80,000-99,999 SparkPoints
LOTUSFLOWER's Recent Blog Entries

Flying Without a Net (or Running without a Track)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I did it. I had to do it. I had been putting it off for so long and I knew I had to do it. Yesterday I ended my gym membership.

Big sobs and tears! Some of you may have read my blog, “Love Poem to My Indoor Track”.


I LOVE that track! Well, loved.

But the reality was that I wasn’t going to the gym as much and I couldn’t justify the cost. The baby is teething; she is needier than she was when she was all cute and quiet. She’s still cute, don’t get me wrong, but as a working mother it is so difficult to go home to your little ones only to leave them again to workout. Or to workout straight from work and not see those cute little faces until you are tucking them into bed. I was running after dinner, baths, and bedtime for a while – but that was exhausting, getting to the gym at 9 and home past 10 and then being all hopped up on adrenaline that I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight or later, and getting up for work the next day and doing it all again. I did go to the gym a few times before they got up, but that is also difficult.

I had tried to “break up” with my gym two other times, retracting my cancellation letter as soon as it was sent. But the thing of it is, I can’t afford it anymore. So I need to move on.

A year ago I wasn’t the same person I am today. Not just physically, but mentally. Last year I do believe that I NEEDED the gym, that without it I would have fallen quickly, like a trapeze artist without a net, and my weight loss efforts would have died. I depended on the gym, it was always there for me, and it inspired me to move. At the time someone here on Spark told me that there are two kinds of motivation. Those things you feel like you *have* to do, and those things that you *want* to do. Both can be healthy things. Last year I was in a land of *haves*. I HAD to go to the gym, HAD to plan my foods. It was my life preserver in the sea of weight loss. At the time this Sparker told me that when I was ready, I would do things because I WANTED to do them, and that I would have motivation to do it without the safety net of the gym. At the time I knew I wasn’t in that place, but now I believe I am.

I am going to visit the local Y tonight and see if they can give me a lower rate due to financial reasons, being a single-income family with two kids. They have a pool and an indoor track. But if that won’t work with our budget, I know I will be OK. Because now I’m in the place where I WANT to do it. I WANT to get that workout in, and I love how it makes me feel. I can honestly say that I LOVE running now. A year ago I would have never thought I would be saying that.

There is a free fitness facility at my work that I can workout at. I have never done so until yesterday, despite working here for 3 yrs. already. It is small, only a little over 4,000 sq. ft., but it was nice. There are 3 treadmills, 3 ellipticals and 3 stair masters plus all weights you could need. There's a separate ladies' locker room with two showers, and you need a key card to get in the fitness center, and a key to get into the woman's room, so it's very safe. And it's FREE. And I got to workout at LUNCH. I got home to my kids and husband sooner. It was quite nice.

So my plan is to run on the treadmill at my work facility 2-3x a week, then run outside when it gets a little warmer, and also do Leslie tapes in the morning, I aim for a mile a day, 5 days a week. I love her!

I’m tempted to spend money on equipment so I can run outside. Yaktrax, arm warmers (those are too cute!) and other things. These things will make me feel "safe". But I’m not going to. Not just yet. I can’t replace one expense (the health club) with another right now. I need to work with what I have.

Also, there are benefits to running inside on a treadmill that I never knew about. For example, did you know there is a "5k" setting on most treadmills? It has the course all laid out for you. Here’s a link to an article about the benefits on indoor running for anyone interested. I think this sort of training, combined with my walking and outside running, will really help me to be a better runner.

Sometimes the answer to prayer is right under your nose, all you have to do is look!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 1/27/2011 2:05PM

    Wow. How awesome what your job offers you exercise equipment. That is such a blessing! Membership or no membership, Y or no Y, my money's on YOU. You are making this happen and will continue to make it happen. The changes that have taken place in your heart are there to stay. The spiritual ground you've conquered is yours forever. You will be just fine. No doubt about it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SEWINGMAMACDS 1/27/2011 1:29PM

    That is great your work has a gym set up and it is FREE! Can't beat that. Have fun!

