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LOSINGJESS's Recent Blog Entries

Portion Distorter :-P

Friday, July 31, 2009

I took one of the spark people quizs today about what kind of diet personality I have and it said I was a portion distorter. I geuss I can totaly aggree with that because before changing my lifestyle I had a major problem with overeating.... you know you eat and eat and then you get to that full point but the food tastes and looks really good and you gotta clear the whole plate..... then afterwards you end up feeling like a stuffed turkey, your so full you feel like your gonna burst at the seams or just plain throw up. ...... I have to say I went there alot!

I really enjoy food, I geuss you could say Im a foodie.... or at least I would be if I could afford to be. I like really good food and Im not satisfied with average. It makes it kinda hard to eat out because Im never satisfied with anything I get so luckly most of the food I eat is what I cook myself. I geuss that fact makes it easier to make better choices though.

I have to say even though I have gotten better at eating smaller portions (now I use a medium size plate instead of a dinner plate, got some cute ones on sale from IKEA), and I can control myself if I go to a buffet (only getting a small taste of the bad stuff I really like and choosing normal size portions from the foods Ive determinded are heatlhy options) I still struggle with it sometimes. I sometimes just have this urge to keep eating.... knowing while Im doing it, the sensasion of chewing the food and swallowing feels really good even though I know I would feel like crap emotionaly and physically afterwards. I really have to sit myself down and have a serious conversation with myself about how far I have come and how Im not going back just because I wanna sit down with an entire pack of chips ahoy and eat the whole thing..... (chips ahoy dont come into my house ... lol)

You know with some aspects of being fat .... like this type of desire to eat.... its really like an addiction. I have to say my obsession with eating has to be the closest I have come to being addicted to anything (other than world of warcraft quite a few months ago, I swear I could have quit at any time though... lol). I think it will always be a mental battle to keep my weight in check even after I manage to get to a healthy weight. I geuss thats soemthing Im just going to have to deal with.

I was really good though the last few days. I wanted soemthing sweet yesterday, I wanted something really good... really bad! So I went to target and they had the bulk candy bins there, the kind with the bags and the scoop ... the kind that cost 8 bucks a pound! yikes.

Me and Andrew got for each of us, 1 malted milk ball, 1 chocolate covered raisin, 1 french burnt peanut candy, and 1 jordan almond. We had it on a little dish with dinner and it was only like a point for it and it satisfied me. I have found that if I can eat a square of chocolate now and be good, it actually tastes better than eating a whole bag..... that second bite is never as good as the first. Its not the same as the feeling you get from eating all that but its a better feeling and you feel good afterwards, ....... strong.........in control.........healthy........ happy. :-)

Its hard but its worth it.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIFER0807 2/22/2010 1:16PM

    i love your will power with the chocolate...thats awesome.
strong.........in control.........healthy...LOVE IT!

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My arms feel like Jello

Thursday, July 30, 2009

well I attempted to do a push-up yesterday. I have never been able to do a push-up ever and it has been a goal for myself. I couldent even do one of the girly push ups because my weight was just so much I could not push myself up.

well I tryed one and I couldent do it... my upperbody strength just isent there. But.... I tryed a girly one and I did it! yay. I did 20 and now today my arms feel like jello. My muscles are so sore.

I desided to mix my workout up a little bit by forgoing the elliptical. I did a workout video that I use to do when I first started exercising. Its a walk away the pounds video with a belt that has stretchy resistance bands attached. Its a pretty good workout.

I have to tell you, it was a good workout, I was sweating alot when I was done .... but.... I wasent out of breath when it was over, I had no problems keeping up, or doing any of the moves durring the fast parts..... oh and the belt with the resistance bands on it (which hardly fit when I started) was not a problem at all! Yay :-) happy me.

I went out today because I was going to buy something just for me. I never do that.... Im always buying something for the kids or my husband, nothing just for me. I went out and looked all around and you know what I found for myself.... a resistance band! OMG lol. I thought that was comical, rewarding myself for eating and exercising right by buying myself exercise equipment. Oh well... I geuss it will help me a hell of alot more than a bottle of bubble bath or a scented candle. I really should buy something really indugent sometime though.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INTOTHEJAM2 7/31/2009 11:27AM

    I can do pushups, but it's VERY unpleasant. Definitely something no one would want to see. I've been thinking about trying those walk away the pounds, but haven't heard anything good or bad about them, so after reading this, I may go reward myself to that. Best of luck to you!

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CAMILLE-LEON 7/30/2009 10:15PM

    oh, I am the same. I still can't do a full push up but it is my goal to be able to. I am working towards that goal. I can go about half way down, but not very steady. keep trying!

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GDET1954 7/30/2009 9:55PM

    WOW! I like how you rewarded yourself with a resistance band. I'm proud of you. That is something I haven't done yet - reward myself.

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Date Night & Olive Garden

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

well me and hubby went out tonight for the first time in a while. Ah no kids, just us.

We went to the movies to see harry potter. I have to say I really liked this one, I was a little dispointed, I cant help it, the movies just dont compare with the books at all...... It was one of the better of the movie series though.

Me and Andrew got a small popcorn and I only had about 1/2 a cup. Andrew loves movie theater popcorn and its something he dosent get to often so I was proud that he only got a small bag.

After the movie we were starving because we knew we wanted to go out to eat afterwards so we only ate a cup of cereal and 1/2 cup of milk for breakfast and a salad for lunch. I wanted to save as many points as I could.

