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Waiting for me to fail....

Saturday, April 02, 2011

So, I just got off the telephone with my grandmother... interesting conversation... I had called to wish my grandfather a happy birthday (he is 86 years young today)... but he hasn't been much of a talker recently. He actually didn't know who I was on the phone... again... He has alzheimer's and is getting towards the end of it... so, anyways, that left most of the talking to my grandmother.

Dear grandma asked me about how I was feeling and things were going and then proceeded to give me a list of all the people she knew who had weight loss surgery... from the girl that worked at her eye doctors office to so and so's neighbor and countless other people I have never met... nor probably ever will... and informed me that they all had gained the weight they lost back... and then she wished me the best of luck and hoped that I had made the right decision...

As I hung up, I thought "Well, that conversation was uplifting... another person just waiting for me to fail!" Well, she never actually came out and said that... but I just know that is another set of eyes watching me... waiting for me to lose weight... then gain it all back...like in the past

Well, with that said, I have been having some mental doubts creep into my mind..."What if I don't lose the weight, even with the surgery?" "What if I lose the weight and gain it back... then I become another person on my grandmothers list!" "What if I made the wrong decision?"

However, logically, I know that I will lose weight. I haven't had anything but liquids since breakfast on 3/23/2011 (right now wishing I ate more than an omlet and a cup of coffee that morning). After all, 85% of my stomach is gone... forever... no way it can be put back in...probably the part of students research project at the University of Buffalo as we speak... I also know that the surgery is just a tool to work with... not the end all, be all... and I still need to watch what I eat and exercise....

As far if I made the wrong decision... well, I believe, and still believe, I made the right decision for me... and only the future can tell if it was the right decision...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNY712 8/3/2011 9:02AM

    Hello! Hope and pray you are doing well! Love and prayers Jenny emoticon emoticon

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TEXASKATEY 4/6/2011 9:11PM

    Hi there....

First of all, my doctor is telling me that long term success is better with sleeve patients than with the bypass. (He may tell the bypass patients something totally different, I don't know....)

I DO know that 15 months out, I'm down 150 pounds, over 80% of my excess weight lost, and still going (albeit slowly). I've blown through two weight loss goals, and he said he was confident I could lose all of my excess weight if I want to.

YOU, TOO, can do this. Don't listen to the family naysayers (my own mother has yet to comment on my weight loss to me). Find the changes that work for you, stick to them, and enjoy the new wardrobe! ;)


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PIANOMOM25 4/2/2011 9:11PM

    I know how it feels to have people "waiting for you to fail" Let it frustrate you a bit and then let it motivate you to make them eat their words!
I obviously haven't had my weight loss success YET, but I WAS successful in having an unmedicated childbirth. EVERYONE said I couldn't do it and it really made me all the more determined to prove them wrong. It was a fantastic feeling when I finally accomplished it. :)
Now I need to feel the same success with losing weight. Maybe I need people placing bets against me and then I'd do better at it Lol emoticon

Good Luck with everything! emoticon

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    I hope too that you made the right decision for your life.

Best wishes and sucess !

Vickie xx

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    You shall succeed. My best friend had it done, another friend, a couple of cousins (in the past and she's kept hers off) have lost great weight with it. Their only struggles are...exercise. I didn't have surgery myself so I don't know what it's like - but I do know the importance of exercise when it comes to weightloss, and it's building muscle, which burns fat/calories are rest.

I had a guy, one of my dad's best friends tell me that he thought I wouldn't be able to do what I've done (and I seriously hope he feels like an idiot now), that I'd lose some then stop. I had thought about surgery, but I didn't have insurance or money...so I had to do it the way I could.

Believe in yourself and do NOT let anybody else no matter who it is pull you down. That's how a lot of people get derailed. A great support system is what Spark is and it's what you need! :)

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BECKYI 4/2/2011 6:54PM

    I am going to assume that you either have had the gastric bypass or lapband or planning to have it. I wish you good luck with it. I have considered it myself but my co-pay is a bit ridiculous.

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Would you rather?

