Saturday, October 02, 2010
My Marilyn Halloween costume came last night and my 4 yr. old snapped a picture of me. I don't have my wig on, or makeup, etc., but here's a "before" and my "after" will look much better - and tighter!
Friday, October 01, 2010
September Progress Report:
Start weight: 228
End weight: 221
Weight lost: 7 lbs.
Weight lost since the beginning of the year: 36.5 lbs.
Total weight lost: 77 lbs.
It was my goal to lose 6 lbs. this month, bringing me to 222 lbs. I have exceeded that goal, losing 7 lbs!
I’ve lost a total of 6 inches:
Upper arm: 2 inches
Neck: 1 inch
Hips: 1 inch
Waist: 2 inches
Grade for the month: A +++++
I ran my 3rd 5k and beat my own personal time! 36 minutes vs. 39.
I added 5 minutes onto my running time
I reached 1,000 fitness minutes!
During the holiday weekend I got my workout in and I got my Dad and sister to do a mile with Leslie with me! My dad really wants to be more in shape, so it was very special to me. And to him too, I think.
I refilled the chocolate dish on my desk (that everyone complained I removed because I was dipping into it too often) and I have not had even ONE piece!
I was confined to a tent and popcorn was made and smores were handed out and I turned down BOTH of them!!
I went to a Girls Night Out event where it was sponsored by a decadent dessert company and I didn’t have ANYthing!
Went out to lunch w/ my family and split a healthy salmon dinner with my husband instead of eating something fattening.
My trusty black camisole I wear under business blouses is WAY too big on me.
I have friends telling me to stop losing weight. OK, but I have 40 more lbs. to go. I am by no means a waif!
I ate healthy and tracked my food every weekend in September except when I was away on vacation and didn’t have access to a computer.
My husband now wolf whistles at me – and means it, LOL.
I now LOVE to workout on Mondays, thanks to ZUMBA!
I am beginning to like tomatoes and am trying new veggies, like yellow squash and cucumber.
A kid about 21 yrs. old hit on me. Yeah...a bit "eew", but also a bit "Hey, I look like I'm in my 20's?"
My old gym instructor came over to introduce herself to me when I saw her after her hiatus at the gym....she didn't realize it was me. She then seemed shocked and said I looked "Fabu-lous!"
I am now arranging my social life around fitness events. Belly dancing and bellinis, Zumba parties and 5ks. Meeting Spark friends. Where is that girl who loved to melt into the couch? She's gone running, leave a message.
I didn't run for a full week and when I went to the gym for my Zumba class I looked at the track and actually MISSED it, like you would miss an old friend you haven't seen in a while.
All of my wishes on my Christmas wish list are fitness related.
I now shop in the “Misses” section at Kohl’s, not the “Women’s”
A woman who works next door to my office stopped me in the hall and asked me if I lost weight, she said every time she passed by my suite she had to do a double take to see if that was me.
I am able to fit into a size 16 pant!
I can now buy bras off the rack at a store that isn’t plus size! I got a cute pink polka dot one, yeah, baby!
I’m starting to see leg muscle definition.
I discovered just how sweet and tasty a red pepper can be – I don’t know the last time (if ever) I ate one raw.
I went to a party and didn't eat ANY of the foods on the buffet other than fruit. I brought my own healthy snack and ate that!
At work we had a birthday cake and I took a piece just so that people wouldn’t make comments about me not taking a piece, and only ate the fresh strawberries on top.
I am wearing a size medium top right now.
My size 18 jeans are falling off of me!
I have another bag of clothes (and shoes – my feet got smaller!) to bring to resale tomorrow.
My recent body shot, September 2010.
My September Spark calendar. The blue is "good"!
I raised $260 for breast cancer and ran my heart out. Thank you everyone for your prayers. My team raised over $2,500!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I have been very proud of myself and my willpower, or what I more like to think of as my planning and my change in tastes. It's been easier lately for me to turn down snacks at work, cake at parties and junk food at friends houses. I always have a plan and I stick to it.
Except when it comes to my parents' house.