I planned what we were going to get before we left, calculated all the points so we wouldent do bad. We were so prepared. We went to Olive Garden and got the new chicken crostini meal that they have been advertising all over TV. We got one plate and split it, Slit the salad which was plain with light ranch on the side and had 2 bread sticks a peice. Then we got desert which was fresh berries with itaillan custard on top (only 5 points)..... we split that too.

It was awesome.... a little points heavy still compared to what we normaly have for dinner, like 20 points with desert..... but managable. We only spent 25 dollars on dinner as well.... something that would have cost $50.00 if we had of both got our own plates.

Oh and to put things into perpective, Im stuffed.... I totaly could have done without desert .... the entree was pretty huge even split in half... more than we normaly eat for dinner.

Why dident we do this all along.... why dont all people split meals when they go to sit down places...... its has so many great benifits!!!




Monday, July 27, 2009

I woke up as the alarm went off at 5:30 this morning but couldent seem to pull myself out of the bed. I told andrew to wake me up after he got out of the shower.... and he tried but I was not getting out of that bed for anything. I ended up not getting up untill like 7:45... thats about my usual time. I got up and made the bed and then felt guilty for not getting up like I had planned. I spent the morning with the kids playing and I have had my 3rd day in a row keeping the house clean. :-D .... Im doing good. Its all just taking care of things as they come. Instead of waiting to do the dishes at night, If we mess something up I wash it as soon as we are done. I just have to not get lazy.

This afternoon me and andrew went down to the bank and opened a savings account. We have my sister living with us and she pays us 50 dollars a week to rent a room for us. We plan on putting the money she gives us in the savings account along with everytime we spontainously want to eat out we are going to pull the money we would have spent out of our checking and putting it into the savings and not eat out. We figure that will help us from eating bad on our diet and help us to save more money. We are up to our eyeballs in debt and we really want to start dropping big chunks of money on the bills so we can pay them off once and for all. Im really looking forward to saving some money.

We went to the mall after the bank and got aiden and andrew some new shoes and then we went to the new lego store they just opened. Aiden just about had a meltdown because he was so excited though. He really loves legos.

Now we are home, its 10:30 at night and I havent got my workout in today and Im completely exausted. I have been exausted since we went to the bank though, I dnot know why, I just feel like Im drained of energy.

One good thing I can say is I dident go over my points today... I wanted to cause I was really hungry still after dinner but I dident... I drank some water and waited a little while and Im good now. I suppose that is an accomplishment.

Tomorow will be a better day


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOVEY63 7/27/2009 11:49PM

    Sending a little sunshine your way and hoping that tomorrow brings you more smiles than frowns.

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MORGANLAFEE 7/27/2009 11:01PM

    Hang in there Jessica. It sounds like you are making many good choices and hitting some rocky spots.

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Weigh in & Spark goals

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Weight - 236.8

First off Today was the first day I have not gone to weight watchers. I weighed on the Wii fit and it said I gained 0.2 pounds. Maybe its right, maybe its just off cause its a different scale. dispite what I wrote yesterday about vowing not to be disapointed if I dident lose any.... I was. I geuss its something thats hard to help. I did really eat bad last weekend but I geuss I was so disapointed because I really worked my a** off with the exercise. I worked out for almost an hour ever night. I was in a bit of a bad mood this morning but Im ok now and I have eaten really well today, only going over my points by 3. I usually eat really points heavy on saturday and sunday but Im not going to this week because I want next weeks weigh in to be a good one.

I have to say that this web site has really been motivating me..... I dident think it would, I mean the spark points are pretty cheesey and all.... I geuss its just like the weight watchers brovo star stickers though, not worth much but still desirable. Im enjoying having sparkpeople.com to keep me on track :-)

I created some goals for myself and have been keeping track of them up here. There is the whole 8 glasses of water thing, which I have to tell you is a hell of alot eaiser now that I went out and got a PUR water pitcher to filter my nasty clorineified city water. Im the type that drinks like 1 glass of water a day... but I dont drink soda or juice or anything eles either so its really not good for me, the only water I was getting before was out of the food I was eating, Its been 100 time easier to drink now though... I have even gotten something like 10 glasses of water in each day since I bought it.

Another goal is to wake up early, Im usually laying in bed untill around 8 when I have to get up because my son has been shaking me for half an hour because he wants to play and my baby starts whinning for a diaper change and bottle. I feel I would get alot more accomplished if I woke up when my husband got up for work at 5:30. I could get all the stuff I need to get done before the kids get out of bed.

My last goal is to keep the house clean. I clean it like once a week but by the time I do its trashed (IMO) not too bad, but still not where I would like it. The dishes are out of hand, I have like 4 loads of laundry to wash, the bathroom is disgusting, Aidens toys have exploaded all over his room and the babies shirt looks all dingey from crawling accross the dusty floor.

I get it clean but it takes me all day and then I feel so so much better. Its like a black cloud has been lifted off of me, Its hard to explain but I feel horrible when my house is not clean... yet I am lazy and it gets dirty. I think I can blame most of that on my upbringing because my house growing up was a sh*t storm.... Im talking nasty nasty, dirty. Like if social services walked in we would have all been taken away.

My house never gets like that, but I like it clean.

My goal is to keep up with the little things that get dirty, dishes after each meal, make the bed when we wake up, wash the clothes when the hamper is full (not when all 3 are full lol). If I get past a week it will be a major accomplishment.

So far I have kept up with the house for 2 days. No dishes in the sink, Its spic and span in here (IMO) ..... Im really happy with the changes Im making.


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