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Thing #2: I Have Faith

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

The second thing I love about myself is that I have faith.

I cherish this trait about myself even more so because I didn't always have faith, I wasn't always this way, so I know the difference between having faith and not having faith. Like Oscar Wilde said, ďSkepticism is the beginning of Faith.Ē I believe that because it was my unbelief that drew me to read the word of God and to become a believer.

But faith isn't set aside just for those who believe in God. The definition of FAITH in the Merriam Webster dictionary only lists faith as the "belief and trust in and loyalty to God" in the religious sense as one of the definitions of faith. There are others:

1. Allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty
2. Fidelity to one's promises
3. Sincerity of intentions
4. Complete trust

Faith is also being loyal, keeping promises and being sincere in our intentions. I believe I possess all of these traits as well, but again, I didn't used to.

For me faith in God goes hand in hand with being loyal, sincere, etc. But that's what works for me. For other people you may have faith in something working out, like a marriage or a weight loss plan. Perhaps you have faith in obtaining a job, or in your family getting along.

Faith is one of those words that is used often but hard to pin down exactly WHAT it is. HOW do you get it? It's a a wonderful present to unwrap, a mystery to unravel.

I think it's also something that can mean something else to various people depending on who you ask. That is the wonderful thing about it. Faith is something that is attainable for everyone, it is just patiently waiting for you to come and pluck it and call it your own.

With faith, the IMPOSSIBLE is POSSIBLE. All things are possible, and life is worth waking up to each morning through the gift of faith. I feel that faith is complete trust, without question, that a thing is going to work out right. And faith is also what helps us pick up the pieces if our dreams don't turn out exactly as planned.

Faith is what drives me, and what helps me to not give up. I can achieve my dreams, I have faith that I can and I will take that unknown step into the darkness and know that it will all turn out right.

And perhaps I will even be taught to FLY.

ďYou block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.Ē

~ Mary Manin Morrissey

ďWhen you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to flyĒ

~ Patrick Overton

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/8/2010 11:43PM


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MOMFAN 12/8/2010 10:37PM


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HAPPYWRITER7 12/8/2010 9:01PM

    Awesome, awesome Blog!

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KSGROTHE 12/8/2010 2:28PM

    emoticon blog! I love how you described faith beyond just the religious sense! It often seems like today there is so much cynicism that faith is more rare.

Keep up the good work! You're inspiring all of us!

- Karen

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SLFRISBEY 12/8/2010 2:25PM

    Faith is a tough thing to maintain. I think as a kid it was easier because I wasn't so jaded and "logical". I have noticed as I get older it is becomming more and more diffaculy to maintain complete faith but after reading this, maybe it isn't so hard. Thanks so much for sharing! :)

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SEWINGMAMACDS 12/8/2010 2:14PM

    Loved your blog! Thanks for sharing.

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    Beautiful blog Lotusflower. Faith is so comforting. Knowing that you are in a time and place for a reason, that there is nothing that you cannot handle or work through, that you are not alone, and my favorite Joshua 1:9. Just knowing I am not alone is incredibly strengthening. Have a glorious day LF.

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KROLES55 12/8/2010 1:01PM

    Having Faith is a blessed assurance. "Now without faith it is impossible to please God, for the one who draws near to Him must believe that He exists and rewards those who seek him."

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GOGOMAMA 12/8/2010 12:53PM

    Love your writing! Very inspiring and thought provoking! Thank you for sharing! Any kind of faith must be worked at and can be improved and made stronger. SP has helped me gain faith in myself to accomplish dreams, and faith in others to strive for what they really want! Blessings to you and your family this holiday season! emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 12/8/2010 12:17PM

    Wonderfully expressed! Hebrews defines faith as 'the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.' One of my favorite quotes about faith is this: 'Faith is the bird who FEELS the light and sings while the dawn is still dark.' It's a marvelous gift to have faith!

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ANN777 12/8/2010 12:07PM

    Beautiful blog post.

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FREES1 12/8/2010 11:55AM

    I love the Overton quote
To me faith is the belief that everything happens for a reason and that I will be okay.. things may be dark at a particular time but someday the light will come...
great post -

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TRIGFROST 12/8/2010 11:51AM

    As christian you are Right...We are to have faith in God, Ourselfs and Others.... emoticon

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TABIKATZZ 12/8/2010 11:47AM

    Oh I love this!!! I have also always been proud of my faith. I saw my granmother's and mother's faith and it inspired me. I ALWAYS know things will work out. I know that no matter how bad it is, it will be okay in the end. One of my favorite quotes is "Everything is okay in the end. If it isn't okay then it isn't the end." ~unknown. Faith has gotten me through some pretty awful personal times. And it gets me through every day in this weight loss journey. I have faith in myself! and I have faith in you my friend!

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    A lot of people don't have faith in much of anything. THis is a great thing to be proud of!

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Thing #1: I'm a Giver

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

As part of our WIN challenge this week we have to identify four things about ourselves that we love. I am a big believer in positive affirmations, so I am struggling with the fact that I find this challenge difficult. I think it's because for me I don't like to come across as boasting, or bragging about my traits. It's one thing to repeat an affirmation to one's self, but it's another to blog about it and say "look at how great I am!"

But...why? Why am I feeling this way? There's nothing wrong with being fulfilled with certain things about yourself. There are certainly enough things that we aren't happy about in our lives. Why not reveal those things that we are happy with?

Another part of this challenge is to let those in our lives who mean something to us just how much they mean. Now this is easier for me. This, I like doing and it's a good reminder to tell those we love more often and to let them know that they are making a difference in our lives. Now why can't I do that for myself, too? I think it has to do with loving ourselves and also with confidence, both things are areas in my life I need to improve on. So here goes. Enough introspection about this.

My first trait that I love about myself is that I am a GIVER. I always have been, and I believe this is my natural tendency. I won't go into too many details here, because I don't believe in "giving and telling", but when I got my first job the first thing I wanted to do was to give some of that away. As a high school student I began to sponsor an impoverished child that lived in the Philippines. While others were buying things only for themselves, I wanted to see what I could do for others. There is something so gratifying in that, in helping someone if you have the means. Now I'm not trying to say I didn't buy myself things that I didn't need, like lipstick, trendy clothes and books. I did. But there's always room to give.

