently at. Started taking some vitamins and omega 3 again, just in case I was missing something in diet that was making me so tired, but I'm not sure if that helped or had anything to do with anything. Last week was the last week of my cycle, which is supposed to be the exhausting week for women, not the energetic one, but maybe I drained myself and this became the bad week (instead what's supposed to be the week to be productive) and I just needed to recover. I don't know.

I didn't do as well this week as I did last week. And all week I've been kind of feeling bad about it. I had been doing so well at resisting the free junk food that was lying around the teller line, but later in the week I finally gave in, and a couple of times this week I treated myself to some cheese curls and chocolates. I know there will always be slip ups though, and I need to look at this more logically. Yes, this wasn't a perfect week, but not all weeks will be perfect and I am just starting over anyway. But frankly, I've still eaten a lot better than I had been. And each time I messed up this week, I tried again instead of giving up. When I ate cheese curls I knew that I at least had healthy meals the rest of the day and was going home to a healthy dinner. Thursday was a bad day for both me and my boyfriend and we didn't have something we needed for dinner, so we ordered in Mexican. Not a healthy choice, but we did decide we were allowed one treat meal a week and that was it. Last night we had a really good dinner. The point I'm getting at is that it used to be that if I made a mistake, I would forgo the whole day. But I'm finally learning how to be more positive, and look for ways to bounce back instead. And I'm proud of myself for that.

Today I feel much better about the week. I decided to make up for a less than perfect week by having an active day. After breakfast I warmed up and did the strength training workout I missed before going to the gym to run on the elliptical for half an hour. I didn't make 10,000 steps on my Fitbit like I wanted to, by I came really close (less than a thousand away)! Overall, I actually feel good about myself. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm making progress. I have been so tempted to step on the scale! But I know that the reasons I have for not wanting to weigh myself this first month are good, and I'm trying hard to hang on to that. The idea is to focus more on developing better habits and learning other ways of determining if my plan is working. This month I'm focusing on how I feel. And, no, this week I didn't feel that great but I pushed through. After each bad day, I tried to make the next one better until I finally came to a day that was better and today I feel great. I know that I have been eating better and been more active than I have been in a long time, no matter what slip ups I may have had this week and I feel good about that. I am confident that I am still on the path to results. Only two more weeks until I can weigh myself. I don't know how much of a difference a month will make in my weight, but I hope that in these next two weeks my confidence in my ability to develop good habits and change my body continues to grow so that no matter what I see on that scale I'll still know that I will succeed.


Why this time will be different

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Throughout this first week I've thinking of reason why this time will be different. Sometimes it is hard to feel like I will be successful when I have failed so many times before. Logically I know that each failure is a lesson, or practice, necessary to one day succeed. With all of things in life, I refuse to back down in the face of failure. I look for another way to succeed. For example, when I was unable to start grad school this past year, I looked at is as a blessing in disguise and am still working on getting there. With weight loss it is harder for me. I have been at least a little overweight since high school, though I didn't seriously try to lose weight until college. But in the process I have learned a lot about health and fitness, and about me in general.

This time will be different because:

1. I've decided not to weigh myself for the entire first month. I will weigh myself at the beginning of the second, and not again for the rest of that month. I will focus on how I feel for the first month and how my clothes fit during the second month. I will not start weighing myself weekly until the third. I'm doing this so that I can just focus on developing healthier habits without obsessing about my weight. I'm going to use how I feel and the Sparkpeople and Fitbit trackers to keep myself on track.

2. I have finally accepted that this will take time and that I cannot rush results. I realize that I may not lose a lot at first and that I may not notice a difference in my physical appearance for some time. I realize that I can't suddenly decide to do everything right to look good for a certain event, or change my habits overnight.

3. I've finally gotten to the point where when I crave a cookie or candy bar I think about the consequences and not just how much I want that treat. I debate about whether I really want that cookie more than to lose weight. I don't always make the right decision, but it is getting easier.

4. I have support from my boyfriend who also wants to lose weight. Temptation is easier to resist when you're living with someone who is also trying to make better decisions. Before when I was living with one of my best friends, it was much harder to make good decisions because she could be a bad influence on me.


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