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVE-FORCE 1/27/2011 10:56AM

    I'm glad you decided to do what was best for you! GOOD JOB and I know your going to come to love the FREE gym better!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    In your decision to eliminate you membership at That Gym, you did not quit searching for a solution and you have some good ones. YakTrax are only about $20 so they aren't too expensive. I have a pair of the heavy duty style that I wear when I walk/run with my dogs twice a day. I will share with you though that they make my feet sore. I guess it only makes sense that when you are stepping down hard on that wire it will bother the foot. It is not bothersome at the time, but later.

Another factor of outside walking/running is that it burns more calories. My footwear is heavier and I'm often trudging in the snow.

Another exercise option can be hotel swimming pools. They often have deals for the local residents at very affordable rates. A side benefit is taking the kids an enjoying a leisurely play date.

Your positivity is contagious. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOOZINITNOW 1/27/2011 8:13AM

    You are equipped with the tools you need to be successful without the gym. You will do great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMFAN 1/27/2011 12:58AM

    I am so proud of you and YakTraks are a must so you don't fall on the ice! You can do this! You are a champion!

Bundle up and run!

Comment edited on: 1/27/2011 12:58:23 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
TODAYIAM 1/26/2011 11:03PM

    It'll be good for you to use the free facility at work!! that is awesome!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEMPEST272002 1/26/2011 6:11PM

    What a bonus having that fitness facility at work is! A mid-day run is a great way to pick up your energy level at work too.

Yaktrax, arm warmers - I run outside, but I don't know what these are! I'm going to have to google it now. emoticon The only special equipment I use are rubber grippers on my shoes so I don't slip on the ice.

OK - I googled it! Yaktrax are grippers... just a more expensive, and likely better working, version.

Comment edited on: 1/26/2011 6:15:05 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSGROTHE 1/26/2011 3:39PM

    I love that you've realized that you've gone from thinking of your workouts as "have-tos" to thinking of them as "want-tos"! emoticon

Good luck with your new workout plan! emoticon

- Karen

Report Inappropriate Comment
OFFDREA 1/26/2011 3:11PM

    Good for you!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBBICZ 1/26/2011 1:37PM

    I liked the idea of having a place to workout during the day at work. I used to do that a few years ago and it felt really good. I was able to fit in exercise and go home at regular time to my son. You'll find your chi again!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 1/26/2011 1:14PM

    It's tough now, but in another couple of weeks with a new routine, you won't regret your decision. I'll tell you right now, I've used my YakTrax ONCE this year - at home, in Canada, when I went for a run on the frozen lake. Since I've been back in Chicago, I haven't used them. If the sidewalks are too bad (and they only are in segments), I run on the road. This week has been great because it's been a bit warmer and the ice is gone for the most part. So you don't need the gear if it's not necessary - which right now it isn't. Just layer, and have fun with it. If you get out there and it's too cold, just do a shorter run. You have to be a little more forgiving with yourself, but I usually find that once I've been out there for 20 minutes, I have the drive to keep going for the full hour.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THENEWDARLENE 1/26/2011 1:03PM

    I like how you have really thought this through and are finding a solution that works best for your needs, your budget, and your family. That is so nice to have good workout facilities at your job! Sounds like you will be doing well and adapted to a new routine very soon. Thanks for sharing all the details with us. It's encouraging to see how other Sparkers adapt and remain focused on their goals no matter what happens. Keep Sparking Strong!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOTUSFLOWER 1/26/2011 12:55PM

    Thanks everyone! My health club just called and my membership won't cancel for another 45 days, so that means until March 1st I can use that indoor track. Bad news, one more billing cycle in February, but at least I have that track as another tool and then in March the weather will be a little better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JESSSPARK 1/26/2011 12:48PM

    You are lucky that the gym equipment is actually available. How great to be able to work out at work (we have a fitness center but it is slammed unless you get there at 7am)

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOGOMAMA 1/26/2011 12:36PM

    I'm very sorry for your loss! But, I do love your attitude and willingness to find other ways to keep making workout magic!! Thanks for the link to this article. It sounds great! Best wishes to you in your efforts to find creative and effective ways to work out! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

    You have come so far! I'm so incredibly proud of you!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FREES1 1/26/2011 12:31PM

    maybe this only needs to be a temporary break up and once the kids are older you can get back there - in the meantime enjoy what you have.. spring will come sooner or later...