Now we are a single-income family and we don't have much. But what we do have, I share. I give as much as I can and thank God that I am blessed enough to be able to give something away.

My mom still asks all of her four daughters for Christmas wish lists. And she tries to buy everything on it. She's a giver, too. But when I try to tell her this makes me uncomfortable she understands, but tells me that for her to give to me fills her heart with love. I've tried putting others on my list instead of myself. One year I wanted her to buy a goat for a town. Another year I wanted donations sent directly to the poor. But those things wouldn't fulfill her. I needed to understand that. By not giving her a list at all (which I've done in past years unsuccessfully), I am depriving her of her joy. There are all different types of givers. I bet you are a giver, too.

I'm teaching my daughters how to give now, too. And that sometimes to give means to give something away that you may want. Something that you may cherish and love. I overheard my 4 yr. old daughter with my mom the other day, she walked up to her and handed her a cherished candy cane pen that my husband had given her. She loved that pen! But I overheard her tell my mom "I want to give this to you. I love it, but I want you to have it. Mama taught me that."

I was overwhelmed with pride and also joy that my daughter would give so selflessly. Now my mom didn't take the pen, she tried to explain that it's good to keep things for yourself, too. Which it is. But it is the thought that counts, as they say, and my daughter had a giving heart that day, she was in the Christmas spirit.

I struggle with sometimes buying things for myself that I don't need. When I find myself going there, I ask myself, could someone else use this? If it's something I've already purchased I will try to give it away, unopened, and make someone's day.

I need that reminder that life is not just about ME. There are so many other people in the world, people that could use a hand. Why shouldn't it be mine?

There is one who scatters, and yet increases all the more, and there is one who withholds what is justly due, and yet it results only in want. The generous man will be prosperous, and he who waters will himself be watered.

Proverbs 11:24-25

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETFIT2LIVE 12/8/2010 12:13PM

    I struggled with this challenge, too, for much the same reasons. Learning how to let other people to give to you blesses them, and teaches our children how to give AND receive. Well done teaching your daughter by your life how to do both!

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JUSDUCKY 12/8/2010 8:19AM

    I read a story recently about how when it comes to gifts that givers get a lot more satisfaction out of the act of giving than receivers do of receiving. Makes sense. If you give it makes your heart grow. Especially when you see the reaction of the receiver!
Also, I read givers sometimes give what THEY think the receiver wants rather than what the receiver really wants. Makes sense, even though it's kind of ironic.

How cute your daughter gave away her candy cane pen. That's really sweet!

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MAMAKITTY10 12/8/2010 12:48AM

  emoticon Your teaching your daughter some pretty hard things in this me me me world.

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/7/2010 8:29PM


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MOMFAN 12/7/2010 6:09PM


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YATMAMA 12/7/2010 5:42PM

    Such a wonderful and insightful blog. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!

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AMBER281 12/7/2010 4:08PM

    What a wonderful trait and so neat to hear how your daughter has embraced being a giver as well!

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TABIKATZZ 12/7/2010 3:27PM

    ok I seriously have the best accountability partner EVER! he he he how lucky am I?? You are a wonderful giving person and I am blessed to know you

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KSGROTHE 12/7/2010 3:10PM

    Great blog! It sounds like you've taught your daughter well!

Keep up the great work!

- Karen

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UNICORN212 12/7/2010 2:03PM

    You are a blessing to those around you.

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FREES1 12/7/2010 12:56PM

    what a gift you are - as well as a giver! Its hard sometimes to balance what we need vs what we want vs what we want others to have. your daughter's generosity is something your should love about yourself - you taught her well, as your mother did you!
enjoy the holiday season - be good to yourself as you are to others!

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TEMPEST272002 12/7/2010 12:52PM

    First off, I have to say that I love your new profile pic (1st time I've seen it). You look sassy and friendly and beautiful!

I think it's important to recognize our strengths as well as our weaknesses, but it's not easy to share those publicly. Far easier to say "this is where I'm weak" than "this is where I'm strong". Good for you for pushing through those feelings of uncomfortableness.

I love your generous spirit and it's so beautiful that your children are learning to be generous from your example. You are such a warm, loving person and it shines out of you!

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JESSIELOVE78 12/7/2010 12:47PM

    Awesome blog. Thank you for your awesomeness and sharing with us. emoticon

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    I just love you Kathy! You are an AMAZING woman!!!!!!!!!!!

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November Progress Report

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Start weight: 218
End weight: 218
Weight lost: 0 lbs.
Weight lost since the beginning of the year: 39.5 lbs.
Total weight lost: 80 lbs.

It was my goal to lose 5 lbs. this month to bring me to my wedding weight of 213, which was almost 12 yrs. ago.

I didnít lose any weight.

I know this was a month with a lot of celebrations, for me not only Thanksgiving but a date night away and also a weekend away with family. I honestly can say that I did the best I could in these situations and Iím not going to beat myself up about not losing any weight this month. I was going to, believe me. But itís just not productive.

I've lost 80 lbs. and I think my body, and mind, need to reconcile that fact. I'm going to keep doing what feels good to me, what is working for me, and eventually the scale will reconcile that.