Being the place where I nurtured my eating disorder since the first grade, it is the hardest place for me to go and stay on plan. This is the place where the memories are the strongest. I remember hoarding food in my room, I remember the hours I spent after eating and then purging, and then eating again. I was too full, and then I was not full enough. I remember that pain. And when my family sees the new me emerging, I can see that they aren't quite sure what to make of it, and they offer me the pizza, the wine, the cake. In my warped mind, they are testing me, not being good hosts.
Last week was the first time I kept to my plan at my parents' house. I had brought a pre-made spinach salad complete with toppings and dressing, and knowing they were having pizza, the usual, I saved enough calories to have ONE piece. And I did it. I felt like the cycle was broken. (Usually I just don't track on the days I go to their house, and we get together once a week).
Last night it was a double celebration - my mom's and sister's birthdays. I wasn't prepared. I had planned to stop at home and pack a salad as I did before, but my baby girl was sick and so I ended up going straight to their house from work, leaving my husband to watch over the girls. I had no plan. My dad called and asked what I wanted on my pizza, and I said - salad? So he was nice enough to oblige, and ordered a salad for me. Well...salads at pizza joints aren't really "salads", not in the terms of a filling, healthy salad. I was presented with a mound of iceberg lettuce and a few red onions. I still tried - I filled up my plate with all of the lettuce and added some vinegar and oil dressing. I took one small piece of pizza, because I knew this salad wouldn't fill me. I spent more time talking than eating. I was doing good.
Until the wine was poured. I agreed to one small glass. Well, me and wine equals me and food. It's a sad love affair. The more I sip, the more I eat. So one piece of pizza turned to two. Turned to three. Turned to 3 1/2. And then. The cake. The cake I had previously turned down at work for a co-worker's birthday. The cake I never eat! I took half a slice.
I left feeling so bloated and just gross. I was on a roll, and had to literally stop myself from pulling over at the Dairy Queen because I had a hankering for a Peanut Buster Parfait. I haven't had one of those in like 10 years. But yet, I wanted it. It was like the little girl inside, the one who was always chubby, always wore husky pants, was never picked for teams in gym class, the girl who boys pretended to like because it was so funny to see my reaction when I thought a boy actually LIKED me, well it was like this old girl got back inside of me and said, "eat...it will get better. just eat."
I went to bed with a headache and a belly ache, and to be honest, a heart ache. I thought I was past this point. I thought I was over the hurdle of this sad, young, fat me bombarding my life. This little girl who lies to me because that's all she knows.
It was ok. It will be ok, but not because of the food.
I was honest enough to track it all down, every last bite, and my total calories yesterday were 2,233. I actually had a deficit of -30 calories somehow, it must have been the mile with Leslie I did in the morning.
This morning is a new day. I am not going to beat myself up over yesterday. Will I have a better plan when going to my parents' house next time? YES. I will not go empty handed again. I put on my best black dress, the one that hugs my hips. I had a healthy breakfast this morning and a lot of water. I am going to be ok.
But I worry. I worry about my daughters and what sort of world they are going to grow up in. If I was teased when I was little, what's in store for them? I heard on the news this morning that a poor boy his freshman year at college, a promising violinist, committed suicide because his roommate videotaped him in relations with another man and broadcast it to the school. This poor young man saw the only way out as taking his own life. My heart is so sad, and heavy, over this news. What is the world coming to? I mean, really.
My daughter is 4 and she already feels this pressure. Girls in her class are already wearing makeup - yes, makeup. Girls are already talking about boys. She talks about one of her friends who happens to be a boy and how he doesn't want to play with her. She takes everything to heart, and I see myself. She takes any sort of rejection and pins that to her sleeve and some inner voice tells her that she isn't good enough. She is FOUR. I try to explain that sometimes boys don't want to play with girls. But that's not it, not really. She looks at herself and is already comparing. Her hair isn't straight like the other girls, it's kinky and curly (I love it). She is taller than the other girls, she is smarter and thinks more in her head, is more introverted at times. She sees all of these differences and instead of realizing that this is what makes the world such an awesome place, she wants to be the SAME as everyone, wants to conform. I want to cry.
I don't know what the solution is. For her, for me. But what I DO know is that tonight I'm mapping out a route. We are going on a mommy daughter walk and I'm going to make stops along the way. I know where a great park is, I know where wishes lie, waiting to be blown away in a field, I know where the ballerinas dance. And I know where my heart lies. In her. And at each stop along the way, I'm going to tell her how beautiful she is. How wonderful she is. How her kinky hair bounces when she dances, how her dress twirls just so. How my world wouldn't quite spin the same without her. And we'll lie down in the field of wishes and try to feel the earth spin.
