Sunday, August 05, 2007
"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning."
"One has to remember that every failure can be a stepping stone to something better."
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."
I weighed myself today and I'm back to where I was in January. 276 lb., and the (almost) ten pounds I had lost here at Sparkpeople gone. I am now still 20 lb. into my pregnancy weight, and after that I still have a good 50-80 to lose.
I think it is only fitting that I am right back where I started. The same exact number of 276. This is symbolic and instead of being upset and looking at this as a failure, I am looking at it as a second chance. A new beginning. We can always be born again, and better that I have this wake-up call now, at 32, than when I'm much older and have spent too much of my life in pain.
I am back on the road to recovery. Leaving as much baggage as I can behind. As I work through the 12 steps, I will shed more and more skin, like the layer of an onion.
I have faith that I will get through this, one step at a time, and will overcome my compulsion to overeat. Together with my OA friends, my Spark friends, and most of all, my family and faith in God - I can do this. We all can.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Today I was recovering from a little bit of a hangover...drank too much wine last night with my sisters, but it was an awesome time...however after having Lucy, I simply cannot hold my liquor anymore, and suffered the consequences today.
Along with the headache, body ache, etc., my body felt like complete crap. It made me realize how badly I've been treating my body, and as a result my self, by the junk I put into my mouth, and the endless hours on the couch after Lucy goes to bed. When she is up, I am active with her after getting home from work, but once she's down, so am I. Not good.
I want to have the energy to be there for her, not only to play chase and with blocks and Dr. Seuss, but when she is older and looks to me for guidance - for a role model.
I can't recall the last vegetable I ate.
I need to get back to shedding the layers and getting to that real person deep inside - to ME. I will use Sparkpeople as a tool and support to help guide me. I will also follow the 12 steps of Overeaters Annonymous, because I know for me that diets don't work. However, an eating plan will help me, and not eating between meals and after dinner.
I pray for the strength to do this, and to continue on my journey to lose 100 lbs. I am posting the Motivation Collage I created at the start of this year to remind me of my goals and what is truly important in life. It's not the food. It never was about the food.
Thank you for listening and God Bless.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I have come to the realization that for me, I am powerless over food. Diets don’t work for me – or they do, but then they don’t, and then I’m back to square one, eating away until I am numb. I have decided to return to Overeaters Anonymous (OA). There’s a Spark Team here that I joined, and I am also going to find a meeting in my area. You may have heard of OA before, but if you’d like to know more, they have a website – www.oa.org I believe it is. You can find out about it, discover if you are an overeater, as I know I am, and find a meeting online or in your area if you are interested.
I’ve also discovered I need more of a connection to my Higher Power, or God. We went to church for the first time since my husband and I were married on Easter Sunday, and it was wonderful. We’ve found a church in our area that is non-denominational, perfect for us. I feel very hopeful about the future, knowing that with God, and the help of others, I can do anything. I can become who I was meant to be, someone who has a healthy relationship with food, doesn’t stuff my face and overeat and abuse my body.
I was a very active member of OA about a year ago, and once I became pregnant I just stopped. I tend to be a black and white person – meaning all or nothing. So when I was in OA, I was fully immersed in OA. I became an online meeting leader, an editor of a 12-step newsletter, and many other things. I was overwhelmed. I need to take baby steps.
In OA they always say “Welcome Home”. I want to return to that home. That place I once knew where I didn’t need to stuff my body to feel joy, to feel alive. A place I’ve missed for too long.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Well I am down .5 of a lb., so I'm at 270 now. I feel better about that. Also, I have lost 3 inches since starting SparkPeople, so my clothes are fitting better. Yesterday it was so nice out here, like spring, so went on a walk with hubby and baby to the library. It was a good workout. Also did strength training.
Below is a daily affirmation I thought I'd share. I've been having a really difficult time lately at work, I am really stressed out and not paid enough - and recently was told I was getting a bonus - finally- only to be told that it was a mistake! I know I'm worth more than that, and I intend to make my life better.
Anyway, this affirmation made me realize that even though it's a hard time now, I can CHOOSE joy. I can choose to be joyful. I am in the current situation I am in, but instead of grinning and baring it out, while looking for a change I can choose joy, and it will help me deal with the situation.
"Joy is not something you find. It is something you choose to create, to live and to experience.
The experience of joy does not in any way deplete the amount of joy available. On the contrary, the experience of joy makes possible even more profound and sustained joy.
Some would say that joy is not possible, or not realistic, or not appropriate in certain situations. Yet those very situations are the ones to which joy can bring the most value.
Joy requires nothing and gives much. And you have the truly magnificent ability to create joy.
Joy is not the result of success. Joy is, in fact, a significant cause of success.
Make this day joyful by filling it with joy. The more you choose to experience it, the more joy there will be. "
-- Ralph Marston
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Well I put off weighing myself last week because I felt like the scale was going to show numbers higher than the week before. I had a relatively good week, I just felt bulkier. I felt like perhaps I had built muscle from the strength training I've added to my program, and I didn't want that to make me feel like I've failed, since it's a good thing!
I bit the bullet and weighed myself this week and I'm up 1.5 lb. Which isn't a lot at all, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Would I like to weigh less this week? Of course. But I'm going to continue on this path, and keep it simple. Like Geneen Roth says:
If you want to lose weight, you can do it by eating only when you're hungry and stopping when you've had enough. - Geneen Roth
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