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LOSINGJESS's Recent Blog Entries

Food blog and update for Monday 7/21 ~ Tuesday 7/22

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Monday marked week 3 with no drinking and I have to say I feel sooo much better in just that short amount of time, emotionally and physically. I have actually felt great this past week and not quite as tired as I was feeling before.

Eating has been pretty good the last two days. I want to start tracking again... gonna do that today... but over all I feel like I havnt over eaten or eaten the wrong types of foods and I feel really healthy. I have decided to go dairy free because I have been feeling really bad every time I eat anything with dairy products, the last few days with no dairy have been much better for me so I think I hit the nail on the head. I am toying with the idea of going Vegan. Its something I have thought about for a few years after watching many documentaries of the health benefits of going to an all plant based diet plus the environmental and ethical reasons are also really strong.

I wanted to post this yesterday but never got around to it so I ended up with two days of food pictures. My sister is staying with me right now and she is completely vegan so I have made a few meals that are vegan so she can eat with us. most are pretty good :-)

Monday I don't think I worked out... at least I cant remember if I did or not so Im gonna say I didn't. I did get out the day before walking though.

breakfast: left over quinoa salad from the night before. Omg was so good. had quinoa, mango, blueberries, basil, dried cranberries and a lemon vinaigrette.

Lunch: a roasted vegetable and hummus sandwich with butter lettuce blend, gluten free pretzels and a coconut yogurt. Sandwich was awesome but I don't think I care for the consistency of the coconut yogurt. I'm not a huge yogurt eater though thankfully so I'm not really going to miss giving that up.

Dinner: Amazing! I made a vegetable lasagna out of the engine 2 book called raise the roof sweet potato lasagna. I was really worried about how my family would respond to quite so many vegetables and no cheese. My two older kids looked down at their plates like "what the hell is this?" They tried it and refused to eat so I added a little more salt since I had used no salt added tomatoes and sauce. My 5 year old ate half of it but my 9 year old tried a few bites but wasn't feeling it... he ended up eating two helpings of salad and an apple instead. My husband loved it and the baby was a step away from licking his plate.
Its going to be a big change for the older two kids if the family does go vegan... I think I will prob start off with meals that look slightly more familiar.
I ate two midsize pieces and was stuffed... No snacking later on :-)


I got up and put Archer in his high chair with some cereal and got 20 minutes in on the elliptical before he started crying to be let down. Then I did another 15 of dumbell work on my arms and squats.

Breakfast - fried polenta, sauteed kale and mushrooms (so not good without balsamic vinegar!), quinoa with basil and rice vinegar. sauteed baby zucchini (also just not really feeling it..... I enjoyed the polenta and quinoa but the other vegetables needed something. blah. I ususally add baslamic vinegar to my kale and didnt have any so just sauteed them and added a little salt.
odd breakfast but I am a little odd

Lunch - left over lasagna... was so good

took the kids to go see planes 2 in the afternoon while the baby was sleeping. I took a snack with me but ended up eating a few hand fulls of popcorn from my daughters kids combo before I remembered it was in my bag. I only think I ate about a cup full though which isnt too bad.
snack: 1 cup popcorn, 1 think thin bar, 2 clementines

Dinner: The family had Italian sausages and mashed potatoes. I decided I had done so good during the day I ate the last of the lasagna. Archer had some too and almost ate his plate again. I didnt take a picture of dinner though or the cuteness of Archer eating all his veggies.
I will leave you instead with a cute picture of Archer after he decided to try his sisters rain boots on the wrong feet and run around the house.

hopefully more to come tomorrow :-D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GODZDESIGN95 7/24/2014 11:37AM

    Good for little archer. I hope the rest of the kiddoes well. Vegan is a big change. He is a cutie.

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EMMACORY 7/23/2014 12:47PM

    The sweet potato lasagna looks interesting. Changing taste buds is always a process. Thanks for sharing your pictures. emoticon

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mental health & physical health

Friday, July 18, 2014

Last summer I was in a really good place. I had my beautiful family and 3 wonderful children, I was able to lose all the baby weight and get back down within a few pounds of my goal, I had friends for the first time in my adult life, I was active, I was happy.