Report Inappropriate Comment

Honoring Dreams...and Ourselves in the Process.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Today I feel depressed. Money is the main factor, but I wonder if I need more Vitamin D or something, too. I am Down with a capital D! I need to stop spending money on things I don't need.

For example, my small vintage coffee maker that resided in my closet writing office at home that I LOVED (but never used because I barely write anymore) had to recently be thrown out because I had left grounds in the filter and they got really moldy - scary, life-threatening moldy - and I had to throw it out, there was no way I could ever completely get that clean, and I didn't want to ingest mold every time I drank coffee and get some kind of cancer later in life.


What's the first thing I do?

Look for another one, of course.

I want a cute, small, vintage one. Maybe even cuter than my moldy one.

Then I hear a sound much like a vinyl record being abruptly taken off a record player. I thought why? Why do I NEED this? Yes, I love the sound of coffee dripping and brewing as I write. Sometimes the smell of it is the only thing that will wake me up at 5 a.m., ready to rub my eyes and write.


My closet office is (in)conveniently located between my two young daughter's bedrooms and how many times has that coffee percolating woken them up? I'm already like a thief in the night, trying to creep slowly into my office, writing softly so as to not make noise and wake them, cutting my writing session short. Can't I just make coffee downstairs, put it in a thermos (another one of my passions, vintage thermoses) and bring it up? Or use that cute percolator iI just "had" to have last year but have never used?

And it's not only this. For me it's with most everything. I'm not honoring my dreams as I should. With running I'm too chicken to get out there in the cold and run, yet I'll buy a super cute jacket, inspired by my friend Jenn (KITHKINCAID), who by the way, DOES run in the cold, unlike myself. Yes, it was cute. Yes, it was on sale. Yes, it was a great deal. But am I going to USE it enough? Am I just looking the part and not playing the part? I bought that jacket for LATER. Not now, too cold.

I purchase books, notebooks and pens that inspire me to honor my writer self, but how often am I actually writing? I have my office walls filled with inspirational notes, quotes and prayers, but what decorates my page? Nothing.

Do I do this in all areas of my life? To a point.

Yes, I've come far. I'm not saying I haven't. You don't lose 80 lbs. by just waking up one day and the fat fairy has paid you a visit. But I also store up my dreams in the shape of books, gadgets, thermoses. I don't get them out there on paper, my feet don't hit the street. (Instead I'm paying for a gym membership I can't afford because they have a cushy indoor track). What would my life look like if instead of paying off (or into) my dreams, I instead honored them, gave them life and breath and let them just BE. Evolve. Become. How would that look? Am I afraid?

How many things do we buy, store up, just to not use them. Things that on the outside appear to honor our dreams, things that the person we want to be would use: a treadmill that becomes a skeleton in the corner, those new running shoes that have their own home in the closet, or that gym membership that is wasting away.

I am going to strive to honor my dreams, to "Just Do It" as Nike says. I am going to stop shopping for my inner dreams, instead I will live them out. Test the waters. What is the worst that can happen? I fall on ice? Get rejected? I said in an earlier blog that I have dreams tucked away in drawers. I not only have that, but dreams written on notebook pages, books, napkins, old menus and Post-It notes. They aren't typed up. Who knows they exist?

When I find these little gems, I usually see that I have written something insightful, profound, funny or just plain GOOD. And it's lost in the cluttered universe of my closet office. From the website behind The Weekend Novelist, the book I'm reading the author stressed to "Type up what you write."

Why? Three reasons:

• Don't throw yourself away

• Honor your words

• Discipline is your obligation to the gift

This is your life, this is your memory, this is your work. Don't Throw Yourself Away. Honor Your Words.

I would say the same goes for ANY of our dreams. Don't throw yourself away, honor yourself and discipline is key.

In a devotional I am reading, today's entry states:

"We often talk about all the things we need, but in reality there is only one thing that we need, we need grace upon us. If you and I will allow the grace of God to have full reign in our lives, nothing will be impossible to us." - Joyce Meyer

I'm going to honor my dreams, or try to, little by little each day. I'm going to live them up. Stop shopping for the person I want to be and start living like that person - now - minus all the fun "stuff".

And you? What are your dreams? Do you honor them? Or hide them up with more "stuff"? How about we take the first step together, and write them down. Every dream, no matter how silly, big, or small, write it down.

