Saturday, October 31, 2009
I woke up this morning and was feeling like sleeping in. It has been raining here in Chicago for at least a week straight and the wind was howling, the covers were warm, I was cuddling with my two daughters and my husband...it was tempting to sleep in.
I actually made the decision to NOT go to my Saturday morning boot camp class. I figured it's Halloween, who else is going to be there, blah, blah. So I consciously decided I wasn't going, bummed around, didn't take a shower and was going to settle in with some coffee and stay in my pj's a while longer.
At 8:30, the time I would typically start getting my shoes on to go, I had this urge inside of myself to get up and GO. I rushed around, threw on my workout clothes and got into the car to get there. I know I was a little shocked myself.
I get there and I had an amazing workout! It was difficult, yes, it always is, but I was there and doing it! My teacher that has been sick the past few weeks had returned and she took me aside toward the end of the workout and said "Way to push it, you have really improved since a few weeks ago." I was so proud of myself! I AM so proud of myself.
Also, during class, we had to do an exercise where you have your back against the wall and you sit down, as if you are in a chair. I did this the best out of the class, the teacher (who is not known for her kindness) said she was very impressed with me and couldn't believe how it looked like I was sitting in a chair when I wasn't. She also said I had good "form" throughout the class.
I have noticed the difference in my home workouts as well since starting Boot Camp. I do Leslie Sansone workouts and usually doing 1 mile is hard, the 2nd very difficult. The other day I breezed through 2 miles and would have done a third if I had time.
So while the scale has been staying the same lately, I know I am losing inches and gaining strength. I can't wait to see how much further I can push myself physically and mentally.
A strong woman knows her limits and knows how to push through them!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Since starting Mommy Boot Camp toward the end of September I have been working really hard. I feel thinner and have lost about 5 lbs. My clothes have been fitting looser, especially my jeans. They literally fall down as I walk up the stairs in my home. So today I glanced at my pile of jeans and saw my "skinny jeans" which I haven't been able to wear since before my 3 yr. old daughter, Lucy, was born.
I thought, what the heck? I tried them on, thinking they wouldn't go over my rear, but they did. Then I pulled them up to my waist. And guess what? They buttoned!!! They are a bit snug, but they fit! I wore them to work today as well! When I get home I'm going to take a picture of me with them on!
I'm bringing "skinny" back, yeah!!!
Update: Here's the pictures of me in my skinny jeans!
Friday, October 16, 2009
I live in a suburb of Chicago. It's been cold, rainy and generally miserable all week long. We've gotten out the fall coats, the warm cozy socks and the hot tea. My 3 yr. old daughter, Lucy, is an outdoors girl and in the summer is outside all day long. When I think of the sun I think of her.
This morning we were rushing out of the house to get her to preschool, myself to work, and my husband to run errands with the baby. It was a crazy morning, as some of you mothers out there can relate to. My car is not working so we are down to one car. We all have one goal in mind - to get where we are going.
I step outside with my daughter, me holding my briefcase, my purse, my lunch tote and my Medela Pump in one hand and her hand in the other. It is grey out. It is cold out.
She stops and looks around and says "It's a beautiful day out!"
I stop too, and look around, wondering what is beautiful about it. She goes on to say "It's not raining! Just a little chilly." (her vocabulary is great for a 3 yr. old).
I smile in amazement. My wonderful daughter could stop to see what was good about the day before us. She, the golden girl who loves the sun and has been cooped up since fall began, could see the beauty in this day that the Lord has given us.
She taught me a lesson today. It is a beautiful day! It's the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad!
I have been smiling like crazy ever since. I don't think anything could bring me down today.
Thank you Lord, for this beautiful day that You have made. I am glad.
(Photo below of Lucy with my nephew, her cousin, Tony as Wendy and Peter Pan)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Last night I was wiping the counter top in our kitchen down and my husband came up behind me, like he often does, and he said "Wow!" I asked him what had happened, wondering if perhaps our 3 yr. old daughter had spilled yet another drink, or if our 2 month old had spit up somewhere. He showed me that he was able to fully hug me, and could touch both of his wrists. Before he was not able to do that. And I don't mean before as in throughout both of my pregnancies - of course, he wasn't able to hug me fully then -but even before that, when I weighed almost 300 lbs. He wasn't able to fully hug me, yet he did hug me.
My celebration is two-fold. I celebrate that my husband can now put his arms fully around me. I have lost 35 lbs. and a few dress sizes. I am getting leaner and healthier for myself and my family. Yet I also celebrate the fact that I have such a man who gives me love so unconditionally.