Iím also doing away with my ďGrade for the monthĒ as going by weight loss I would have to give myself an ďFĒ this month. But itís about more than that, isnít it? I mean, I did some pretty awesome things this month, including running two 5ks. Compare that to where I was at this time last year and itís just such an accomplishment and ďgradingĒ myself on just one area isnít really fair. Overall I am doing great, and I am on the path to a new me and we are all winners in this journey. After all, it isnít a race and as they say, itís about the journey, not the destination.

emoticon emoticon FITNESS ACCOMPLISHMENTS emoticon emoticon

emoticonI ran the Hot Chocolate 5k and met some great spark friends, KITHKINCAID, JENNJESS48 and FARLEYGIRL even though my back was hurting me and I was nursing a cold.

emoticonI ran ANOTHER 5k this month Ė this time by myself! It was awesome. Cold, but awesome. 2 5ks in one month? Woot, woot!

emoticon emoticon NON-SCALE VICTORIES: emoticon emoticon

emoticonI was told that I inspired two people to RUN!!! KITHKINCAID ran her first 5k at the Hot Chocolate 5k, and my best friend ran her first 5k with me at the Elvis run back in August and she has now run an 8k!!!

emoticonI saw my butt in the mirror and liked it.

emoticonMore ab definition.

emoticonFeeling TALLER.

emoticonFeeling LIGHTER.

emoticonMy husband said each day my butt gets tighter and tighter.

emoticonMy comfy pregnancy camisoles now actually make me LOOK pregnant (when Iím not) whereas before they fit me just right Ė pregnant or not.

emoticonIím having an affairÖwith my track.

emoticonI decided that Iím worth the cost of my health club membership!

emoticonI planned out a pizza dinner out by preparing for it by making healthy choices during the day, like instead of having a Nutrigrain bar for my afternoon snack at work I went to the baby carrots instead to save 140 calories.

emoticonMy bras are getting too bigÖagainÖ

emoticonI ran in the rain and liked it.

emoticonI was able to buy oh, so CUTE pjs OFF THE RACK at a discount store. Unheard of in my life ďbeforeĒ.

emoticonI turned down Bakers Square French Silk pie and ate my Luna Bar instead.

emoticonA ring that hasnít fit me in forever finally fitsÖ.

emoticon...And then that same ring was too big in the same dayÖ.had to take it off to type!

emoticonI kept a food blog while in Michigan and also worked out every day there.

emoticonI prepared a healthy pie for Thanksgiving and gave my husband a Spark recipe to replace his usual butter-laden sweet potatoes.

emoticon THINGS I'VE LEARNED: emoticon

emoticonIf I workout first thing in the morning, even for just 20 minutes it makes my day better and I have more energy. Combine that with a workout at night and itís like a fitness sandwich!

emoticonLow sodium soy sauce tastes the same as the high sodium stuff.

emoticonHomemade pad thai is much more filling, and less greasy, than the takeout version. And cheaper, too!

emoticonFriends are essential. Accountability buddies are priceless.

emoticonGoals are a chart to where you want to be and aiming high gets you there quicker. If not on time, eventually, rather than never.

emoticonItís easy to fit in strength training with a band in the ladiesí room at work.

emoticonNo one knows if I sleep in my work out clothes.

emoticonItís not about the food.

emoticonI was overeating although I may have been in my calorie range.

emoticonFocusing on a certain weight to lose each month isnít working for me.

emoticonBeating myself up isnít working for me either.

emoticonTime to love myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARILOUIE 12/5/2010 4:34PM

    Oh I just loved reading your blog this afternoon! So many awesome things in November for you.


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BIGLITTLEWOMAN 12/4/2010 11:18PM

    You have such a busy life; a Great Life. Maintaining gets applause. Good grief, not to gain during a food holiday is huge. The family must have been kind to you. Non scale victories are so important!! I especially love your "feeling taller."

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AMBER281 12/3/2010 3:55PM

    Congrats on all of your non-scale victories! Keep up the great work and eventually the scale will move for you!

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KLASSIE 12/3/2010 12:37PM

    You were successful. It doesn't have to be about the numbers. Life is a journey and along the way the scenery might change or it might stay the same, but you're still moving. Congratulations on all you have accomplished.

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IILAAD65 12/3/2010 10:21AM

    GREAT success!!!!!

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ROBYNROSE26 12/2/2010 3:42PM

    Oh my gosh, I just love this blog! This is what it is all about, and the number on the scale isn't the be all end all in our lives is it? You are so aware of your success and what defines that! I am hoping to run a 5k in the spring! Very Inspiring!

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YATMAMA 12/1/2010 6:32PM

    LOL I love you. I just LOVE you. I had a good chuckle thinking: I loved your butt when I saw you, too! LOL

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JUSDUCKY 12/1/2010 5:13PM

    You ran two 5k's in a month! Way to GO! Definitely not an "F".

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WYND10 12/1/2010 4:48PM

    Sounds like you had a great month, don't worry about the scale. Take it all in, you're doing amazingly.

Homemade Pad Thai? Can haz recipe?

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KITHKINCAID 12/1/2010 4:43PM

    You are SO positive and doing marvelously (despite the no-loss month). Your NSVs are what you should be measuring now, not an amount to lose every month. You are still inspiring because you're still going - scale be darned!

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TEMPEST272002 12/1/2010 4:38PM

    I love your non-scale victories list. You are so right that the scale is not the be all, end all when it comes to measuring progress. You are amazing & inspiring!

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KSGROTHE 12/1/2010 2:50PM

    I think you did a great job in November whether the number on the scale changed or not!! emoticon

I love the idea of a Fitness Sandwich!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Keep up the good work! emoticon

- Karen

Comment edited on: 12/1/2010 2:56:52 PM

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MOMFAN 12/1/2010 2:20PM

    Looks like nonscale victories all around to me. It is going to click! Your determination is inspiring! You will do this!

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LYNNA7499 12/1/2010 1:50PM

  I love your progress reports because you focus on so many positive things. Just because you didn't lose doesn't mean you did not have a victory this month. It is very hard to manintain weight over the holidays.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOGOMAMA 12/1/2010 12:52PM

    Wonderful overview of what a successful and fabulous woman you are!!! Best wishes for December successes!

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JENJESS48 12/1/2010 11:43AM

    You're right: weight isn't everything. I gave it my all this month, considering everything going on, and didn't lose any weight either. But, like you, I learned a lot and tried a lot of new things. So yeah, no guilt. For either of us. The trick is to get healthier and stronger. The pounds will come off when they're ready.

Also, I'm super proud of you for passing up the Baker's Square French silk pie. I don't think I could have done it! [droooool]


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    You had a great month with a lot of accomplishments! Keep it up because you are AWESOME!

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FREES1 12/1/2010 11:22AM

    great post - so much more to all of this than the scale! you're doing great!