Fall and Winter came and some things happened, curiosity, adventure, confusion, love, heartbreak, a broken friendship, a friendship that will never be the same, depression..... a whirlwind of emotions and events that I wont go into but they turned my whole simple little world upside down and I am still recovering and trying to come to some sort of balance in my own head

spring I was a mess, I was depressed... crying for no reason... I had gained about 25 pounds, I drank a lot and I never really had much interest in drinking before outside of the occasional social occasion. I was feeling bad emotionaly and physically. sick all the time. I did a few stupid things that in all honesty could have been a lot worse but I was lucky and I knew that I needed to stop drinking because I could not just have one drink and stop I would end up getting to that stage where I would black out and the next day I would be so sick I couldnt get out of the bed for 24 hours and my husband would have to be the one taking care of me and the children. Then the next 24 hours I would spend thinking about what I did or wondering what I did in thouse moments I couldnt remember. I would commit to cut down on my drinking but by midweek I was making a margaritta and two weeks later I was in bed with yet another hangover and the cycle would continue.

So almost 2 weeks ago I told my husband I had a major problem and decided to stop all together. My health is really gone down hill and I was feeling physically bad all the time and depressed all the time and I knew there was a more than good chance the drinking might be or was the problem. I decided I really needed to pull myself together again because I wasent giving my best to myself or to my husband or children. I dont want to be that person anymore.

So here I am. I decided to go to a therapist a few months ago... Ive been twice so far and I dont know if I like it or if its for me. I made an appt with a psychiatrist because I am considering medication for anxiety and the issues I have with ADHD that I am sick of dealing with. I stopped drinking and its both easy and hard... easy in the fact that I just stopped and I am very commited to it but hard in the fact that when I get stressed out or depressed I do want to run down and grab a bottle of wine from the store. I have my good and my bad days.... the bad days I start thinking about certain things in my life and they make me sad and I feel bad and weepy and all I want to do is eat my feelings lol.

I am trying very had to take back the control I once felt in my life but I find I cant keep all of this inside and I need some sort of support. My husband unfortunatly seems kinda disinterested, and I really dont like my therapist and even if I did my appointements are only once a month and when I really feel like I need to vent about something I have no one to talk to and when I do go to my appointments I cant even remember half the crap I was thinking or feeling (another great thing about ADHD). So I planning on coming back to spark people and hopefully I will write my feelings instead of eating them, or drinking them or some other unhealthy way of coping.

Its so funny because I think of how I use to be on spark people. A motivation to others, someone strong and in control of her own life someone who figured it all out. I dont feel like I am that same person right at this point but I would like to work twards finding her again. I would also like to lose this extra 25 pounds :-)

Dont know if anyone will read this... seems like people on spark people you knew a few years back tend to disapear but for anyone who does, hopefully my posts will become less heavy as time goes on and I start to feel better. I have already started to feel better than I did in just a few weeks time so I have high hopes for the near future.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONSISTENCY2014 7/21/2014 2:59PM

    This is a very brave blog. You are pretty dang strong if you ask me. AND YOU CAN DO THIS!

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NIELSENSLADY 7/20/2014 9:09AM

    I would try a new therapist. I really enjoy therapy myself if its with the right person. I don't know if you have considered it but think about going to an AA meeting. I'm not saying you are an alcoholic. You don't have to be to go to a meeting but a
lot of members used alcohol to deal with their depression and it led them down a destructive path. You could learn a lot from the experiences of others. I wish you the best of luck and we're always here too!

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WOUBBIE 7/19/2014 10:03AM

    Welcome back! There are lots of us here to help you with support!

I agree that, if you don't feel really connected with your therapist there's no shame in trying someone new.

You could also use these blogs as part of your therapy and print them out to use as reference in your sessions. Think of sessions as classes - sometimes you have homework to do and discuss!

