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Finding Beauty in Yourself

Thursday, December 31, 2009

I watched this documentery last night about americas fixation with outter beauty. It made me kinda sad. watching women of all ages, weights, shapes and sizes and even little girls look at themselves with such hate and disapproval is so sad. women passing this hate to there daughters. Little girls that are like 7 years old thinking that they are fat because they see there mother not loving herself. I see the same thing here on sparkpeople... women who say they hate there bodies.... others who are striving for impossible goals or airbrushed rockstar bodies that are unattanable.

I am overweight and have alot left to lose but I dont hate my body.... My body has stretch marks and is kinda saggy and is anything but perfect but I can accept it and strive to make it better but still love it right at this momment.

I think everyone should strive to love themselves right now. I think everyone would have a much easier time losing weight and gaining a healthy handle on things if they could just love themselves a little more and give themselves a damn break.

..........

Love yourself this year. Look for all the things that make you perfect and special... not 10 pounds or 50 pounds or 100 pounds from now.... right now! I can find something beautiful in everyone I see.... why cant they see it in themselves?

...........

Things about me that I love:

I love my ankles... they are so dainty, despite my size and I think they are pretty.

I love my lips because I think they are close to perfect

I love my freckles

I love my pale complexion

I love the mole on my face.... It kinda looks like a freckle but its not, I call it my beauty mark

I love my ears.... I hated them when I was younger because they stick out from my head... I think they give me alot of character now and they remind me of my dad because he has the same ears. I wanted to get them pinned to my head when I was younger, I wouldent dream of it now.

I love how tall I am.... I am 5'8 and being taller makes me feel beautiful

I love my new jawline.... :-) Never had it before, but love it now

I love my butt.... its round and cute at the bottom and is looking really good since starting the exercise.... plus no more butt acne since losing 60 pounds... yaaay!

I love my neck and how long it is starting to look

......

find some things to love about you and work to find more all throughout this next year!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FADEDONE 1/1/2010 11:05AM

    Definitely enjoyed reading this & agree. :)

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Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Well today was christmas for us, we had it a day early because of some weird scedualing problems I wont go into.

I had a good day generaly... I got to see the excitement on aidens face when he opened his presents and saw santa ate the cookies and the reindeer ate the carrot we left out. it was great.

I got a lot of really great presents this year.

* a new sports bra * a set of 8lb weights (5 lbs was getting a little too light)

* EA Active for the wii (compatable with the wii fit balance board) awesome!!!!

* that proactive acne wash (I have been wanting to try that for my chin breakouts)

* cute socks * a dove body wash gift set * a new 5 blade venus razor :-D

*mineral makeup (not sure I like it) * a FIRM workout video * fuzzy gloves

* a cashmere scarf * a 10k white gold diamond ring (from my parents)

* a new pair of bike shorts to workout in & * a potato masher.... lol

.....

I had a rockstar christmas. one of the better ones as far as presents go.

.....

I spent all day long cooking!!! OMG. I am tired. I snacked all day long, did not count a single point and ate some really really really bad stuff, including but not limited to
* christmas cookies, egg nog, cresent rolls with cream cheese, turkey and cranberry filling, nacho cheese dip made with velveta, tortilla chips, ittailan cream cake, turkey baked with a butter herb rub, spiral cut glazed brown sugar and pinapple ham, green bean casserole, scalloped potatoes, sausage and cranberry stuffing, ect .... ect... ect....

uhg... I feel rather sick and kinda dehydrated. I need to go fall into a food coma and then wake up and get back to eating good food and exercising.

I tryed out the EA Active game for the Wii and its really good. I enjoyed the workout I did tonight. From what I read you actually work up a sweat while doing this game.... which I totaly beleive because even with pausing for the tutorial videos tonight and with it stuck on the easiest level I broke out in a teeny tiny sweat. I think its going to be alot more fun that then wii fit .... I know the balance board exercises I did were alot more fun and involved.

It was nice most of my christmas presents were fitness related. I will put them to good use this year.

My parents came over for dinner and they kept going on and on about how good me and andrew looked. :-) Its nice when people who havent seen you in a while notice all the hard work you have put in.

I cant wait to wow people by next year :-)

................

Well Im gonna go sleep it off and start fresh tomorow.... good bye holidays!

I dont think Im gonna weigh in again untill the new year lol, I need time to recover.

Jessica emoticon

  


A bad day and new goals

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I had an off day yesterday... I havent had one in a while... at least not that off. I started out baking christmas cookies with my son and ended up eating 1 1/2 ..... thats not too bad of course but that is where the downward spiral started.