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CAROLYN1213 12/1/2010 11:20AM

    FABULOUSNESS!!! I see nothing but success written all over this blog!!! Way to go girl! And BTW, LOVE your page! So pretty . . . just like you! Bright, bold, beautiful!

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WOLFKITTY 12/1/2010 11:19AM

    WOW!! How very, very cool!!

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*MADHU* 12/1/2010 11:11AM

emoticonon your progress!

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Running in Place.

Monday, November 29, 2010

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~ Anais Nin

As you can imagine, running in place doesnít get you very far. Itís like being on a treadmill looking out of a tall glass window and the view is nice, but you never really get there. Youíre always inside, looking out.

Thatís how Iíve felt since losing 80 lbs. Iíve come to a crossroads and Iím just running in place. Itís like there is an invisible fence that I canít cross and that fence is built out of fear. Itís not a palpable fear. Itís more like this fear that is buried deep within and it is almost a nameless fear. What could I possibly be afraid of? This is what I wanted, what Iíve worked for. Iím more than halfway to goal and I can admit it now. Iím scared out of my mind. And I donít know why.

Iíve never lost this much weight. Ever. Maybe itís a fear of the unknown. Maybe itís a fear that I wonít recognize myself in the mirror without all of these layers. Or, maybe, and I think this is closer to the truth, maybe Iím afraid of shedding these layers because theyíve protected me for so long.

Theyíve protected me from getting close to anyone, including my husband of almost 12 years. Theyíve protected me from being social and putting myself in situations where I could get rejected. Theyíve protected me from being hurt. I have a past, and Iíve been hurt. And I donít want to go there again. So now that Iím more than halfway along this journey I have to face this fear. And this fear is important, because it is what has caused me to get here, to this place of being 120 lbs. overweight, obese, in fact. I ate myself to death to comfort myself. Now I feel naked and exposed. Iíve been through some dark things that I wonít write about here. But dark enough that I wanted to turn off the light, pull the covers over my head and sleep my life away. To forget about life. No ďdo oversĒ for me, just a curtain call.

Until I woke up. And similar to someone suffocating under blankets, now I am fighting for air.

And I AM a fighter.

I need to come to terms with who I am on the inside, and that yes, I may get hurt. But isnít that worth it?

Part of it is that maybe I donít think I can. Maybe this is it for me, the most weight Iíll lose. Iím healthier, yes, but Iím still overweight. For me it isnít how I look but how I feel and I donít feel like Iím out of the woods yet. I still want to continue on this journey. Want to become the person I was meant to be.

Lately I'll find that I'll have a great day with food and exercise, and then I calculate in my head how many calories more I can have and still stay within my range. And then I almost always go over that. And to be honest, Iím not really hungry. I feel like Iím just sabotaging myself and it needs to stop.

A person very close to me, so close that I wonít reveal who it was, and this person didnít mean to be hurtful when they said this, well this person compared me to a person on TV, a person who was fat. They thought they were complimenting me, and saying I had a nice butt and hips, like this person. But this person was obese and I am no longer as big as this person was. So I got upset. I felt like it was a subtle insult. And this person who loves me told me ďCome on, youíre never going to be ďthatĒ woman, that thin sort of person. Youíre always going to be bigger, and thatís fine.Ē


I canít tell you that hearing this didnít bother me or hurt me. It did. I canít tell you that hearing this didnít stall me even further, because now I have that voice in my head and I keep hearing that. I look at myself in the mirror, naked, and pinch my fat. My belly fat is the worst. And I hear that voice saying that I will never be more, I will always have this. This person that is supposed to believe in me. This person that loves me no matter what, loves the fat and the curves. But who is anyone to tell me I canít be more? I know that I wonít ever be a size 6 super model, and I think thatís what this person was trying to tell me. I donít want to be that. But donít continue to put me in a box labeled ďfatĒ, because baby, Iím breaking out of that. Iím done with that. I am up to HERE with THAT.

I watched Bee Movie the other night and loved the quote in the beginning.

ďAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway; because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.Ē

I am going to do what some of my loved ones may think is impossible. Starting NOW.

Iím done with the excuses of Thanksgiving, a date night out and a weekend away. So far in November Iíve broke even with my weight. Iím right back where I started and if things go like this I wonít have lost one lousy pound this month. I ran two 5ks this month, but I have nothing on the scale to show for it.

Iím going to eat mindfully. If Iím not hungry, Iím not going to eat. Iím going to stop playing games with my mind, body and scale of letís see how much I can eat and still lose weight. Iím DONE with a capital ďDĒ.

And if you know anything about me, I hate it when people try to tell me that Iím not something, or I canít do something. I will break this plateau and I will get to the weight Iím meant to be and Iím not going to let anyone tell me different.

My WIN Wish is to reach Onederland by New Yearís Eve. Now that is looking bleak, but Iím still going to go for it, and eventually I will get there.

Itís fun proving people wrong, isnít it?

"if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come."

Become what you already are,
find Him who is already yours,
listen to Him who never ceases speaking to you,
own Him who already owns youí.
~ St Gregory of Sinai (13th Century)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/1/2010 7:06PM

    Love! I have nothing more. (P.S. We share the same New Year's wish!)

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KITHKINCAID 12/1/2010 4:54PM

    emoticon I don't know if you remember a blog that I wrote that said I was having "death dreams" because to me, dying seems more likely than ever losing all of this weight. It happened to me again on the plane to Germany. I honestly thought we were going to crash - not because I'm afraid of flying, but because I thought, quite honestly, that I'd never be a person who could go to Germany and travel Europe. Like somehow I didn't deserve it, so I couldn't even imagine what it would look or feel like. Kind of like I can't imagine what being thin would look or feel like. I've never experienced it.

About half way over the ocean I let go and came to terms with the fact that I WAS indeed going to land in Germany, just fine. And now, I'm having an AMAZING trip.

There is something in us that for whatever reason believes that we're not worth it. We're not worth the trips, we're not worth the money, we're not worth not eating those extra daily calories. Because we've never experienced anything different and the unknown is terrifying and almost unimaginable. But you're half way there. It's time for you to let go of the "death dream" and LIVE :) Cause life on the other side is so darn amazing!