The images in this blog are from a graphic artist, Valentina Ramos. On her blog site she has a link to a free download where you can print and write down all your dreams. Try it. You might like it ;)


Image from Valentina Ramos @ www.valentinaramos.blogspot.com

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARILOUIE 1/27/2011 7:50PM

    I really love this. Right now I'm looking at some scrapbooking stuff I thought I *needed* last summer when I thought I'd become a great scrapbooker...

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMFAN 1/27/2011 12:42AM

    Well said, we are going to start living today!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WCATAP 1/26/2011 3:34PM

    Me too! My writing has fallen by the wayside. I don't feel inspired. Ans I feel like if I don;t publish I am a failure at it. SO i think fear of that has robbed me of the blessing of the craft.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SYN-CA 1/26/2011 12:39AM

    I'm already writing;) What an interesting blog! Shopping, spending, dreams, challenge, I'm in. Have you tried writing about what you are interested in shopping for? Could be interesting....

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVE-FORCE 1/25/2011 11:32PM

    I loved reading your blog it touched a lot of things that I do myself. I'm sorry that your so down right now. Just keep digging at your sef and you will come up with the answers. You already have tackled some of it just keep going. One step at a time!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JESSIELOVE78 1/25/2011 9:21PM

    That is so true. thank you for sharing. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUNADRAGON 1/25/2011 8:42PM

    This is excellent! It is so true - Oh, the notebooks, the pens, the coffeemakers, etc. that we buy and do not use to their fullest. I am concentrating on decluttering, and finding new purposes for the clutter - even if it is just to fill a trash bag, or give away.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TODAYIAM 1/25/2011 8:27PM

    Sorry your feeling down.. You should totally type all your little thoughts and sayings and such!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 1/25/2011 4:43PM

    Save the shopping for rewards. I got stuck in that trap too - buying stuff for the things I wanted to do and then never doing them. But when I started here and started toughing it out for a while without the things that I wanted, when I DID do something really great, I had plenty of things to choose from for rewards.

Every now and then I make up some reason to reward myself just so I can get something, but the aimless shopping has stopped for the most part. I even walked by my favorite store yesterday with time to kill and Size 16s to buy, but I walked right on by. I'm not buying 16s...I'm waiting until I need 14s, cause that's an even bigger reward!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PPLUNICORN 1/25/2011 2:43PM

    I love your blog! I feel this way too. All to ofen. Thank you for this blog it has really moved something in me.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SGTSUNNY 1/25/2011 12:57PM

    I love the quote about goals/dreams not being written down are only wishes! I know it to be true. So follow your dreams, they are worth so much more then you know. The other material things come and go, but a dream/goal realized is priceless and the feeling of accomplishment lasts forever.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    What a wonderful blog. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Hang in there sweetie...it could be the time of the year. I am very proud of you! I think you are absolutely amazing....trust me on this!!!!!! HUGS and all my love. Keep pushing partner!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSGROTHE 1/25/2011 11:09AM

    It sounds like a good idea to honor your dreams little by little each day. You can create habits with baby steps that move you towards your dreams. I've been thinking a lot about my dreams and I made a list of steps to take to get closer, but I have taken few of those steps. Some of the steps are big changes for me, and I think there is some fear on my part to make those changes. Are there fears or other emotions that might be keeping your from honoring your dreams that you might need to work through?

I can tell you've been thinking about this a lot. You'll get there. emoticon emoticon

- Karen

Report Inappropriate Comment
UNICORN212 1/25/2011 10:47AM

    "I not only have that, but dreams written on notebook pages, books, napkins, old menus and Post-It notes. They aren't typed up. Who knows they exist?"

Maybe you need to gather these all together and compile them in a book. I used to have (it is probably still here somewhere) a thin little book I received from a friend in highschool. I think it was called "Notes to Myself" or something like that. It was a bunch of dreams, thoughts, wishes, affirmations and hopes. With your talent, maybe that is a direction you need to explore?