I went out to try and find a dress ... I have been on this epic quest since two weeks ago to find a dress that looks good on me and doesent cost an arm and a leg. I really want to look pretty on christmas, Im having alot of family over that havent seen me in a while and it would be nice to wear soemthing other than baggy jeans or baggy workout pants.

the search ended in failer once again. there are not too many dresses in the style I want out this season. everything is these straight down shift type dresses, which I dont like. I was depressed afterwards.

then we went to sams club for milk for the baby and they had samples. It was like cheesecake day ..... like 10 different types. cheesecake is my cryptonite and I was already feeling bad + weak.

well I must have eaten 15 points of cheese cake and then like a dumb ass I said "lets get pizza" ..... hubby must have been feeling weak too because he dident stop me. ..... 1/2 cheese and 1/2 3 meat! newyork style at that. it was bad news all the way. and again like a dumb ass I came home and set out plates on the table and put that huge pizza right in the middle of the table.

I ate 3 slices and felt like sh*t for the rest of the night! I did workout afterwards but it was a struggle to do because of the 10 pounds of food in my stomach.

...........

I expected a bad weigh in... I was only up 0.9 pounds but that is not what I want for myself. I need to make a change right now. I need to not let christmas get its cold slimey claws on me.

Ok... I have scratched my newyears goal off my list. Its unattainable now. There is no way I am gonna drop like 10 pounds in two weeks. Im not gonna reach for something like that and then fail. I will give myself credit....even if I dont lose a single more pound for this year I have lost an amazing 63 pounds this year. I have stuck to something for more than 4 weeks! that alone is a major accomplishment. I have gained something more than a smaller ass.... I gained a new life this year. I have to say I have had more personal growth this year than any other I have had. I really feel good about 2009 and have to say I have no regrets for this year and feel it was an awesome year.

My new goal is to lose another 30 pounds by June 19th 2010. Thats roughly 5 pounds a month which I think is a very reasonable goal. Right now I am under target which is good, I just need to stay there and keep the momentum going. I plan on moving my elliptical back in the house once the tree is down and starting to do that again.... I also plan on keeping up with the strength training and throwing some yoga in there.

Me and my sister have a goal in mind for this year. We want to be able to wear slutty halloween costumes this comming year, I beleive I could be at my ultamate goal by october, I just need to lose another 60 pounds, which is toaly doable.

......

I expect to have a challenging week, starting to day. Im going to my inlaws house and my motherinlaw is making kinda like a christmas dinner type thing because they wont be here christmas and I think she feels bad because she missed out on thanksgiving due to her being sick. so ham and green bean casserole are I know on the menu. bad news with that. I plan on eating very small portions.

she also baked a crap load of christmas cookies which I am gonna stay away from like the plauge.

and as everyone knows christmas is on friday.... we are having a big dinner for my family on christmas eve which I am gonna try to eat small portions too.

I am gonna need all the strength I can find... its gonna be a rough week.

.........

well I hope everyone is reaching there own goals :-) ..... I will throw out an update sometime in the near future. TTYL

Jessica

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 12/19/2009 8:56PM

    We all have days like that (I know I do) but we learn from them don't we? Sounds like you have so that's good :) My last binge was with Kraft dinner - I pretty darn near ate the entire box and it sure didn't taste like I remembered it to taste - blech - but I kept shovelling it in - lol. I learned.

Christmas is a tough season to stay on plan, but it is doable - with planning and lots of plan B's. But if plan B doesn't work out, just jump back on the wagon and continue forward.

You have done so very very well and you will continue to do so, if it's after the holidays or during the holidays; either is ok.

Have a very Merry Christmas and keep enjoying your journey!

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Maybe I need to eat more ... hmmm

Thursday, December 17, 2009

well I feel kinda like im in a slup right now with my weight loss. I have been losing but its not as good as it once was... just seems more difficult now, like every pound is a struggle.

My husband was messing with some stuff on my computer last night and he says out of the blue "when did you stop going to weight watchers meetings?" I said I dont know I can look.... I looked in my weight watchers bag sitting next to my desk and looked at the little weigh in book that they gave me when I joined. The last weigh in sticker said july.

He said "wow look at this" ... He points to my desk top picture (I keep my weight goal graph up there) and points out that its totaly visable in my weight chart when I stopped going. From Jan to july there is a steady downward slope and I am well below the goal line I set and then once you hit july and after it looks like a jagged moutain range of up and down and up and down and up and down right on top or above the goal line.

you can def see that Im struggling more without the meetings. I find that weird because I dident really think I got that much out of them besides being accountable with my weigh ins and all.

..............