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CALAMITYJANE44 11/30/2010 7:00PM

    God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and a sound mind (self control). You will do this!!! God bless you, onederland will be here before you know it! Keep up the great work!!!


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YATMAMA 11/30/2010 6:06PM

    Fly, sweetheart. No matter what anyone else says... FLY!!

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KROLES55 11/30/2010 2:51PM

    Great Blog!

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POSITIVE-FORCE 11/30/2010 1:47PM

    I loved your blog! Also I love your quote off the Bee Movie! You can do this becuase you are that woman! The strong one that keeps pushing no matter what! GO YOU!!

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PAULACOLLINS 11/30/2010 12:16PM

    God bless ya Sister!!!! ALL things are possible through CHRIST who strengthens US--lets do this thing together. emoticon

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MAXFOCUS 11/30/2010 10:34AM

    Love your blog. Way to take control of your life and show others that you can change. Congrats on your 2 5K's - that is wonderful. I want to be doing that soon. Stick to your guns and you'll hit your goal.

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WCATAP 11/30/2010 9:47AM

    Great blog!

You can't lose anymore weight so don't even try!

There did that help?
Now you know... I'm using what you say works for you.

You have achieved so much and no matter what has happened in the past today is a new day. All your dreams and fears are within your control. You've proved that!! Keep running and writing and being the best you you can be. You are so worth it and in the end, the past is just where it belongs...in the past. Love you, Jewell Sometime we'll share...I have a past that I have conquered. Hugs emoticon

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FREES1 11/30/2010 9:28AM

    Awesome blog! Thanks for putting some of my feelings into words too... Although I haven't yet lost as much as you have I can understand your feelings. In trying to get healthy we are also trying to lose enough to make up another person, or lose half (or more) of who we are. It is a scary proposition, for sure!!! I think our bodies try some self-preservation to hang onto what they've got!

It is a shame that a person who supposedly is supporting you and loves you would say such a thing - although maybe too there is a little fear of the unknown there too.. (will you still be the same person, will you still care if you succeed in losing all you want to lose)

You will prove that person wrong! If you tell yourself, though, that you'll never make it you won't but if you let yourself believe you will then you'll maybe make the size 6 (or smaller although 6 may be too small, depending on a person's frame and other factors) or to where you are satisfied...
Keep the faith - you'll make it - and we're all here with you!

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EMLG11 11/30/2010 8:35AM

    Wow....What a powerful piece. You have it all going for you. You will get there. You just broke through that fence. Now go get em and prove to yourself (not to them) that you can be who you want to be.

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    Wonderful blog! Thank you for sharing. I think that fear is somewhat natural to the process - as I have lost weight, I have had to find new ways to cope with the issues that used to make me want to eat and veg out on the sofa - anxiety, stress. It is such a learning experience. You have accomplished so much!! Good luck to you as you continue on that health path!
emoticon *high five*

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MOMFAN 11/30/2010 1:32AM

    Great blog! You can do this! Onderland is shaking in it's boots!

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EMM1116 11/29/2010 10:36PM

    You almost made me cry... really. So moving. I know exactly how you feel, I feel like I have hidden behind these layers for so long because they were comfortable and warm and protective. Can't get hurt if nobody gets close!

Seriously, you are amazing. Think of all you've accomplished, and what lies before you or behind you is ever as powerful as what lies within you, and I know you will get there.

I am also in the pursuit of ONEderland, and hope I can cheer you on as you achieve it. I know what its like to strive for that moment and that goal, and I KNOW you will get there!

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BTINTERNET 11/29/2010 10:14PM

    You are so amazing. Those inner battles are so hard sometimes, but it sounds like you are breaking out of that chrysalis. So proud of you!

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BIGLITTLEWOMAN 11/29/2010 9:35PM

    You maintained so give yourself credit Lotus. You did not gain so therefore you WON!! That is a big battle girlfriend. I immersed myself in your blog tonight and felt the power of what you had to say. I read a very similar "blog" last week in the December issue of Oprah. As you know she is the Queen of losing/gaining/losing and gaining again. She wins like the biggest loser contest in front of millions and then humbly gains it back in front of those same millions of people. (oh, by the way; they still love her) Anyway, the article is titled, "A Weight Off Your Mind" and is definitely a MUST read for you; especially given your painfully honest fears and challenges you face.

Oprah's article was sparked by Marianne Williamson's new book A Course in Weight Loss; she recommended reading Geneen Roth's Women Food and God first.

Further within this article is an example of a writing exercise; shared are letters written to "Not so Thin You" from "Thin You".

You have a beautiful writing style, you intelligently and strongly delve into your heart and emotional issues and you are so ready to take off the fat girl suit. (that is my daughter's label for her weight, the fat girl suit)

If you could take on this challenge, I wait with anticipation to read your take on it. I think I can move through this process myself in your wake. I just purchased Ms. Roth's book to get started. This year I plan to learn to Let Go and Let God. He delights in us Lotusflower, we delight him. You delight the Lord. That is powerful.

Comment edited on: 11/29/2010 9:41:11 PM

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TEMPEST272002 11/29/2010 9:18PM

    What a great blog! I understand that fear you describe and I agree it's something that has to be faced. I'm sorry that your loved one hurt you with their casual comment - but glad your fiesty spirit is using that as motivation to get going again!

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JENPOSS 11/29/2010 7:34PM

    Amazing Blog.

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SMALLERMELORIE 11/29/2010 7:12PM

    You are always an inspiration, Sunny Gal. I love reading your blogs, they always have such a meaningful message. Thanks again for sharing.

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BAYBELIEVER 11/29/2010 6:59PM

    Awesome blog! I too have lost 80 pounds, about 1/3 of what I need / want to lose. But I find myself stuck kind of too. Not really sabotaging myself, but wondering why I can't just start dropping pounds again. At least that is how I feel. I will find out December 1! But come on. Let's do this! Let's prove all those people wrong who think we are in this only for the short term (that's my dad who keeps telling me he hopes I keep it up!). Yeah. Let's go. Let's rock this!