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hi Everyone. Been such a long time since I blogged... and things have changed so much!
I had a sleeve gastrectomy done on 3/24/2011 and am just starting to feel like myself. Yes, I know some people feel weight loss surgery is extreme, but it was the right choice for me.
I am often asked what prompted me to make this decision. I sort of liken it to the "Would you rather game" we played as kids.
-Would I rather go through surgery now to get healthy now or be injecting myself with insulin every day for the rest of my life?
-Would I rather be taking multiple medications for high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol or just be taking my vitamins, iron, and calcium supplements?
-Would I rather have to sleep with a CPAP machine the rest of my life or have the possibility of getting rid of it?
-Would I rather spend the rest of my life overweight and having my weight limit what I can do or would I rather be out living my life?

Anyways, I am a week out from surgery now and everything is just starting to sink in. My process going through to get surgery went much quicker than most. My husband also had a sleeve gastrectomy so I sort of knew what to expect. I began exploring the idea of weight loss surgery in August 2010 when my husband started his process. I spoke with my PCP who started me on weight loss medication before referring me just so he could say we tried that. I would have to be on that for 6 months before he would refer me. I was also having some problems with sleep and fatigue and my doctor ordered a sleep study (which is a prerequisite for most people for surgery) and it was found by October (had to go for a two part sleep study) that I had sleep apnea. I continued meeting with my PCP monthly and by November, I had lost 1 pound with the medication and found it actually made me hungrier. Then, they took me off of it and gave me a referral to the bariatric surgery program I wanted. In November, my husband was accepted into the weight loss surgery program and I had to attend a seminar with him. Little did I know at the time that my attendance with him would count for me too. I was accepted into the surgery program at the end of December, had my first appointment in January and when I returned to the surgeon on March 1, after getting my psych eval, an EGD, lots of lab work, meeting with the nutritionist twice and PT once, I was scheduled for surgery. He had a cancellation for 3/24/2011... so I took it... and the rest is history. So, essentially from start of referral to finish, it was only about 5 months. I realize for most people this takes much longer. It took my husband 9 months for the same thing.
And, just a word to anybody who thinks this is the easy way out, it is not. Most bariatric surgery programs have lots of criteria to meet and strict diets to follow before and after. It is quite a commitment. My husband was at an appointment where he could hear someone being yelled at for not reading the diet book that was required prior to the appointment... and he believes that the person was discharged from the program that day.
Anyways, I send the best to you all! Have a great day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WVFAITH 4/1/2011 6:27AM

    Glad your feeling better and happy with your decision. I am going to be sleeved next month and I feel its the right decision for me.

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BLUEROSE73 3/31/2011 10:52AM

    Keep us posted on your recovery. Don't forget about the emotional side to weight loss too. You may need to blog or write or do whatever you need to to get it out and deal with it.

I know you can do this. I'm rooting for you.

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An update...