Do not discount the role of nutrition and nutrients in your depression. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to who begin to experience symptoms on a low fat way of eating, or who don't have good balance in their menus. Neurotransmitters are made of things like Vitamin B and fat - if you're low on those things your brain struggles to keep up.

I'm not implying that nutrition caused your depression, just saying that it can either make it worse or make it better.

I'm just finishing reading a book that might help you:

Your Personal Paleo Code by Chris Kresser. You can tailor a healthy diet to exactly your needs.

Keep posting here and we'll keep cheering you on!


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GODZDESIGN95 7/18/2014 7:36PM

    All of that and yet you are still here. Keep pusing. Nothing is worth having unless there is a battle to get there. You can do it! emoticon

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TADTURC 7/18/2014 5:26PM

    Glad to hear from you. Take it day by day.

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STRONG_SARAH 7/18/2014 4:55PM

    Thanks for writing Jess, keep at it! I'll read your blogs and offer support if I can. You can pull yourself out of this slump with the right support. We're here for you!

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KTTAYLOR21 7/18/2014 2:50PM

    Hi Jess!! I'm still here emoticon Journaling is great therapy. You already know how supportive Spark Friends are!! We will right here ready to lift your spirits when needed!!

Have a great weekend emoticon Hold your chin up! You have a ton of things to be grateful for!!


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SEATTLE58 7/18/2014 2:28PM

    Oh Jess, you did the right thing to reach out to get help with your therapist and your doctor and here too. Just know that you can always come to SP and find me if you need to talk. I'm usually here every day! In the meantime, I hope that you can feel better and better~! emoticon emoticon emoticon Karen emoticon

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OXYGEN9 7/18/2014 12:49PM

    emoticon Things will get better, do your best and take it one day at a time! emoticon

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BRONXBABE 7/18/2014 11:58AM

    Hey, Girl! You have been missed.
I am sorry you had to go through that dark period, but welcome back.

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 7/18/2014 11:55AM

    If you're not digging your therapist, you should find a new one. You're paying them, and they work for you, so if the fit isn't good then don't waste your time and money.

Maybe try journaling when you're feeling down? Even writing it in a blog on SP, if that's easier, could help you keep track of what you're going through, and then you can bring it to your therapist if you decide to keep going.

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WHITNEYLD 7/18/2014 11:38AM


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4-3-13 food blog

Thursday, April 04, 2013

breakfast - chocolate mocha shake (milk, choc protein powder, instant coffee, ice)

Had a hard time getting out of the house and to the Y so we were very late getting there so I missed my boot camp class and only had a little more than an hour until the Y childcare closed. So I dropped the kids off put on my shoes and went to the walking track. for the first 15 minutes I alternated between walking the oval track and running it and then the last 15 minutes I walked the short sides of the oval and sprinted down the longer sides as fast as I could. I had my heart rate up pretty high and when I finally stopped to stretch thats when the sweat really started dripping down my face. I dont remember ever sweating that much after a work out other than the time I ran that 5k 2 years ago. I got a really good workout though in a very short amount of time.
I took the last 25 minutes to shower which I have to say is the best part of having a YMCA memebership. Knowing my kids are being taken care of and not killing each other so I can peacefully shower.
Me time

How do I know when I have had a good workout? When my face looks like a tomato afterwards. lol

I got home and had a turkey bacon sandwich with light mayo and lettuce on gluten free bread and a small salad with raspberry dressing.

afternoon snack was a gluten free english muffin with strawberry jam and a medium banana with 1 tbls peanut butter. The english muffin is not really like a real english muffin but its pretty good when you cant eat the real thing. They are made by glutinos if your interested.

later that day I was cooking dinner for everyone, I was going to make them chicken cordonblu that I got on sale this past week. It contains wheat for some reason so I cant eat it, so I was just going to have some soup I made a few days ago instead. Somehow I forgot to turn on the stove so by the time I checked dinner when the timer went off I only had 20 minutes till I had to be out the door with the kids for there kids water fitness class and dinner was still frozen. So I had to turn on the oven and get that cooking again and then make the kids ham and cheese sandwiches. I was completely stressed out and found myself wanting to snap at the kids because they seemed to be more annoying than usual (or maybe it was just me)....

anyway I did not have time to eat and we rushed out the door to go back to the Y so the kids could go swimming because we missed last week and I promissed. even though I did not want to go.