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GETFIT2LIVE 11/29/2010 6:14PM

    Awesome blog. You totally and completely can DO this. Recognizing and facing the inner demons that are feeling exposed by losing weight is the hardest part of the journey, I am convinced. Do it for you and no one else; believe that you can and you will.

Fight and fly on. You have what it takes.


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CHICAT63 11/29/2010 6:02PM

    KARVY, recommended your blog. Always look forward and not back, you are a fighter and do not let others tell you otherwise. Running, moving, getting outside, working out is all accomplishments. Like most that have left you messages, I have added you as a friend. And Sista be very proud !!!!

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DRB13_1 11/29/2010 5:57PM

    I also popped over on Karvy09's recommendation.
To encourage you:
-Fly little bee! Bees make it possible for us to have flowers and fruit by pollinating the blooms, and of course, they are one of the only sources of real sweetness in life!
-As tempting as it is to look forward to a certain weight, don't forget to celebrate the other successes! To be able to run a 5K is a real accomplishment! I have been very happy to settle for slower weight loss in order to fuel my body and train for being able to be more active... I even completed a half marathon, which is a minor miracle in itself!
-I don't know if you were ever thin, but I especially admire people who are becoming who they are capable of being even if they don't have memories of being thin in the past. That's even more inspiring - to walk into a future you never knew before - and I'm sure it will offer even more wonders than you imagined! Positive ones! And you'll be ready for them. So run right through that window and into your future!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 11/29/2010 5:34PM

    KARVY09 recommended this blog on my friend feed and I am VERY glad she did....THANK YOU for being so very transparent and sharing your journey, it truly encouraged me. If it's okay with you I would like to add you as a friend.

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KSGROTHE 11/29/2010 4:53PM

    You've already come so far. I have no doubt that you can reach your goals!

- Karen

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JESSIELOVE78 11/29/2010 1:47PM

    love it. Thanks for such a wonderful blog!!!

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GOGOMAMA 11/29/2010 1:05PM

    Beautiful! You put into words what I have been feeling lately! Go for the gold girl!!!

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WYND10 11/29/2010 12:27PM

    Nobody should determine your self worth, even if that person loves you. Fantastic blog. You CAN do this. You can.


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WOLFKITTY 11/29/2010 12:21PM

    I know how you feel.

You can get wherever you decide to go.
You can be the supermodel version of YOU.


(Try not to hate any part of yourself along the way. I know that for me, it's easier to take care of myself if I love my body, fat and all.)

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INSPIREBYNATURE 11/29/2010 12:18PM

    Oh wow...that is tough. YOu are a strong and amazingly beautiful woman and i know that you are going to hit onederland! You are AMAZING!

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KARVY09 11/29/2010 11:56AM

    This was a beautiful blog.

You're more than a certain weight, a certain persona, a certain impression. Here's to being comfortable in our own skin, making our own way.

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BRITCHES82 11/29/2010 11:41AM

    It is like I wrote it myself... well except for the 80lbs lost... that would be awesome though! :) You have come so far and I am so proud of you. I know we haven't know each other long but I do feel like I have connected with you. I am also currently dealing with people close to me telling me that I can't or I wont... It drives me batty... but we will prove them wrong and more importantly we will prove ourselves wrong... anything we want... we can do it! If you ever need someone to talk to I am here!


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The Weekend Blog: Get Used to More (pics)

Monday, November 22, 2010

So, my plan was to stay on track this weekend at the cottage and Iím happy to report I did just that!

Hereís what I said I was going to do:

emoticonRun/walk along the Kal-Haven trail Ė DONE!
emoticonUse resistance bands and strength train Ė DONE!
emoticonBackup Leslie Sansone mini miles DVD Ė DIDNíT NEED TO USE, GOT SO MANY WORKOUTS IN!
emoticonEat healthy cereal for breakfast, eat healthy snacks like grapes, carrots, unsalted sunflower seeds and granola. Ė DONE!
emoticonBuy a water bottle and refill it often Ė DONE!
emoticonI'm only going to allow myself ONE glass of wine per day. Ė DONE Ė ALMOST!
emoticonI am not going to eat ANY crackers, chips, or cheese. One just leads to another. Ė 98% DONE!
emoticonI will bring my vitamins and eat them. Ė DONE!
emoticonNO fast food. Period. DONE!

Here's a run down of my weekend.


ďOh Crap.Ē

Thatís how the afternoon started. I left my yummy red grapes in my desk fridge at work. Oh well, I would have to continue without them. Then at the store all of the cute water bottles were gone, all that was left was a plain white or blue one. Ok, I went for blue. Then I went home and made a yummy veggie burger. No batteries in the camera yet or I would have taken a picture; I also packed my bag.


Veggie burger
Morning Star Bacon
Mission tortilla
Goddess dressing one tb

Car ride snacks:

Half gingerbread latte w/ non-fat milk (70 cal)
Half of a brown rice krispy treat
Sunflower seeds unsalted two tb

Once into Michigan, my husband wanted to get McDonalds at the Wal Mart, but I told him my mom had made some heathy Chicken Tettrizini and it was waiting at the cottage.

Hereís what else was waiting at the cottage:

Yogurt covered pretzels
Keebler Fudge stipe cookies
Cheeze Its

Did I say wine?



I had 1 glass of wine, and then drank my water.

Then I had 5 yogurt pretzels.

Then I had another glass of wine. Now I put a stop to it, I went over my limit but I could stop it now.

I had ĺ laughing cow cheese wedge

I had 1 serving terra chips (yes, I broke my own rule wonít happen again)

1 cup of the low-fat chicken tettrazini. A second dinner, but we were up late, well past midnight.

Also at the cottage my sister, Kris (Stemmefatale) pointed out that I AM a runner because who else wears running shoes for casual wear? I looked down and it was true, I was wearing the Asics that I had bought but my feet like NB better for running, so I wore them casually now.

Picture Kris took with her cell phone.

TOTAL CALORIES FOR THE DAY: 1,941. (About 300 calories over my range.)


I woke up feeling good. It was 6:30 a.m. Chicago time and I'm up. Jim had taken the girls to Wal-Mart as the rest of the house was sleeping. I wanted to take advantage of this ďno kidsĒ time.