Monday, September 27, 2010
The morning started off early and with a bowl of organic cornflakes with some cranberries on top. My stomach was nervous and tight and I wasn't very hungry. But I wanted to eat something to help me finish the race and give me energy. I don't know why I was nervous, I shouldn't be since this is my third 5k, but I was. I had asked my sister, Kris, to run it with me, she is such a source of strength and support for me. I was so happy to have her by my side. Also my brother-in-law decided 4 days beforehand that he was going to run it too, although he had never run a 5k. He wanted to run for his mother, the same as me, but also for friends he's lost and those that suffer from cancer. My best friend's sister also ran, it was her first 5k as well.
Me (right) with my running partner and sister, Kris (left).
My brother-in-law Mike with Marlo, pre-race
Me, Mike and Marlo, pre-race
Me, Mike and the girls, pre-race
Me, my husband Jim and Marlo
Kris, me and Mike, pre-race
First we visited the memorial garden, where I had purchased a ribbon to honor Jim's mom. It was front and center and just brought tears to my eyes. It brought it all home, why I was doing this, and the cause I was supporting. A world without cancer would be a beautiful place indeed. I thought about her and felt peace wash over me.
In Honor of Carmella Kubik, Jim's mother
The Memorial Garden
Jim's brother Mike (left) and my husband Jim (right) with Marlo in front of their mother's ribbon.
Then it was time to line up. The announcer walked us through some stretches and warmed us up. Now my nerves were really on fire! I was excited, though.
The start line
Can you see me with my head band on?
Then we were off! I started off at a faster pace than normal, I think it was all the adrenaline.
When we reached the 1 mile marker my pace was a little over 11 minutes, which is fast for me. I don't recall what it was at the 2nd mile marker. The last mile was difficult for me. I think it always is, this is where I hit my mental block. I tried to get into my zone, but every part of me felt like it was on fire. This is when I realize how much different it is to run on a nice, padded track vs. on the street. I think going forward into fall I will incorporate more street runs in my training to get that experience and to help me in my races. As we rounded the last stretch there was a group of Girl Scouts who had signs and were cheering and clapping and they held their hands out for people to high five. I slapped each one of their hands and that gave me the extra push to finish. They were so sweet!
Heading toward the finish line. Missy (left), me (middle), Kris (right).
I did it!
I finished in 36:01 minutes! This is a pace of 11:37 per mile. This is a personal record for me. My fastest time previously had been 39 minutes. At the end I wanted to push it even more, my sister said "let's sprint! but my body was just not cooperating. It felt like heavy mud, or like I was running through heavy mud. It was a chilly day out, everyone else had long sleeves under their shirt but I didn't because I knew how hot I get running. I ranked #262 in a group of 401 5k runners. I wasn't at the end of the pack!
My family at the finish line.
As I crossed the finish line my 4 yr. old daughter, Lucy, was waiting for me. She gave me a big hug and it was so nice to see my family, my husband Jim, my baby Marlo and my parents had even come out to cheer on their two daughters. My best friend's sister finished at the same time as me, actually a bit ahead, and then my brother in law finished in a little over 39 minutes. I am so proud of him! He hadn't trained at all, he literally just ran to honor those who have lost their lives and for those still suffering and that pushed him through it. He kept my pace for the first mile and half and I couldn't be prouder of him! I know that without training I wouldn't have made it a block. I love the Couch to 5k program and it has changed my life so much. I praise the Lord that something got inside of me a year ago and made me decide to change my life. I am so much happier now than before, and I went from being a certified "couch potato" to running 3 5Ks this year so far, and 3 more planned. Only God can work through a person like that!
Afterward we went out to breakfast and I was going to get some healthy oatmeal, but then the breakfast burrito caught my eye. I had them add avocado, and I only ate half of it, and it was so good, hit the spot. I didn't eat the hash browns at all.
Half of my breakfast burrito.
Much needed coffee.
My family (a bit blurry, but you get the idea).
Marlo fell asleep on the car ride home, I guess it was all a bit too much excitement for her, lol.
The race route.
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