I dropped them at there class and decided to go walking again. turned on my music and walked for another 30 minutes. I felt much better afterwards and there was no more snapping at kids for the rest of the night.

I ended up eating dinner at 9pm so I am glad I worked in that snack earlier in the day.
I had southwest sausage and lentil soup with 1 serving of scoops tortilla chips. and then for dessert (which I had planned on, just had not planned on eating it with dinner) I had gluten free strawberry shortcake.

The soup was so good. I will post the recipe below.

overall a very good day and I tracked everything on my sparkpeople app. Which I found out now costs money... I feel lucky because when I downloaded it, it was still free. :-) I have to tell you though that if I had to I would buy it in a heartbeat because it would be worth every penny. A great tool to have.

gluten free strawberry shortcake
4 tbls gluten free cake mix mixed w 1 tbls water and 1 tsp lite butter. Microwaved in glass mug w cooking spray for 46 seconds. Frozen strawberries microwaved separately for 1 minute - topped w lite cool whip

southwest sausage and lentil soup
Recipe (this is not exact... I kinda just wing it when I cook)

Sauté red onions, 1 chicken & pork sausage link (casing removed) and diced green bell pepper. Add in 1/2 can diced tomatoes, 1/4 cup lime jalapeno salsa (trader joes) & 2 cups chicken broth. Simmer a few minutes and then add 1/2 pack cooked lentils (trader joes) about 1 cup or so and fresh cilantro

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEATTLE58 4/7/2013 3:40PM

    I loved your food blog and I wish I could have soy products but not, because of a low thyroid. If I would go to shakes, I'd take the whey ones instead. Just haven't gotten back into the shake thing since I lost with Herbalife long ago and I got so burned out on shakes. I probably could benefit going gluten-free but so far haven't gotten into that either. I just try to stay away from reg. pastas and white breads, white flour, etc. Thanks for sharing with us!

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LOSINGJESS 4/4/2013 4:34PM

    I had read something a while back about the soy stuff too. I should pay more attention to it but I guess I don't think to much about it. Same deal with the hydrogenated oils and non-organic food. It usually comes down to the fact that things are cheap so I buy them. The bag of protein powder at sams is a good price.

Thanks for giving me the info and reminding me that I eat some stuff that may not be so good for me in the future

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LOSINGJESS 4/4/2013 2:38PM

    the shower is worth every penny of the membership fee. lol

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SHANALOUISA 4/4/2013 2:37PM

    I was using the same soy shake product as you are (got it from Sams Club) but I discontinued usage as I read that soy phytoestrogens disrupt endocrine function and have the potential to cause infertility and to promote breast cancer in adult women. I'm not sure if the shake would cause me any problems . . . I don't even know how much soy is in it . . . I was just turned off when I read that. Not telling you what to do just a little FYI . . . I'm sure there's plenty of research out there if you'd like to look.

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BAKER1009 4/4/2013 1:34PM

    That soup sounds good. Hubby and I love to do soups in the winter time. I'm going to have to save that recipe and give it a try. Love when you share your food blogs Jess!!
Great job on the eating and the workouts. I know very well how hard things are right now. It just doesn't ever feel like there is enough time in the days anymore. You're doing fantastic!
Oh, and I laughed about the shower at the Y. I'd probably spend the entire hour I was there in the shower, LOL! Even if I shower in the evenings after hubby is home I still hear the fighting, lol! Last night I waited until everyone was asleep at like 10PM!

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SAHMWICH 4/4/2013 1:17PM

    Awesome! You inspire me.. Doing this fitness healthy lifestyle thing is so frigging hard with having kids!

