Friday, February 11, 2011
Well if you read my status you know that I wanted to be able to come up here on spark people at the end of yesterday and report a fabulous day of healthy eating and fitness.
The day started well, I tracked my food, ate a good breakfast. I had plans to go to the mall and eat lunch with my daughter (a healthy preplanned lunch), and then walk around the mall to get some exercise. We went out and I got a Moe's burrito, minus the tortilla shell, minus sour cream and minus cheese... which came out to about 300 calories. They gave me chips with my meal, a whole suitcase full.... (the bag was big) and I gave them to my sister when I got home later. I got lyra a chick-fil-A sandwich and a fruit cup which she only ate half of the sandwich and I ended up eating the other half. Not planned but not too horrible. Then we walked around the mall for 30 minutes.
Not a bad afternoon, but then I got home and my sister told me some lady called but the only thing she could remember is it was important. Big help.
The lady called back about an hour later though and it turns out she was from child protective services. I already knew who called on me when i heard that. The same people who called on me the three times before, my xhusband and his mother. This will be the 4th time in 3 years they have called CPS on me for crazy things that are not even close to be true.
She set up an appt to come over this morning because I had to go to school last night.
So I went to school last night and was all stressed out because I had to come home and clean the house from top to bottom. It wasent disgusting or anything but was rather dirty because I have been going to school all week and just have not had the time to clean up. I was also stressed about the visit from the social worker in general. I know I am a good mom and I go everything I am suppose to do, sometimes even more than I am suppose to do, but there was that feeling that maybe I am doing something wrong that I dont realize and they are going to take my kids from me. I know this is silly... they dont take peoples kids away for not dusting or having a messy fridge. Having my kids taken from me is my greatest fear though, they are my whole world and everything I do in my life is for them. My X took my son from me for 3 months when he was a baby and that has damaged me and I have never gotten over it. Its still hard to think of. I felt like crawling into a hole and dieing when it happened. I think that is why I am such a good parent to my kids, I know to never ever take them for granted.
Anyway, I ended up going to ruby tuesdays and getting a burger and a salad and an appitizer of dumplings. I brought that home and split it with my husband. We ended up not eating the salad because we were full after the other stuff, so I dont think I ate that bad.... but it was not planned and was not the best choice. I was so stressed out..
oh and i knocked back two 4oz glasses of wine.
considering how I was feeling I dident do too bad, but it was not a planned event and I most likely should have done something other than eat to cure stress. Lets just say over all it could have been worse.
So anyway, unrelated to my health. I met with the social worker this morning. It turns out that this time the abuse that I have been inflicting on my son was.
1. He has a cough when he goes to there house (kids get colds)
2. I am on an extream diet and have made my son afraid to eat anything
3. My son is frail and malnurished because I starve him, and you can see his ribs and back bone.
Well I guess my X husband and his mother have realized Im all skinny now. I suppose they have come to the conclusion that durring the last two years I have become an anorexic and have made my son one as well. My son is not frail or underweight by the way, he is a normal healthy weight for his height and age. He feels like a sack of bricks when i lift him. You can see his ribs when he sucks in his stomach, and you can see his spine to but not in a 3rd world country sort of way. Hell I am at the top of a healthy bmi and you can see my ribs when I suck in my stomach too.
I feed both of the kids healthy food. last night they had whole wheat lasagna with spinach and zucchini. They ate it too. Its alot of spinach I put in my lasagna too. I pack aidens lunch every day and pack him a snack, because I want to know what he is eating. I try to teach them both healthy habits so they dont have the same problems that I have had, and I must be doing a good job if he is telling my X husband that he dosent want to eat certain unhealthy foods when he is at his house.
I think because of how my X and his family live they actually do think I am starving him. My X-husband (who was a pretty skinny guy when we were together before he went mentaly insane and broke up with me to move in with his mental mother) is around 350 - 400 lbs now and his mother who is very short is most likely around 250 lbs. The two are not the picture of health in any standard. They feel Aiden nothing but soda and pizza and other junk when he goes over there.
Aiden came home a few months ago and told me that when he is at there house he eats peanut butter and sugar sandwiches. I told him that eating a lot of sugar is not healthy for you and a better choice would be to put bananas on his sandwich instead of sugar. Anyway he went back and told them that eating alot of sugar will make you unhealthy and he would not eat the peanut butter and sugar sandwiches anymore.
And this past time when he went to there house they celebrated his birthday from last month and got him pizza and cake. He told me that he ate too much pizza and he was full so he dident want any cake. That prob made them upset and pushed them over the edge to call social services on me again.
Sigh, its all ridiculous to me.
anyway the visit from the social worker was very casual and quick. Im sure she figured since this is the 4th visit and the last visit (which was about me starving him also) was not found to be true, so this one would not be either. I showed her the food in my kitchen.... including all the junk that is up there for the kids (ravioli, macaroni and cheese, cookies.) I think she knows Im not starving them.
She said after she left the house she was going to go to aidens school and ask him a few questions and then have the school nurse check to see if he was a healthy weight and then close out the case.
After she left I got lyra's shoes on and we went down to social services where I applied for child support for the first time. I had been avoiding it for the past 5 years because I dont really need it... my husband has a good job and supports us very well.... and because I knew that it would cause more drama with them. It seems that the drama is always created anyway though, even when I try to avoid it they make it for me in some way. So lets see how he likes getting harrassed by the system. He has never paid me a penny for the care of aiden.... not even for the year we were together while aiden was a baby. He was unempoloyed because of his mental illness and I worked to support him... I think aiden deserves it anyway, because he does nothing for him, including taking care of him while aiden is at his house.