Time to run!

There was a mist over the lake. I thought it would be nice to take a walk. I got my gear on and after walking for 5 minutes I wanted to run. So I ran about 2 miles around the lake, then walked the last 5 minutes home. It was 20 min. running and 10 minutes walking for warming up and cooling down, about 2 miles total. It felt great. I burned 320 calories.

I get back for breakfast, and here's a bit of conversation from breakfast:

ďSomethingís burning.Ē (One of my sisterís boyfriends)

ďOh, thatís just the grease on the burner.Ē (My dad)

A true conversation. I love my family to death, but do you see what Iím dealing with here? LOL.

I had the following for breakfast:

2 cups coffee
1 mini blueberry muffin
ĺ cup Kashi Sunshine Puffs
ľ cup milk

Then, as promised, I had brought my resistance bands and plenty to share Ė and I did Leslie Sansoneís 30 min. firming video with my sister Missy and our kids.

Then all the girls went into town for crafts show and shopping. We ate at Clementineís and I had a healthy spinach salad with apples, walnuts, a little bit of brie and a light raspberry vinaigrette. We did order a stack of onion rings, and I wasnít going to have any but I did have 1 Ĺ

The girls at Clementine's.

Back at the cottage I had:

.5 oz. cheese its
Some terra chips
1 bowl of Smart Popcorn.

1 glass of low alcohol white wine.

Dinner: chili w/ bacon bits, .25 cup shredded cheese, Ĺ tsp. ranch dressing, a handful of oyster crackers.

After dinner I got a little stressed with a family situation involving my daughter, Lucy. Usually I would have poured a glass of wine, eaten some snacks. But this time was different. I just wanted to get out and so I put on my running shoes and took a walk with my sister, Kris. We walked for about 30 minutes, probably 2 miles. She listened to me and gave me good advice and also reaffirmed that I am a good mother. When we got back I felt so much better and I didnít eat anything else for the night other than water. I also read some verses from my bible for times of trouble. Much better than food!

TOTAL CALORIES IN FOR THE DAY: 1,666 (only 40 calories over my range)


I made scrambled eggs with light laughing cow cheese and a handful of bacon bits. I made enough for 6 people and had 1 serving.

I had 1 cup of coffee.
1 mini blueberry muffin

Then I went on a walk with my sister Kara, the same path I ran the morning before. It was cold and hazy out, but a perfect day for a walk. We came back feeling invigorated and she was happy she had gotten some exercise in, too.

That served as my warm-up for Zumba! My sister Kris took a class to be an instructor and she brought her DVDs. We did the cardio party and it was a blast! The kids got into it too! I only made it 35 minutes through. But I burned 250 calories, not too bad.

For lunch I had the vegetarian version of my Dadís chili, so it was a little healthier. I did add one hot dog and .25 cup of mac and cheese to it. Plus a handful of oyster crackers.

We also celebrated my sister Missy announcing she was going to have another baby, her third, and so we chilled some sparkling juice and I had a cup of that to toast.

Later we played Yahtzee and I had a glass of low alcohol wine.

Then we went walking on the Kal-Haven trail. I walked and didnít run it, but I had my daughter w/ me and we had a great time. My husband trailed us with Marlo in the car. It was nice, we walked maybe 1 mile.

Lucy running the trail.

Me and Lucy

Then we were on the road back home to Chicago. We stopped at Wendyís but I didnít order anything, instead I snacked on a Clementine orange, a cup of grapes and a Fiber One bar. I also kept drinking my water.

Do you know what itís like to sit in a car full of the smell of burgers, fries and grease? It is pure torture. But I survived, and I didnít have one fry.

On the way home we passed a billboard that said ďGet Used to MoreĒ. It was for a car.

(This is the car, but I couldn't find the actual ad and the car was moving too fast to get a pic).

I am not the sort of person who wants more, at least not with materialistic things (or at least I try not to). But I canít help but think that last year at this time, I was wanting more. More of LIFE. And my lifeÖwellÖit didnít feel worth living. I was going through the motions, and not just because of my weight, or what it held me back from, limited me to, but moreover, how it made me FEEL. I didnít feel full of life, didnít feel positive, and didnít feel like I had anything to offer anyone. I wasnít in a good place.

In this past year I have transformed.

I have been given the gift of encouragement and many Spark friends have told me that I inspire them to change, too. This is nothing short of a miracle. I thank God for this day and for the spirit inside of me to keep on moving, keep on changing, and keep on trusting. I have truly been blessed, especially in this past year. With Thanksgiving coming up this week I canít help but thinking of all that I have. And I want to pass it on, spared it around, and also take in what others here have inspired me to do.

My sister, Kris (STEMMEFATALE) inspired me to run. Kristina (KARVY09) taught me that I could be a runner and amazed me with her own running feats, the most recent running 1/2 marathon. The C25K team inspired me to train to run a 5k. Jenn (KITHKINCAID) inspired me to try Zumba. My friend Kimmah (FITNESSMISTRESS) inspired me to strength train. My faith based teams inspire me to BE more. The co-leaders of the "Women Wanting to Follow the Lord" team, Leah (PEPPERLEAH), Jewell (WCATAP) and Judith (JUDITH316) support me with encouraging others and also support me with their encouragement and friendship. Fellow members of that team, especially Paula (PAULACOLLINS) AND Deb (COLT2008). The leaders on the ďCanít Do This on my OwnĒ team; Shelly (GLITTERGIRL69) and Missy (YATMAMA) inspire me to put Jesus first. ALL of the strong, supportive women on the Sunny Gals team on the WIN Challenge spark team inspire me to push myself. The DONE girls have inspired me to be myself and love this journey and to laugh along the way. Leona (MOMFAN) inspired me with her own 100+ weight loss. The team "Christians with 100 lbs. to Lose" helps me with its seasonal challenges. And I have so many more friends that cheer me on that aren't named here. If you are one of my spark friends, you are one of those people and I thank you so very much. In my life, I have so much to be thankful for.