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Thursday, April 04, 2013

life with baby is going really well. It has been hard ajusting and even harder getting back on track with my eating and exercise but in the last few days I really feel like things are falling into place. wow it only took almost 4 months lol. Right now I weigh about 190 lbs. My official weigh in for the week was I think 191.8 but I am pretty sure I am below that now.

Why has it been so hard for me? well I think my main problem was lack of planning. I expected to just be able to jump right back into healthy eating and exercise without any extra effort other than saying "Im gonna do this!". Well that is not how it worked when I lost weight before, why would I expect it to be different just because I did manage to lose the weight before. Nothing magical happens just because you lost weight I was not transformed into someone who never had a weight problem so why would i expect to not have to put the work in like I did before. I dont now.

So what did I do before to help me reach my goal?...




I planned and planned and planned some more. Planned out my meals, planned out my shopping trips, planned out my exercise. Tracked my accomplishments, tracked what I put in my mouth and tracked what I did with my body. I exercised every day because I knew if I didnt do something even if that ment walking in place while watching tv for 30 minutes, every day then I would get into the habit of being still and it would be that much harder to get myself moving the next day. I ate things I enjoyed eating, I found ways to work in treats and made my food look amazing and enjoyed every second of eating it because I know I cant become a person who veiws food as only fuel, thats not me, I love to eat but have to find ways to love food and stay on track. I surrounded myself with inspiration and motivation, with people who were walking down the same road as I was, by people who were once where I was and people who were standing where I wanted to get to. I visited spark people every day like it was something I needed to live.

So I need to get back to that and I took the first steps this week by planning my meals and my workouts. I have been following that plan more or less for the past few days and I feel in control which I have been lacking for a long time. I lacked control durring my pregnancy too so its been a very long time.


So This week is spring break for Aiden and Andrew took off monday and tuesday from work so we decided to take the kids to the zoo on monday. I was a beautiful day, got up to like 72, the whole park was pretty shady and there was a nice breeze. We spent from 9am to 5pm when the park closed walking and being active as a family. The park is set in the middle of a very small mountain range so it was a lot of hills and the next day I could feel the day of walking in every part of my body.
I would really like to start having more active weekends with my family. There is something so nice about getting outside and just doing something rather than sitting around indoors.

Im going to post some pictures of our trip and a few of Baby Archer. He is getting so big. He is 3m old and 15 lbs. Yesterday we noticed a tooth coming though so he has been chewing on his hands like crazy. He cant really hold toys really well and has a hard time with his hands still so he is pretty grumpy about the whole teething early thing.
He was worth gaining some weight back for though, I could no imagine my life or our family without him.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KTTAYLOR21 5/24/2013 1:22PM

    That last picture made me chuckle!! That picture is sssoo freakin' adorable!! PRICELESS!!!

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BAKER1009 4/4/2013 1:28PM

    That sounds like a fun trip, glad you all got to go! I know exactly what you mean about getting out of the house as a family. Love the pictures, especially that last one!

P.S. You asked me the other day about Carly. Well her 2 month check-up was Monday (though she's 10 weeks) and she weighed in at 11lbs 13ozs.

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TREADIN4BSP 4/4/2013 12:15PM

    Way to go (I said it before, but will say it again) being organized with your plan helps a great deal at getting and staying consistent which is what really needs to happen! Your family is beautiful and I am glad you can involve them in your efforts!

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This past week

Monday, February 18, 2013

This past week has been a really good week for me. I got my nike fuel band on tuesday and I really love it. It motivates me to keep moving and if I havnt reached my goal for the day it motivates me to get up off my butt and move a little bit more. It shows calories, steps, and nike fuel which is a special measurement that nike has come up with to show activity intensity. I really dont know how it works but it seems to show on the graph the difference between me walking around the house vs. walking around the grocery store vs. working out at a high intensity. Over all its just another motivational tool.

I was expecting to have an awesome weigh in at weight watchers yesterday because I had gotten in 3 full hours of working out durring the week and had tracked, weighed and measured all my food. I was feeling really good and my scale at home that morning showed the lowest weight I had been at since having the baby.