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Hello Everyone! I know I have been absent for a while. Been exercising... been eating the same, but not on the site as much due to time constraints. Lots of changes in my life... some great, some not so great.
Some of the great things: I am going to be an aunt again in January... my sister's first baby. I cannot wait, especially because my sister is the one I am closest to in my family and my nephew will be right next door (not only are we close in age, but we are neighbors). So far no names, however... all she has told us is that his name will not be anything that can be shortened to "Big Al"... which has sadly disappointed my dad... who has been pushing for a "Big Al"! My job has also relocated me to another office... the office that is 15 minutes from my house.. the previous office I worked out of was about a 45 minute commute.
Some not so great things: My weight loss has all but stopped and I have had some new health challenges. I now have sleep apnea and vitamin b-12 deficiency for some unknown reason. My grandfather spent most of the summer in the hospital and his dementia is getting worse... he no longer recognizes my voice on the phone and I'm not even sure he knows who I am in person. Plus, he has lost all control of his body functions... and this is putting some stress on my grandmother.
With all that said, I have decided to pursue a new weight loss route. My husband is currently going along on the same path. My doctor is really emphasizing weight loss given my recent health changes and my family history of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol; so today I submitted an application to the same bariatric weight surgery program my husband is going through with my doctors blessing. At first, I thought it was the easy way out-- most people do--however, once I did some research, I have found that it will be anything but easy... but it is what I feel that I need to do. My weight has affected my life in so many ways... and now looking back, it was my feelings about my weight that contributed to the depression and anxiety I have had for years. I spent most of my 20's dieting and just came out much heavier. Plus, since I see sick people everyday, I see everyday what being overweight over long periods of time does to your heath... and it scares me. I fear that if I do not radically change my path now, 20 years down the line I will be one of the patients I see on a daily basis. And, that is not what I want... over time, I have noticed there are lots of things I cannot do because of my weight... like sit in a regular airplane or movie theatre seat comfortably, get down on the floor and play with my neices and nephews (and it really bothers me that I won't be able to get down on the floor to play with little "not named Big Al"), and climb a flight of stairs to see a patient without getting winded (what kind of example of a nurse am I if I get winded climbing stairs and if I am lecturing patients on losing weight but I myself am almost 300 lbs-- seems like a bit of a contradiction).
Anyways, that is what I have been up to... the only people besides you all that know about my decision for bariatric surgery is my sister and husband... and it may stay like that for quite a while... In the past when I have mentioned it in reguards to my husband (who has been considering surgery and actually almost had it a few years ago), they have all expressed their concerns and displeasure... stating that it is dumb to have surgery when you can die from surgery or that you can gain the weight back (I must mention that there is a lady that works at my parents doctor office that had the surgery and gained back all of her weight and then some)... whether I will ever actually tell them is a different story... (I must mention I have a history of not telling them important things due to a lack of support or not wanting to face thier criticism... when my husband and I got married, we originally were actually not going to tell anyone but ended up telling everyone the day before except my other grandmother who has since passed away (it's a long story... but I was much closer to her than my own mother... and i told her before that because she was in the hospital dying... and she loved and accepted my husband--unlike most of my family) and my pregnancy when I was 21 that I miscarried... actually no one except my husband knows about that).
Well, must be going now. This has actually been very therapeutic to put these things in writing... thanks for reading and letting me vent!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FMCDANIEL 2/15/2011 11:58PM

  I am new to sparkpeople and just happened upon this blog looking for a buddy. I wish you the best. You can lose the weight and keep it off. You seemed determined especially after marrying the man of YOUR choice and making it work from what I can gather from the blog. You seem focused and that is important to weight loss whether with exercise or surgery + exercise. I am motivated after reading this thanks

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DOJDS11 11/10/2010 10:58AM

    I just wanted to say thank you for your honest blog, and offer support and encouragement for the bariatric surgery. I had my surgery on March 1, 2010. I am doing well so far and have no regrets. I thought about surgery on and off for probably at least 7 years. I finally made the decision around September 2010 after attending the autopsy of a victim who was overweight enough that they had to use a forklift to move him around. I can related to seeing patients who help you think about making a very tough decision like bariatric surgery. I still have fears about maintenance/gaining weight back, and I may always have those. It's not a cure, but it's a tool that can work for you as long as you don't mind putting in hard work too. I have hired a personal trainer, I still see a counselor (the one that I went to pre-surgery as a requirement), and I will still see my nutritionist (anothe pre-surgery requirement) as needed, and my surgeon of course. There is a lot of support out there for the surgery if you know where to look. And if you and your family do all the proper research, they should be behind you 100%, yet they'll still have the fear of you undergoing a major surgery. I'd recommend reading the book Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies. You'll learn a lot.

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KRISCRN 11/10/2010 7:51AM

    Good luck!

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DORISJ8 11/9/2010 6:15PM

  I am thinking the reason for your weight gain might be medical and not self-induced. B12 deficiency can cause a problem with getting enough calcium absorbed by your body which could factor in with your weight gain. Also, the absorption of Vitamin D might be affected by this.

You need a good medical doctor to assess your situation. Possibly the medical people on this site could help you.

Good luck. I hope someone else will help you.