Report Inappropriate Comment
FREES1 1/25/2011 10:37AM

    for running outdoors google yaktraks - yes its a purchase although one that will support your running
sad that for the sake of a moldy filter you had to sacrifice the machine... if its a percolator is it not boilable? therefore able to be sanitized?

we do get caught up in possessions, think we can buy our happiness.. its good to shed them as there is freedom in giving them up -

be free to be!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Mission Statement for 2011

Thursday, January 13, 2011

To become the person that God has always intended me to be. To reach my goal weight, a total weight loss of 120 pounds. To carry that weight has been a heavy burden. I will live lighter, as if I am already that weight. And while I’m doing it I will honor God and teach my daughters the meaning of grace, forgiveness, healing and self worth. I will not let my dreams die in little drawers in my desk. Two novels await my inspection. I will let them fly, instead.

I created an arcostic poem to define this year:

R eady, set, go!
E at within my calorie range.
A ttitude – gotta have the right one to win.
C hange is key.
H eal my heart, my past.

G o for the distance, the gold.
O vercome all obstacles that get in my way.
A chieve my dreams.
L et go

W hy wait? Do it NOW.
E xtra workouts feel good.
I am worth it.
G od first. The rest will follow.
H unger is never emotional.
T ransform.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITFUNKYMAMA1 1/17/2011 1:23PM

    awesome!!! you will do this!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARILOUIE 1/16/2011 6:24PM

    I love this! Looks like you are ready ready ready.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMFAN 1/16/2011 3:02AM

    Can I use this too? I love it? You are so talented! We will "reach goal weight"!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OFFDREA 1/15/2011 12:20PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVE-FORCE 1/14/2011 3:19PM

    Love your blog as much as I love you! You got this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FREES1 1/14/2011 12:03PM

    you can do it - you will fly!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BIGLITTLEWOMAN 1/14/2011 10:13AM

    Your novels Will fly, your childrens book will fly, you ARE flying. How inspirational. Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAVEYSHADOW 1/14/2011 8:58AM

    emoticon reach for those goals emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
REENSKI 1/14/2011 6:48AM

    Fabulous. & I love the poem.
You are going to do it. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEDDYBEARGIRL 1/14/2011 12:52AM

    Great blog!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUNADRAGON 1/14/2011 12:44AM

    You have fabulous goals, and a great mind set.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 1/13/2011 9:11PM

    You are just so incredibly emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOGOMAMA 1/13/2011 7:52PM

    Great mission statement!!! Beautiful poem! You are gonna have a great year!!! Blessings!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WCATAP 1/13/2011 7:39PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
LOOZINITNOW 1/13/2011 7:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRAVELGRRL 1/13/2011 7:29PM

    Transform. I love this!

Great job. I love that you will be teaching your daughters to feel worthy and to have a healthy body image.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSGROTHE 1/13/2011 7:16PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
PPLUNICORN 1/13/2011 7:02PM

    emoticonlove it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
REDSOXMEJOE 1/13/2011 6:47PM

    I LOVE it!!!! God created you to succeed and you are!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
YATMAMA 1/13/2011 6:39PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
QUEENJEANINE11 1/13/2011 6:33PM

    That's great! I loved all the words you chose in the reach goal weight. With this attitude you can achieve anything you set your heart on!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 1/13/2011 6:05PM

    That's awesome. I definitely second those opinions!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LADYAUTUMN 1/13/2011 6:02PM

    Good for you - great post!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLFRISBEY 1/13/2011 6:02PM

    Wonderful mission statement! Your daughters have a wonderful role model :) I can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARLIGHT615 1/13/2011 6:01PM

    Great job!! I love the poem!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOING2LOSENOW 1/13/2011 5:58PM


Report Inappropriate Comment

December Progress (?) Report and a Look Back

Monday, January 03, 2011

As you all know, I gained this month. Big. But I took a look back at my notes and found some good stuff in December. I had some moments. And taking a look back at where I've come from and knowing that if I lost 40 lbs. in 2010, almost 80 lbs. total, I know I will reach my goal weight in 2011, which is only 40 lbs. away.

I am a new person. A different person. I have hope, I know I will reach my goal.

Start weight: 218
End weight: 225
Weight lost: 0 lbs.
Weight gained: 7 lbs.
Total weight lost: 73 lbs.

Fitness accomplishments: None. Barely worked out this month.

Non-scale victories:

I now fit into a size 16 jean!!!!

I now fit into a size 12 shirt!

I really wanted a gooey, cheesy Panini for lunch one day but got a healthy salad instead. Rise UP veggies!