I met Jim, my husband, back when I was 18 years old. At that time I had just gotten out of my anorexic stage and was still pretty thin, although eating healthier. I wore a size 6/8 jean. I looked great. The first words he said to me were "My god, you are beautiful", later telling my best friend that I would be the woman he would marry. We did, in fact, marry after many years of love and friendship. However those years have taken their toll. Being a person who has always struggled with weight and food issues I began to gain weight - now that I was no longer anorexic I perhaps ate too much food. The love of a good man also nourished me. Throughout the years I have gained over 100 lbs. 100 lbs. is a lot of weight to carry, and it's not something you can hide. Yet this man has loved me throughout this time without question. He has not made me feel like I am this size, like I am unhealthy. The look in his eyes has not changed, he still looks at me with utter love. I sometimes wonder why? Why and how can this man love me so much? Who am I to deserve this love?
I have a gift of this man's love and adoration yet sometimes I cannot accept that. The sad reality is we are not always able to not identify what love really is. In a daily bible study the question came up about what love is and how do you know what love really is?
We only have to consult the bible for detailed descriptions of what love is. John 13 4:7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I could say more but I donít think itís necessary. I rejoice in the fact that my husband loves me with the sort of love Jesus has for us all. The kind of love that never dies.
Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength to persevere through this chapter of my life and getting healthier. Thank you, Lord, for sending me my husband as a friend, companion and as a reminder of your faithful love for us always.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
" Competition is easier to accept if you realize
That it is not an act of aggression.
I've worked with my best friends in direct competition.
Whatever you want in life
Other people are going to want it, too.
Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea
That you have an equal right to it."
--- Diane Sawyer
Thank you, Dark_Storm, for posting the above quote in the 30 somethings wanting to lose 100 lbs. team! It really helped me see something from a different point of view.
I recently joined a Mommy Boot Camp at my gym. It started a week ago and on the first night I joined the group of about 20 women who were gathered near the track to get tested and start boot camp. The problem was, I was the only one there who was even slightly overweight. All of the other moms were thin, nearly all of them in really good shape! I'm talking muscular legs and the stance of an athelete. I was overwhelmed and suddenly felt naked, like everyone could see just how out of shape I am and what in the heck was I doing there. I, in turn, wondered what all of these athletes needed a boot camp for anyway? I am not just overweight, but I am considered morbidly obese at 264 lbs. I haven't run in at least 20 years when it was required in High School. Yet I was here, at this Boot Camp, surrounded by these beautiful, in shape women. I was terrified.
After doing countless pushups, situps, squats and planks it was time to tackle the stairs. I had heard about this from people at my gym but now I was in the thick of it. We were told to run up the stairs, taking every other stair, three times. There were 5 flights of stairs. I could barely walk up every other stair, let alone run. I did my best though, and the first set I did take every other stair. The next sets after I took every stair. We did three sets of this, so that is 9 times up and down the 5 flights of stairs. Needless to say, by the end it was all I could do to walk up the stairs, holding onto the railing (which you aren't supposed to do) and wanting to die inside. But I kept going. I felt bad for the others, that they had to deal with such an overweight person in their boot camp (note I say "their" not "our") I was holding them up. I was embarassed and ashamed. I started to stop at the top of the flight to let the entire group of 20 women go in front of me, so as to not slow them down.
Wait a second here...wasn't I in this for me? Don't I have a right to this, as the quote above says? I realized that this isn't the first time in my life that I've put myself second, or third, or fourth. You get the idea. Just because I am overweight doesn't mean I am a second class citizen. And the thing of it is, for all I know none of these women thought badly of me. It was me thinking these negative thoughts, not them.
This thought was further exemplified by the next thing that happened. As I was rounding a corner, red-faced and about to faint, a girl joined me and ran next to me. She said "You are doing a great job. When I was 7 wks. postpartum I would never have been able to do this." I looked at her, tears in my eyes, both grateful and ashamed at the same time. Grateful for her kind words, words that I hadn't expected to come from her, the most beautiful and in shape girl on the team. Ashamed because I was the one who was judging. I judged them for their athleticism and good looks just as I thought they were judging me. I realized that maybe, just maybe, these girls wanted me to succeed just as much as they wanted to succeed themselves. That maybe this boot camp stuff is a team effort and we all win.
I looked up the definition of T.E.A.M. and it means: Together Everyone Achieves More. I like the sound of that.
It's interesting that in the word "Impossible" there are actually two words: "I'M" and "POSSIBLE". I am possible. I AM POSSIBLE. So therefore, nothing is impossible.
I also realized that I can be an inspiration to these women, I can show up every day, show my heart, and do my best. That's all anyone can ask and I pray to God for the strength to do this with grace and to take the self-pity out of my heart, it doesn't belong there, it belongs on the floor, along with my sweat.
"For nothing is impossible with God."
~ Luke 1:37 (NIV)
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it."
~ 1 Corinthians 9:24 ESV
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