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I'm inspired, but at the same time, feel sort of inadequate

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I once heard a quote something to the effect of "Someone else who is busier than you is exercising right now." Maybe I heard it here... anyway, well, that quote sort of hit home today.
Pretty much anyone outside of Buffalo, NY who isn't an avid runner probably doesn't know this, but today is the Buffalo Marathon. I'm not running in it... however, Julie, one of my friends who I've known forever, is running all 26.2 miles today. Julie has been training for months and today is her big day. This really inspired me and got me thinking. This friend of mine has always been athletic, but that isn't the inspiring part of it. She is also a very busy doctor at one of our busiest local hospitals and just recently passed her boards. Plus, she had time to train for a marathon during all of this. That is what is inspiring. Julie made the time to do this.
Anyways, this got me thinking. I gripe about all of the things I need to do and not having enough time for exercise. However, her life seems much busier than mine. What am I missing here? I feel like I can't fit everything into my day. However, I sadly came to realize that I probably spend at least 30 minutes on the computer or watching TV every day. That is time I could spend exercising.
With that said, I feel like today is an awakening of a new attitude. I realize I need to prioritize to really achieve what I want. After all, will it really matter 10 years from now if I didn't watch the news today? Will it really matter if I missed an episode of some reality TV show? I don't think it will. However, what will matter is that instead I did something to help create a foundation for better health so I can be healthy 10 years from now.

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINKLOVESBEAR 7/29/2010 7:01PM

    I saw that as a quote of a NIKE advertisement "Someone busier than you is running right now!" I liked it so much that I framed it and put it on the homepage on my phone! It is a great constant reminder that I could be moving if I just make the time for it! emoticon

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HEWIES 5/30/2010 12:22PM

    Me, too. Other people I know accomplish so much in a day while I am a plodder...so slow. I could exercise or clean or who knows what else if I would prioritize my time and make better decisions. Thanks for the nudge.

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NPA4LOSS 5/30/2010 10:20AM

    I have also had that realization moment. Because of health issues I am limited but I am trying to do all that I can in those limitations. Good luck to you on your journey. emoticon

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TRI2DAY 5/30/2010 9:33AM

    Thank you so much for sharing. You are so right. I am in a bit of the same boat. I have a friend who is a PT and has 3 kids. She is flying to Hawaii to participate in the Ironman! I have no kids. I ask myself the same questions. I really have no excuse not to get out there and exercise. That you for reminding me once again what is important. emoticon

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Easter... already?

Saturday, April 03, 2010

My how time has flown. It seems like the days just keep slipping away from me. The past few weeks have been a little trying on my patience. My patients are either wonderful or driving me crazy! Sometimes it seems like some people are so unreasonable... well, maybe not unreasonable, but unwilling to help themselves! Also, my allergies have been in full effect for almost the past week... so the last thing I feel like doing most times is exercising... when my head is already pounding and I feel like I can't breathe... it makes it pretty tough... plus the allergy medication makes me sleepy. Either I am too sleepy or I can't sleep.
The good news is that what I may be lacking in the exercise department, I am making up for in the nutrition department. For the past few weeks, I have made a conscious effort to make sure I am eating lots of fruits and veggies and try to be really on with my eating. Today, it really showed. Hubby and I took Maggie Mae (my dog) and my sisters dog to the dog park today... so much fun... but we decided to pick up a slice of pizza from a pizza place we used to order from in college that was so good. (And yes, I had the calories to do so) Well, that pizza wasn't as good as I remember and now I have a major tummy ache to prove it. Other good news... when I am working out, I now feel stronger and faster and notice me really pushing myself, doing more and more intervals of higher intensity. I even wowed myself a week or so ago by doing 2 miles in 25 minutes... which is something I had never done before... not even in high school. Even in high school, I hated exercise and every year we had to do a mile run... well, usually, I would just walk around the track, be almost the last one to finish, and it would take what seemed like an extremely long time... so for me to now do 2 miles without even thinking about it, in 25 minutes (which I think in high school it may have taken me to do that one), it is quite an accomplishment... and I wasn't even striving for a time... I now think what I could do if I actually pushed myself beyond my normal pace.
I am not dropping the pounds as fast as I had hoped for, however, at least they are coming off. My body has really changed, though. Last night I was able to put on a pair of pants that I was going to wear to my class reunion, only to discover that they were way too small. At the time, I couldn't even fasten the zipper or button. They were just a little tight last night. I could zipper and fasten the button... and even sit in them. I find I am still struggling with my self-confidence, however. Maybe that will come along.
Anyways, I hope everyone has a great Easter!


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