Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Well I re-weighed myself this week and I did lose last week - although it was only 1/2 a pound, I'll take it. I'm now at 270. I am very hopeful and I know I can do this. It's a lifestyle change, not a diet, and these things don't happen overnight. I reviewed my week last week and though I felt like I did well - I worked out 3x, I ate healthy, I did go over a few days in calories, and it is a math thing - so, of course, I didn't lose as much as I had hoped.
This week I am focusing on portion sizes. It's amazing how I should really only eat half of what I have been. An 8-oz. salmon fillet is 2+ servings, NOT one. I made a lovely salmon last night and cut it in half, and that was my dinner. I was full at the end of the meal, but not too full. I did not eat after that, which felt great. I usually graze after dinner, but I did not. Instead, I took a nap with my daughter and put her to sleep, read her some books. I felt like a normal person.
I recently read a motivating paragraph from Ralph Marston called "Ready and Willing". I'd like to share some of that here:
"...From utter despair can come brilliant success.
What sets you back also sets the stage for you to move forward. What appears completely hopeless gives you more reason than ever to hope.
The darkness gives your light a space in which it can be seen, and made use of, and appreciated, and truly valued. The challenges give you fertile territory in which to make a positive difference and a valuable contribution.
No matter what is in your past, you now have the opportunity to create the future of your choice. Everything depends on which way you decide to look, and in which direction you make the commitment to move.
This very moment can be the greatest opportunity you've ever known. When you are ready and willing, the possibilities are yours to follow."
-- Ralph Marston
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Well I weighed myself today and the scale showed I went UP 3 lb. I am not sure how that happened, I had a great week - but I did have 2 glasses of wine at a party last night, and I tend to retain water when I have any alchohol. So I'm going to weigh myself again Monday, see what the scale says....I'm a little depressed about it.
A wonderful Spark friend of mine, Lara, encouraged me by saying that she looks at things, especially weight, like a wave. She says that "The wave rises and then it settles. The wave is when we are losing at great heights. The undertow is when we are being pulled under and gaining weight. The calm and settled stage is when we are holding our weight steady. "
I love this metahpor, and wanted to share it. It is so easy to get down on ourselves. One little weigh-in, and I feel like my week was all for nothing, when it wasn't. Those pounds lost will either show Monday, or next week. Big deal, right?
Initially the title of this blog entry was going to be "Weigh-In Disappointment". But I changed that to "Acceptance". I am where I am right NOW. I need to accept myself, and move on from here. From where I am NOW.
In Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, Sharon Salzberg writes that we believe that "if we abuse our minds enough with self-hatred and self-condemnation, somehow that abuse will be a path that liberates us, [but] generosity coming from self-hatred becomes martyrdom."
Geneen Roth says that "The only way to learn the difference between self-indulgence and self-kindness is to experience what self-kindness feels like. Declare it "Be Kind to Me" day, and get out there and start treating yourself as if you deserve every good thing. Because, in fact, you do."
A favorite quote of mine comes from Geneen Roth as well: "I am the same person no matter what the scale says."
Monday, January 29, 2007
Today I feel better about things. I don't feel so down on myself, and I feel there is hope. I am embracing life, and will embrace the challenges along the way, too. I have my pedometer on and am watching the steps add up. I feel like I am doing something healthy for myself.
A favorite website of mine is www.mythoughtcoach.com. There are meditations to end emotional eating and also affirmations to become a more happy person, to eat in moderation, even affirmations to become a better parent. There is a small fee to join, which I have, but there are also free meditations on this site. Check them out!
Be well and happy,
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Today I have really been feeling down. I have been working out, and bring my daughter to a baby swim on Saturday mornings. This past class my husband videotaped, and I saw myself in a swimsuit for the first time in at least 10 years. Oh my goodness. What a reality check.
Even though I know I weigh 276 pounds, I don't feel like it. I feel thin, when I look in the mirror, I see thin...but I'm not.
I have a deadline for my writing and I have been loafing around all day. See, I want my essays done and finished - without writing them.
The same with my weight loss. I have been down and depressed today, and instead of focusing on the positive changes I have made (back to working out, drinking water, incorporating fruits & veggies in my diet) I am looking at me - in my swimsuit - and I feel it is hopeless.
I can't have that instant gratification. Not with writing, and certainly not with my weight loss. I need to travel that road, go on that journey, and only then can I reach my goal. They say that life IS the journey. I am beginning to see that this is true.
I want to end with a quote by Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. “
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