I got more compliments on how I look.

I got a sexy new short hair cut and embraced the inner short-hair girl within. I love short hair! Don’t know why I was trying to grow it out. My hair doesn’t like being long.

I had an excellent weekend nutrition-wise and logged it all AND stayed at the LOW end of my range, and I didn’t feel deprived or miss a thing!

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get some coffee and the munchkins were calling my name (small silly little things, aren’t they?) and I ignored them. Pffft.

I actually bounced in one of those blow up moon walk things that had a slide in it – usually my husband is the one to take the kids in those things, but at this birthday party we went to we all went in together and slid down as a family! I would have never done that in my life before. It was a good workout, too!

I went to the Cheesecake Factory and ordered salad AND didn’t have cheesecake!

A woman who works in my office building called me “Twiggy” and said that I’ve lost a whole person. She also said that I inspired her to check out Spark and to lose some weight she wanted to lose as well. She said that usually when you see someone every day you don’t see changes, but that with me she always sees a change, every week almost.

I turned down biscuits and gravy for cereal and blueberries.

Things I’ve learned:

To not take everything so seriously…or personally.

Be who you ARE, not who you think you should be.

A LOOK BACK - 2010 vs. 2011


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 1/4/2011 11:47PM

    You are SO cute!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    emoticon Every accomplishment is one step closer to goal!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WCATAP 1/4/2011 7:27AM

    You are doing great! A slip is just that, get back up and continue on. WooHoo to you!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEMPEST272002 1/3/2011 10:44PM

    I love your sassy attitude & you rock the short hair! I empathize about regaining a bit of weight over the holidays, but overall, when you start listing your victories & then the amazing 2010 vs 2011 pics... well, you're just downright inspiring. We all stumble, it's getting back up that's important.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMFAN 1/3/2011 10:34PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVE-FORCE 1/3/2011 9:56PM

    I believe you had a great December! Love your progress pictures! GO YOU!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 1/3/2011 6:12PM

    I can't believe the two women in the 2010/2011 pictures are the same! And good for you for not beating yourself up over your weight gain in December. These things happen. The key is that you did some things well and you're back on track. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Report Inappropriate Comment

    Yes, yes; you have to give yourself credit. Looking back is good that is how we find our strengths and weakness, looking for ways to improve. Your pic looks terrific.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CLALIZ 1/3/2011 4:17PM

    Wow that is a great list of things learned!!!
emoticon and look at that comparison picture! emoticon You look great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARPESCADO 1/3/2011 4:03PM

    You look awesome!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Look at you go! You've accomplished so much this year. I'm in the same boat, I gained about 7-8 lbs in December too. I've just accepted it and will get it back off.
I look forward to seeing what 2011 brings for you. I wish you much success.
You rock!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 1/3/2011 2:13PM

    You are so cute :) Love the pics. You know how I feel about you and this year - let's do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 1/3/2011 2:12PM

    Just love, love the last pic ! You are a totally Rockstar, rock'on Sista we can do this for 2011. My motto: Always look forward and not back, keep up with positive attitude and love the haircut !

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLFRISBEY 1/3/2011 2:09PM

    Woohoo!!! You have come so far! I am very proud!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRAVELGRRL 1/3/2011 2:04PM

    You are rocking it! THIS IS OUR YEAR, LOTUS!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOOZINITNOW 1/3/2011 1:59PM

    Look at you, rock star!!!! Show this year how it's done! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOGOMAMA 1/3/2011 1:48PM

    I like your focus on your amazing accomplishments!!! Way to go!! You are gonna rock this year!!! Thanks for being such an encouragement!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I gained too...but we are making huge changes parner...and you look taller and soooo much healthier and thinner now!! WOOO WOOOO! so proud of you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PAULACOLLINS 1/3/2011 12:50PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
FREES1 1/3/2011 12:17PM

    you rock!!! glad to see you are looking at the good stuff!!! you've come a long way and glad to see you've done one of my resolutions - PLAY!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

How to Begin Again

Saturday, January 01, 2011

So here it is, 2011! Woo hoo!!! Or...not. I thought I would be in ONEderland or pretty darn close to it at this time of year, I thought I would ring in the new year a slimmer me, and a me that would soon reach her goal weight.

