LOSINGJESS   15,736
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Tired

Monday, July 27, 2009

I woke up as the alarm went off at 5:30 this morning but couldent seem to pull myself out of the bed. I told andrew to wake me up after he got out of the shower.... and he tried but I was not getting out of that bed for anything. I ended up not getting up untill like 7:45... thats about my usual time. I got up and made the bed and then felt guilty for not getting up like I had planned. I spent the morning with the kids playing and I have had my 3rd day in a row keeping the house clean. :-D .... Im doing good. Its all just taking care of things as they come. Instead of waiting to do the dishes at night, If we mess something up I wash it as soon as we are done. I just have to not get lazy.

This afternoon me and andrew went down to the bank and opened a savings account. We have my sister living with us and she pays us 50 dollars a week to rent a room for us. We plan on putting the money she gives us in the savings account along with everytime we spontainously want to eat out we are going to pull the money we would have spent out of our checking and putting it into the savings and not eat out. We figure that will help us from eating bad on our diet and help us to save more money. We are up to our eyeballs in debt and we really want to start dropping big chunks of money on the bills so we can pay them off once and for all. Im really looking forward to saving some money.

We went to the mall after the bank and got aiden and andrew some new shoes and then we went to the new lego store they just opened. Aiden just about had a meltdown because he was so excited though. He really loves legos.

Now we are home, its 10:30 at night and I havent got my workout in today and Im completely exausted. I have been exausted since we went to the bank though, I dnot know why, I just feel like Im drained of energy.

One good thing I can say is I dident go over my points today... I wanted to cause I was really hungry still after dinner but I dident... I drank some water and waited a little while and Im good now. I suppose that is an accomplishment.

Tomorow will be a better day

Jessica

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOVEY63 7/27/2009 11:49PM

    Sending a little sunshine your way and hoping that tomorrow brings you more smiles than frowns.
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MORGANLAFEE 7/27/2009 11:01PM

    Hang in there Jessica. It sounds like you are making many good choices and hitting some rocky spots.
Amy

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Weigh in & Spark goals

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Weight - 236.8

First off Today was the first day I have not gone to weight watchers. I weighed on the Wii fit and it said I gained 0.2 pounds. Maybe its right, maybe its just off cause its a different scale. dispite what I wrote yesterday about vowing not to be disapointed if I dident lose any.... I was. I geuss its something thats hard to help. I did really eat bad last weekend but I geuss I was so disapointed because I really worked my a** off with the exercise. I worked out for almost an hour ever night. I was in a bit of a bad mood this morning but Im ok now and I have eaten really well today, only going over my points by 3. I usually eat really points heavy on saturday and sunday but Im not going to this week because I want next weeks weigh in to be a good one.

I have to say that this web site has really been motivating me..... I dident think it would, I mean the spark points are pretty cheesey and all.... I geuss its just like the weight watchers brovo star stickers though, not worth much but still desirable. Im enjoying having sparkpeople.com to keep me on track :-)

I created some goals for myself and have been keeping track of them up here. There is the whole 8 glasses of water thing, which I have to tell you is a hell of alot eaiser now that I went out and got a PUR water pitcher to filter my nasty clorineified city water. Im the type that drinks like 1 glass of water a day... but I dont drink soda or juice or anything eles either so its really not good for me, the only water I was getting before was out of the food I was eating, Its been 100 time easier to drink now though... I have even gotten something like 10 glasses of water in each day since I bought it.

Another goal is to wake up early, Im usually laying in bed untill around 8 when I have to get up because my son has been shaking me for half an hour because he wants to play and my baby starts whinning for a diaper change and bottle. I feel I would get alot more accomplished if I woke up when my husband got up for work at 5:30. I could get all the stuff I need to get done before the kids get out of bed.

My last goal is to keep the house clean. I clean it like once a week but by the time I do its trashed (IMO) not too bad, but still not where I would like it. The dishes are out of hand, I have like 4 loads of laundry to wash, the bathroom is disgusting, Aidens toys have exploaded all over his room and the babies shirt looks all dingey from crawling accross the dusty floor.

I get it clean but it takes me all day and then I feel so so much better. Its like a black cloud has been lifted off of me, Its hard to explain but I feel horrible when my house is not clean... yet I am lazy and it gets dirty. I think I can blame most of that on my upbringing because my house growing up was a sh*t storm.... Im talking nasty nasty, dirty. Like if social services walked in we would have all been taken away.

My house never gets like that, but I like it clean.

My goal is to keep up with the little things that get dirty, dishes after each meal, make the bed when we wake up, wash the clothes when the hamper is full (not when all 3 are full lol). If I get past a week it will be a major accomplishment.