I weighed in at weight watchers and found that I had gained 0.2 lbs! WTF! I told myself that I would not let the weigh in derail me if it was not what I expected but I had no idea it would spit in my face and tell me I gained. I was really mad.

Long story short I ended up going out to eat last night (something I avoided doing on valentines day because I really wanted a good number on the scale this week) and said... Im gonna eat what I want!
We went to outback because they have a pretty good gluten free menu and I got the shrimp appitizer, split the full rack of ribs with garlic mashed potatoes with my husband and had about 1/4 of the chocolate thunder from down under. I also had two mixed drinks.

I thought I did worse than I did. I put it in the spark people tracker this morning and I ate about 3000 calories for the day. Thats not great by any standard but it could have been a lot worse. It was an isolated occurrence and the rest of my week will be great. i also was about 1000 fuel under my 3000 goal because by the time I got home I was pretty tipsy still and instead of doing my planned work out I crawled into bed at 8:30pm.

I have decided to start tracking with spark people again. I did really well tracking calories for almost a year when I was losing weight before and I really like the spark people app. I have always had issues with the new weight watchers points system. I lost all my weight before using spark people and the old points system and I have just never really been able to drop very much weight on the new ww system. maybe its the free fruit. IDK. All I know is weight watchers is discouraging me right now and I think I would be much better off if I just had a love affair with my bathroom scale because it has been much much kinder to me.

Im toying with the idea of running my 2nd 5k. I was acctually heavier when I ran my first 5k so I am thinking it would be easier to take up running this time. I know its never easy and I always hate it while I am doing it but the feeling I get when I am done is so wonderful. I feel amazing about myself after I run even though I hate it with a passion while I am actually doing it. lol. I dont really want to start training until the weather gets above 50 degrees though. I tried to go walking yesterday with snow on the ground and the wind hitting me in the face and I only got about 15 minutes in before I jumped in the car and headed home with a great big F this.

I hate winter.... bring on spring!

Well I hope everyone is doing great and discovering what works and what does not. I am a big fan of when something does not work for you, change something. Thats why I flip flopped between ww and spark when I was losing weight before. It worked for me so I am going to go with that approach again.

~ Jess

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LETHANIA 2/22/2013 5:00AM

    You are doing great! Just keep doing it! I know I did all good things one week and then nothing on the scale.. then I ate something I really should not have and i lost 2 pounds. Standby I bet that big meal helps you.. maybe some crazy motivation like I have to do good the rest of the week because of that meal... maybe your body needed something in that meal you wouldn't have normally had, who knows?? Enjoy the journey.. we all need a carefree evening out with our spouse every now and then. You are doing great!!

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JANRTEACH 2/19/2013 12:53PM

    You'll probably lose weight after that big meal. I think sometimes we don't eat enough. :)

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MOM_OF_1 2/18/2013 7:11PM

    Yes, Let spring get here!!!!!!


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BAKER1009 2/18/2013 1:48PM

    I can't wait for spring too Jess! I'm ready to get out and get walking!

Sounds like you are doing a great job! Do whatever works best for you, that's what matters most!
As for the 5k...go for it! I am looking to do the same thing. I've never run one before!

Keep up the great work!!

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 2/18/2013 11:43AM

    Good luck!! You can do it!

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BEMILLER30 2/18/2013 11:20AM

    I like your plan. You are the only one that can find what works for you. This is an individual journey. You are going to do great. I did WW for a few weeks. I liked it at first, but then I started not liking it. I HATED weighing in at night. I love weighing in on my own scale first thing in the morning. I just think it's way more active. During the day ANYTHING you eat could make you fluctuate.
I'm ready for spring too! Even though it hasn't been too bad cold here, but I'm tired of the rain we've been getting.

Hope you have a great day, and you can do it!

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KTTAYLOR21 2/18/2013 10:14AM

    I'm with you, COME ON SPRING!!! I'm in Maryland and we haven't got much snow this year but these low temperatures are the pits!!

Sounds like you know what works for you. Your going to be just fine!! emoticon

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