Well I AM slimmer. I WILL reach my goal weight this year. BUT. I have gained the dreaded 10 lbs. (ok, only 9, but it sure feels like 10) that the holidays can put on. And the thing that really irks me is this is all within the past week or so of being on vacation from work and of Christmas and New Years. I maintained through Thanksgiving.

I am not going to lie. I am depressed!

But I am thankful that this happened, in a way, as much as I hate it. It has shown me just how easy it is to get back to that place I used to be, to become that person I used to be, the girl who binged and purged and then binged again. The girl who was never full enough, and then was all too full. The girl that didn't like herself.

When I saw the scale hit 225.5, up from 216, I hated myself for a brief minute there. Hated my body. Hated that I have to do everything 100% right or I gain. Hated that I have to give 200% just to lose. I felt, for just a moment, that it was hopeless.

But I know that is not the case, I know I can come back from this. I know that all of those thoughts in my head were just lies and I am not going to let that negative force win this race!

So here is my list of things to do to get back on track, and to make me happy. Call them what you will, some say resolutions, some say to do lists, some call it simply a plan. I am calling it "How to Begin Again".

1. Drink a tall bottle of water.
2. Repeat.
3. Forgive yourself.
4. Remember that you are human.
5. See and recognize how far you have come.
6. Update Spark tracker to reflect current weight and don't look back.
7. Sign up for the 8K I will RUN this spring.
8. Go to the bookstore and purchase the new paperback edition of The Spark. Read the special guide.
9. Give away my hard cover copy to my brother-in-law who has climbed back up to his high weight.
10. MOVE. I will work out in some way, shape or form every day.
11. WRITE. I will write with a pen, pencil, crayon or keyboard every day.
12. Smile. At myself in the mirror, at strangers on the street, at my family.
13. Get stronger. Add more strength training into my routine.
14. RUN. Get back to the track, girl. That's where you shine and what makes your heart flutter.
15. Set goals that are high.
16. Start the way you will end.
17. Believe in yourself.
18. Don't be tempted to try quick fix solutions. You got here and you know how to get back.
19. Join Spark People's Boot Camp Challenge.
20. Just DO IT.

"You will fly and you will crawl. God knows, even angels fall" - Jessica Riddle

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRICKET217 1/3/2011 12:13AM

    Thanks for the honest blog. I too gained and had the same feelings running through my mind. You have encouraged me :)
Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I love htis partner!! Just DO IT!!! And I'm adoring your new pic is AWEsoME!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OFFDREA 1/2/2011 4:55PM

    Great blog!!! I am going to change my tracker right now to reflect the 8lbs I gained over the holidays. If we can't be true to ourselves.......

Report Inappropriate Comment
EOSTAR_45 1/2/2011 4:48PM

    Here's to new beginnings!

Happy New Year. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FREES1 1/2/2011 4:29PM

    you are a wise woman - gaining back 9 might be a bit of a set back but it isn't a sign to give it all up or to beat yourself up! we all slip and fall and, just as with riding a horse, you gotta like back up into the saddle and ride again!
more power to you!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOGMOMMA2THREE 1/2/2011 3:36PM

    Excellent blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEMPEST272002 1/2/2011 3:13PM

    Wow, I could have written this... though not so well! I love your list for getting back on track. It's hard to face the consequences of over eating (and I don't just mean the numbers on the scale, but also the conversations in our heads) but here we are. Still here. Still moving towards our goals. We can do it together. Keep writing, keep running, keep forgiving ourselves... and we'll get there.

Here's to a healthy 2011!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBER281 1/2/2011 2:45PM

    That sounds like a great plan. You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
REENSKI 1/2/2011 2:29PM

    You can do it! Go Sunny Gal!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 1/2/2011 10:36AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SILVERJUDI 1/2/2011 6:55AM

    The difference between a dream and reality, is that you've set
reasonable goals. Baby steps to fitness, repeated every day.

Your blog shows goals similar to mine. I did recently reach ONE-derland, and hope that I never again crossover the line. I'll feel more confident the further I get away from 200 lbs. I do not share your plan to run the 8K, but general fitness is reachable for all of us.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMFAN 1/2/2011 4:08AM

    I did the same thing!