So far I have kept up with the house for 2 days. No dishes in the sink, Its spic and span in here (IMO) ..... Im really happy with the changes Im making.

  


Today

Friday, July 24, 2009

I had a good day... I woke up early and made my husband pancakes and then I went back to sleep. I had a good day with the kids, I cleaned alot.... got my workout in, which I never do on fridays :-) and I dident even go over my points for the day. I feel like Im doing really well and am going to have a good weigh in tomorow.

This week is my first week not going to weight watchers meetings, I still feel motivated... maybe even more motivated than before.

I hope I have lost a few pounds tomorow. If not its ok, I still plan on working hard to reach my goals. I am really trying hard to get into my size 20 jeans. My belly is being a real bitch though.... this whole area around my stomach, hips, and ass is just hanging on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRONXBABE 7/25/2009 12:54PM

    Hi, Jess!
You've got me craving pancakes now LOL!

SKINNY VIBES coming your way.
Good luck tomorrow.
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Eating Out

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

We eat out entirely too much and we have made a vow to not eat out anymore and well since then we have eaten out several times.

I think my main problem is I get lazy sometimes and dont want to cook. Maybe a good perscription for the eating out problem is to have some easy back up meals tucked away so I dont have to complete a huge meal process and still dont have to go out and spend 20 - 50 dollars on take out food that is most likely going to get me in trouble as far as calories go anyway.

There are these voila meals that come in the frozen section at the store... we usually get the garlic and chicken pasta. You just throw it in a pan and add 1/4 cup of water and heat it up for 10 minutes. Its really easy and if I add 2 extra cups of frozen broccoli I can make a 2 serving meal stretch to 4 servings, which brings down the calories a bit more and makes our meal budget go farther.

I think I need to think about this stuff before it arrises so I am prepared with a smart solution.

  
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CHICKSTER2009 7/22/2009 4:00PM

    I know what you mean about the eating out. It's so easy to get into the habit to run and pick something up, but boy does it create havoc on our wallets and waistlines! emoticon

What type of things to you like to eat? You like sandwiches, casseroles, grilling, pasta? Let me know and I can give you some ideas! I work full time so I don't want to spend forever in the kitchen cooking, but I enjoy cooking, so most of my meals take be about 30 - 40 minutes to cook. emoticon

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So Different

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Wow.... I Just was looking through the pictures of when lyra was first born, It was only this past november but I look at these pictures of myself and Im not even the same person. Its so weird because I dont feel any different .... I mean physically I feel great, I dont hurt anymore, I can get in and out of the bath tub with no problem, I can wash my entire back .... I can reach my left ass cheek with my right hand (there was so much back fat before I was having problems reaching the middle of my ass let alone the other side, tell me that wont cause some issues! ).

The biggest thing I think is my face, my cheeks were so full and I had the whole double chin thing going on and just look generally unhealthy. I dident realize it though. I realized I was fat and I realized I dident look good body wise but I never really noticed how big my face was, how bogged down I looked from being so overweight. It makes me sad to think of myself like that, it actually brings tears to my eyes to think of ever being that way again.

I have a long long way to go still but I can really say honestly I have come a long way so far even only losing 35 pounds. I feel better, I look better, I have cheek bones! Im excited to live the rest of my life and Im excited to see how I will look once I get to goal.

Is it weird that I am a bit affraid of what I will look like too? Dont get me wrong, I know I will look good, I know I will be happy with how I look but I cant help but have this small twing of fear inside of me. I dont know why but the closer I get to the 200 pound mark the more the fear grows. The fear of the unknown perhaps.... I have never been thin, I have never known what it feels like, I dont know what I will look like.... its all a surprise.

You know I looked at the pictures of lyra's first bath and my arms and hands looked so different then, alot more rounded.... My arms now are so much thinner... Its weird cause I look down and they dont feel like my arms or hands. I look in the mirror at myself sometimes and go "who is that?" Im starting not to even recognize myself! I think maybe thats what scares me.... its not really a fear more of a suspense, like I dont know whats going to happen next. I dont know what it is, I dont understand it, Im just trying to deal with it.

I wonder if anyone eles has ever felt like this.

Jessica



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RGIRL86 11/21/2011 7:15PM

    Oh my god I'm not crazy for worrying about how different I will look when I lose weight. Thank you so much for posting this blog. I really did think I was the only crazy person who could have a fear of that unknown and what I would look like. So much of what you write sounds so familiar to my own feelings regarding my weight and life. Reading your story has really been reassuring to me that I can do this.

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