Thursday, July 21, 2011
The other night I planned on getting a run in. I wanted to try for 6 miles but with the temperature at 100 degrees I wasn't sure if that would happen or not.
My plans slowly deteriorated when my day at work got busy. Really busy. And then I made an irreversible change to a presentation...then my printer ran out of toner...then my computer wouldn't work...after being on the phone with IT for an hour I ended up getting home late. It was about 7 and I had decided that I wouldn't go for a run. I would eat my dinner and try to destress and go to sleep.
But my daughter Lucy had other ideas...I had promised that she could ride her big girl bike - her first "real" bike that night...my husband would take her around the path while I ran. She still wanted to go, and a promise is a promise.
So I put my big girl pants on and dressed in the skimpiest running gear I have and we were out the door. Marlo, my youngest is now past her expiration date - she is Tired. She is not going to co-operate with the plans of my running and her being a cute little almost 2 yr. old and walking with Daddy while he helped Lucy ride her bike. So my husband and I did what we often do - tag team!
I took Lucy and he took Marlo. Lucy knew I wanted to run, even though I told her it was OK, I didn't mind if I didn't, and she suggested we run around the pond before we take her bike out. So we ran a mile together - that in itself was amazing.
Then we took her bike out and after I held onto her for a bit, she said "Mommy let go!" so I did. She was going so fast I had to run to keep up with her to make sure I'd be there if she fell. And then it happened. I was running while she was riding her bike. It was the most amazing thing ever to happen to me as a Mom. One of the proudest moments in my life to see my daughter fearless on that bike and proud of myself for being fit enough to run next to her.
YOOVIE posted a blog the other day about building your reputation.
That day I was the only person on the path running. (Usually there are at least 3 others but the heat must have kept them away). That day I was the mom running next to her daughter as she rode her bike. That day I was the mom who couldn't take the smile off of her face, and as I shook my head, laughing, remembering when Lucy was a toddler and I didn't have the energy to run after her...now here I was...running WITH her.
It was simply amazing.
I looked at my Garmin afterward and saw that the second mile, where she rode her bike and I ran, took a total of 27 minutes. (Lots of starts and stops on the bike, getting off the bike to look at ducks, etc.)....27 minutes is a poor time for a mile. 27 minutes is the longest mile I've ever run. And the most rewarding.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
First, this is for Blaize :)
V-8 Fusion Cranberry juice (4 oz)
Egg White, Spinach and Mushroom Omelet
Coffee w/ creamer
Coffee mug made by Stemme Fatale
The same Fit & Active bar from yesterday, but w/out the wrapper...looks a little gross lol
Lunch, same cream cheese, raisin and walnut wrap. Added grapes.
LUNCH PART DEUX:
I knew today would be a hard day, so I used the filling for my usual 1 wrap and divided it into two low carb high fiber tortillas - only adding 50 calories onto my lunch, but having a great afternoon snack that was filling. (one of my secrets). Plus light string cheese.
Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries
Mini Cliff Bar - how cute is this? 100 cals. (I've decided wrapped looks tastier than unwrapped chocolate bars hehe)
Chicken, whole grain rice and broccoli
And of course throughout the day I drink at least 4-5 of these
I had another sundae
I was hungry after my run, so had a half serving of Fit & Active crackers with a wedge of WW cheese. (taken on my couch, was too tired to get up).
Plus wine (I only drank half of what you see here).
(Wine glass made by Stemme Fatale as well - my special "You'd Better Run B*tch" glass)
(All nutritional totals are in my public nutritional page..This is roughly 1750 cals for the day)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
We all know that famous celebrities, models, politicians...virutally everyone is being photoshopped nowadays. We have to look perfect. We have to look beautiful. Beauty is defined in our society by what other people think of us. And it's not right. Having two daughters, one who just turned 5, but when she was 4 in preschool feeling pressured ALREADY to wear makeup and that she wasn't pretty enough..well, this is a subject that is close to my heart, to say the least.
I have a confession to make.
I photoshop myself.
Before you feel like I have misrepresented myself, hear me out.
It isn't every photo. It isn't any photo on Facebook, for my FB friends.
I don't make myself look thinner, or whiten my teeth.
It's just some photos that get close up and personal.
Because I suffer from psoriasis and have for over 20 years.
See, it's just parts of my skin that I "fix". I use a handy tool in Photoshop that is called the "healing brush". Isn't that a nice word? Healing.
This confession has been coming for a while now...earlier this week I was talking to my dear friend Blaize about my skin disease (yes, psoriasis is a disease but it isn't catching), and I felt the need to come clean about how I hide it in some of my photos since she could never tell.
For those Spark friends who have met me, you probably couldn't tell either.
I'm "lucky"...I have it in places that are easily hidden....and for the places on my face I use lots of coverup. However, lets just say that nude modeling is NOT in my future. My body is at times 80% covered with lesions.
But I'm coming out from the shadows...I feel sick about this and I at the time, earlier in the week, I felt this, too, and I didn't really know why. Blaize understood and knows about psoriasis and the self-esteem issues it causes, she has family members who suffer from it.
But still. I am a very honest person....and this was kind of my "dirty little secret".
Today I read my daughter Lucy the book "You are Special" by Max Lucado. In it there is a woodworker named Eli who represents God. The wooden puppets that he makes have a system where they put a star on those who are beautiful or talented, and a dot on those that aren't. Well one poor puppet named Punchinello got bombarded with dots because he was different. He was ugly. He had no talent. He meets a girl named Lucia who had no dots or stars. It turns out that because she didn't care what the others said, and only cared what God thought of her that their stars and dots didn't stick to her. It's one of my favorite stories to read the girls.
As I was reading that this nagging thought kept chipping away at my brain....about MY values and why I cared what the Spark community might think of my very real psoriasis dots.
Then I was directed to this website by a new Sparkie in the Chicago team and it touched something so deep inside of me....about beauty and how sometimes we don't find ourselves beautiful....how I don't find MYSELF beautiful.
I realized that I don't love my body....in fact I hate my psoriasis and how it alters my body and makes others look at me strange. Over the years I've heard some terrible things from mostly strangers, not my friends or family. But still...it hurts. I've been asked if I was burned in a terrible fire, or if I had AIDS and just last week a guy in my running group asked if I was attacked by a dog.
It's these comments that made me look for a solution (other than the very real drugs, doctors, naturalists, hypnosis, etc. that I've had over the years). I could just use the "healing brush". It started maybe about a year back, when I started to lose enough weight that you could tell the difference. I would actually have a picture that I LIKED. Wow! It was a new feeling. And then I would see my psoriasis...ruining the entire photo...until I discovered the "healing brush", of course. That changed it all. I could look beautiful to me and to others!
Well, the thrill is gone. It hurts me to realize that I don't honestly think I AM beautiful. That I need to hide behind a facade. I am crying now writing this because I feel I have lied to you all...let you down....
What would my daughters think...that Momma's a fake? I'm telling them to love themselves as they are. Just as they are. But I'm not doing that.
I've removed all touched up photos from my Spark page. I apologize for any misrepresentation. From now on what you will see is me.
The real me.
Left, my original photo. Right, my touched up version.
I know that the difference here is subtle...you may not notice my face, the spot on my collar bone or by my breasts. But I do....and I felt a need to hide it.
Me today, no makeup. No touchup. (taken on cell phone)
Lyrics from the song "You Are Beautiful" by Mercy Me
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
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