Cheering you on! We will accomplish our goals in 2011!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOLFKITTY 1/2/2011 2:36AM

    I understand.
You are awesome.. I can almost visualize you grabbing your bootstraps and picking yourself up! I love it!

You're doing great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
YATMAMA 1/1/2011 11:04PM

    My money's on YOU, kiddo. I have NO doubt at all that you are back on track and will send those added pounds flying, making headway in reaching your ultimate goal in due course.


Report Inappropriate Comment
PAULACOLLINS 1/1/2011 10:44PM

    I do know how you feel. We may trip and fall but we must never give up! Healthy living is the goal for 2011 and we can do it with God's help. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEDDYBEARGIRL 1/1/2011 10:40PM

    This will be our year!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNEKATHLEEN 1/1/2011 7:41PM

    Perfect get-back-to-it plan! I love the way you've written this out and how positive it is. You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SGTSUNNY 1/1/2011 7:24PM

    I am with you sweetie, as a matter of fact you inspired me to join the boot camp too. We will get to Onderland and it will be this New year, hopefully this season! Push forward. Hugs

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUNADRAGON 1/1/2011 5:26PM

    Terrific! We CAN do this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLGIRL1234 1/1/2011 5:22PM

    What a fantastic way to start the New Year. Keep it up girl. You have this in you!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENJESS48 1/1/2011 5:17PM

    Way to pick yourself up, dust off, and keep going. We all encounter setbacks in this journey; the key is what we do with them. And you're doing it awesome!

I need to kick back into gear now, too. I didn't gain - sheer dumb luck, I think - but I'm so DONE with this plateau. I signed up for the bootcamp challenged featured on the Start page today. Wanna be boot camp buddies and kick our booties back into gear together?


Report Inappropriate Comment
LOOZINITNOW 1/1/2011 5:17PM

    No looking back. We are moving forward and going to achieve our goals and dreams this year.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRAVELGRRL 1/1/2011 4:18PM

    You are sooo not alone and I appreciate your honesty. I've been too ashamed to actually put a "number" on my holiday/cruise weight gain, MUCH LESS readjust my tracker. Way to go on your bravery and your determination to move forward. You will rock 2011!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Your not alone and you will reach your goal weight this year. Do not be depressed and beat yourself up. Lift yourself up and put on that beautiful Sunny gal smile and move forward.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I know that you will meet your goals this year, you are so determined and very good at setting boundaries for yourself.

I'm wondering; after we reach goal weight, if we gain a holiday 10 will it be a big deal to us? Or, will we just know that we are going to gain 5-10 over the holiday therefore we will lose the 5 or 10 immediately after.

It only seems painful to us because we are struggling to get to a "place" and gaining that 5 to 10 unravels a lot of our work. What do you think??

Happy New Year.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 1/1/2011 3:01PM

    So much love for you this year my friend. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, and I believe with all my heart that YOU WILL.

Report Inappropriate Comment
14JESUSGIRL 1/1/2011 1:45PM

    I love your attitude!
You go, Girl!
I'm right there with you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 1/1/2011 1:43PM

    You are not alone, back to tracking/planning/workouts and nutrition. Great list, you can do it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WRENRAMON 1/1/2011 1:15PM

    I'm right up there with the 10 pounds gained over the month of December. How did that happen?? I love your list. Way to keep it real and look forward to 2011!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
UNICORN212 1/1/2011 12:48PM

    I think I caught the same bug you did! I gained, but not 10 - I am just glad I did my weigh in yesterday, because today it is worse! Lets get back on track!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOPE4THEBEST 1/1/2011 12:45PM

    You're not alone! Am right there with you. Thanksgiving was OK, but Christmas came along and took me with it (lol). Thank you for the list. Helps to focus on a plan of action rather than thinking of regrets. 2011 is gonna be an awesome year!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRINIGAL22 1/1/2011 12:44PM

    You can do it if you put your mind to it. Use the SparkPeople exercise remember that every little bit helps. Good luck. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROEANDGO 1/1/2011 12:42PM

    I LOVE your list!! Especially #11....I'm a writer too! Don't be depressed Kathy. Just remember the journey that you have been on and the healthy lifestyle you now lead. You were right...you ARE human, will sometimes get off track...but you will get there!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVE-FORCE 1/1/2011 12:41PM

    Love your list! I'm with you 100%

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 Last Page