I was thinking maybe its because whenever you stop losing that much at weight watchers they tell you to eat all your points. they are really big about that... you see you get an allotment of daily points that are determined by your weight and activity level ect... and then you get 35 weekly points that you can dip into however you want. well they tell you to eat all your daily and then if your not losing try to eat all your weekly too. seems weird and like it wouldent work but most of the time it does.

anyway since stopping the meetings I have been trying to stick to my daily points and not go over like a freakin points natzi. I was thinking today maybe I should try and eat all my points and my weekly points .... in a controled healthy manner of course (not sit down and eat a few bags of potato chips lol) and see if that will help me lose some more weight.

I am alot more active then I was and I know your body will horde weight if you dont feed it enough.

Eating extra is scary though... Im just going to have to try it and hope it works out ok though. I have come to a point where I am just going to have to be ok with it if I dont make my new years goal.... I have to just be proud of myself for how far I have come.

I do really wish I could afford to go back to meetings though, I did enjoy going every week. 40 dollars a month is so pricey though.

Jessica

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MHPFAN 12/18/2009 11:39PM

    I'm in WW too!!! The only reason why my weight loss is not exactly going as quickly as I'd like is because I eat too much early in the week before I get weighed on Saturdays. I really do think that if you ate your weekly allowance, plus your daily points, and maybe change up your workout routine a bit, that just might be what you need. It is TERRIFYING to eat MORE, but, if you think about it, if you're more active, your body really does need those extra calories in order to get the quality energy it needs. Can you afford the $11 a week? If not, let me know. I could email you the weekly topics in summary form if you want to. Also, why don't join the DBTFG challenge that starts 12/26?? I'm doing that. I need my metabolism to be revved up a bit. ;)

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FADEDONE 12/18/2009 12:37PM

    Could you maybe convince someone to give you WW membership for Christmas or such? Dunno, it's hard to know what people are willing/able to give but might be worth a shot to drop a few hints to friends and family lol.

I definitely like the idea of eating more. In the past that's what has helped me as well. As long as you don't binge on anything it really can't be unhealthy to up your calorie intake a bit. If you decide to, let us know how it goes in a couple weeks cause i'm curious to see if that will improve things. :) good luck!

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KATELJM 12/17/2009 10:22PM

    You are doing very well, regardless. I like the WW meetings, and I figure I saved more than $40 a month on the junk and alcohol I used to buy.

However, you could launch into a challenge or two on SP, and let that motivate you to be more consistent.

Ultimately, YOU determine what you are willing to do.

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midweek weigh in - I hope this is not an indication of the rest of the month :-(

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

well I normaly weigh myself mid-week just to check my progress but dont record it online or anything... its just a check in point so if Im doing bad I can try and get myself back on track and if Im doing good then it pushes me a little harder thru the rest of the week.

Anyway, I expected good numbers today because I have done really well this week. My eating has been almost 100% and I have exercised every morning with my sister andrea. We have been doing strength every other day and then cardio on the days we dont do strength.

I was up this morning by a pound or so. grrr! I geuss I have to chalk it up to muscle gain or whatever because I have been lifting weights and stuff. I really want to be down though so even though I know I might have lost fat and gained muscle Im still slightly disapointed. I really really want to reach this goal I have set for myself by the end of the year and if this trend continues then I wont make it. :-( I geuss I have to deal with that though.

Im giving up alot of things I normaly do over the holiday to reach this goal. Im not eating what I would normaly eat.... a christmas cookie has not passed my lips this holiday season... I have not had one single drop of egg nog..... ::crying inside:: I should be rewarded but my body is being a bitch! grrr.

I suppose its a good thing no matter which way you turn it... even if I dont meet my goal, I havent gained, I havent slipped backwards and that in its self is a christmas miracle isent it? I geuss I should be happy with that.

blah.. I want lost pounds!

Jessica

- hard to look at the bright side sometimes emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSINGJESS 12/16/2009 11:54AM

    thanks :-) ... I will hang in there. Its just hard sometimes not to get that "Ive been doing this and I want results now!" bug up your ass. lol.

I plan to have egg nog on christmas eve and we are having a big dinner for our family so Im gonna be eating then too... I am gonna try to hold back and not splurg too much though. :-)

If I dont reach 70 pounds lost this year I know it wont be the end of the world and I will reach it within another month. Its all cool. :-)

thanks again for the support

Jess

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FADEDONE 12/16/2009 11:19AM

    Awww, I definately have been there & it sucks. Don't give up though because it's usually right on the brink of success (when failure seems most possible) when we give up and DO fail. I know you're hardcore motivated but in this holiday season that's hard to keep. But you can totally do it. :) and, honestly, i'd say reward yourself at SOME time with bit of eggnog or a cookie. but only a bit...that's true self-control. Meantime, don't give up! :) *hug* hoping you see epic lb drops in the near future

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