At home I had a snack of pita chips from Trader Joeís (110 cal) and 1 tbsp. cream cheese (40 cal), while we waited for the pizza to cook. I was starving!

For dinner we had frozen Ginoís East stuffed pizza Ė 290 cal. per slice. Then a side salad and TJís goddess dressing (60 cal) and 1 cup of 1% milk.

After the kids went to bed my husband made popcorn and I would like to tell you that I resisted. But I didnít. I didnít add any salt, however, and only had 1 serving.

TOTAL CALORIES IN: 2,175 (over by 555)

Iíd say I did pretty darn good this weekend. I feel that I maybe inspired some of my family to also work out during our vacation, and I shared my healthy food with anyone who wanted some. And no matter what happens on the scale, whether itís maintain, loss, or God forbid, a gain, I know that eventually the scale will show my great work this weekend.

This morning when I stepped on the scale it showed a 2 lb. gain. But you know what? I donít care. I know I did the best I could this weekend. I couldnít control the amount of sodium in the chili or the tetrazzini, I had already brought my prepared foods for breakfasts and snacks, I wasnít about to bring a cooler worth of food and not share meals with my family. I did the best with what I could. Yes, I could have said ďnoĒ to that onion ring and Ĺ. Yes, I could have only had 1 glass of wine on Friday. I could have avoided all chips. After inputting my nutrition into the tracker I realized that two of the three days I went over my calories by 300 Ė 500, despite not eating out at fast food joints, etc. This was disappointing, but also a learning experience.


Last year at this time I would have had at least 4 glasses of wine. Would have had more than 3 servings of chips. Would have eaten many slices of cheese. And I wouldnít have exercised or tracked my food all weekend. I'm learning, and even reading over my notes from the weekend I realize I could have done things a little differently, perhaps added more veggies.

But Iíd say I did my body GOOD, like the old milk ads used to say.

And I know this gain is just water weight and water retention from the sodium. It will be released when I step on the scale ďfor realĒ.

One funny and cool thing that happened this weekend was that my daughter Lucy is picking up on my habits. She was so excited to run along the Kal-Haven trail. And she saw me taking pictures of my food for my blog posts, and how I was trying to make good choices. So she came up to me on Sunday with a meal she had assembled just for me.

Here's a picture of it:

I burst out laughing. I think the dirty whale did it. But it shows that she's grasping the concepts of healthy living and eating. And that's awesome.

Also it served as a good reminder to laugh along this journey as well.

Now I'm looking forward to the challenge of Thanksgiving. And yes, there will be pictures of that, too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARILOUIE 11/24/2010 8:06PM

    What a fun blog!
I cracked up at the whale...

Happy Thanksgiving!

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AMBER281 11/24/2010 11:43AM

    Looks like you had a great time. Thanks for sharing the stories and pics.
I bought some of that Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal for the first time this week. It is delicious!!!
Can't wait to see your thankgiving blog!

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YATMAMA 11/23/2010 8:29PM

    What a great time!! LOL Eating fish is healthy, right? She should be proud!! Now is the PERFECT time to share the story of Jonah with her!!

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SGTSUNNY 11/23/2010 11:41AM

    Loved your blog and the positive things that are happening to you! And love Lucy!

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JEREMY723 11/23/2010 8:49AM

    I'm guessing the billboard is at Lordstown by the Ohio Turnpike near Youngstown? Confused though becuase I'm guessing you live in Chicago (from your teams) and went to Michigan? Anyway, glad that you ate well and had fun.

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PRETTYPITHY 11/23/2010 12:16AM

    Awesome blog! Your positive attitude will carry you far. emoticon

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REENSKI 11/22/2010 10:11PM

    Looks like you all had a great time! Nice to see the kiddies exercising with you too.

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    Such a fun blog! You've come a long way!

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TEMPEST272002 11/22/2010 6:32PM

    Girl, you are looking like such a cutie in your pictures! I love that you value yourself enough to make healthy choices even when it's hard to do so & also that you are inspiring the people in your family to be more active too. You ARE an inspiration! Thanks for sharing your weekend with us!

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ROEANDGO 11/22/2010 6:27PM

    I LOVE this blog!! You are such an inspiration to me...you don't even know!! Wonderful that you turned your life around to wanting more of it!!

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KSGROTHE 11/22/2010 6:14PM

    emoticon I love how you got your sisters and the kids involved in at least some of the exercising you did!

Clearly, you're getting better all the time! Keep up the good work! emoticon

- Karen

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    It looks like you had a great time and congrats on doing so well on your goals.

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LOOZINITNOW 11/22/2010 5:32PM

    It's not about perfection but moderation and I think you did a darn good job of proving that! Congrats on being so active! You handled the weekend great!

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COLT2008 11/22/2010 5:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Looks like you had a great time!!

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KEAL48 11/22/2010 5:15PM

  Aww I love your blog. Good girl for staying on track while on vacation. Even though all that temptation was there you still stood strong.

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SHERLYN-WILL 11/22/2010 5:12PM

    I LOVE THIS BLOG! THE PICS are great and so much fun to look at! YOU were active ALL weekend... you made smart moderate choices!

THE one of you and your daughter is adorable...

THAT pic of your face is great.. look how slim it is! THIS would be a great one to do a side by side of your face and how it has changed!

YOU just look great I think and so pretty too!

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KITHKINCAID 11/22/2010 5:10PM

    So you went over a couple of days - guess what? You tracked EVERYTHING, planned and exercised all weekend. Lady - that is a WIN if I've ever heard one. You're amazing. I hope I can be that disciplined in Germany! Well done. The whale is HILARIOUS.

So proud to call you my Sparkfriend AND my real life friend.



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STARPESCADO 11/22/2010 4:59PM

    Thanks for an awesome blog!
You look so cute in your running shoes and I love the pic with the kids joining in on the exercise!
Keep up with the great work & wish U al the best!
PS-the salad looks so yummy!

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STARLIGHT615 11/22/2010 4:46PM

    What a Great blog~ And yes I do believe that you did a great job in your food choices and drank ur water and got in your exercise!! So sometimes you just have to induldge!! Great Job!! XOXO

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