You know they feed my son so badly at there house that he comes back constipated from only being there one weekend. Its been a full week since he was last there and he still has not gone to the bathroom. It really makes me so mad. then they have the nerve to call CPS on me saying I am mistreating him.
Well sorry for this rant.... I needed to vent a little bit.
MY BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY CHILDREN :-)
Thursday, February 03, 2011
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Marianne Williamson
Monday, January 31, 2011
You know, if it were not for spark people I would really not have done as well as I have. I go through so many periods of doing good and then doing horrible.... spark people always brings me back though. As long as I just log in and stay reminded of me and my health, then I never truly fail.
I am so glad that I had the opportunity to be work free and school free durring the majority of my weight loss. It really allowed me to really focus on myself. I really commend the people up here on spark people that have lost weight while working full time jobs, raising family's and or going to school. Its really hard to stay on track.
I was never really faced with the demon that is fast food... I never had to deal with being completely pressed for time and even stressed out.
Before I blissfully went through my day, meals planned, time to cook, the only thing I had to worry about was getting a child off to school, taking care of another, keeping the house clean and making meals. I was isolated at home while hubby worked so I had no temptation to go out and get a big mac durring the day. lol.
I find myself now having to do all the things I did before, plus squeeze in errands, exercise, School, home work and all the temptations that the outside world brings to the table. Including no healthy choices in the vending machines at school, besides bottled water!
It is hard to stay on track, its hard to plan ahead... and the people who do it are like super heros. I am trying to strive to be like those people.... I'm having a hard time but I am slowly falling into a new routine. When I do get fast food I try to make it healthy choices.
Im not losing right now, that's for sure, but I'm not gaining... so Im ok with maintaining while I get into a groove that works for me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
well I have been busy lately. I guess alot of it is self inflicted because I have been going to the YMCA to workout at least 5 days a week. I have been trying out alot of different classes, trying to find the ones that I like and that are going to be really effective for what I want to do, which is tone up and slim down my body. I'm not necessarily looking to drop pounds right now but I do want to lose inches and tone up. I need to buy a measuring tape (because I cant find mine) so I can track my progress, if it does not reflect on the scale, which it might not.
I have taken this one class twice, called pump and burn. Wow, when they say advanced on the class scedual, they mean it! I was really workin my butt off in that class. Moving very rapidly from high intensity cardio, to challenging weight training. I still feel the class from friday, on top of the class I took last night. I am hoping that I get in better shape fast, so I can keep up a little better.
Driving has been nice but also so exhausting. I go out in the morning, do the whole Y thing and then run a few errands and I am ready to just drop. Then I come home and try to get things in order here and have just enough time while lyra is down for her nap where I can take a 30 min - hour nap myself. Then I have to get up and start dinner, spend a little time with the kids, eat and then get ready to go out to school from monday - thursday.
I haven't even really gotten in to school full swing (because of all the snow last week) and I am already tired. I have to drive to the other campus because that's where most of my classes are and that is waaay down the highway and takes like 30 minutes to get to. The clser of the two campus' is only 5 minutes down the road but I only have one class there, once a week.
I can do all this though, I just need to get into a routine and then stay on top of everything. I know my big problem is putting things off and then they pile up and its hard to dig my way out. So I'm not going to do that this time.
You know with all this activity you would think I would be having an easier time with my eating. I have to say though, its a little harder, because I find myself to always be hungry. I think its because I'm in a new routine so its throwing me off a little and that makes me want to snack more. I'm sure all the added activity is making me more hungry as well. I'm just trying to make sure I eat good for me things and not grab things while I am out and about, because usually the things sitting by the register at the grocery store, or in the vending machine at the school are not so good for me.
I have been taking south beach protein bars with me to eat after I workout which helps, because I am super hungry like 30 minutes after a workout. And I have been bringing a snack with me to school because I am in class like 30 minutes.
Last night that did not workout so well though. I ate dinner before going to school and then ate my snack after class before driving home and then once I got home I wanted to eat again. The other night seemed to work out better, where I just had a snack in the afternoon and then ate dinner when I got home. Of course then I am eating dinner really late, because my class does not let out until like 9pm.
I'm sure I will figure out what works best for me though, without snacking myself into a food coma.
well that's a quick update on me. I'm going to try and keep up with spark people the best that I can.... I'm gonna play it by ear as I get more into school and homework and other things, that haven't really hit yet.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Breakfast - 2 egg whites w/ mushrooms, onions, bell pepper & tomato - topped with 1/4 cup fat free cheddar cheese
1/2 grapefruit w/ splenda
1 turkey sausage pattie
Lunch - 1/2 lavash bread wrap w/ 2 slices turkey breast lunch meat, 1 laughing cow light cheese wedge & lettuce
1 large granny smith apple
Snack - cup soup & 1/2 serving pretzel chips
Salad w/ lettuce, olives, tomato, onion, banana peppers, 1 tsp bacon bits & 2 tbls ff Italian dressing
Vegetable premivera made w/ 2/3 cup pasta, 1/4 cup Jar Alfredo sauce, 2 tbls Parmesan cheese, sauteed broccoli, carrots, onions, bell peppers, yellow summer squash & tomatoes.
2 crescent roll bread sticks - totally not planned but I skipped my snack later that night to make up for it.
Get An Email Alert Each Time LOSINGJESS Posts